Mary

Do you unschool sex education just the same as you do other subjects? Has there or would there come a time when you feel like the child hasn't shown an interest in sex and you think it's time for them to know some things?

Mary B


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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In a message dated 6/28/03 12:12:20 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
mummy124@... writes:

> Do you unschool sex education just the same as you do other subjects? Has
> there or would there come a time when you feel like the child hasn't shown an
> interest in sex and you think it's time for them to know some things

I guess for us we don't unschool subjects. It is just life. My boys have
seen animals mating on TV and here at the house. They haven't asked any
questions specifically about sex but they are young (6 and 8). I imagine, for us, it
will be like anything else. If they have questions they will ask. Movies
etc. can be good jumping off points for conversations about sex, birth control,
STDs etc. Nothing is off limits to talk about. My oldest (8 yo) asked what
tampons were for so we had a conversation about that.

Like I said my boys are young so maybe someone with an older child could
offer more insight

Pam G.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

<<<<<<<In a message dated 6/28/2003 12:12:20 PM Eastern Standard Time,
mummy124@... writes:
Do you unschool sex education just the same as you do other subjects? Has
there or would there come a time when you feel like the child hasn't shown an
interest in sex and you think it's time for them to know some things?

Mary B>>>>
I think maybe it might depend on the child or family but for us its all
natural discussions. We watch movies and the topic comes up. Our young pup has
urges those get discussed. People we know have babies. We had one last year that
struck up lots of conversations. Our son wants to see Matrix Reloaded I am told
there may be a few graphic scenes we discussed that.
One time last year we went into the WIC office and my son picked up a condom
out of a bowl and said he wanted one.(thought it was candy) He knew what they
where but had never seen the packaging. He was sitting with me and the girl in
the office began to bring in a wooden display and he flipped out and ran out
of the office. I would not have explained it that way. He knew what they where
for and didn't need a wooden penis to be shown. I was uncomfortable myself.
He knows what and how but just didn't need a class on it then and not in that
way.
I for one am happy that he doesn't need to sit through a sex Ed class in
school. The environment in those classes where stressful for me in school I could
not understand why they needed to teach that in such a setting.

Laura D




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 6/28/03 10:12:21 AM, mummy124@... writes:

<< Do you unschool sex education just the same as you do other subjects? Has
there or would there come a time when you feel like the child hasn't shown an
interest in sex and you think it's time for them to know some things? >>

Just like with other subjects, there can come a time when I think they didn't
know such things existed, and it gets worked into conversation.

My kids are talkative and ask a lot of questions. But even without that, as
life unfolded I made comments on things around us. Divorce. Miscarriage.
Disease. What the condoms were, at the drug store, when they're in the "What's
that?" stage. Lots of their exposure to the ideas and topics came from comedy
routines and movie situations.

As the whole world is going by, sex is part of it.

As my boys got into puberty I talked to them a little more specifically,
partly in commentary about slightly older friends and their relationships, and
what a shame it would be if one got pregnant, or if this other one compromised
her beliefs to keep a boyfriend, and what kind of guy he would be if he pressed
her to do so.

Conversational, mostly.

Sandra

Mary

From: <genant2@...>

<<I guess for us we don't unschool subjects. It is just life. My boys have
seen animals mating on TV and here at the house.>>


Yes I understand what you mean I just didn't know how else to put it. I'm
just wondering that if the child doesn't ask but maybe for some real general
stuff, when does the time come when a parent thinks they should volunteer
info that they feel the child should have at that age? With puberty coming
and menstruation and wet dreams, should one know ahead of time or just wait
until things happen. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the second of the
two.

Mary B

[email protected]

In a message dated 6/28/03 10:43:45 AM, HMSL2@... writes:

<< He knew what they where
for and didn't need a wooden penis to be shown. >>

I want to see the wooden penis. <g>

I was always amused at the idea of using the end of a broomstick to
demonstrate how to pull the condom down. I guess that would make all the guys feel
REALLY BIG whereas a banana might not necessarily do the same for all boys. <g>

I did the sex ed one year for 7th graders. The kids ended up being more
mature and more comfortable in mixed groups than in same-sex groups. Two other
teachers were totally unable to do their part in this all-school sex ed blitz we
had, so I traded out for the kids of the 64 year old woman and the
all-girls'-Catholic-through-college woman, and by the end of those three batches of kids
(theirs, five classes each, and my five classes) I was really enjoying it. I
considered switching to being a travelling sex ed teacher.

The way I handled it was kids wrote questions on matching pieces of paper and
passed them up and that way nobody had to stick a hand up and be embarrassed.
Lots of their questions were of a biological and genetic nature. We talked
about zygotes and twins and recessive traits. I told them about having an
uncircumcised boyfriend whose first time hurt a little, and there was a bit of
blood, so they shouldn't freak if they were or were with an uncircumcised guy
the first time. That's not anything I had ever read ANYwhere before that,
because all the boys my age I had ever known, and all my relatives, were
circumcised, if not as babies, as boys.

Unschooling's WAY easier than talking to a classroom of 12 year olds, though
I kinda liked that too.

When I was in school all they told the girls about was menstruation and
dating.
I heard they told the boys about disease and pregnancy and wetdreams.

Kinda limited, as the vastness of the information goes.

Sandra

Mary

From: <SandraDodd@...>

<<Just like with other subjects, there can come a time when I think they
didn't
know such things existed, and it gets worked into conversation.>>


Yeah that's what I was wondering. Did you work it into the conversation
based on the maturity of your children, the feel you had for them to know,
the conversation topic or all three?

Mary B

[email protected]

Do you unschool sex education just the same as you do other subjects? Has
there or would there come a time when you feel like the child hasn't shown an
interest in sex and you think it's time for them to know some things?

Mary B


For our family, this discussion began very early and has progressed naturally
as the children grow. The first tidbit I remember handing out was when we
were looking at pictures of my life before children. Hannah piped up, "I wanna
go there too!" "Oh, but you *have* been there ~ you were just an egg, waiting
in line" Not only did this begin the conversation about the creation of
babies, but it added a bit of responsibility for her unborn *potential* babies.
In the course of family bathing, male and female genitalia has been discussed
and compared. They know where men make their *baby seeds* (sperm) and they
know that Hayden doesn't make any yet.
The framework has been set, it gets filled in little by little as we go
along. No books, no curriculum, just real life talks [and a bit of help from
mommy's addiction to the always *irritaining* A Baby Story]

diana,
The wackiest widow westriver...
“Relationships are a prerequisite for producing results beyond ourselves.
They expand our imaginations to infinite possibilities that cannot exist in a
life of isolation." --Brian Koslow


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 6/28/03 12:07:16 PM, mummy124@... writes:

<< Yeah that's what I was wondering. Did you work it into the conversation

based on the maturity of your children, the feel you had for them to know,

the conversation topic or all three? >>

All three or one or two. <g>

Sandra

[email protected]

Oh I replied too quickly :) and found more to reply to :)

Monthly cycle: My kids are very aware of my *moon time* and the supplies I
use to care for myself. I've also worked on my circadian rhythm so my cycle
matches the moon ~ they know my favorite excuse for weapons is *laying an egg*
and it comes right around the *no moon* time.

Condoms: Kids were in the tub and I came in to check on them, discovering
they had found a stash of condoms. I asked what they were doing with them,
Hayden replied (say this quickly with the sounds running together) "makinglove" As
my mind was racing to deal with this, Hannah piped up, "Ya know, like the
doctor wears" makin' GLOVES! OH! hee hee hee ~ whew! I just gave them a
rudimentary explanation of catching the sperm so it doesn't get to the mommy's egg
and they were happy with that. (Those are definitely the moments when I wish for
a male partner to help ~ but since I made it thru foreskin retraction without
help, I'm sure I can guide him to/thru anything!!)

diana,
The wackiest widow westriver...
“Relationships are a prerequisite for producing results beyond ourselves.
They expand our imaginations to infinite possibilities that cannot exist in a
life of isolation." --Brian Koslow


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

<< since I made it thru foreskin retraction without

help, I'm sure I can guide him to/thru anything!! >>

Foreskin retraction isn't necessary nor a great idea. Just throwing this out
as info for others with uncircumcised boys. It doesn't need to be
retracted. It's there for a reason.

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 6/28/2003 2:01:32 PM Eastern Standard Time,
mummy124@... writes:

> <<I have
> seen animals mating on TV and here at the house.>>
>
>
Our kids have witnessed a LOT of mating around here (sheep, chickens, birds,
dogs, cats, cows) and it has been a wonderful way to start conversations about
sex. I think talking about animals is a great approach...it's helped me to
explain an animal's need to keep breeding, how we have some of that "drive" as
humans, and how if they're not careful (boyfriend/girlfriend thing) it can go
too far before they're ready. We've talked a lot about not getting ourselves
in a situation that will be too tempting...and about safe sex.

Plus we don't make sex and naked bodies (in movies, etc) a deep, dark, nasty,
secret thing. We explain how it's natural, just like with animals, and that
it's a good thing (when one is safe and responsible.) To this date, they have
told me (and my kids are very honest with me) only my oldest is not a virgin
and she's 19 and living with someone. The rest (10, 11, 12, 12, 15, 17) swear
they're virgins and get a little indignant when I worry about them.

Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 6/28/2003 2:01:43 PM Eastern Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:

> When I was in school all they told the girls about was menstruation and
> dating.
> I heard they told the boys about disease and pregnancy and wetdreams.
>
> Kinda limited, as the vastness of the information goes.
>
>
LOL...in highschool we had a section on VD, and our teacher (a fat, sweaty,
older icky looking man) made us look at slides and slides and SLIDES of penis'
with chanker sores on them. I think he was getting his jollies or something,
it was complete overkill...yuck

Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

glad2bmadly

***My boys have
seen animals mating on TV and here at the house. They haven't asked any
questions specifically about sex but they are young (6 and 8).****

As I am reading these Sex ed. posts my 6 and 3 yr. old boys are watching the movie "Microcosmos" in which amazing super close- up photography shows animals eating, carrying, metamorphosizing (caterpillar into butterfly)and mating! At one point two snails were shown mating accompanied by opera (pretty incredible sight) and my son asked what they were doing. I said I thought that they were either dancing or making babies. I found myself holding my breath as I waited for the next question and there wasn't one. But I do think they will probably learn through watching animals since they are so fascinated by anything animal. You have to borow or rent this movie! It's amazing.

Madeline



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glad2bmadly

This has been a battle between my MIL and I . She says that sex was painful with her ex husband because of his not being circumcized and wanted all of her children to start pulling back our boys' foreskin from a few months old! I had heard this could cause scar tissue and cause the skin to fuse together so I refused and insisted that she not do it to them if she bathed them. However, even my almost 6 yr. old's foreskin has not loosened on its own (nor with his help) to go back very far and I know at our 6 yr old well ckeck-up with the Dr. in a month it will be advised that we let her do something to help it along. Are you saying that we can just not worry about it for years, or forever?

Madeline

SandraDodd@... wrote:


<< since I made it thru foreskin retraction without

help, I'm sure I can guide him to/thru anything!! >>

Foreskin retraction isn't necessary nor a great idea. Just throwing this out
as info for others with uncircumcised boys. It doesn't need to be
retracted. It's there for a reason.

Sandra

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[email protected]

In a message dated 6/28/03 5:08:20 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
glad2bmadly@... writes:

> ) to go back very far and I know at our 6 yr old well ckeck-up with the
> Dr. in a month it will be advised that we let her do something to help it
> along.

You should google and do some reading, there is a lot of info out there,
prior to going to the doctor. That way you are well informed. And always ask the
doctor why. It is unusual that a boy older than 5 or 6 has a foreskin that
is not retractable, just because they have done it themselves but unless it is
causing pain for him or recurrent infections that are painful, etc., etc. I
can't think of a good reason to have it surgically done. And that would be
painful. Read and listen to your doctor and then make an informed decision. It
may surprise you, the doctor may say "no big deal."

Pam G.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tia Leschke

> This has been a battle between my MIL and I . She says that sex was
painful with her ex husband because of his not being circumcized

Methinks there must have been some other reason. Was he her first? Was he
gentle? I've been married to one of each and noticed no difference.
Tia

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety
deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...

[email protected]

In a message dated 6-28-2003 12:39:38 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
HaHaMommy@... writes:

> for weapons

Though more prone to weapons during this time <bg> I meant *weeping*
diana,
The wackiest widow westriver...
“Relationships are a prerequisite for producing results beyond ourselves.
They expand our imaginations to infinite possibilities that cannot exist in a
life of isolation." --Brian Koslow


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 6-28-2003 1:01:39 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:

> Foreskin retraction isn't necessary nor a great idea. Just throwing this
> out
> as info for others with uncircumcised boys. It doesn't need to be
> retracted. It's there for a reason.
>

I meant the joy of discovering his *own* foreskin retraction ~ happened in
his own hand the very first time when he was 3.5
diana,
The wackiest widow westriver...
“Relationships are a prerequisite for producing results beyond ourselves.
They expand our imaginations to infinite possibilities that cannot exist in a
life of isolation." --Brian Koslow


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 6-28-2003 3:08:41 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
glad2bmadly@... writes:

> Are you saying that we can just not worry about it for years, or forever?
>

Really, really, really it's nothing to worry about!! There are some great
threads on penile care at mothering.com discussion boards ~ check *The case
against circumcision* ~ there are lots of treatments available should he actually
have a problem with retraction, including steroid cream. It's not unheard of
for foreskins to remain attached to the glans until puberty!
hth :)

diana,
The wackiest widow westriver...
“Relationships are a prerequisite for producing results beyond ourselves.
They expand our imaginations to infinite possibilities that cannot exist in a
life of isolation." --Brian Koslow


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 6/28/2003 4:29:26 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
CelticFrau@... writes:
> Our kids have witnessed a LOT of mating around here (sheep, chickens,
> birds,
> dogs, cats, cows) and it has been a wonderful way to start conversations
> about
> sex.

As an aside---there's no need to breed your dog and let her have puppies in
order to have the children witness this! <<<Nancy has a farm.>>> There are
videos, farms, zoos, MANY ways to exposed children to mating habits without
resorting to the "we wanted to show the children....."

~Kelly, soapboxing


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tia Leschke

>> for weapons

>Though more prone to weapons during this time <bg> I meant *weeping*

Glad you cleared that one up. I was gonna ask what you meant.
Tia

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety
deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...

jmcseals SEALS

<<With puberty coming
and menstruation and wet dreams, should one know ahead of time or just wait
until things happen.>>

I can't imagine that a child would hit puberty without sex, menstruation,
wet dreams, erections, and so forth *not* coming up in conversation. I have
known people to avoid the subject like the plague, but I sincerely doubt an
unschooling family would do that. My kids knew about periods and tampons
from a very young age. As a part of life. Mom bleeds and uses tampons.
The kids asking about the tampons naturally led into a conversation about
periods and from that into pregnancy and birth. Once the topic is brought
up initially, it is a lot easier to fit it into conversations naturally.

One would be hard pressed to avoid discussing sex if their children ever
watch the Discovery Channel or PBS. My children (and husband) and I have
had wonderful conversations as a result of watching documentaries. The
topics aren't so personal, so it's easy to use other peope's experiences to
spring off of.

So, to answer your question, YES! Sex education in our home is treated just
like any other topic. We share and discuss things as a natural part of our
days. I can't imagine calling my kids into the living room for "The
Talk". Ick! I was never given any sort of "talk" as a child or teen, but I
can imagine that if I had been, it would have felt odd, uncomfortable and
fishy to me.

My daughter's first infatuation with a boy led to wonderful talks between
the two of us. We discussed some things in depth that we had only touched
on briefly at earlier times, but nothing came out of left field. It was a
teeny bit uncomfortable for her in that now there was a REAL boy and what we
were talking about was much more vivid to her. I can imagine so! LOL

Jennifer...finally moved, mostly unpacked and loving my new house!!

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[email protected]

In a message dated 28/06/2003 15:27:19 Pacific Daylight Time,
HaHaMommy@... writes:


> Though more prone to weapons during this time <bg> I meant *weeping*
> diana,
>

Funny, I completely got the weapons part of that statement!!!!!!
Nancy in BC, no weapons right now, or weeping!


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Julie Solich

>
> Yikes!!!! Leave his poor little guy alone, man. No one but your *son*
> should be trying to retract anything -- ever. Please read this article
> for more info.
> http://mothering.com/10-0-0/html/10-1-0/10-1-protectuncircson103.shtml

> HTH -- TreeGoddess

Thanks for posting this. It's helped me!

Julie
>
>
>
>
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>
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> [email protected]
>
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>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>

jmcseals SEALS

<<Are you saying that we can just not worry about it for years, or
forever?>>

I'm probably a bit late in the game but NEVER EVER retract your son's
foreskin! And, by all means, protect him from anyone who suggest you
should, *including* and especially your/his doctor. I can tell you from
horrid experience that pediatricians no nothing about uncirc'ed boys. Hell,
or circ'ed boys for that matter. Long story. :::sigh:::

The foreskin WILL retract on it's own and unless there is severe infection,
which is highly unlikely anyway, you should leave well enough alone. Some
boys are as old as 9 or more before retraction happens. Usually, they pull
around enough and just plain grow enough for it to happen sooner but it can
be late in some boys.

Assuming you chose not to circ your son because you feel he was born
perfect, as indeed he was, and to avoid unnecessary mutilation of his
genitals, why would you want to force retraction or allow his doctor to? In
essence, and in my opinion, it is simply one small step away from the
surgery itself. Unnecessary, incredibly painful and just downright cruel.

My advice would be to not worry about it forever. Really. So long as he is
healthy, no problem. If he does present a problem, he'll let you know!

Jennifer

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glad2bmadly

Thankyou so much for these links. I have been leaving them alone but my MIL has influenced my DH to encourage the boys to do it regularly, at bathtime. They pull at them plenty on their own. I felt sure they would be fine. I am so gald to have this proof to give to my MIL and to the Dr. to make it easier. I read Mothering. I must have missed that article.

Madeline

"treegoddess@..." <treegoddess@...> wrote:
glad2bmadly wrote:

>However, even my almost 6 yr. old's foreskin has not loosened on its own (nor with his help) to go back very far and I know at our 6 yr old well ckeck-up with the Dr. in a month it will be advised that we let her do something to help it along. Are you saying that we can just not worry about it for years, or forever?
>

Yikes!!!! Leave his poor little guy alone, man. No one but your *son*
should be trying to retract anything -- ever. Please read this article
for more info.
http://mothering.com/10-0-0/html/10-1-0/10-1-protectuncircson103.shtml

This one has good overall info too:
http://mothering.com/10-0-0/html/10-1-0/10-1-circumcision85.shtml

HTH -- TreeGoddess




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In a message dated 6/28/2003 10:14:44 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
jmcseals@... writes:

>
> The foreskin WILL retract on it's own and unless there is severe infection,
> which is highly unlikely anyway, you should leave well enough alone. Some
> boys are as old as 9 or more before retraction happens.

It might never retractfully before they have sex, and that's no problem
whatsoever.

Sandra


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

glad2bmadly

Meknows you are right! My DH, her son, in not circumsized and there are no problems. She is an amazing healer and has changed my life with what she's taught me about health but she definately has some major blind spots. Also, she claims his had a major adhesion problem, so who knows. But I never saw how that was necessarily an inheritable trait. That would skip generations? I am so gald to have some confirmation here that it is O.K. to leave it alone as long as it takes!

-Madeline

Tia Leschke <leschke@...> wrote:
> This has been a battle between my MIL and I . She says that sex was
painful with her ex husband because of his not being circumcized

Methinks there must have been some other reason. Was he her first? Was he
gentle? I've been married to one of each and noticed no difference.
Tia

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety
deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...


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Mary

From: "glad2bmadly" <glad2bmadly@...>

<<As I am reading these Sex ed. posts my 6 and 3 yr. old boys are watching
the movie "Microcosmos" in which amazing super close- up photography shows
animals eating, carrying, metamorphosizing (caterpillar into butterfly)and
mating! At one point two snails were shown mating accompanied by opera
(pretty incredible sight) and my son asked what they were doing. I said I
thought that they were either dancing or making babies. I found myself
holding my breath as I waited for the next question and there wasn't one.
But I do think they will probably learn through watching animals since they
are so fascinated by anything animal. You have to borow or rent this movie!
It's amazing.>>


LOL!!!! That is just too funny. Just now as I was tucking Sierra into bed
tonight, she was telling me about these two snails that her and Joseph saw
that were stuck together. She was asking me what they could be doing. I said
I wasn't sure but probably mating. Which led her to mention the FL lovebugs
we all had flying around us last month and then on cycles where animals have
certain times they mate. She kept asking about these snails and well, I'm
not real up on snail sex!!

Mary B