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In a message dated 9/12/2003 1:07:24 PM Eastern Standard Time,
listdiva@... writes:

> When kids end up spending more time with their
> schoolmates than their siblings, how can we not question how those
> relationships are going to grow.

My sister and I were 4 years apart, and we spent almost no time together,
especially after we got our own rooms. I can't remember one time after I got my
license that I took her someplace. I was always with friends instead.

My kids are so much the opposite!! I LOVE it. My oldest has her own
apartment, and almost every week one of them is spending the night there, or going
out shopping, or out to eat. They don't like going anywhere alone, they'll
always take a sibling with them. I sure wish my sister and I had that
relationship.

Nancy B. in WV


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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In a message dated 9/12/03 4:06:55 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
shyrley@... writes:

> Shyrley, feeling like a crappy mother
>

If you are a crappy mother, then so am I. Your 11 yo dd sounds a lot like my
11 yo ds, and my 7 yo ds too. F'ing B**** is JP's phrase of choice right
now. And also, "shut the hell up". On Labor Day weekend, Anna, JP and I
rode home from our camping trip together. DH and Ethan rode together. ( We have
to take 2 vehicles to haul all of our gear) JP was playing gameboy, he got
frustrated. Anna and I were talking in the front seats. He started screaming
at us to shut the hell up.. over and over.. calling us the FB name.. among
other names.. I asked him what was wrong, could I help him, could Anna help him?
He kicked the back of my seat and he continued to scream for us to shut the
hell up.. sometimes switching hell for F****. I looked at Anna and she and I
did not say another word.. not a mumble, not a whisper... nothing.. for ( I
clocked it) 20 minutes. He screamed the whole time for us to shut up.. we
messed him up, we ruined his game.. etc etc. I think when he finally realized
that no one had spoke a word in a long time. he switched to my driving.. He
started cussing me for swerving, "driving crazy".. going too fast.. I calmly
said. "JP,I am driving as carefully as I can" Then, she started with the shut
the hell up again. I know he was tired, I know he was frustrated. He had
to just get it all out. If folks knew how he acts, I am sure they would be in
shock and disbelief. Maybe he takes his frustrations out on me because he
knows I won't "retaliate".. I don't know.

But, Shyrley, know that you are not alone. And for what its worth, I dont
think either of us are crappy mothers :-)

Teresa


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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-=- If folks knew how he acts, I am sure they would be in
shock and disbelief. Maybe he takes his frustrations out on me because he
knows I won't "retaliate".. I don't know.-=-

It's one thing not to retaliate, but did you tell him it's really not okay?

Did you tell him it's bad for HIM to be that way, even if others don't hear
him? That given a choice of doing one thing or another, he should choose the
better thing if he wants to have a good life and be a happy person?

I think keeping my children safe and happy includes protecting them from one
another as much as protecting them from the hypothetical crazed homeless
lunatics who might pull them out a window and do national-enquirer stuff.

Nobody should tolerate being called f*** bitch, not by strangers, not by
relatives.

Is there a serious problem in the relationship and could you work on that
directly (instead of the symptom or result)?

Sandra

T. A. Henderson

On Friday, September 12, 2003 3:43 PM,
TeresaBnNC@... <TeresaBnNC@...> wrote:

:
: messed him up, we ruined his game.. etc etc. I think when he
: finally realized
: that no one had spoke a word in a long time. he switched to my
: driving.. He
: started cussing me for swerving, "driving crazy".. going too fast..
: I calmly
: said. "JP,I am driving as carefully as I can" Then, she started
: with the shut
: the hell up again. I know he was tired, I know he was frustrated.
: He had
: to just get it all out. If folks knew how he acts, I am sure they
: would be in
: shock and disbelief. Maybe he takes his frustrations out on me
: because he
: knows I won't "retaliate".. I don't know.
:

Your son seems to have more than the normal amount of rage when he gets too
frustrated. But do you let him know that this behavior is wrong? Does he
suffer any consequences for his bad behavior? Or maybe you do do these
things and just didn't communicate that? It wasn't clear when you said you
don't "retaliate." I don't understand why he did not receive an immediate
verbal reprimand - not screaming, just simple, calm words that his behavior
is not acceptable.

My oldest had trouble with getting frustrated and having a tantrum for a
while when she was three - she was immediately reprimanded and sent to her
room and not allowed out till she "got control" of herself. If she came out
(her choice) and wasn't in control of herself, back she went. Her mother and
younger sister did not have to tolerate this behavior. Each of my other
children went through this stage also, a normal stage IMO. My DS has dings
on the back of his door where he threw metal train engines at it. And yes,
that always brought momma immediately to tell him, in no uncertain terms,
that you did not throw things no matter how angry.

Teresa