[email protected]

Darin is thinking about making some drastic changes in our lifestyle. Ever
since he got sick last winter we have struggled (even more than usual) with
money. We have at times been reduced to that old proverbial of robbing Peter to
pay Paul, and as most of you know; once you go down that road it is hard to get
off it.

Not so short story long, he is doing well at work, but the pay sucks, he
isn't appreciated, he is depressed, he wants out. Example of being unappreciated
leading to depression; his district manager called him last week and said;
"Thanks for ruining my year." He said this to Darin because last year at Darin's
old store, Darin had a huge sale to the state totaling over fifty-thousand on
one day. This year, the guy who took over the old store after Darin moved to a
bigger one, couldn't make the numbers he was up against for that same day.
Darin's boss wanted him to call the guy at the state and ask if he was ready to
make another purchase AND he wanted Darin to give the sale to the new manager
of his old store! UGH! To top it off, Darin got calls from his boss' boss and
on up the chain all the way to one of the vice presidents of the company, all
wanting Darin to do the same thing. His boss managed to keep ragging Darin so
bad that one night I saw my DH cry. I have a friend who works at the company
headquarters and she passed some gossip on that Darin's boss was being so nasty
because HIS job is on the line. Three days ago, he was fired. I was secretly
happy about that.

The problem hasn't gone away though and Darin is really depressed. He wants
to quit and do something else. I was kind of shocked to hear what he wants to
do, but want to be supportive. He wants to become a trucker. That means he will
be away from home for long periods of time. I am used to that lifestyle, I
grew up with my Dad away for weeks and sometimes months at a time. My kids are
not. They see their Dad everyday, no matter how early he goes into work and no
matter how late he gets home, they get to stay up to see him. I wasn't close
to my Dad, I could have cared less if he was home or not, and when he was I
always wished he wasn't. I've looked into what truckers get paid and honestly
even the worst paying jobs pay almost twice as much as what he makes currently.
That means that if he were to do this and get a really good paying job, he
could theoretically make three or four times what he makes now. We could never
afford to buy our own rig, at least not right now. I had thought that maybe one
day IF we could afford our own, we could both be drivers and take the kids and
dog with us. But as things stand now, the kids and I would be at home and
Darin would be away. I don't know how this will effect the kids, as they are very
attached to Darin. Does anyone else have a spouse who is away lots of the
time, and how do the kids deal with this? If we could afford it, we would have our
own truck. I would see no problem taking the kids all over. I do have a
problem (in my own head) with them being separated from their Dad so much. I
realize there are families separated by divorce and other factors all the time, but
this would be slightly different. I'm concerned, the money looks good and we
certainly need it, but at what cost? I really hope someone has some insight for
me.

~Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robyn Coburn

How awful to have such a horrible situation at work - and to feel that
it is not worth the money either. Why has he lit on trucking
particularly?



<<I had thought that maybe one day IF we could afford our own, we could
both be drivers and take the kids and dog with us. .. I would see no
problem taking the kids all over. >>



I'm going to be devil's advocate here and suggest that you rethink this
concept. Being on a truck, a commercial vehicle, with incredibly tight
deadlines both when the truck is full, and when it is empty, going where
someone else tells you without the freedom to deviate or stop and hang
out, is hardly the same kind of pleasurable traveling experience that
Unschooling RV'er families experience. To be honest, what would you do
if, God forbid, one of the kids got sick one the road in the middle of
nowhere - but the contract deadline would still have to be met? Chances
are you'd be stuck at the nearest hospital ER and then still have to
make your own way home. I know those trucks have great sleeper
compartments behind the driver these days, but how many toys will they
hold? What would the insurance be like? Do you remember the old comic
song - "I joined the navy to see the world, and what did I see? I saw
the sea." Your kids would have lots of experience with highways, truck
stops and loading bays - all over. Sorry to sound so negative - I just
don't see how being in the back of the truck and being just one more
thing for your husband to have to worry about while driving at all hours
and in all weathers is likely to be a positive parent/child bonding
experience. Maybe I'm wrong and there are tons of families commercially
trucking out there who meet regularly at the truck stops and it's all
fun.

Robyn Coburn



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Dawn Blum

What's better in your mind and unhappy dad how is always there or a happy
day you see less of?
I personally would rather have a happy husband far away than a sad one in my
bed every night.
just my humble opinion
Dawn

-----Original Message-----
From: Dnowens@... [mailto:Dnowens@...]
Sent: Friday, October 03, 2003 2:00 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] OT What would you do?


Darin is thinking about making some drastic changes in our lifestyle. Ever
since he got sick last winter we have struggled (even more than usual) with
money. We have at times been reduced to that old proverbial of robbing Peter
to
pay Paul, and as most of you know; once you go down that road it is hard to
get
off it.

Not so short story long, he is doing well at work, but the pay sucks, he
isn't appreciated, he is depressed, he wants out. Example of being
unappreciated
leading to depression; his district manager called him last week and said;
"Thanks for ruining my year." He said this to Darin because last year at
Darin's
old store, Darin had a huge sale to the state totaling over fifty-thousand
on
one day. This year, the guy who took over the old store after Darin moved to
a
bigger one, couldn't make the numbers he was up against for that same day.
Darin's boss wanted him to call the guy at the state and ask if he was ready
to
make another purchase AND he wanted Darin to give the sale to the new
manager
of his old store! UGH! To top it off, Darin got calls from his boss' boss
and
on up the chain all the way to one of the vice presidents of the company,
all
wanting Darin to do the same thing. His boss managed to keep ragging Darin
so
bad that one night I saw my DH cry. I have a friend who works at the company
headquarters and she passed some gossip on that Darin's boss was being so
nasty
because HIS job is on the line. Three days ago, he was fired. I was secretly
happy about that.

The problem hasn't gone away though and Darin is really depressed. He wants
to quit and do something else. I was kind of shocked to hear what he wants
to
do, but want to be supportive. He wants to become a trucker. That means he
will
be away from home for long periods of time. I am used to that lifestyle, I
grew up with my Dad away for weeks and sometimes months at a time. My kids
are
not. They see their Dad everyday, no matter how early he goes into work and
no
matter how late he gets home, they get to stay up to see him. I wasn't close
to my Dad, I could have cared less if he was home or not, and when he was I
always wished he wasn't. I've looked into what truckers get paid and
honestly
even the worst paying jobs pay almost twice as much as what he makes
currently.
That means that if he were to do this and get a really good paying job, he
could theoretically make three or four times what he makes now. We could
never
afford to buy our own rig, at least not right now. I had thought that maybe
one
day IF we could afford our own, we could both be drivers and take the kids
and
dog with us. But as things stand now, the kids and I would be at home and
Darin would be away. I don't know how this will effect the kids, as they are
very
attached to Darin. Does anyone else have a spouse who is away lots of the
time, and how do the kids deal with this? If we could afford it, we would
have our
own truck. I would see no problem taking the kids all over. I do have a
problem (in my own head) with them being separated from their Dad so much. I
realize there are families separated by divorce and other factors all the
time, but
this would be slightly different. I'm concerned, the money looks good and we
certainly need it, but at what cost? I really hope someone has some insight
for
me.

~Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/3/03 03:12:20 AM Central Daylight Time,
dezigna@... writes:
How awful to have such a horrible situation at work - and to feel that
it is not worth the money either. Why has he lit on trucking
particularly?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Who knows what flies into that mans head!?! But if you saw his depression,
you would be happy he *discovered* anything at all. Really all I want is for him
to be happy.



<both be drivers and take the kids and dog with us. .. I would see no
problem taking the kids all over. >>



I'm going to be devil's advocate here and suggest that you rethink this
concept. Being on a truck, a commercial vehicle, with incredibly tight
deadlines both when the truck is full, and when it is empty, going where
someone else tells you without the freedom to deviate or stop and hang
out, is hardly the same kind of pleasurable traveling experience that
Unschooling RV'er families experience.
<snip>
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Yeah, I've thought about this, that is why I wrote that *I had thought* this
might be an idea. And I still think that *if* it were possible for us to have
our own truck, then it might be possible for the kids and I to ride out
somewhere and back every now and then. But I did look at all those possibilities,
especially kids getting sick! I guess what I really need help with is, IF Darin
does do this we are going to be alone for weeks on end. I stated in my op that
I would be okay with this as I was used to it as a child, (my Dad wasn't a
trucker, but he was gone a lot) but honestly, my kids would be lost without
their Dad. I'm not so sure about all this, but I do want to be supportive.

~Nancy

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered
whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
Douglas Adams


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/3/03 3:01:45 AM Eastern Daylight Time, Dnowens@...
writes:

> I'm concerned, the money looks good and we
> certainly need it, but at what cost? I really hope someone has some insight
> for
> me.
>
>

Nancy,
What about local trucking. I have a friend who loves trucking but had the
same concerns about not seeing his family so he drives for a company that
bottles and ships water. They have local and cross country truckers. The local
ones only go across this state and maybe just across the boarder into other
states. They are day trips.
Pam G


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

coyote's corner

Hi,
My sister married a trucker - he was gone for weeks at atime - he was also able to pick which runs and what kinds of runs he wanted. He usually stayed this side of the Mississippi (we're in New England)
Their marriage improved.
They had more fun when he was home.
The money was decent and he steadily made more.

Here are some thoughts;
start a journal that you & the kids can give him on his return.
Have a special time when he calls - daily - to talk to each kid....and you.
Have him bring a camera - not a disposable one - let him takes pictures of truck stops, rest stops, odd & interesting things that he sees.
Keep a large map on the wall and follow his route.
Keep track of the mileage, the nights...
in short - keep home "there" with y'all
and stay with him...the best way you can.

Really - this is not so hard to do...it's just very different....but doable!
Janis
----- Original Message -----
From: Dnowens@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, October 03, 2003 10:11 AM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] OT What would you do?


In a message dated 10/3/03 03:12:20 AM Central Daylight Time,
dezigna@... writes:
How awful to have such a horrible situation at work - and to feel that
it is not worth the money either. Why has he lit on trucking
particularly?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Who knows what flies into that mans head!?! But if you saw his depression,
you would be happy he *discovered* anything at all. Really all I want is for him
to be happy.



<both be drivers and take the kids and dog with us. .. I would see no
problem taking the kids all over. >>



I'm going to be devil's advocate here and suggest that you rethink this
concept. Being on a truck, a commercial vehicle, with incredibly tight
deadlines both when the truck is full, and when it is empty, going where
someone else tells you without the freedom to deviate or stop and hang
out, is hardly the same kind of pleasurable traveling experience that
Unschooling RV'er families experience.
<snip>
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Yeah, I've thought about this, that is why I wrote that *I had thought* this
might be an idea. And I still think that *if* it were possible for us to have
our own truck, then it might be possible for the kids and I to ride out
somewhere and back every now and then. But I did look at all those possibilities,
especially kids getting sick! I guess what I really need help with is, IF Darin
does do this we are going to be alone for weeks on end. I stated in my op that
I would be okay with this as I was used to it as a child, (my Dad wasn't a
trucker, but he was gone a lot) but honestly, my kids would be lost without
their Dad. I'm not so sure about all this, but I do want to be supportive.

~Nancy

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered
whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
Douglas Adams


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT




"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.

To unsubscribe from this send an email to:
[email protected]

Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: http://www.unschooling.com

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

pam sorooshian

> How awful to have such a horrible situation at work - and to feel that
> it is not worth the money either. Why has he lit on trucking
> particularly?

My bil drove a truck for years - but not on overnight trips - just
around town. It was a big one - he delivered some kind of industrial
product - some kind of foam. It was a decent-paying job too, with
benefits, etc. He was getting the same hourly pay for driving a truck
as I was for teaching economics, in fact.

He went to work really early - like 3 am - and was done with his route
by noon every day.

-pam

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/3/2003 1:01:24 AM Mountain Daylight Time,
Dnowens@... writes:
<<Does anyone else have a spouse who is away lots of the
time, and how do the kids deal with this?>>

For four years, Keith worked in Minneapolis three weeks a month. Once a
quarter the company paid for the family to visit him. Once a month he could come
home, so he would work ten hour days so he could come home for eleven or
twelve days instead of just a weekend.

Because the money was good, we got a bigger house.

Because he was gone from the kids, their relationships weren't as good as
they could have been for a while, but there was some special sweetness between
him and Holly.

Some of the visits were with just subsets of family, and that was different
and fun.

The advantage of Keith's situation over trucking was that Keith had e-mail at
work and phone at home (tiny apartment). Truckers might have the same
advantages now, with headphone cellphones and laptops, though.

Sandra


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robyn Coburn

I kept on thinking about this and I realized that *my* reluctance to do
this kind of travel stems largely because I know that Jayn would be
distressed to be away from home - she needs to be home, and even on our
short road trips wants to get home way before James and I are ready to
return. When James was in Venice for 10 days recently, she missed him,
and spoke on the phone to him twice a day. However, having just returned
from SC, I don't think she would have been happy leaving again so soon.

I don't know your kids' ages either, which may make a big difference.
What do they have to say on the matter?

Perhaps when you could afford it, you could get a small RV or camper van
to follow him on the road, and at least be comfortable that way. Someone
else had the idea of the kids taking turns to go on the trips.



<<Who knows what flies into that mans head!?! But if you saw his
depression,
you would be happy he *discovered* anything at all. Really all I want is
for him
to be happy.>>



My husband often comes up with startling money making ideas. Some of
these seem great, others more along the lines of "schemes". I don't see
him following up on many of them. So far the only thing that has
actually been a money earner is what he actually does when employed - a
Production sound mixer. Now he hopes to produce, and is working with his
friend (a real producer with a resume) to develop several ideas.

I mention this because I noticed that my husband seemed unfocussed in
his job searching. I am the one who mails/faxes the resumes out. A
couple of months ago, when his knee replacement finally looked like he
was going to fully recover (another story) I initiated a talk with him
to discover his longer term goals and particular passions for work.
Prior to that we were wondering if he would be getting retraining in
another area, and so talking about other careers. I discovered and he
realized that his passion is for a particular type of film, and we also
talked about where he is most likely to find them. It was important for
us as a couple for me to understand what his motivations are, and what
he hopes to gain from his work.

Whenever James is gone I miss him terribly, but I just spend even more
time playing with Jayn.
Robyn Coburn






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/3/2003 8:14:48 AM Mountain Daylight Time,
genant2@... writes:
What about local trucking. I have a friend who loves trucking but had the
same concerns about not seeing his family so he drives for a company that
bottles and ships water.
GOOD idea.

What about UPS or post office?
I had a friend who used to deliver movies and newspapers from Albuquerque to
towns in southern Colorado. He drove lateat night after the theatre would
finish with reels and take them to the next theatre scheduled to show them.
Probably these days such things go by FedEx, but maybe not.

Another friend drove a beer truck for a while.

Sandra


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robyn Coburn

<<What about UPS or post office?
I had a friend who used to deliver movies and newspapers from
Albuquerque to
towns in southern Colorado. He drove lateat night after the theatre
would
finish with reels and take them to the next theatre scheduled to show
them.
Probably these days such things go by FedEx, but maybe not.

Another friend drove a beer truck for a while. >>



My DH used to work as a messenger in his own car. It was freelance and
he could take a day off if needed at any time.

Robyn Coburn





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/3/03 02:42:01 PM Central Daylight Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
The advantage of Keith's situation over trucking was that Keith had e-mail at
work and phone at home (tiny apartment). Truckers might have the same
advantages now, with headphone cellphones and laptops, though.

Sandra
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Apparently there are three different companies that Darin is looking at. (I
did not realize he had already gone this far and he hasn't even gone to school
yet.) Two of the three have email and phones in all of their trucks. Two of
the three allow a pet in the truck, one you have to pay a small deposit. All
three allow spouses to ride along, two allow kids to ride if he pays the extra
insurance, one of those two stipulate the kids have to be at least 12. Not bad
options IMO. We wouldn't do that all the time, but I think once or twice a year
if he was going somewhere interesting with a layover, it might be fun.

Thanks to everyone who has replied on this subject. I really liked the ideas
of keeping a log and map at home to keep track of Dad. I'm still on the fence,
but the idea is growing on me. <g>

~Nancy

People always call it luck when you've acted more sensibly than they have.
Anne Tyler


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/3/03 2:43:27 PM, dezigna@... writes:

<< My husband often comes up with startling money making ideas. Some of
these seem great, others more along the lines of "schemes". >>

In England, I was surprised to find that the word "scheme" doesn't have a
negative connotation. It's used the way we use "plan" or "project" here, and
taxes are spent on lots of schemes. There will be signs by the road or
announcements on flyers that the bridge repair scheme is on schedule, or the gasline
replacement scheme will begin next week.

It made it all seem more exciting than our "road repair projects" and "bridge
expansion plans."

Sandra

[email protected]

Nancy,

Sounds like a doable plan.
I think the best you can do right now is support him. He will find his way to
a happy place.
A couple things I was thinking about while reading the posts was that trucks
cost a lot a money. I am sure you know this but it is a financing situation
and if you credit is risky its a lot to try to finance.

As for bills until things are better the best thing to do is to stay on top
of your mortgage. If the others need to slide let them but keep the mortgage as
that is the one that matters the most. Credit cards will call and offer a
plan to work things out. If you not in major then paying/setting money aside
weekly may be easier for the big bills. (Where I live the collectors dont go after
anything under 5000 all they do is call)

Someone suggested UPS they do pay fairly well 14.+ an hour to start. Places
like USPS and UPS, etc., offer vet preference so if he is prior military that
helps also.

Does sound kinda cool for a family trip here and there or father son etc...

Love to hear what choice your family
makes.

Laura
Have fun and love what you do or its worth a look at change-n


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Michelle S

My dad drove UPS for years and it took him about 15 to have enough
seniority to drive the big rigs. It’s all union, so you have to do your
time for the coveted, higher-paying jobs – and the big rigs is where
most guys want to go. No heavy lifting, better pay, no stopping and
dealing with the public every half block. Apparently, at least here in
the SF Bay Area, you usually have to do your time as a night shift, part
time loader before you can even drive the delivery trucks. Then another
10-15 years and you can dive the big rigs.

He drove a beer truck around town in his 20’s and that’s how he got into
the field.

Michelle, SF Bay Area (soon to be El Dorado Co., CA)
Mommy to the bright-eyed Rory Daniel, 5.3.02

-----Original Message-----
From: SandraDodd@... [mailto:SandraDodd@...]
Sent: Friday, October 03, 2003 1:15 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] OT What would you do?

<<What about UPS or post office?
I had a friend who used to deliver movies and newspapers from
Albuquerque to
towns in southern Colorado.  He drove lateat night after the theatre
would
finish with reels and take   them to the next theatre scheduled to show
them. 
Probably these days such things go by FedEx, but maybe not. >>