teens, paths, volunteering, confidence...
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This is an amalgam of several recent comments.
Kirby and Marty never used to have a plan about what they "wanted to be" when
they grew up, but lately (last winter) they finally expressed possibilities.
It hasn't changed their lives much, except that *I* notice when they
notice those things, and I'm more likely to bring topics, articles, shows or
whatever to their attention.
If a boy doesn't have a path, he can still have a meaningful life. If they
find responsibilities, to clubs or groups of friends, or volunteer work, or
sports, or ANYthing, they're doing something then and there, not just building up
to doing something when they're older. And I think it's important to thank
them for real things they do in real ways.
Marty helped Keith put posts in concrete a couple of days. It was hard work.
We could have said, "There, Marty, that will prepare you to do concrete work
when you're grown." But he had just DONE concrete, real, hard-as-rock
(almost), and so what we said was, "Thanks! Those are going to last a long time
there."
When he's grown and sees them, he'll know he did real work to put them there.
It's a minor adjustment, but I think it will make a real difference in the
way people see their older kids and in the way the kids see themselves, too, if
their efforts and deeds are recognized in the present.
Kirby filled out his job application just for the files, after they offered
him a job. They offered him the job because he was hanging around the store
and being helpful. He helped generously, honestly and efficiently. He wasn't
trying to get a job. He had no idea anyone under 16 COULD get a job. He was
doing what he liked to do, and being helpful.
I've talked with some other parents about their kids finding jobs that way
too, or through contacts--recommendations from people they know through other
activities. Kirby helps with a comic book and anime shop, not where he works,
but where the anime club works. They've gotten him into science fiction
conventions to man their booth/room. He's not an employee, but if he ever did need
a job, every employ there would put out the word because they know him and
they trust him.
That can't work with every kind of job, nor with every kind of person, but it
CAN work with quite a few.
Sandra
Kirby and Marty never used to have a plan about what they "wanted to be" when
they grew up, but lately (last winter) they finally expressed possibilities.
It hasn't changed their lives much, except that *I* notice when they
notice those things, and I'm more likely to bring topics, articles, shows or
whatever to their attention.
If a boy doesn't have a path, he can still have a meaningful life. If they
find responsibilities, to clubs or groups of friends, or volunteer work, or
sports, or ANYthing, they're doing something then and there, not just building up
to doing something when they're older. And I think it's important to thank
them for real things they do in real ways.
Marty helped Keith put posts in concrete a couple of days. It was hard work.
We could have said, "There, Marty, that will prepare you to do concrete work
when you're grown." But he had just DONE concrete, real, hard-as-rock
(almost), and so what we said was, "Thanks! Those are going to last a long time
there."
When he's grown and sees them, he'll know he did real work to put them there.
It's a minor adjustment, but I think it will make a real difference in the
way people see their older kids and in the way the kids see themselves, too, if
their efforts and deeds are recognized in the present.
Kirby filled out his job application just for the files, after they offered
him a job. They offered him the job because he was hanging around the store
and being helpful. He helped generously, honestly and efficiently. He wasn't
trying to get a job. He had no idea anyone under 16 COULD get a job. He was
doing what he liked to do, and being helpful.
I've talked with some other parents about their kids finding jobs that way
too, or through contacts--recommendations from people they know through other
activities. Kirby helps with a comic book and anime shop, not where he works,
but where the anime club works. They've gotten him into science fiction
conventions to man their booth/room. He's not an employee, but if he ever did need
a job, every employ there would put out the word because they know him and
they trust him.
That can't work with every kind of job, nor with every kind of person, but it
CAN work with quite a few.
Sandra