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fetteroll@... writes:

<<Yes. I honestly don't think it's something he can be conscious of unless
there were some huge reason that would make it more important than what is
important to his 9 yo self. >>

That's true. He was much more excited about getting downstairs with
those walkie talkies. And, the kitty didn't get out, so, no harm done.


> What about some automatic closer for the door? If money's tight, what about
> designing something with a weight and pulley?
>
> Joyce
>

The hubby's plan is to put a spring on. I'll tell him about what happened,
and remind him. Costs a few bucks, he says.

~Aimee


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In a message dated 7/21/03 4:34:38 PM Eastern Daylight Time, AimeeL73@...
writes:

> What kinds of things can I do, not coercive, but to help him, make better
> decisions on his own. He feels badly after things like this, and I don't
> think
> that guilt is helping him make better decisions.

I have two boys 6 and 9. I know that when they get out of the car they are
always so excited about whatever it is we are doing that they never look for
traffic. So I always remind them. I always say "watch the traffic" just before
they get out. I would do the same with the door and I do. The basement door
goes out by the pool and they are usually so excited about going swimming
that they never shut the door, sometimes Jackson is last so he will close it but
usually it is one of the boys. I always say "shut the door please." just as
they are heading down the stairs. There are things they remember to do and
things that they never remember. I try to always remind them. And I don't make
a big deal about it if they do leave the door open. When we had cats, if they
got out we would all go out and track them down. Doesn't matter whose fault
it was.

How would you react if it were your dh or a friend who had left the door
open? You probably would have thought that they were thinking about other things.
You would probably shut the door, maybe a little reminder, probably not.
And wouldn't have thought any more about it.

Not sure if I made sense but I don't worry about them remembering things.
They will eventually. Then again Jackson, dh, forgets things too and so do I.
Just try to remember he didn't do it on purpose. He wasn't trying to let the
cats out. Just had his mind on more important things.

Pam G.


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genant2@... writes:
> How would you react if it were your dh or a friend who had left the door
> open? You probably would have thought that they were thinking about other
> things.
> You would probably shut the door, maybe a little reminder, probably not.
> And wouldn't have thought any more about it.

Yah, well, an adult I would have been mad at. ;-) Alex, I wasn't mad at
him, I was disappointed, but I understand, he was just busy thinking of other
things.

I was spaced out on the puter, it was my fault, I usually walk them out, or
say bye to him, or remind him to stay close to home, or some other thing, and I
didn't.

~Aimee


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mummy124@... writes:
> They both play chess quite well, so the
> thinking ahead is very much there. But they forget things a lot too.

Ya know, thank you for that, he kicks my ass at checkers all the time,
obviously he thinks ahead just fine! lol It's just that it doesn't occur to him in
other situations, but I'm reminded that he's capable of it, makes me feel
better.

~Aimee


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In a message dated 7/21/03 5:35:42 PM Eastern Daylight Time, AimeeL73@...
writes:

> I was spaced out on the puter, it was my fault,

Try not to feel guilty about it either. It was something that happened.
Live and Learn (wow where did that come from LOL ). If the cats got out it
really doesn't matter who did it they would have to be chased down ( I hate trying
to get a cat back LOL). And the family would have tried to come up with a
better plan. A sign on the door "shut me". Or the spring like you said.
Pam G.


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In a message dated 21/07/2003 16:31:22 Pacific Daylight Time,
ddzimlew@... writes:


>
> Just love him and think about how young nine really is. Patient
> reminders and help about important things will do wonders. Thinking how
> cool it would be to be nine again and not have all that responsibility
> about family members and critters and laundry and bills might stir some
> sweet feelings in you when you're most frustrated at being the one who
> has to remember everything for everyone. <g>
>
> Deb L
>

Once again Deb, you have captivated me with one of your posts. How do you do
this? I will be saving this for my husband, who thinks my seven year old
should be doing way more than he is capable of. Thank you Thank you Thank you
!!!!!!!!
Nancy in BC, waving the Deb flag again


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freeform@... writes:

<<- and usually I'm yelling something like,
"Think! Why don't you *think* before you do things?!?" >>

See, this has come out of my mouth, and I hate it. It doesn't help a bit,
but it's coming from my frustration, and I want to nip that in the bud right
now!

> What I try to do (and I don't think yelling is a good thing to do, and I
> do apologize when I do it) is to remember these things myself, and to try
> to set up the situation so she will make the better choice.
>
> <<

Well, like Mary said ( ?), sometimes they are just not listening, lol,
but...I try to do this, and the repetition is what works, I know that.

It's just that I guess I tend to notice the one time I don't say something,
and things go awry. I'm gonna try and focus on the times that he does think
things thru, and makes the right decisions.

~Aimee



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ddzimlew@... writes:
> Do you have littler kids too? Sometimes when a mom has little kids and
> looks at that nine year old he looks really big and ready for
> responsibility. >>


No smaller kids, just him.

>
> Sometimes even when there are no younger kids it's hard to remember that
> bright, witty, cleaver person is "only" nine, and nine is still so young.


Yah, he is really big for his age. I've just spent the weekend hearing about
it from numerous people, how mature he is, how he sounds and looks older than
he is. Maybe that's had an influence on my expectations for him.

<<Right now the running commentary in his head isn't
about taking care of things around the house and meeting other peoples
needs and being responsible. >>

I am very careful not to put other's needs onto him, nor do I ask him
to do much around the house, and never anything he doesn't want to do, he's
usually most agreeable. But I'm concerned, I guess, just about his own growing
sense of responsiblity and power.

I don't need to be giving him that much responsibility in the first
place, tho, and walking him out, or at least just checking when I know he's
gone out, is not that big of a deal, and lets him be freer, and makes me feel
better.

<<I think it's pretty cool that kids can be kids and not have bigger
worries that household or family stuff might suffer if he's not on top of
things. I think it's a credit to his parents that he's still idealistic
at nine and taking for granted his parents are managing things he doesn't
need to worry about. >>

*sigh* That makes me feel better, I suppose I have to *finish* getting rid
of that broken record that my parents played all the time, "you must be
responsible, blah blah blah." And I remember thinking, aren't they the parents,
aren't they the ones supposed to be responsible?

Um, yeah.

~Aimee


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pamsoroosh@... writes:
> Chit-chat about why things happened the way the did. Predict in advance
> how things will turn out and then talk about why your prediction was
> accurate or not.
>


Hmm, that's probably a quick road to an instantly bored kid! lol

<<There is a fun game to play that sort of emphasizes thinking ahead - >>

*That* he would have fun with!

Thanks~Aimee


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Pamela Sorooshian

On Tuesday, July 22, 2003, at 12:42 PM, AimeeL73@... wrote:

> pamsoroosh@... writes:
>> Chit-chat about why things happened the way the did. Predict in
>> advance
>> how things will turn out and then talk about why your prediction was
>> accurate or not.
>>
>
>
> Hmm, that's probably a quick road to an instantly bored kid! lol
>

Well - when I said "chit-chat" i meant do it in a little brief chatty
way - just in passing - that isn't boring. Maybe a goofy way? Take on a
persona and fool around with that? Whatever. The idea is to find a way
to talk about it that isn't boring.

That reminds me of when my kids were little and I used to pretend to be
my horrid twin sister - The Inspector - who would stomp around the
house with an evil look on her face and shout, "WHAT little girl left
her bed unmade?" It was all in fun, they giggled - were just a smidgen
scared - in a delightfully safe kind of way. And they'd rush ahead of
me to clean up in front of me - we all knew it was just a fun way to
get the house picked up - but they loved it.

-pam

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In a message dated 7/22/03 4:33:39 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
pamsoroosh@... writes:

> That reminds me of when my kids were little and I used to pretend to be
> my horrid twin sister - The Inspector - who would stomp around the
> house with an evil look on her face and shout, "WHAT little girl left
> her bed unmade?" It was all in fun, they giggled - were just a smidgen
> scared - in a delightfully safe kind of way. And they'd rush ahead of
> me to clean up in front of me - we all knew it was just a fun way to
> get the house picked up - but they loved it.
>
> -pam
>

That reminds me of my Mother hiding behind doors and jumping out making her
"Witchy face".. sometimes she even brandished a butcher knife! We absolutely
loved it! Like going to a horror movie, you know its not real, and
therefore it's thrilling to be scared.

Teresa


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pamsoroosh@... writes:
> >Hmm, that's probably a quick road to an instantly bored kid! lol
> >
>
> Well - when I said "chit-chat" i meant do it in a little brief chatty
> way - just in passing - that isn't boring. Maybe a goofy way? Take on a
> persona and fool around with that? Whatever. The idea is to find a way
> to talk about it that isn't boring.
>


Yah, I understood, it's just he has such a nose for sniffing out an agenda!
He does respond very well to humor, tho.

~Aim



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