pink lantern

Hello,

I have a question about children's tempers. How do you all deal with your children's tempers? My child had quite a short fuse and I may be wrong, but it appears like he over-reacts to things that not worth getting so upset over. An example of this would be playstation games. He gets so frustrated that he yells at the screen, throws things. I'm baffled.

I would like suggestions on how to handle such things. This also occurs when I ask him to help with certain things or activities. Anger is fine, but throwing things or knocking things over in fury is a bit much for me and not a very constructive way to deal with anger. I'm fairly laid back, and thought I'd ask for input on this as I don't feel this is a learned behavior, but just one of his personality traits I would guess???

Jeva

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 7/15/03 2:19:59 PM, pinklantern@... writes:

<< An example of this would be playstation games. He gets so frustrated that
he yells at the screen, throws things. I'm baffled.
>>

Kirby used to be that way.

I know of three things that helped, and there might be many more that helped
of which I'm not aware (or didn't make the top three).

We helped him "learn to breathe"--to calm down by deep breathing when he felt
frustration rise.

He started learning karate when he was nine. He still goes. It's good in
lots of ways for that.

He outgrew it, but it's hard to say "outgrew" with the other factors. I
don't think kids will keep the frustration for a lifetime if the parents are
supportive and patient.

Sandra

Mary

We have dealt with this somewhat here with Joseph. Sierra too but her's
wasn't anger. It was more her just getting upset about something and
crying.....a lot. For her, it helped to let her cry and be alone and calm
down some. Nothing we did would help right away. After a while, I would hold
her and tell her to breath. She would then calm down some more. Talking at
that time didn't help at all. I would only be able to talk to her about what
happened long after she was calm.

With Joseph, he would get angry. Real angry over things, like you said, that
didn't seem to be a big deal. What really helped me help him, was to see
that it *was* a problem for him. It helped for me to try and understand what
he was feeling. To really understand that for him to get that upset, it was
a very big deal to him. So once I looked at it that way, I was able to talk
to him about what he felt and why and how we could both figure something out
so that he could handle it better when it happened again. Talking a lot to
Joseph, and empathizing with him about how he felt helped him to manage it
better. He seemed to take some comfort in me just trying tounderstand. I'm
sure his getting older was a key too. It took a lot of patience and
understanding and talking on our part first though in order for him to take
care of what he was feeling.

Mary B

The Clifton's

We have used a system called The Alert Program for Self Regulation. If you
google all those words you will easily find it. It is from a book called How
does your Engine Run? We actually became aware of this through an
Occupational Therapist. It has worked well for us.

Dina



> I have a question about children's tempers. How do you all deal with your
children's tempers? My child had quite a short fuse and I may be wrong, but
it appears like he over-reacts to things that not worth getting so upset
over. An example of this would be playstation games. He gets so frustrated
that he yells at the screen, throws things. I'm baffled.
>
> I would like suggestions on how to handle such things. This also occurs
when I ask him to help with certain things or activities. Anger is fine, but
throwing things or knocking things over in fury is a bit much for me and not
a very constructive way to deal with anger. I'm fairly laid back, and
thought I'd ask for input on this as I don't feel this is a learned
behavior, but just one of his personality traits I would guess???
>
> Jeva

Kathie Kazlauskas

<<An example of this would be playstation games. He gets so frustrated
that he yells at the screen, throws things>>

Hi, I’m new to the group but this one really caught my attention, my 6
year old is like that especially with his PS2 games… he gets so upset
that you can just hear him yelling and literally crying at the screen….
Anyhow what worked for us…. I took him aside and told him it was only a
game and he could keep trying and then I told him that when he felt that
way about a game he needed to pause it, put the controller down, and
take 10 deep breaths… then go back to the game, he’s been doing it ever
since and it’s worked…

Just my 2 cents..
Kathie
Or


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jeva

Thank you! I don't feel so alone now. Not to mention worrying I might
be doing something wrong.

Jeva

--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
>
> In a message dated 7/15/03 2:19:59 PM, pinklantern@e... writes:
>
> << An example of this would be playstation games. He gets so
frustrated that
> he yells at the screen, throws things. I'm baffled.
> >>
>
> Kirby used to be that way.
>
> I know of three things that helped, and there might be many more
that helped
> of which I'm not aware (or didn't make the top three).
>
> We helped him "learn to breathe"--to calm down by deep breathing
when he felt
> frustration rise.
>
> He started learning karate when he was nine. He still goes. It's
good in
> lots of ways for that.
>
> He outgrew it, but it's hard to say "outgrew" with the other
factors. I
> don't think kids will keep the frustration for a lifetime if the
parents are
> supportive and patient.
>
> Sandra

jeva

Hi,

I did something similar to this last night with Max. Today was much
better. We talked about anger, frustration, and dealing with it. He
gets so uptight that I'm afraid he's going to break the controller or
something else. So it's something we'll continue to work on.

Jeva

--- In [email protected], "Kathie Kazlauskas"
<igoddess@p...> wrote:
> <<An example of this would be playstation games. He gets so
frustrated
> that he yells at the screen, throws things>>
>
> Hi, I'm new to the group but this one really caught my
attention, my 6
> year old is like that especially with his PS2 games… he gets so
upset
> that you can just hear him yelling and literally crying at the
screen….
> Anyhow what worked for us…. I took him aside and told him it was
only a
> game and he could keep trying and then I told him that when he felt
that
> way about a game he needed to pause it, put the controller down,
and
> take 10 deep breaths… then go back to the game, he's been doing
it ever
> since and it's worked…
>
> Just my 2 cents..
> Kathie
> Or
>
>
> ---
> Incoming mail is certified Virus Free.
> Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
> Version: 6.0.495 / Virus Database: 294 - Release Date: 6/30/2003
>
>
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> Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
> Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
> Version: 6.0.495 / Virus Database: 294 - Release Date: 6/30/2003

jeva

Hi,

Thank you for replying. With Max, we discussed this quite a bit last
night. I also mentioned to him a relative that we have who is a real
King Baby and as an adult throws tantrums. Max and I have discussed
how silly this person looks, and refuse to go to holiday family
gatherings or dinners if he's there since you can bet he'll make some
dramatic move. We discussed this person's angry tantrums, as we have
in the past, and how silly this man looks acting this way.

I don't think Max realized until I mentioned this person how he
appeared to others who witness his extreme anger. So this was good.
Hopefully by our plan. like your's, to have a time out to become
centered again we will work through this. It's only a game. Today was
a lot better!

Jeva
--- In [email protected], "Mary" <mummy124@b...>
wrote:
> We have dealt with this somewhat here with Joseph. Sierra too but
her's
> wasn't anger. It was more her just getting upset about something and
> crying.....a lot. For her, it helped to let her cry and be alone
and calm
> down some. Nothing we did would help right away. After a while, I
would hold
> her and tell her to breath. She would then calm down some more.
Talking at
> that time didn't help at all. I would only be able to talk to her
about what
> happened long after she was calm.
>
> With Joseph, he would get angry. Real angry over things, like you
said, that
> didn't seem to be a big deal. What really helped me help him, was
to see
> that it *was* a problem for him. It helped for me to try and
understand what
> he was feeling. To really understand that for him to get that
upset, it was
> a very big deal to him. So once I looked at it that way, I was able
to talk
> to him about what he felt and why and how we could both figure
something out
> so that he could handle it better when it happened again. Talking a
lot to
> Joseph, and empathizing with him about how he felt helped him to
manage it
> better. He seemed to take some comfort in me just trying
tounderstand. I'm
> sure his getting older was a key too. It took a lot of patience and
> understanding and talking on our part first though in order for him
to take
> care of what he was feeling.
>
> Mary B

jeva

Hi,

Thank you for replying. With Max, we discussed this quite a bit last
night. I also mentioned to him a relative that we have who is a real
King Baby and as an adult throws tantrums. Max and I have discussed
how silly this person looks, and refuse to go to holiday family
gatherings or dinners if he's there since you can bet he'll make some
dramatic move. We discussed this person's angry tantrums, as we have
in the past, and how silly this man looks acting this way.

I don't think Max realized until I mentioned this person how he
appeared to others who witness his extreme anger. So this was good.
Hopefully by our plan. like your's, to have a time out to become
centered again we will work through this. It's only a game. Today was
a lot better!

Jeva
--- In [email protected], "Mary" <mummy124@b...>
wrote:
> We have dealt with this somewhat here with Joseph. Sierra too but
her's
> wasn't anger. It was more her just getting upset about something and
> crying.....a lot. For her, it helped to let her cry and be alone
and calm
> down some. Nothing we did would help right away. After a while, I
would hold
> her and tell her to breath. She would then calm down some more.
Talking at
> that time didn't help at all. I would only be able to talk to her
about what
> happened long after she was calm.
>
> With Joseph, he would get angry. Real angry over things, like you
said, that
> didn't seem to be a big deal. What really helped me help him, was
to see
> that it *was* a problem for him. It helped for me to try and
understand what
> he was feeling. To really understand that for him to get that
upset, it was
> a very big deal to him. So once I looked at it that way, I was able
to talk
> to him about what he felt and why and how we could both figure
something out
> so that he could handle it better when it happened again. Talking a
lot to
> Joseph, and empathizing with him about how he felt helped him to
manage it
> better. He seemed to take some comfort in me just trying
tounderstand. I'm
> sure his getting older was a key too. It took a lot of patience and
> understanding and talking on our part first though in order for him
to take
> care of what he was feeling.
>
> Mary B

Heather Lee Lewis

--- pink lantern <pinklantern@...> wrote:
>
> Hello,
>
> I have a question about children's tempers. How do
> you all deal with your children's tempers? My child
> had quite a short fuse and I may be wrong, but it
> appears like he over-reacts to things that not worth
> getting so upset over. An example of this would be
> playstation games. He gets so frustrated that he
> yells at the screen, throws things. I'm baffled.
>
My 6 year old son is like this. He gets easily
overstimulated. He's been really bad this last couple
of months and we realized that we had been letting him
watch too much tv and play way too many video games.
He cannot handle the stuff. We bought him a new
sprinkler and gave him a haircut (I'm not sure what it
is about my kids but haircuts always give them a
boost) and he is doing much better. He really has got
to get out his energy or he hits and screams alot.

I am the same way, so I totally understand. If I
don't get out I can't sleep at night and feel really
angry. I'm sure it's got something to do with
personality. I'm pretty laid back, just high energy
and I can't stop thinking about stuff =)

Does that help?
Heather

=====
How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these."

*****George Washington Carver

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Sarah K. Groseclose

When my Amanda (12 1/2) gets over-frustrated and angry, she resorts to
yelling and crying. I have tried all kinds of things, but what works for
her is for me to come over and sit next to her and say very calmly, "It
sounds like you are frustrated/angry/upset. What happened? Can you tell
me?" Then I let her vent and explain what happened. Often times, it is her
not being able to get a bead set straight in her beadwork, or something not
cooking properly. If she cannot tell me right then in the midst of it, I
will sit with her a while to help her feel comforted. Then she will be able
to tell me. I try to see things from her perspective and that helps me to
understand why she is so upset. We go through this fairly often. Amanda
has Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD so she is not emotionally at her age level.
Peace,
Sarah
Homeschooling mama to Amanda, 12 1/2 and Ashleigh, 12 1/2

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

pink lantern

Yes it does help Heather, thanks! I can't handle that stuff either or
extreme violence. I will have nightmares. I'm just too sensitive. So yes,
perhaps it's having a negative effect on Max. He's building a wood model
tonight and is MUCH calmer. I'll encourage more of this. Perhaps encourage
other things besides so much PS2.

Thank you!
Jeva

> Message: 5
> Date: Tue, 15 Jul 2003 19:19:57 -0700 (PDT)
> From: Heather Lee Lewis <ojaimommie@...>
> Subject: Re: Children's tempers
> My 6 year old son is like this. He gets easily
> overstimulated. > I am the same way, so I totally understand. If I
> don't get out I can't sleep at night and feel really
> angry. I'm sure it's got something to do with
> personality. I'm pretty laid back, just high energy
> and I can't stop thinking about stuff =)
>
> Does that help?
> Heather

Kelli Traaseth

I've been wanting to respond to this thread.

As we've said we don't always know how things are being handled in other
people's homes. Maybe people are doing more than they are saying. That
being said,,,,

I hate to hear that people are cutting off something from their children
that could really be a passion for them.

My son's is video games, puzzles and such. And yes, he does get upset
sometimes with the games, but then we stop for a little and talk about how
to deal with those feelings. We are learning all the time about how to do
this.

You all might be doing that, you might not be. But if we just remove our
children from those situations and not help them to work through it? How
are they going to learn?

Every person gets energy in different ways, my son gets it from video
games, I don't. I love being outside, he doesn't. But I will not tell him
that he can't play them. Or try and stear him away from it. I want him to
know himself.

I will continue to talk with him and encourage him in what he likes. Do
those things with him.

If I say, "OK, its time to go out and do this now...." it's not
benefitting anyone and its not allowing unschooling to unfold in a way that
can be amazing.

Kelli~
----- Original Message -----
From: "pink lantern" <pinklantern@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, July 16, 2003 10:53 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-Discussion] Re: Children's tempers


> Yes it does help Heather, thanks! I can't handle that stuff either or
> extreme violence. I will have nightmares. I'm just too sensitive. So yes,
> perhaps it's having a negative effect on Max. He's building a wood model
> tonight and is MUCH calmer. I'll encourage more of this. Perhaps
encourage
> other things besides so much PS2.
>
> Thank you!
> Jeva
>
> > Message: 5
> > Date: Tue, 15 Jul 2003 19:19:57 -0700 (PDT)
> > From: Heather Lee Lewis <ojaimommie@...>
> > Subject: Re: Children's tempers
> > My 6 year old son is like this. He gets easily
> > overstimulated. > I am the same way, so I totally understand. If I
> > don't get out I can't sleep at night and feel really
> > angry. I'm sure it's got something to do with
> > personality. I'm pretty laid back, just high energy
> > and I can't stop thinking about stuff =)
> >
> > Does that help?
> > Heather
>
>
>