averyschmidt

I need some input here!
My 8yo son has a newly found love for soccer. He attended a week of
soccer camp over the summer, and is now starting practices for a
travelling soccer team that he'll be playing with this fall.
This is all his choice, and he's learning a lot about the game and
having a great time, but he needs some help dealing with name
calling and other things which he's not all that accustomed to.
At the first practice there was one boy in particular who would
shout things at my son like "PASS THE BALL YOU IDIOT!!"
Tonight at practice I hung out for a little while, and when the
coach asked me how my son was doing I said he was doing great except
for being a little upset at being called an idiot by this other
boy. What I was hoping for (and half-expecting since I'm usually
not around people who think name calling is okay) is that the coach
would be duly concerned and mabye even have a pep talk for the boys
about being a team/no name calling/all for one and one for all- that
sort of thing. Instead he gave me a knowing smile and said, almost
affectionately "I think I know the boy you're talking about. He
rode my son for a while last year and it toughened him up and made
him a better player." Said with a big smile, like this name calling
kid was an excellent mini-coach or something.
Then he said to me "your son's homeschooled, right? He'll get used
to it. This will be excellent socialization for him."
Which made me angry I even brought it up to him because now I feel
like my son is perceived as an oversheltered, oversensitive kid who
needs to be "toughened up," and I'm perceived as an oversheltering,
oversensitive mother. I wish I just handled it with my son and
never even brought it up to the coach.

What I'm wondering is, what advice would you all give your child in
a similar situation? My son specifically wants to know what he
should say or do when this happens again. Ignore it? Say something
back in defense of himself? What could he say back that would
deflect verbal abuse but wouldn't be stooping to the same level?

Also, what would you have said to the coach in response to
the "he'll get used to it- this will be great socialization"
comment? I was speechless at the time but all the way home in the
car racked my brain for the perfect response.
I have to be careful because my son wants to play on this team- he
doesn't want to throw in the towel because of this one kid.

Thanks for reading.

Patti

[email protected]

In a message dated 8/19/03 4:26:40 PM, patti.schmidt2@... writes:

<< Also, what would you have said to the coach in response to

the "he'll get used to it- this will be great socialization"

comment? >>

Tell him some kids' spirits are crushed by that kind of "socialization" in
school, and if you had wanted him "socialized" by abusive jerks, public school
is free and within walking distance.

<< My son specifically wants to know what he

should say or do when this happens again. Ignore it? Say something

back in defense of himself? What could he say back that would

deflect verbal abuse but wouldn't be stooping to the same level?>>

"Okay mom."

Maybe if the kid says "Pass the ball, idiot," he could say "Okay, mom."
It would confuse the kid and while he's stunned he might think. It's a vague
insult, without BEING an insult. It's a reminder that it's not that kid's
job to coach him, that it's not that kid's role to "be the boss of him."

Or he could just stand and say "SAY PLEASE" if it's a practice and not a game.

I have a standing fantasy of getting out of my car and walking back to the
car behind me and say "What?" when someone beeps in the first 1/10 of a second
the light turns green. Yeah, if I've been there a whole second, beep me. If
the green didn't even warm UP yet, SHUSH UP! My fantasy needs the other
lanes to be full and for me to walk slowly enough that the light turns red again.
The other driver would say whatever, and I would say "If you didn't want me,
you shouldn't have honked. I thought you needed something."

Sandra

Bill & Diane

I like this. When someone honks needlessly at me like that, I spend several seconds exaggeratedly looking around for the danger they're warning me about. Too scared to get out and ask, but I'm happy to
crane around while they steam.

:-) Diane


> I have a standing fantasy of getting out of my car and walking back to the
> car behind me and say "What?" when someone beeps in the first 1/10 of a second
> the light turns green. Yeah, if I've been there a whole second, beep me. If
> the green didn't even warm UP yet, SHUSH UP! My fantasy needs the other
> lanes to be full and for me to walk slowly enough that the light turns red again.
> The other driver would say whatever, and I would say "If you didn't want me,
> you shouldn't have honked. I thought you needed something."

Mary

From: "Bill & Diane" <cen46624@...>

<< I like this. When someone honks needlessly at me like that, I spend
several seconds exaggeratedly looking around for the danger they're warning
me about. Too scared to get out and ask, but I'm happy to
crane around while they steam.>>


Yeah the thought of getting out and asking what's up is pretty funny to me
too. Unfortunately for me, the first thing I think of is someone getting
blown away by a crazy road raged lunatic. Safer to stay inside the car. I
usually just sit there if they piss me off by being in such a hurry. Once I
even stayed there long enough for the light to turn again. There was silence
from that car that's for sure.

Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com

The Robbins' Nest

<<<<<<<I have a standing fantasy of getting out of my car and walking back to the
car behind me and say "What?" when someone beeps in the first 1/10 of a second
the light turns green. Yeah, if I've been there a whole second, beep me. If
the green didn't even warm UP yet, SHUSH UP! My fantasy needs the other
lanes to be full and for me to walk slowly enough that the light turns red again.
The other driver would say whatever, and I would say "If you didn't want me,
you shouldn't have honked. I thought you needed something."

Sandra
>>>>>>>>>

I just hope you keep this a fantasy. This is how my brother was murdered at age 22 in 1996. He got out of his car at a redlight to confront someone who was honking at him. The guy had a gun and shot him in the chest and he died on the street.

Not to be morbid but to remind everyone of the dangers of confrontation with other drivers. Some people are just nuts.

Kimberly



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 8/20/03 9:08:45 AM, snibbor@... writes:

<< I just hope you keep this a fantasy. This is how my brother was murdered
at age 22 in 1996. He got out of his car at a redlight to confront someone
who was honking at him. >>

Oh sheesh!!

Sorry to have told a story too much like an ugly truth.

Very sorry about your brother.

I had thoughts of potential death when I confronted my behind-me neighbor
about being mean to his kids but at that moment it was worth the risk.

Sandra

odrade7

Sandra wrote: [I have a standing fantasy of getting out of my car and
walking back to the car behind me and say "What?" when someone beeps
in the first 1/10 of a second the light turns green.]

Kimberly wrote: [I just hope you keep this a fantasy. This is how my
brother was murdered at age 22 in 1996.]

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother, Kimberly! When Sandra posted
that fantasy I actually thought the same thing because people have
been shot around here for doing that sort of thing. There are too
many crazies out there that think nothing of taking a life.

TreeGoddess

idcruiserman

--- In [email protected], "averyschmidt"
<patti.schmidt2@v...> wrote:

> What I'm wondering is, what advice would you all give your child in
> a similar situation? My son specifically wants to know what he
> should say or do when this happens again. Ignore it? Say
something
> back in defense of himself? What could he say back that would
> deflect verbal abuse but wouldn't be stooping to the same level?

I just joined the group. I don't have much experience with
unschooling as my kids are 2 years and 6 weeks old, respectively, but
I've played soccer all my life :).

IMO the important thing to consider is how your child reacts to the
situation. If he's upset and doesn't want to play because of this
kid's harrassment, then you need approach the coach. Where I grew
up, there were lots of different opportunities for playing soccer, so
I could switch teams if I wanted. I did switch drop down to a lower
skilled team one year due to not getting along with the coach. I was
happier, which is what's important.

If your son is the type to blow off the other kid's comments or to
stand up and tell him off, then no worries.

> Also, what would you have said to the coach in response to
> the "he'll get used to it- this will be great socialization"
> comment? I was speechless at the time but all the way home in the
> car racked my brain for the perfect response.

I would ignore it. Do you want to spend the time educating this
person on your educational philosophy? You could have said, "my idea
of positive socialization is not being bullied." etc.

> I have to be careful because my son wants to play on this team- he
> doesn't want to throw in the towel because of this one kid.

You have your answer then. I would talk with your son about what he
wants you to do, if anything. He will encounter bullies throughout
life. My typical reaction to someone who is screaming for the ball
is to ignore them and find someone else for a pass :). He could
always tell the kid he won't pass to him until he is nicer.

Good luck.