SILs "teaching" my kids
glad2bmadly
My SIL is here (well, 5 min. away at my MIL house and here) with her three kids. They are visiting for two weeks on their way to move to NY. My 6 yr. old is over there now with them for breakfast and because he goes to the farm, where DH works and where MILs house is, many mornings to farm. I called to see if they wanted to go swim with my 3 yo and I or have us come there to play. MIL informed me that we had to wait to ask SIL until her family meeting with the kids was over and then until work time was over. The "family meeting" is about informing the kids to stop saying "kaka and Pee" (French for poop and pee) and to stop laughing, etc. at meals. I know my 6yo has been talking about poop lately and he def. laughs a lot! I saw the whole scenario last night when they were all here for dinner and it was so not a big deal. Actually, I was seeing her kids laughing and being silly for the first time ever! And then, the "work" time... They have been made, all summer, to do
workbooks every day. They go to French school and it is apparently difficult and she wants to be sure they keep up. Even during the school yr. they do workbooks for up to an hour on top of homework in the little bit of time they have between school and dinner. The oldest is 8! I visited them and saw this going on with a lot of misery on the part of the kids and said something but was brushed aside. I guess my problem is that my son gets these week to two-week shots of this controlling stuff and then comes away thinking he too should be reading or whatever. It is subtle. He went away with the other SIL and her 6 yr. old for a week a few weeks ago and came back wanting to learn how to read (reading Bob books at bed every night to us like his cousin reads big books His cousin is never read to). I am glad he wants to read if he is ready and wanting to not just because his cousin is so far ahead. Sorry to vent on. I just need to figure out if he is feeling pressure to do
anything and I have not felt that out clearly yet. I wrote a few weeks ago that I don't want to shelter my kids and I'm realizing it was big old lie! I soo want to shelter them. I wish they were going to the conf. with me. They wanted to stay here to be with their cousins.
Madeline
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workbooks every day. They go to French school and it is apparently difficult and she wants to be sure they keep up. Even during the school yr. they do workbooks for up to an hour on top of homework in the little bit of time they have between school and dinner. The oldest is 8! I visited them and saw this going on with a lot of misery on the part of the kids and said something but was brushed aside. I guess my problem is that my son gets these week to two-week shots of this controlling stuff and then comes away thinking he too should be reading or whatever. It is subtle. He went away with the other SIL and her 6 yr. old for a week a few weeks ago and came back wanting to learn how to read (reading Bob books at bed every night to us like his cousin reads big books His cousin is never read to). I am glad he wants to read if he is ready and wanting to not just because his cousin is so far ahead. Sorry to vent on. I just need to figure out if he is feeling pressure to do
anything and I have not felt that out clearly yet. I wrote a few weeks ago that I don't want to shelter my kids and I'm realizing it was big old lie! I soo want to shelter them. I wish they were going to the conf. with me. They wanted to stay here to be with their cousins.
Madeline
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Shannon
Well, Maddie, I don't blame you for wanting to shield your kids from that
kind of environment. It just doesn't seem all that healthy to be around. I
mean, what is wrong with laughing at the table. Oh and the poop and pee
thing drives me nuts. But it's a natural thing for kids to go through.
Somehow, it doesn't seem right to insist they NOT talk about it. Is there
any way for you to convince your kids to come with you to the conference?
Shannon Buckley
Mom to Connor 3-15-97, Carsten born at home 4-27-99/5-19-00 and Quinn born
at home 8-08-02
-----Original Message-----
From: glad2bmadly [mailto:glad2bmadly@...]
Sent: Tuesday, August 19, 2003 7:03 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [Unschooling-Discussion] SILs "teaching" my kids
My SIL is here (well, 5 min. away at my MIL house and here) with her three
kids. They are visiting for two weeks on their way to move to NY. My 6 yr.
old is over there now with them for breakfast and because he goes to the
farm, where DH works and where MILs house is, many mornings to farm. I
called to see if they wanted to go swim with my 3 yo and I or have us come
there to play. MIL informed me that we had to wait to ask SIL until her
family meeting with the kids was over and then until work time was over.
The "family meeting" is about informing the kids to stop saying "kaka and
Pee" (French for poop and pee) and to stop laughing, etc. at meals. I know
my 6yo has been talking about poop lately and he def. laughs a lot! I saw
the whole scenario last night when they were all here for dinner and it was
so not a big deal. Actually, I was seeing her kids laughing and being silly
for the first time ever! And then, the "work" time... They have been made,
all summer, to do
workbooks every day. They go to French school and it is apparently
difficult and she wants to be sure they keep up. Even during the school yr.
they do workbooks for up to an hour on top of homework in the little bit of
time they have between school and dinner. The oldest is 8! I visited them
and saw this going on with a lot of misery on the part of the kids and said
something but was brushed aside. I guess my problem is that my son gets
these week to two-week shots of this controlling stuff and then comes away
thinking he too should be reading or whatever. It is subtle. He went away
with the other SIL and her 6 yr. old for a week a few weeks ago and came
back wanting to learn how to read (reading Bob books at bed every night to
us like his cousin reads big books His cousin is never read to). I am glad
he wants to read if he is ready and wanting to not just because his cousin
is so far ahead. Sorry to vent on. I just need to figure out if he is
feeling pressure to do
anything and I have not felt that out clearly yet. I wrote a few weeks ago
that I don't want to shelter my kids and I'm realizing it was big old lie!
I soo want to shelter them. I wish they were going to the conf. with me.
They wanted to stay here to be with their cousins.
Madeline
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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kind of environment. It just doesn't seem all that healthy to be around. I
mean, what is wrong with laughing at the table. Oh and the poop and pee
thing drives me nuts. But it's a natural thing for kids to go through.
Somehow, it doesn't seem right to insist they NOT talk about it. Is there
any way for you to convince your kids to come with you to the conference?
Shannon Buckley
Mom to Connor 3-15-97, Carsten born at home 4-27-99/5-19-00 and Quinn born
at home 8-08-02
-----Original Message-----
From: glad2bmadly [mailto:glad2bmadly@...]
Sent: Tuesday, August 19, 2003 7:03 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [Unschooling-Discussion] SILs "teaching" my kids
My SIL is here (well, 5 min. away at my MIL house and here) with her three
kids. They are visiting for two weeks on their way to move to NY. My 6 yr.
old is over there now with them for breakfast and because he goes to the
farm, where DH works and where MILs house is, many mornings to farm. I
called to see if they wanted to go swim with my 3 yo and I or have us come
there to play. MIL informed me that we had to wait to ask SIL until her
family meeting with the kids was over and then until work time was over.
The "family meeting" is about informing the kids to stop saying "kaka and
Pee" (French for poop and pee) and to stop laughing, etc. at meals. I know
my 6yo has been talking about poop lately and he def. laughs a lot! I saw
the whole scenario last night when they were all here for dinner and it was
so not a big deal. Actually, I was seeing her kids laughing and being silly
for the first time ever! And then, the "work" time... They have been made,
all summer, to do
workbooks every day. They go to French school and it is apparently
difficult and she wants to be sure they keep up. Even during the school yr.
they do workbooks for up to an hour on top of homework in the little bit of
time they have between school and dinner. The oldest is 8! I visited them
and saw this going on with a lot of misery on the part of the kids and said
something but was brushed aside. I guess my problem is that my son gets
these week to two-week shots of this controlling stuff and then comes away
thinking he too should be reading or whatever. It is subtle. He went away
with the other SIL and her 6 yr. old for a week a few weeks ago and came
back wanting to learn how to read (reading Bob books at bed every night to
us like his cousin reads big books His cousin is never read to). I am glad
he wants to read if he is ready and wanting to not just because his cousin
is so far ahead. Sorry to vent on. I just need to figure out if he is
feeling pressure to do
anything and I have not felt that out clearly yet. I wrote a few weeks ago
that I don't want to shelter my kids and I'm realizing it was big old lie!
I soo want to shelter them. I wish they were going to the conf. with me.
They wanted to stay here to be with their cousins.
Madeline
---------------------------------
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[email protected]
In a message dated 8/19/2003 2:25:04 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
davenshan@... writes:
The advantages they would get from being around unschooled kids might make
your whole life better and theirs too.
On the other hand, if you go kid-free you can really immerse yourself, and
maybe when you get back they'll be tired of cousins anyway.
Holly has learned a lot about how not to be by being around more structured
homeschoolers. She sees from her own point of view that the things the
parents are saying just aren't true.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
davenshan@... writes:
> I wish they were going to the conf. with me.The conference is short, and cousins are forever.
> They wanted to stay here to be with their cousins.
The advantages they would get from being around unschooled kids might make
your whole life better and theirs too.
On the other hand, if you go kid-free you can really immerse yourself, and
maybe when you get back they'll be tired of cousins anyway.
Holly has learned a lot about how not to be by being around more structured
homeschoolers. She sees from her own point of view that the things the
parents are saying just aren't true.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
glad2bmadly
Shannon and Sandra, Thank you both for reassuring me that I am not crazy. I so depend on this list to know I am not alone sometimes.
I ended up telling my SIL my reservations about the way in which she controls her kids by putting so much extra work on them on top of their actual school curriculum. I did my best to explain what I have been learning, thinking about, experiencing - about "learning". I don't know how much of it she understood but she really did listen and we had a good conversation - at least if felt good to calmly be honest. She thinks that her children appreciate being pushed by her to do extra work so they don't feel so behind in school. She even thinks that her daughter appreciates being pushed to eat (she is eight and has never eaten without her mother there nagging her to eat more!) or pushed to try things the daughter "claims" she doesn't want to do. Sigh. I am glad that I held myself back from any passionate reactions. Small seeds planted, maybe... I did see wheels turning in her head. I have been positively surprised lately by some friends'/family's reactions to what we are doing.
As far as my kids and this weekend, I think they are actually going to have a good time. The SIL is leaving on Thurs. and DH will always be with them to run interference with the troublesome, competitive cousin. And aside from him, the others are really good kids. I think they will have a blast on a farm without mom's boundaries. Plus there is a dinosaur gala at the museum! My 3 yo paleontologist is going dressed in a triceratops costume that I am making for him ( Hope the papier mache head dress is dry in time).
Yes, I am sooo excited about "immersing" myself in unschooling community and in unschooling wisdom, live and in person. It will be easier for me to absorb everything w/out my kids.
They will all come with me next time though.
Madeline
SandraDodd@... wrote:
In a message dated 8/19/2003 2:25:04 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
davenshan@... writes:
The advantages they would get from being around unschooled kids might make
your whole life better and theirs too.
On the other hand, if you go kid-free you can really immerse yourself, and
maybe when you get back they'll be tired of cousins anyway.
Holly has learned a lot about how not to be by being around more structured
homeschoolers. She sees from her own point of view that the things the
parents are saying just aren't true.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I ended up telling my SIL my reservations about the way in which she controls her kids by putting so much extra work on them on top of their actual school curriculum. I did my best to explain what I have been learning, thinking about, experiencing - about "learning". I don't know how much of it she understood but she really did listen and we had a good conversation - at least if felt good to calmly be honest. She thinks that her children appreciate being pushed by her to do extra work so they don't feel so behind in school. She even thinks that her daughter appreciates being pushed to eat (she is eight and has never eaten without her mother there nagging her to eat more!) or pushed to try things the daughter "claims" she doesn't want to do. Sigh. I am glad that I held myself back from any passionate reactions. Small seeds planted, maybe... I did see wheels turning in her head. I have been positively surprised lately by some friends'/family's reactions to what we are doing.
As far as my kids and this weekend, I think they are actually going to have a good time. The SIL is leaving on Thurs. and DH will always be with them to run interference with the troublesome, competitive cousin. And aside from him, the others are really good kids. I think they will have a blast on a farm without mom's boundaries. Plus there is a dinosaur gala at the museum! My 3 yo paleontologist is going dressed in a triceratops costume that I am making for him ( Hope the papier mache head dress is dry in time).
Yes, I am sooo excited about "immersing" myself in unschooling community and in unschooling wisdom, live and in person. It will be easier for me to absorb everything w/out my kids.
They will all come with me next time though.
Madeline
SandraDodd@... wrote:
In a message dated 8/19/2003 2:25:04 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
davenshan@... writes:
> I wish they were going to the conf. with me.The conference is short, and cousins are forever.
> They wanted to stay here to be with their cousins.
The advantages they would get from being around unschooled kids might make
your whole life better and theirs too.
On the other hand, if you go kid-free you can really immerse yourself, and
maybe when you get back they'll be tired of cousins anyway.
Holly has learned a lot about how not to be by being around more structured
homeschoolers. She sees from her own point of view that the things the
parents are saying just aren't true.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT
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[email protected]
In a message dated 8/19/03 9:43:39 PM, glad2bmadly@... writes:
<< She even thinks that her daughter appreciates being pushed to eat (she is
eight and has never eaten without her mother there nagging her to eat more!)
or pushed to try things the daughter "claims" she doesn't want to do. >>
Is she by any chance the one who put the list of pushy questions up about
unschooling at unschooling.com???
Some pretty pushy questions about pushiness! <g>
Glad the weekend's looking bright, and that you got to talk to your sister in
law.
Sandra
<< She even thinks that her daughter appreciates being pushed to eat (she is
eight and has never eaten without her mother there nagging her to eat more!)
or pushed to try things the daughter "claims" she doesn't want to do. >>
Is she by any chance the one who put the list of pushy questions up about
unschooling at unschooling.com???
Some pretty pushy questions about pushiness! <g>
Glad the weekend's looking bright, and that you got to talk to your sister in
law.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/19/03 9:43:39 PM, glad2bmadly@... writes:
<< She even thinks that her daughter appreciates being pushed to eat (she is
eight and has never eaten without her mother there nagging her to eat more!)
or pushed to try things the daughter "claims" she doesn't want to do. >>
Is she by any chance the one who put the list of pushy questions up about
unschooling at unschooling.com???
Some pretty pushy questions about pushiness! <g>
Glad the weekend's looking bright, and that you got to talk to your sister in
law.
Sandra
<< She even thinks that her daughter appreciates being pushed to eat (she is
eight and has never eaten without her mother there nagging her to eat more!)
or pushed to try things the daughter "claims" she doesn't want to do. >>
Is she by any chance the one who put the list of pushy questions up about
unschooling at unschooling.com???
Some pretty pushy questions about pushiness! <g>
Glad the weekend's looking bright, and that you got to talk to your sister in
law.
Sandra
glad2bmadly
I haven't been to the lists in a while. But I know it isn't my sister in law because she only just heard the concept of "unschooling" two days ago and hasn't had internet access where she is staying. Today I brought she and her kids with mine to our park day we do with a few other hschoolers - not unschoolers but very layed back moms. One is a la leche league leader. Having so many easy going happy children and moms around seemed to completely influence my SILs style. Or maybe it was the talk we had last night. I think having happy, curious kids is probably the best way to convince people that natural parenting/unschooing could have some merit.
Madeline
.SandraDodd@... wrote:
In a message dated 8/19/03 9:43:39 PM, glad2bmadly@... writes:
<< She even thinks that her daughter appreciates being pushed to eat (she is
eight and has never eaten without her mother there nagging her to eat more!)
or pushed to try things the daughter "claims" she doesn't want to do. >>
Is she by any chance the one who put the list of pushy questions up about
unschooling at unschooling.com???
Some pretty pushy questions about pushiness! <g>
Glad the weekend's looking bright, and that you got to talk to your sister in
law.
Sandra
Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT
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Madeline
.SandraDodd@... wrote:
In a message dated 8/19/03 9:43:39 PM, glad2bmadly@... writes:
<< She even thinks that her daughter appreciates being pushed to eat (she is
eight and has never eaten without her mother there nagging her to eat more!)
or pushed to try things the daughter "claims" she doesn't want to do. >>
Is she by any chance the one who put the list of pushy questions up about
unschooling at unschooling.com???
Some pretty pushy questions about pushiness! <g>
Glad the weekend's looking bright, and that you got to talk to your sister in
law.
Sandra
Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
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---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/20/03 1:37:38 PM, glad2bmadly@... writes:
<< Having so many easy going happy children and moms around seemed to
completely influence my SILs style. Or maybe it was the talk we had last night. >>
"the old one two"--before she can recover from the happy kids, you told her
WHY they were happy! <g>
Sandra
<< Having so many easy going happy children and moms around seemed to
completely influence my SILs style. Or maybe it was the talk we had last night. >>
"the old one two"--before she can recover from the happy kids, you told her
WHY they were happy! <g>
Sandra