sonyacurti

Mmmmmmmmmmmm !!
I like that idea Sandra :) That is a great one because $$$ sad but
true I'm sure missing $800 a month would hurt.

In the same respect I would need the extra money for those growong
boys for the food and not to mention clothes blah blah you know what
I would need - you have children. However we pay the state and they
pay her I don't know what to do with that one ???????

Anyhow, are you suggesting that we make the changes with "us" and do
not change any paperwork with the government ?? This is such a
difficult thing to deal with. I don't feel the custody/papers have
to be change because that is only paper. The only time it is not
only paper is when the state is putting a lein on my husbands
business account or he goes to jail for non-payment. I truthfully
know it would be hard to give her all the $$$ and have the boys full
time. He works very hard as it is now - it's a tough one for sure.

Thanks ,
Sonya

P.S. Thanks so much for the peacful parenting tape I love it !! It
came at the perfect time !!

Also thanks for listening I know this is a unschooling list which
I'm happy to say I love. You never know what life will bring next ???

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/28/03 11:09:01 AM, jcurtielectric@... writes:

<< Anyhow, are you suggesting that we make the changes with "us" and do

not change any paperwork with the government ?? This is such a

difficult thing to deal with. >>

It's the only way you can do it. She would have to remain the parent of
record.

<<I don't feel the custody/papers have

to be change because that is only paper. The only time it is not

only paper is when the state is putting a lein on my husbands

business account or he goes to jail for non-payment. >>

That's not the only time.

Decisions about schooling and medical treatment count too.

BUT... if you want to allow her to keep some of the money, it can be an
informal arrangement between you, and if she DOES want to keep money she will have
to cooperate and do it your way.

If the money's not important, the most expedient thing would be for her to
relinquish parental rights. It can be restored later, if you wanted (and she
wanted, and a judge saw a reason for it--it's pretty routine), but if she signs
off on the kids you have full decision making power. It would cut her off
financially, though.

I feel sorry for the boy who's wanted to be with his dad since he was little.
This is about his last chance.

Sandra

sonyacurti

--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
>
> In a message dated 10/28/03 11:09:01 AM, jcurtielectric@m...
writes:
>
> << Anyhow, are you suggesting that we make the changes with "us"
and do
>
> not change any paperwork with the government ?? This is such a
>
> difficult thing to deal with. >>
>
> It's the only way you can do it. She would have to remain the
parent of
> record.
>
> <<I don't feel the custody/papers have
>
> to be change because that is only paper. The only time it is not
>
> only paper is when the state is putting a lein on my husbands
>
> business account or he goes to jail for non-payment. >>
>
> That's not the only time.
>
> Decisions about schooling and medical treatment count too.
>
> BUT... if you want to allow her to keep some of the money, it can
be an
> informal arrangement between you, and if she DOES want to keep
money she will have
> to cooperate and do it your way.
>
> If the money's not important, the most expedient thing would be
for her to
> relinquish parental rights. It can be restored later, if you
wanted (and she
> wanted, and a judge saw a reason for it--it's pretty routine), but
if she signs
> off on the kids you have full decision making power. It would cut
her off
> financially, though.
>
> I feel sorry for the boy who's wanted to be with his dad since he
was little.
> This is about his last chance.
>
> Sandra
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Thank you ,
I need all the input I can get.
I also feel so sorry for Nick - my heart aches for him and I have
always had a bond with him.

I had called his ex-wife to just talk with her because I thought why
not ?? Well she wasn't home so I left a message that I called. I
figured that because she wanted all four of us to get together I
have a right to call. Although I am the step mother I could still
offer my thoughts and concerns. Well my husband called right after
(for a different reason) so I told him that I called. He got really
uptight and said she hates you and doesn't want to hear from you so
let me make the offer.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm ?????? Then he siad that she had asked to meet with
just him and talk and he said he couldn't and then she asked about
all of us. Mmmmmmmmmm ?? I'm sorry theres obviously other dynamics
here. So my husband said he will call her and make the offer. He
said she is just blowing off steam and nothing will come of it. I'm
sad about it all because I could see the boys benifiting and being
with their dad but perhaps it was just another tactic or motive to
her maddness ????

I do like the information you offered though. I think she would
proably go for us doing it and she still getting the money. I guess
that could be considered a bribe though - and I'm not so sure if I
like that ?? Somehow and someway there always has to be the element
of control on her part. Well I'll just wait to see what happens.

Thanks again,
Sonya

Kimberly Fry

>>>>> If the money's not important, the most expedient thing would be for her to relinquish parental rights. It can be restored later, if you wanted (and she wanted, and a judge saw a reason for it--it's pretty routine), but if she signs off on the kids you have full decision making power. It would cut her off financially, though. <<<<<

In some states, Oklahoma is one, termination of parental rights does not necessarily end the financial responsibility of that parent. However, child support, at least here, can be avoided by a judge deviating from the child support guidelines for a specific reason, i.e. financial hardship of non-custodial parent.

Kim





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/28/03 1:07:30 PM, jcurtielectric@... writes:

<< I guess

that could be considered a bribe though - and I'm not so sure if I

like that ?? >>

You bribe someone into letting you live in your house ever time you make a
payment.
You bribe someone to give you groceries at the store, if you're going to see
all money as bribery.

If she wouldn't let you have the kids simply because of money (which seemed
to be a big factor in something said earlier) then if your priority is getting
the kids, you might consider letting her keep some money.

If your feelings about "bribery" are stronger than the desire to have the
kids, then that's your priority. Priorities always count. If hers is money, you
could use that to gain some control.

<<Somehow and someway there always has to be the element

of control on her part. >>

Right. And if she's illegally receiving government money, you have her in a
less controlling place.

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/28/03 1:15:29 PM, kimberly_fry@... writes:

<< if she signs off on the kids you have full decision making power. It
would cut her off financially, though. <<<<<

<<In some states, Oklahoma is one, termination of parental rights does not
necessarily end the financial responsibility of that parent. >>

I was talking about social security for being the parent of a dependent
child. That's not "financial reponsibility." That's financial gain to her and she
can't relinquish rights AND be listed as the custodial parent both.

Sandra

sonyacurti

Crystal,
I think it's a great idea and I would do it - I don't think she
would though. I will just wait and see what the initial reaction is
first.
I think besty had a great idea though "give her a break" and all
that other stuff she mentioned.
I don't think I will put to much more energy into it until I hear
some feedback to our offer to "give her a break".
That is the way I put it last year - who knows ???
Sonya

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/28/03 02:46:21 PM Central Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
In a message dated 10/28/03 1:15:29 PM, kimberly_fry@... writes:

<< if she signs off on the kids you have full decision making power. It
would cut her off financially, though. <<<<<

<<In some states, Oklahoma is one, termination of parental rights does not
necessarily end the financial responsibility of that parent. >>

I was talking about social security for being the parent of a dependent
child. That's not "financial reponsibility." That's financial gain to her
and she
can't relinquish rights AND be listed as the custodial parent both.

Sandra
@@@@@@@@@@@@@

I'm curious, how does one get social security for being a parent of a
dependent child if the other parent isn't deceased or disabled, divorced or not? My
cousin gets somewhere close to $1800 a month for her and her three kids since
her ex passed away, but before he passed, she only got child support.
~Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/28/03 5:21:43 PM, Dnowens@... writes:

<< I'm curious, how does one get social security for being a parent of a
dependent child if the other parent isn't deceased or disabled, divorced or
not? My
cousin gets somewhere close to $1800 a month for her and her three kids since
her ex passed away, but before he passed, she only got child support. >>

Then she doesn't! The situations I've been involved with both had a deceased
parent.
And money was mentioned so I jumped to prior examples.

Sandra