Julie Bogart

Something more I thought about after I hit send: the big change
in our home wasn't whether or not to do chores. It was how I
understood serving my family. Sandra and a few others like Tia
and Ren shared about serving their families through housework,
laundry and meal making. If ther dishes were dirty after lunch
and no one thought to clear the table, they didn't yell or demand
or clear them in huff. They cleared them gladly and with love.

THIS was the turning point for me. I realized I had fallen into the
trap of feeling I was owed service and clean up by my kids and
therefore grew resentful if they didn't keep their end of the
bargain I had coerced into existence.

For the first two months, I kept my mouth shut about chores,
messes, undone laundry etc. If there was a mess, I picked it up if
it bugged me. And I said yes to every request I possibly could:
driving, playing games, arranging friends to play at our house,
watching movies together. I spent a huge amount of my energy
at sports events (games), driving my teens to their social lives,
purchasing art supplies and so on. I wanted my kids to know that
they mattered more to me than any other consideration in my life.

Over time (multiple months), I got into a habit of service and not
resenting. (During this time, the kids still did help with
housework once a week—we held that over as we adjusted to
unschooling). But it was during this time that I discovered that we
could even re-think that weekly Sat. morning cleaning.

By mid summer, life was just much more relaxed. There are
days when I have PMS and I get edgy about messes. But on the
whole, the spirit of the home has changed. And the spirit now
prevalent is consideration.

And the heavy investment of my life into theirs (making their
dreams come true) has hit. They KNOW I'm for them first. And
suddenly they are pouring out the love, support, help and service
I used to think needed coercion. It's wild!

Julie B

Jon and Rue Kream

>>And the heavy investment of my life into theirs (making their
dreams come true) has hit. They KNOW I'm for them first. And
suddenly they are pouring out the love, support, help and service
I used to think needed coercion. It's wild!

**I enjoyed your posts, Julie. I'm glad things are working out so well for
your family.

We've never made the kids do housework (or anything else). They are both
very helpful and are considerate in just the way you described. ~Rue


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