Q

Hi, I haven't posted since this list evolved from Unschooling Dotcom but the
posts on dealing with rage and consideration for others have really got me
thinking.
I agree with those who have said that it's OK and even necessary to remove a
child from certain situations where his or her behavior violates the rights
of others. I'm a Pagan, and we have a guiding principle that many of us
follow, "Do what you will and harm none." To me this supports freedom and
self-expression as long as we consider the consequences of our actions and
respect the rights of others to their own freedom.

I remembered something that happened to me in college which I wanted to
share, as I think it's relevant to the discussion. My best friend at the
time took me aside and said something on the order of, "You need to stop
being
so bossy, show a little more respect for other people's space, quit
interrupting when someone else is talking, and
listen to what people are saying to you, or you won't have too many friends
left!" He also gave specific examples of things I had done and said that
were not respectful or considerate.
I cried for two days. I honestly hadn't had any idea of how my behavior was
affecting (alienating!) others.
Now I thank him for the pep talk. He was a true friend (and a gentle soul
who must have been REALLY pissed off to get to the point of needing to speak
to me that way). I still talk too much and tend to be bossy, but from that
day on I've been more aware of the issues I need to deal with. I might have
ended up pretty lonely if he hadn't pointed these things out to me.
My son is still very little but as he gets older he will need to learn that
people won't want to be around him unless he
respects their needs as well as his own. And it makes sense to me that that
learning begins with the way we treat each other at home.

Hikaru