responsibility, chores etc...
Ren
"When I operate out of integrity and clarity as to
the appropriate decision, not focusing on the money aspect, I am always
more content with the outcome, even if it means losing money. Money is just
that - only money. My relationships with my children, and their happiness
are way more important to me."
I really enjoyed your whole post Lee...especially the beautiful real life examples of this integrity and kindness.
Unfortunately, I did not always operate this way and am still having to undo some of the damage I inflicted. Trevor has some anger due to my former parenting practices (or at least I blame myself!). Lately, when he gets mad at a sibling for taking something of his, he reacts with anger. I'm sure part of the problem is not having a door he can shut on his room...something we need to deal with, BUT I tell him I'd rather replace ten of the item he's pissed about than have him get angry at his little sister or brother.
I tell him that things can be replaced, but I can't fix their hurt feelings very easily. This reminder seems to be helping him react more calmly.
The psyche of a person seems to be the disposable thing in traditional parenting practices. Money should never, ever become more important than peace and joy.
Ren
the appropriate decision, not focusing on the money aspect, I am always
more content with the outcome, even if it means losing money. Money is just
that - only money. My relationships with my children, and their happiness
are way more important to me."
I really enjoyed your whole post Lee...especially the beautiful real life examples of this integrity and kindness.
Unfortunately, I did not always operate this way and am still having to undo some of the damage I inflicted. Trevor has some anger due to my former parenting practices (or at least I blame myself!). Lately, when he gets mad at a sibling for taking something of his, he reacts with anger. I'm sure part of the problem is not having a door he can shut on his room...something we need to deal with, BUT I tell him I'd rather replace ten of the item he's pissed about than have him get angry at his little sister or brother.
I tell him that things can be replaced, but I can't fix their hurt feelings very easily. This reminder seems to be helping him react more calmly.
The psyche of a person seems to be the disposable thing in traditional parenting practices. Money should never, ever become more important than peace and joy.
Ren
Shannon
-----Original Message-----
From: Ren
Unfortunately, I did not always operate this way and am still having to undo
some of the damage I inflicted. Trevor has some anger due to my former
parenting practices (or at least I blame myself!). Lately, when he gets mad
at a sibling for taking something of his, he reacts with anger. I'm sure
part of the problem is not having a door he can shut on his room...something
we need to deal with, BUT I tell him I'd rather replace ten of the item he's
pissed about than have him get angry at his little sister or brother.
I tell him that things can be replaced, but I can't fix their hurt feelings
very easily. This reminder seems to be helping him react more calmly.
The psyche of a person seems to be the disposable thing in traditional
parenting practices. Money should never, ever become more important than
peace and joy.
Ren
Ren,
I'm going through the same things at my house. I've done a lot of damage to
Connor with my mainstream parenting before coming to this list. I didn't
even realize I was doing him harm until I looked at what I was doing/saying
to him from another pov. It is so hard to change my (and dh) habits and it
is slow going. Just last night dh and I had a conversation about Connor not
eating over his plate. He's 6yo. This has been an issue for dh for a few
years now and he's sucked me into it. Well, he asked for my advice last
night. So I told him I didn't think it was a big deal. The floor is
laminate/faux wood, he is after all, only 6yo and I'm sure the nagging has
GOT to be driving Connor nuts. Lol Oh, and dh wanted Connor to clean up
the mess he made all by himself. So that was another thing I said was that
if the mess was that important to him, he could ask Connor to help clean it
up. I told him that messes are overwhelming to clean up all by a 6yo's
self. SO, we are making progress. But it is ssslllooowww going. I was so
proud of myself for being able to tell dh what I really thought and that dh
listened and took my advice.
Oh and another thing. Dave (dh) is in the planning stages of building a
skate ramp for Connor. Connor is so into skating and biking on ramps. He
is just so excited for it. Well, the other night, Dave tells Connor that he
expects him to be out there every night to help build it because HE thinks
it would be good for him to learn to use a tape measure, yada yada yada. So
last night I also told Dave that he is making this ramp all about himself
rather than doing it for Connor. He didn't understand what I meant. So I
told him that HE wants this and HE wants that. So he finally GOT it and has
changed his tune about the whole thing. He's still going to build it. But
won't expect Connor to be out there if he doesn't want to.
Shannon Buckley
Mom to Connor 3-15-97, Carsten born at home 4-27-99/5-19-00 and Quinn born
at home 8-08-02
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
From: Ren
Unfortunately, I did not always operate this way and am still having to undo
some of the damage I inflicted. Trevor has some anger due to my former
parenting practices (or at least I blame myself!). Lately, when he gets mad
at a sibling for taking something of his, he reacts with anger. I'm sure
part of the problem is not having a door he can shut on his room...something
we need to deal with, BUT I tell him I'd rather replace ten of the item he's
pissed about than have him get angry at his little sister or brother.
I tell him that things can be replaced, but I can't fix their hurt feelings
very easily. This reminder seems to be helping him react more calmly.
The psyche of a person seems to be the disposable thing in traditional
parenting practices. Money should never, ever become more important than
peace and joy.
Ren
Ren,
I'm going through the same things at my house. I've done a lot of damage to
Connor with my mainstream parenting before coming to this list. I didn't
even realize I was doing him harm until I looked at what I was doing/saying
to him from another pov. It is so hard to change my (and dh) habits and it
is slow going. Just last night dh and I had a conversation about Connor not
eating over his plate. He's 6yo. This has been an issue for dh for a few
years now and he's sucked me into it. Well, he asked for my advice last
night. So I told him I didn't think it was a big deal. The floor is
laminate/faux wood, he is after all, only 6yo and I'm sure the nagging has
GOT to be driving Connor nuts. Lol Oh, and dh wanted Connor to clean up
the mess he made all by himself. So that was another thing I said was that
if the mess was that important to him, he could ask Connor to help clean it
up. I told him that messes are overwhelming to clean up all by a 6yo's
self. SO, we are making progress. But it is ssslllooowww going. I was so
proud of myself for being able to tell dh what I really thought and that dh
listened and took my advice.
Oh and another thing. Dave (dh) is in the planning stages of building a
skate ramp for Connor. Connor is so into skating and biking on ramps. He
is just so excited for it. Well, the other night, Dave tells Connor that he
expects him to be out there every night to help build it because HE thinks
it would be good for him to learn to use a tape measure, yada yada yada. So
last night I also told Dave that he is making this ramp all about himself
rather than doing it for Connor. He didn't understand what I meant. So I
told him that HE wants this and HE wants that. So he finally GOT it and has
changed his tune about the whole thing. He's still going to build it. But
won't expect Connor to be out there if he doesn't want to.
Shannon Buckley
Mom to Connor 3-15-97, Carsten born at home 4-27-99/5-19-00 and Quinn born
at home 8-08-02
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]