Kelly Lenhart

>Some people's childhood memories are almost completely closed off, and so
>they don't have that to draw on and are somewhat at a disadvantage in
>understanding what kids are thinking and feeling. It's better if you can
remember being
>eight instead of just trusting that you must have been, and having a photo,
>but no real memories.
>Sandra

You know, I never thought about this.

I have almost no memories of elementary school age and younger. My parents
split when I was in fifth grade, and I remember that. I remember the places
we lived before that and the people who lived near, but not much more.

Part of it, I feel, is that I had no sibs then, to back up my memories. I
didn't get sibs until my mom remarried and had my first brother when I was
19. (At 36 I have 17 and 14 year old brothers (mom's) and an almost 12 year
old sister (dad's))

But I also just don't remember much of anything before the day my folks
brought me in and said Dad was moving out. Oh, and my mom swears I actually
helped my dad move into his bachelor pad. Uhm, ok Mom, I beleive you
but....NOTHING!!!

So that's what, no real memories from before age 10? My husband talks about
remembering Kindergarten and earlier. Nope, not me.

I wonder how much of that has to do with not being able to get into the head
of my 7 year old sometimes. Weird, I just never put the two together.
Have to really think about this.

Gee, thanks Sandra! -grin-

Kelly

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In a message dated 7/24/03 11:54:12 AM, mina@... writes:

<< Gee, thanks Sandra! -grin- >>

Uh, yeah.

Sorry.

**eeep***

Honestly, it probably WILL help, but that's one reason people shut down early
memories (or their brains just do it for them) in SOME cases (probably not
all)--they just don't want to get into it with themselves. Some people don't
collect memories and that's not terrible. Some people aren't mental
packrats. I am. Holly is. She remembers all kinds of useless information.

Maybe in a way you "handled the divorce well" by closing down earlier
memories so you didn't have to have regrets. Maybe your parents used to fight, or
you didn't want to look back to see clues to the divorce coming, or maybe it was
just really happy and you didn't want to have to pine for that. (TOTALLY
guessing, but one germ of it might help.)


Sandra

Kelly Lenhart

<< Gee, thanks Sandra! -grin- >>

>Uh, yeah.
>Sorry.
>**eeep***

-big grin- No, really, it's ok. I don't have "bad feelings" about it, just
missing stuff. It's odd, because in MANY ways, I AM a mental packrat. I
think it helps me be a better writer.

>Maybe in a way you "handled the divorce well" by closing down earlier
>memories so you didn't have to have regrets. Maybe your parents used to
fight, or
>you didn't want to look back to see clues to the divorce coming, or maybe
it was
>just really happy and you didn't want to have to pine for that. (TOTALLY
>guessing, but one germ of it might help.)

So far as I know, my parents never faught much in front of me. I have one
image of being not allowed in their bedroom when the were talking and my mom
sounding REALLY upset. But although I associate that with "the talk" about
them seperating, the reality is that memory isn't connected in time to
ANYTHING.

Sometimes I think I should talk to my folks about it. I'm sure my mom would
answer me and be honest, but I'm not so sure about my dad. Oh, he'd be
honest, but I'm not sure he'd answer me. -smile- Not a big "analyzer."

I do look at my little brothers and sisters and wonder at their lives. Very
stable. None of them remembers living in more than two houses. I'm not
sure my sister even really remembers living in New York, before they moved
back to Florida. And my brothers have lived in the same town their whole
lives. Very different from the constant moving and grad school parents that
I experienced. Weird.

Kelly
(hmm, with much to think about.)

Alan & Brenda Leonard

7/24/03 19:53:

> I wonder how much of that has to do with not being able to get into the head
> of my 7 year old sometimes. Weird, I just never put the two together.
> Have to really think about this.

Interesting thought. I have memories of elementary school, but very, very
few. I've always thought that perhaps my trouble getting into the head of
my almost-seven year old is that I was never a little boy, and he's just
really different than I was as a little girl. I was pretty girly; dolls,
barbies, and all that. Not that you'd know that now, necessarily, although
Sandra gave me a bunch of flak when I was there about my pink tee shirts...!

brenda
hanging out at Mom's and back to wearing black. family tends to inspire
that...

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In a message dated 7/24/03 3:39:36 PM, abtleo@... writes:

<< Sandra gave me a bunch of flak when I was there about my pink tee
shirts...! >>

Just one comment per shirt.
SHEESH! "bunch of flak"

<<hanging out at Mom's and back to wearing black. >>

I learned this about Brenda: She's been a professional classical musician
since she was a teenager. She SHOULD have a bunch of black clothes. Black
formal gowns. Black turtle necks and black wool pants. Black. Not pink.

Sandra, who pretty much wears jeans and tie-dye and so should shush up about
fashion