Julie Solich

Today I have been cleaning for nearly the whole day. I've been doing small
amounts each day but I just had enough today and had to have a clean up. I
have felt guilty all day because I haven't spent much time with the kids but
I know if I had left the house I would have felt guilty all day for leaving
it in such a state, especially when Mark gets home to it.

It's hard not to get caught up in cleaning all the time at the expense of
your kids once you get started. And it's hard to get motivated to kep your
house clean once you get involved with what you're kids are doing.

Has anyone managed to strike a balance in this area? Or is it impossible?

Julie




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Crystal

> Has anyone managed to strike a balance in this area? Or is it
impossible?>>


Have you tried the Flylady.net. I now clean in 15 min incriments at a
time. You'd be surprised how much you can get done in such a short time. I
couldn't do her whole routine, and I don't get her individual emails, but I
took from her what worked and left what didn't.

Crystal


----- Original Message -----
From: "Julie Solich" <mjsolich@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, August 11, 2003 2:24 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-Discussion] how to find balance


>
> Today I have been cleaning for nearly the whole day. I've been doing small
> amounts each day but I just had enough today and had to have a clean up.
I
> have felt guilty all day because I haven't spent much time with the kids
but
> I know if I had left the house I would have felt guilty all day for
leaving
> it in such a state, especially when Mark gets home to it.
>
> It's hard not to get caught up in cleaning all the time at the expense of
> your kids once you get started. And it's hard to get motivated to kep your
> house clean once you get involved with what you're kids are doing.
>
>
> Julie
>
>
>
>
> >
> > ~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
> >
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> the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list
owner,
> Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
> >
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an
> email to:
> > [email protected]
> >
> > Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
> >
> > Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to
http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
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>

Marjorie Kirk

>
> Has anyone managed to strike a balance in this area? Or is it impossible?
>
> Julie
>


It Is Impossible! It's a continuing source of frustration for me. I wish I
could offer advice, but I just can't, except to say to try not to let it
stress you out as much as it does me. How's that for advice? The blind
leading the blind.

Marjorie

24hrmom

<<It's hard not to get caught up in cleaning all the time at the expense of your kids once you get started. And it's hard to get motivated to keep your house clean once you get involved with what you're kids are doing.

Has anyone managed to strike a balance in this area? Or is it impossible?>>

Pretty much close to impossible! ;-)

This is an area I've been fiddling around with over the last few months trying to strike a reasonable balance. A couple of things I've found to be the biggest help are actually behaviour shifts for me.

One is to just do little things as I come across them, not wait until I have "the time". For example, if I notice dried spill or something, instead of thinking "oh, I'll have to remember to get that the next time I clean my room", I just take a minute to do it then. It truly only takes a minute and makes a big difference.

Second is not to get locked into the "proper" way to clean things. If I'm throwing a towel in the dirty clothes, I'll take a minute to use it to dust my dresser or wipe the bathroom counter if either of those things are messy before I toss it.

Along with trying to do a bit each day, whenever it seems to fit in, I find these two things help the house last longer before it needs an overhaul. :-)

Oh, one other thing, if I'm hanging around with the kids in the kitchen, TV room, basement etc. I'll take a sec to decide if I can tidy up. If we're chatting or watching a show I can usually tidy up at the same time. But I won't do this if it takes away from what we're doing together.

Pam L


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 8/11/2003 10:50:49 AM Eastern Standard Time,
24hrmom@... writes:

> <<It's hard not to get caught up in cleaning all the time at the expense of
> your kids once you get started. And it's hard to get motivated to keep your
> house clean once you get involved with what you're kids are doing.
>
> Has anyone managed to strike a balance in this area? Or is it impossible?>>
>

Yea!! Something I can really help with!

6 kids, my husband and I, all living in a tiny house, I've definately gotten
this down pat over the years.

#1, no, my house is not even close to spotless. Haven't cleaned the windows
in a long time. But I have a few things that have worked great for me.

At least once every 2 to 3 months, I just get a cleaning bug and tell the
kids to do whatever they want...watch movies, play videos, etc. Sometimes
they'll go to a friend's house for the day, or even better, Chuck will take them
someplace that takes all day (there's a cool hobby shop about 2 hours away they
make a trek to once in a while.)

Then I start at the front door. I take a wet rag and maybe some 409 with me,
and (this is the key) a heavy cardboard box, a large empty laundry basket,
and a trash can (you can put them in the middle of the room you're working in).
I begin moving to the right, and just sort of go along the walls of the
house, (A) putting things in the basket that belong in other rooms or out in the
shed, (B) putting things for goodwill or a garage sale in the box, and (C) trash
in the trashcan. I lightly wipe things down as I go, but this is more of a
decluttering. Any cupboard, drawer, closet, underneath of something (like a
bed) I come to, I go through, throwing out tons and tons of stuff that has just
been collecting dust. Sometimes this process can take an entire day, or more
(I have known people who need a day for each room). When the whole house is
done, I'll go back and do a little more soapy cleaning.

Because I don't have a really big emotional attachment to "things" it's not
hard for me to get rid of a bunch of stuff. Sometimes this process can take an
entire day, or more (I have known people who need a day for each room). When
the whole house is done, I'll go back and do a little more soapy cleaning.

I learned a long time ago, when we were close friends with a couple Mennonite
families, how much of our lives are wasted on things...clutter, material
junk, papers. Life is too short and your children are small for a tiny fraction
of that. If you can go through the whole house once and really declutter, you
can use this same process (just with a trashbag and basket for misplaces
stuff) once a day and be done in less than an hour, including other chores.

Nancy B. in WV


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelli Traaseth

A shift in my focus has helped me. My focus isn't to keep my house together, its to keep my kids "together". Together meaning, psychologically "together". Them knowing that they are more important than housework. And instead of seeing the messes all over my house, I can now see all that they are doing.

Like right now in the basement: we have an igloo started, that turned into a circle for a powwow, we had a powwow with refreshments(breakfast), bionicle pieces all over in another section, (Alec got some new guys and you have to combine them to make this "humungous" guy), fisher price cash register out with food to buy.

So as far as balance, I think right now the kids and their learning out weigh the house being together. So there probably isn't one :) And that's OK.


**I know if I had left the house I would have felt guilty all day for leaving
it in such a state, especially when Mark gets home to it.**

I used to do that to myself too; wanted the house together, kids happy, dh happy cause the house was together. (I thought that's what he would want) But you know what, after lots of conversations with dh, he would much rather have a happy family than a perfect house. Maybe you could talk with your dh about that, maybe he isn't really bothered by it as much as you feel?

There are days that I have to do some housework, like today, laundry. Sometimes my kids understand, sometimes they don't. But we talk about it and know that it is something that has to be done, or else, no clean clothes! <g> Which happens sometimes too and we all survived! :) Also, I try and be with them as I am doing things, like folding clothes by my son playing the gamecube. Asking them if they want to help. Sometimes they want to, sometimes they don't.


Kelli~



----- Original Message -----
From: Julie Solich
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, August 11, 2003 1:24 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-Discussion] how to find balance



Today I have been cleaning for nearly the whole day. I've been doing small
amounts each day but I just had enough today and had to have a clean up. I
have felt guilty all day because I haven't spent much time with the kids but
I know if I had left the house I would have felt guilty all day for leaving
it in such a state, especially when Mark gets home to it.

It's hard not to get caught up in cleaning all the time at the expense of
your kids once you get started. And it's hard to get motivated to kep your
house clean once you get involved with what you're kids are doing.

Has anyone managed to strike a balance in this area? Or is it impossible?

Julie




>
> ~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
>
> If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email
the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner,
Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an
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>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

mjsolich@... writes:
> Has anyone managed to strike a balance in this area? Or is it impossible?
>
> Julie

I know that it's hard, but I wouldn't say it's impossible. It's just
awareness. If the kids are doing things that need a lot of your input, then cleaning
all day instead of being around for them wouldn't work. Plus, they would just
interrupt you constantly, hehehe, right? You wouldn't get much done anyway.
But if it's a day where they are really involved with stuff and don't need
you as much, which happens more and more as my son gets older, then it would be
a good day to polish the silver, right?

Of course, sometimes I do start a project and then he wants to do something
with me, and because I like to finish what I start, I do ask him to wait until
I am done. Usually, by the time I am done, he's busy with something else.
Or we agree on a time, in half an hour we'll play cards, for example.

<<And it's hard to get motivated to keep your
house clean once you get involved with what you're kids are doing. >>

A lot of times, I'm around, straightening up around him, so I'm there, but
not there. He can ask me questions, interrupt me, I am just cleaning after all,
and, it helps him stay organized, and he can keep going with whatever he's
involved in. I really don't often get deeply involved in his projects, anyway.
Right now we're both learning html, so there's a lot of back and forth, and
sharing what we just learned, and it's lovely. But most of the time we're both
pretty independent.

I have routines, daily tasks to get done, and none of those things take more
than a few minutes at a pop. I can straighten the whole house in 15 minutes
because I do it every day( or sometimes twice a day). Alex is really good at
cleaning up after himself, or at least keeping the mess to one area, and that
works for me, I just ignore it until he's done and puts stuff away. Sometimes
that takes days, ehehe, but I've learned to let it go.

<<especially when Mark gets home to it. >>

Sometimes the hubby makes remarks about tornados, lol. We usually just look
at him and tell him what we were busy with all day, and then he either helps
us clean up, or goes and "hides" in our room until dinner. Our bedroom is
basically off limits to Alex, that's our personal space, just like his room is
his. That space is always clean, I can't stand a messy bedroom!, and he does
spend time with us there, snuggling or whatever, but not often. That works for
us.

If your kids are young, I know it can be hard to find balance, and I don't
think a spotless house should be a priority at that point, but as they get
older, things get more manageable.

Peace
~Aimee


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Mary

<< In a message dated 8/11/2003 10:50:49 AM Eastern Standard Time,
24hrmom@... writes:

It's hard not to get caught up in cleaning all the time at the expense of
your kids once you get started. And it's hard to get motivated to keep your
house clean once you get involved with what you're kids are doing.

Has anyone managed to strike a balance in this area? Or is it impossible?>>



I haven't been following this well so I may repeat something someone else
said. There is a balance that needs to be found in my house. My kids and my
husband don't have the same concerns about the house as I do. I'm anal about
it. It's important for me to have my house look a certain. It makes me
happy. And when I'm happy, I'm a much better mom and wife. So it's worth it
to me, and to all of us really, to find that balance. But it is my
responsibility because I'm the one that it matters to. It's not fair to make
what's important for me weigh down what also makes my family happy. So they
don't *have* anything they need to do as far as the house goes. I will ask
them to do something for me, and they do. I don't nag or ask meaning I only
expect a yes or make it so that they have no choice. I also don't ask for
too much. Their rooms are their rooms and when it may seem to get
overwhelming, my husband and I offer to help. They accept the help and the
room is cleaned up. They are happy and we are happy. This doesn't happen
often, maybe a couple times a year. The rest of the house is mine to take
care of. I never ask for help cleaning anything, just straightening up. And
the help from the kids comes only for their rooms and the playroom and the
dining room if they have been painting or creating all over the table.

I find that taking a few minutes to straighten up or clean when the kids are
busy is life saving for me. I don't have a cleaning schedule. I don't have
certain days when certain things get done. I do try and put at least one
load of launfry in a day. That way I don't get overwhelmed with it. While
the kids are having breakfast and lunch is a great time for me to get things
done. That's usually a good half hour to vacuum and mop. Everything else can
get done in between play and kid time. I do things right as I see them if I
can, make sure I put everything away right after I use it. Grabbing short
periods of time to clean while the kids are busy doing something on their
own is what works for me. That way if I do get side tracked, it's not a big
deal or a major project I'm in the middle of. About the only thing that I do
from start to finish and not asked for interruptions is when I clean the
carpets. Other than that, I get sidetracked all day and just go back and
finish when I'm done or when I remember. Sometimes it takes me awhile to
remember. So I end up with wrinkled clothes from the dryer. Ironing at night
can be therapeutic too!!!


Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com

Julie Solich

Thank you thank you thank you!!

I love the idea about taking a day every couple of months just to clean
every so often. The kids would love the chance to go off with dad for the
day. And knowing that I had a day set aside would help with the guilty
feelings. Making the most of the times that the kids are off doing their
own thing is helpful too.

And I will just work on the feeling that I am a failure if my house looks
like a family with three young kids living in it! <g> I guess a part of that
is instead of just seeing a mess, see it as hands-on learning!

I was thinking this morning that one problem is the lack of storage so I am
going to get another cupboard and some big tubs for the kids stuff. That
should help and make it easier for them to pack away also.

Thanks guys.

Julie
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[email protected]

In a message dated 8/12/2003 3:13:00 AM Eastern Standard Time,
mjsolich@... writes:

> I was thinking this morning that one problem is the lack of storage so I am
> going to get another cupboard and some big tubs for the kids stuff. That
> should help and make it easier for them to pack away also.
>

Also, should you feel terribly ambitious :o), old books, collectibles, odds
and ends, sell really well on Ebay. Last October my husband and I did a major
decluttering, sold the stuff we never use on Ebay, and got enough to pay for
the digital camera AND buy a new computer. Plus we were able to do a bunch of
repairs on the house we'd been needing to do. You'd be really surprised how
much something you never use could be worth.

I had a book on Permaculture (more like a textbook, way over my head) that I
found out was out of print. I had paid about 25.00 for it 5 years ago. I
sold it on Ebay for 175.00!!! I've had a few books go for almost as much as I
paid for them a long time ago.

Nancy B. in WV


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Julie Solich

I had a book on Permaculture (more like a textbook, way over my head) that
I found out was out of print. I had paid about 25.00 for it 5 years ago. I
sold it on Ebay for 175.00!!! I've had a few books go for almost as much as
I paid for them a long time ago.

Nancy B. in WV


WOW! I'm headed for the bookshelves now. LOL Mark has been talking about
selling stuff on Ebay for awhile so that would definitely be worth looking
into. Also that would mean I have his help to declutter. <g> And we want to
get a digital camera soon, just have to do a bit of research before we buy.
Neither of us knows much about them.

Julie



> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
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>

Julie Solich

> >
>
>
> It Is Impossible! It's a continuing source of frustration for me. I wish
I
> could offer advice, but I just can't, except to say to try not to let it
> stress you out as much as it does me. How's that for advice? The blind
> leading the blind.
>
> Marjorie
>
> It's comforting to know I'm not the only one out there.
Thanks for the empathy anyway and hey, maybe some of the responses will help
you out too.

Julie
>
>
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[email protected]

In a message dated 8/12/03 8:02:26 AM, CelticFrau@... writes:

<< I had a book on Permaculture (more like a textbook, way over my head) that
I
found out was out of print. I had paid about 25.00 for it 5 years ago. I
sold it on Ebay for 175.00!!! >>

But if you had only gotten $25 would you have felt like that was okay too?

I put a couple of my out of print books on Amazon/used where they still sit,
but if I put them on e-Bay they'd be gone by now. Only thing is, I like the
books. I just realize that I might never use them again before I die. It's a
dilemma. even if I just had the money back on books I've bought and already
read and had a good time with (instead of the 25% a used bookstore MIGHT give
me) that should be a good deal, right? But I'm not mathish and I get stuck
thinking numbers.

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 8/12/2003 10:57:16 AM Eastern Standard Time,
mjsolich@... writes:

> WOW! I'm headed for the bookshelves now. LOL Mark has been talking about
> selling stuff on Ebay for awhile so that would definitely be worth looking
> into. Also that would mean I have his help to declutter. <g> And we want to
> get a digital camera soon, just have to do a bit of research before we buy.
> Neither of us knows much about them.
>

We got the Sony Cybershot, model DSC-P51, 2.0 mega pixels. I think they have
a newer model, but we paid about 275.00 for it. Hubby says they've actually
come down in price. But I'm telling you, it paid for itself the first week we
sold stuff. We are really happy with it, takes great pictures.

Nancy B. in W.V.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

> Has anyone managed to strike a balance in this area?

Cleaning lady. Worth the cost to me, but maybe not to you. I figure its
cheaper than marital counseling and years of therapy for the kids. Plus, I save
a lot of money on groceries and air drying our laundry and other tightwad
things which ends up paying for it. I pick up stuff every day and end up
vacuuming a lot because of our allergies. But once every two weeks we do a major
purge of the accumulation and let her work her magic.

I hosted my book group and had a dinner party all in one week a couple of
months ago. I was an awful mom that week, the kind of mom I see a lot of and
don't enjoy being around. The play-in-your-rooms, don't-get-the-glitter-out kind
of mom - for three whole days! Even I couldn't live with myself.

Elizabeth


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 8/13/2003 7:25:58 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
ejcrewe@... writes:


> I hosted my book group and had a dinner party all in one week a couple of
> months ago. I was an awful mom that week, the kind of mom I see a lot of
> and
> don't enjoy being around. The play-in-your-rooms, don't-get-the-glitter-out
> kind
> of mom - for three whole days! Even I couldn't live with myself.
>

YOU?

~Kelly, hopelessly behind! <g>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]