[email protected]

In a message dated 9/21/2003 12:20:38 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
>>>I really think "pride" has an ownership sense to it, at least as most
people use it. It conveys a feeling of "I'm basking in the reflected
glory." <<<

I think that "I'm proud of you" falls under the same oddity as "I'm sorry".
Even though you had NOTHING to do with why the person is hurt or in trouble or
whatever. It's more of------ empathy for the other person.

I tell my boys that I'm proud of them often (although not always with the
words "I'm proud of you"---but they hear that too). When they have succeeded in a
certain area, I'm JUST as happy as they are (maybe MORE!). When they're hurt
or struggling, I'm also just as apt to say that I'm sorry (although I had
NOTHING to do with the pain).

I don't associate bad things with pride. Many people think it's a sin to be
"proud". I think you *should* be proud of your accomplishments. But to also
know when and where you could've done better.

I think a lot of it has to do with your own childhood. My mother's "I'm proud
of you" has a negative connotation to me. My dad's is ALL positive. I've
never felt that I was a reflection of HIM---but my mother is ALL about
appearances, so it made me queasy--knowing that it was about HER and what others think of
HER. (Is that why I'm such a bitch? <BWG>)

I hope my boys know that it's about THEM, not ME.

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kris

<<I tell my boys that I'm proud of them often (although not always with the
words "I'm proud of you"---but they hear that too). When they have succeeded
in a
certain area, I'm JUST as happy as they are (maybe MORE!). When they're hurt
or struggling, I'm also just as apt to say that I'm sorry (although I had
NOTHING to do with the pain).

I don't associate bad things with pride. Many people think it's a sin to be
"proud". I think you *should* be proud of your accomplishments. But to also
know when and where you could've done better.

I think a lot of it has to do with your own childhood. My mother's "I'm
proud
of you" has a negative connotation to me. My dad's is ALL positive. I've
never felt that I was a reflection of HIM---but my mother is ALL about
appearances, so it made me queasy--knowing that it was about HER and what
others think of
HER. (Is that why I'm such a bitch? <BWG>)

I hope my boys know that it's about THEM, not ME.

~Kelly>>

How the words "I'm proud of you" sound are about the relationship with that
person, that's what I think anyway. When I tell Lanora that she "makes me
proud", it's about who she is, all of her. I think she's an exceptional
person and she knows that, so my words convey my general admiration.
When my parents said they were proud of me it meant the same thing, it
always made me feel good. They would never say they were ashamed of me
either.
Kris