[email protected]

I know this one keeps coming up. I posted some months ago about being a
compulsive eater and worrying about my son who is 7 years old picking this up from
my habits. I received many helpful suggestions and lots of support. I am
struggling once again, and need to hear from people some more.
We are trying to "defood" ourselves, by that I mean just eating what we want
when we want. We did not go all out and remove all limits at once.I am trying
to ease into it and go slowly, with a change in attitude towards food in
general. I am having some really anxious moments about the choices we are making.
My husband drinks a phenomanal(to me) amount of pop, and now my son wants pop
everyday. That is hard for me to let go of. What does everyone here do? I need
some suggestions.
I am slowly trying to get myself to let go of the emotional attachment to
food and the need to binge on the formerly forbidden foods. Nothing is now
forbidden, but I worry about my children's health. IT is hard to find that balance.
Sorry to revisit this stuff, but in trying to adopt a complete unschooling
lifestyle and philosophy, I need to deal with the food issue as well.I believe
it can work to let go of the control, I just need encouragement!!!!!!!!!!
Nancy, in BC, struggling at the moment, perhaps it is hormonal.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

jmcseals SEALS

The ONLY thing that has worked for me is to change my shopping habits. I
buy fresh fruits and veggies as the bulk of my purchase. I don't believe
cutting out carbs so I buy only whole wheat breads, crackers, pastas, etc.
*If* I buy anything 'less than' I only buy what we will eat in one sitting.
A few days ago, I bought a small bag of cookies. We each had 3 and the bag
was empty. When I buy cokes, er uh, pops (sorry, in Texas they are all
cokes! lol) I only buy enough for each of us to have one. In this respect,
it's nice that my husband is gone so much of the time. He grumbles about
my newly acquired healthy food choices but he has the option of buying junk
food himself when he is out. I ask him to please not bring things like that
home and for the most part, he is happy to oblige.

We are slowly switching to a more raw diet but I also find that only buying
foods that require cooking makes me less tempted to rush in and gobble up
something just because I feel like eating. If I am truly hungry, I tend to
go ahead and cook. If not, I tend to eat fruit or grab a glass of water
instead.

Buying bottled water has been a big help. I tend to go for that now rather
than food or junk drinks. It is convenient and icey cold. Phasing out
juices has been another goal which the bottled water helps with too.

I don't know the number, but in the last month or so I have definitely lost
weight. My clothes are getting loose and I FEEL so much better!

I have struggled as long as I can remember with my weight and eating habits.
Learning more about nutrition and changing my shopping habits has done
wonders for me!

Children and adults who consume too many cokes are at risk for a lot of
problems. Though not all are severe, they have the potential to become so.
I don't have to tell my kids no about cokes if they aren't right there in
the fridge.

My suggestion is to look at your shopping habits and begin there. Fill your
fridge with water and fresh, raw fruits and veggies. Splurge on Ranch and
yogurt to dip them in. Don't buy quick foods, prepackaged foods, etc.
Besides the lure of a quick fix, they aren't nearly as healthy and some are
even harmful.

Jennifer

_________________________________________________________________
Add photos to your e-mail with MSN 8. Get 2 months FREE*.
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/featuredemail


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

Nancy wrote: I am having some really anxious moments about the choices we are making.
My husband drinks a phenomanal(to me) amount of pop, and now my son wants pop
everyday. That is hard for me to let go of. What does everyone here do? I need
some suggestions.

Raine replies: I am very anti-soda. My beloved hubby drinks too much (in my opinion) also. I tell my kids that my restrictions regarding sodas, and that type of thing, are made because I love them, and care about their health.
I also share the reasons behind my decisions. Usually, once I explain why I am opposed to certain things (ie. we avoid dyes in foods because they cause behavioral problems in kids, or we only eat whole grain breads because they clean our colons, or these fruits help make our immune system strong...) they are all for it. They know I am notorious for my research, and when they understand the reason behind my decisions, they actually back them. I love to hear them explaining these things to their friends! And the friends find it a novelty (Yeah, all their food is ORGANIC). lol!Their friends also are enthralled that I make everything from scratch, and they love to help me. I often have several kids in the kitchen while I cook/bake. My niece doesn't find it so endearing, however!
I do allow the occasional soda, as I don't want to be a dictator, but they realize it's a special treat. I follow these same guidelines myself, of course.
Hope this helps!
Shalom,
Raine

**As we live, so we learn.
Yiddish Proverb **

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

Jennifer wrote: I
buy fresh fruits and veggies as the bulk of my purchase. I don't believe
cutting out carbs so I buy only whole wheat breads, crackers, pastas, etc.

Raine replies: I couldn't agree more! Nutrition is a passion of mine, and the number one thing I did for my family is to cut out prepared foods.
Buying everything in its "raw" form has made a big difference for us. A little education, and reading all labels, has made this an easy transition.
Shalom,
Raine

"Let your food be your medicine and let your medicine be your food."

-- Hippocrates

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Andrea

At 02:54 AM 6/18/03 -0400, Nancy wrote:
>I know this one keeps coming up. I posted some months ago about being a
>compulsive eater and worrying about my son who is 7 years old picking this
>up from
>my habits. I received many helpful suggestions and lots of support. I am
>struggling once again, and need to hear from people some more.
>We are trying to "defood" ourselves, by that I mean just eating what we want
>when we want.

Nancy, it has worked wonders for me. I am very grateful to this list for
helping me with defooding. The only way it worked for me, though, was to
truly let go of restrictions on food. Everything was available if I wanted
it. I have a little voice in my head that says, "You can eat anything you
want." After a lifetime of food restrictions this has been so freeing. I
don't know how it will work for you, but I have found that many things lose
their appeal if I am truly allowed to have them. I realized a few days ago
that I was only eating foods because I chose them, not because they were
"good for me" or because I was feeling bad and wanted to stuff myself with
something "bad." I still eat oreos but only a few because that is how many
I want. There was a time when I wouldn't start to eat certain foods because
I knew I couldn't stop.

I raised my sons with few food restrictions and they make varied and
healthy choices everyday. They like many foods and eat none to excess. Now
we have no food restrictions. It was scary at first and some of the choices
and timing of the choices was hard to get used to, but now it is not an issue.

>My husband drinks a phenomanal(to me) amount of pop, and now my son wants pop
>everyday. That is hard for me to let go of. What does everyone here do? I
>need
>some suggestions.

Has your husband always drunk this much pop? It may be hard for your son to
understand the defooding if his dad is emotionally attached to his pop.
Then again, with no restrictions some people may still drink large amounts
of something or other. Again, I think everything has to be available. One
thing I do with my kids and husband is pass on what I learn about nutrition
to them. Nothing major, just things like how fibre helps you poop (had a
problem with that recently) and oranges have vitamin C, and lack of protein
may make you crave sugar.

>I am slowly trying to get myself to let go of the emotional attachment to
>food and the need to binge on the formerly forbidden foods. Nothing is now
>forbidden, but I worry about my children's health. IT is hard to find that
>balance.
>Sorry to revisit this stuff, but in trying to adopt a complete unschooling
>lifestyle and philosophy, I need to deal with the food issue as well.I
>believe
>it can work to let go of the control, I just need encouragement!!!!!!!!!!
>Nancy, in BC, struggling at the moment, perhaps it is hormonal.

After a lifetime of emotional attachment to food it's not surprising you
are struggling. We may struggle all our lives but I hope not. It takes
time. I think,too, it may take a few (or more than a few) binges. There was
someone here last time this was discussed who said she lived on coke and
chocolate for a few months :-).

I want to tell you as well that I am not overweight and have never been as
an adult, but was as a child. I always believed that if I did not control
myself constantly I would gain weight. Turns out it is not true. I gained a
few pounds at first but lost them again. I feel a lot lighter, though :-)

I was surprised at the first two responses you received. I thought maybe I
was reading one of my other lists. Providing healthy food is important;
telling your kids to eat that and only that is harmful, I believe.

Donna Andrea

Nichole Fausey-Khosraviani

Hi Nancy,

I gained a considerable amount of weight the last two years from first going on Depo Provera, and then my business moving out of my house, anxiety, and overeating/under exercising. When we took on unschooling a few months ago, I naturally fell into defooding. Margaux eats whatever she wants to eat, pretty much, but we are now exercising a lot more than we had done.

I joined It Figures, and Margaux has a yard now and a few active friends with whom she runs and plays all day most days. I think the exercise is definitely helping me. It's a little reminder to grab the carrots instead of the crackers, but I know I can still eat the crackers if I want to because I'm working out 6 times a week.

As for the pop, my husband and I both drink a lot of soda. Margaux doesn't drink very much. She prefers skim milk, water, or orange juice. The Tropicana orange juice with Lots 'o Pulp is her favorite and she usually finishes off a half gallon of it within two days. We just get one of those each grocery period so I don't worry about it.

Shahram (my DH) and I drink diet soda, but my friend has been urging me to get off of it. I've noticed that some sodas make us want more than others. For instance, when Shahram and I split a can of Diet Sam's Choice Caffeine free Cola, we want another right away, and perhaps even a third. When we split a can of Diet Lemon Pepsi Twist, we are satisfied with only one. Would your husband be amenable to switching types of soda?

The main thing in staying healthy and maintain or reducing to a healthy weight is daily exercise. Without daily movement, when we are dieting to lose weight, we are losing muscle, and that includes heart muscle. So, make sure to exercise daily for at least 20 minutes. Of course, ask your doctor before beginning any fitness program. ;o)

Hope this helps some.
Nichole

----- Original Message -----
From: LOWRIEK@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, June 18, 2003 12:54 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Help with Defooding Again


I know this one keeps coming up. I posted some months ago about being a
compulsive eater and worrying about my son who is 7 years old picking this up from
my habits. I received many helpful suggestions and lots of support. I am
struggling once again, and need to hear from people some more.
We are trying to "defood" ourselves, by that I mean just eating what we want
when we want. We did not go all out and remove all limits at once.I am trying
to ease into it and go slowly, with a change in attitude towards food in
general. I am having some really anxious moments about the choices we are making.
My husband drinks a phenomanal(to me) amount of pop, and now my son wants pop
everyday. That is hard for me to let go of. What does everyone here do? I need
some suggestions.
I am slowly trying to get myself to let go of the emotional attachment to
food and the need to binge on the formerly forbidden foods. Nothing is now
forbidden, but I worry about my children's health. IT is hard to find that balance.
Sorry to revisit this stuff, but in trying to adopt a complete unschooling
lifestyle and philosophy, I need to deal with the food issue as well.I believe
it can work to let go of the control, I just need encouragement!!!!!!!!!!
Nancy, in BC, struggling at the moment, perhaps it is hormonal.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelli Traaseth

----- Original Message -----
From: "Andrea" <andrea@...>

**There was
> someone here last time this was discussed who said she lived on coke and
> chocolate for a few months :-).**

That was me! :0)

And now,,,I hardly ever eat chocolate and even more rarely drink a Coke.

Growing up for me was, "eat this, don't eat that". Or how about this one,
"Oh, Kelli, you really shouldn't have that." What a way to mold a young
person. I worried all the time about what I was going to eat and whether
or not I'd be fat or unhealthy. Since letting those things go, I've
dropped my extra weight. People used to ask me, "what are you doing,
you've lost weight"! I said, I've just started eating, eating what I
want and listened to my body more. I was letting go of the emotional
baggage around food.

I feel very strongly about allowing our children to develop their own eating
patterns. Sure we talk about this food and that. Like what Donna Andrea
said: the fiber thing, what vitamins are in what foods, stuff like that.
But, by decriminalizing the food there won't be that attraction.

When my oldest was younger, around 8 years ago. I limited and only bought
certain things. When he would have the chance, be at other's houses, he
would choose the "junk foods" and sodas as much as he could. If we only
provide certain types of food in our houses how are they going to know how
to make their own choices? What are they going to do away from home?

In the last year or so, since we've lifted those restrictions he did go
through a phase where he drank several sodas a day. But he will now stop
himself, I'll hear him say, "hmm, I'm thirsty, I'm going to have a Dew,
no, well, maybe just some juice. No, chocolate milk sounds good."
Sometimes he'll just grab a water bottle. I do try to keep water bottles
full and in the refridgerator, much easier to grab than the glass in the
cupboard! <g> Water tastes so good right out of the fridge!

Anyway,,,,

Nancy, keep chuggin' away. You will get through this! Just keep saying
to yourself that they will end up choosing what is good for them. That
might not always be what is good in your eyes. Right now my son is big on
corndogs! I'm not a big meat eater, so this doesn't sound good to me. But
they will figure it out, they'll see how they feel and will want to feel
good. I think you're doing a great thing by allowing them to figure it
out.

Kelli~ going to go make oatmeal w/raisins for herself , yum!

unolist

--- In [email protected], LOWRIEK@a... wrote:
> I know this one keeps coming up. I posted some months ago about
being a
> compulsive eater and worrying about my son who is 7 years old
picking this up from
> my habits. I received many helpful suggestions and lots of support.
I am
> struggling once again, and need to hear from people some more.
> We are trying to "defood" ourselves, by that I mean just eating
what we want
> when we want.

Have you read "The Seven Secrets of Slim People"? That book changed
my life. I have a email list loosely based on that book, and the
whole diets don't work/breaking free from compulsive eating
philosophies. If nothing else, check out the website, I have compiled
some resources that have really helped me get away from the dieting
and forbidden food/bingeing and overeating cycle.

the email list:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UNdieting/

the website/my homepage with some resources:
http://hometown.aol.com/undiets/index.html

my alternate email for that list is undiets @ aol.com(remove spaces)
and that is what i post under.....there are a handful of us, but the
support and conversation is helpful

ang, who was doing well with undieting until I got on Paxil for PPD
and i am finally getting back where i left off

Gypsye

I have one small idea that may be useful. I was oblivious to being a cola addict for
years, and later "improved" by switching to diet. Like petrochems are ever a healthy
choice.
Once I woke up, I stopped all cola type drinks. We keep water always available, but
on the times we want some variety, we drink "club juice", which is half or 2/3rds
seltzer, with enough juice for flavor and color. It gives me the fizz that I seem to miss
more than the "cola lift", and is much less expensive than feeding the juice urge for
our family.

best wishes for your success!
gypsye

Heidi

Not only the health factor, but the budget factor: buying staples and
preparing food from them is much cheaper than buying processed foods
that you only have to heat up. For one thing, you can buy a lot of
your staple foods in bulk and organic (organic wheat, for instance!
what a difference in flavor organic wheat makes, since we grind our
own flour. Even my hubby noticed it, and he doesn't notice stuff like
that.) and bulk is often cheaper.

HeidiC


<rainelovesj@s...> wrote:
> Jennifer wrote: I
> buy fresh fruits and veggies as the bulk of my purchase. I don't
believe
> cutting out carbs so I buy only whole wheat breads, crackers,
pastas, etc.
>
> Raine replies: I couldn't agree more! Nutrition is a passion of
mine, and the number one thing I did for my family is to cut out
prepared foods.

[email protected]

In a message dated 6/18/2003 10:57:22 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
gypsye_kei@... writes:


> I have one small idea that may be useful. I was oblivious to being a cola
> addict for
> years, and later "improved" by switching to diet. Like petrochems are ever
> a healthy
> choice.
> Once I woke up, I stopped all cola type drinks. We keep water always
> available, but
> on the times we want some variety, we drink "club juice", which is half or
> 2/3rds
> seltzer, with enough juice for flavor and color. It gives me the fizz that I
> seem to miss
> more than the "cola lift", and is much less expensive than feeding the juice
> urge for
> our family.
>
> best wishes for your success!
> gypsye

HI, gypsye! I'm surprised to find you here!

She's a local! <g>

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 6/18/03 12:55:33 AM, LOWRIEK@... writes:

<< Sorry to revisit this stuff, but in trying to adopt a complete unschooling
lifestyle and philosophy, I need to deal with the food issue as well. >>

I don't think you have to include food to be completely unschooling, though I
do think that kids can learn about food the same way they can learn about
anything else.

The more worried you are about his choices, seems to me, the less you should
limit or judge those choices. He can't make really honestly free choices
while you're taking in your breath or grimacing or relaxing or smiling or cooing
or whimpering on the side.

Lori Odhner did a workshop at a homeschooling conference once in which she
proved to us VERY quickly that it's not just what parents say or do that
persuades a child. One person would leave the room, and the others would decide what
behavior they wanted that person to perform. One was to walk over to a
bookshelf and take out a certain binder.

The person came in and all the others, only with noises, no hand gestures, no
words, but just the rising approval ooooh! or the disapproval, eh, uh...
kinds of vowel noises, rising and falling voice, within maybe four minutes
that notebook was off that shelf and in her hand.

After another couple of such demos, I asked if we could do one to Lori.
Sure! She left the room, and we decided to get her to sit on the floor right
under the chalkboard and twirl her hair.

She did.

So claiming that we didn't tell them what they could or couldn't eat might be
looked at in that light.

I was grumpy last night because Holly wanted a bowl of beans and cheese when
I had made a fairly elaborate chicken with walnuts and artichokes thing, and
those are all things she likes.

Look at that!! One form of protein over another??! What was I grumpy
about!? <g> (MY personal feelings, that's all.)

It's complicated for such a simple thing, huh?

Sandra

Heidi Wordhouse-Dykema

What Donna Andrea said, and then some!
I was pretty amused when the 'buy healthy food and explain why' suggestions
came across the unschooling list. ...not that they aren't excellent things
to do! It's part of eating! But it's only *part* of eating! The other
part's emotional and that's what it seems like you might be dealing with
right now?

So, definitely buy 'healthy', but buy emotionally healthy! Get what you
crave. Get what calls to you. Get twice as much as you think you *should*
have. Get home and let yourself eat as much as you want, when you want
to. Don't double-guess yourself or limit yourself or shame yourself
(WHAT! The WHOLE BAG of cookies!!! You slob!) No, no, no... Say,
(WHAT? The whole bag of cookies? I'd better go out and get another
bag! They were delicious, delectable!) You've got to make eating okay for
yourself. Once it's okay to eat what and when you want, THEN you'll be
free to try other things, like putting grapes next to the chips or eating
'healthy' (instead of emotionally-healthy-eating)

When you get to feeling like you aren't interested in oreo's anymore, ask
your body how it'd like something different, maybe, a grape? If it wants
grapes, give it grapes! Stock grapes in the cabinet with the chips. Put
grapes on a plate next to the TV armchair. Hang grapes from the
chandelier. Maybe even get exotic and try a starfruit! (grin) Don't eat
the grapes though, if what you really want is the oreos, or as a way to
'allow' yourself the oreos! ONLY eat what your body says it wants! And
eat enough of it!

Everytime you tell yourself/hubby/son that they've got 'too much' of
something (even if it's only by a look or a refusal to get something for
them), you're reinforcing the idea that it's 'limited' or 'wrong'. Stop
adding guilt to your life!

Good luck and Happy Munching!
HeidiWD

[email protected]

In a message dated 18/06/2003 06:50:12 Pacific Daylight Time,
tktraas@... writes:


> Nancy, keep chuggin' away. You will get through this! Just keep saying
> to yourself that they will end up choosing what is good for them. That
> might not always be what is good in your eyes. Right now my son is big on
> corndogs! I'm not a big meat eater, so this doesn't sound good to me. But
> they will figure it out, they'll see how they feel and will want to feel
> good. I think you're doing a great thing by allowing them to figure it
> out.
>

Thanks Kelli, I appreciate this post.It was what I needed to hear.I believe
that this will work, I am just doubting it right now.My son is very intense,
and that carries over into everything he does, including eating.(comes by it
honestly I expect)
It is great to see the changes in other areas of our lives that the
unschooling life has brought us, and I am trying to carry it to all aspects.
Nancy in BC


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 18/06/2003 03:41:48 Pacific Daylight Time,
andrea@... writes:


> raised my sons with few food restrictions and they make varied and
> healthy choices everyday. They like many foods and eat none to excess. Now
> we have no food restrictions. It was scary at first and some of the choices
> and timing of the choices was hard to get used to, but now it is not an
> issue.
>
>

I think I am expecting it to all iron out and work immediately, and that is
just not realistic. When I sit back and look, we have made progress in the
eating area, but I hope to eventually get to where you are. It is funny, because
my Dh does not have any emotional attachment to food, and can take it or leave
it at any time. That is what I hope for my children. He was given few
restrictions when young, and it seems to have worked.Luckily he is supportive of
this. I must try to let go of the pop thing.
Ds drinks buckets of water, we have a delicious well and he is very much in
the habit of choosing water.
Thanks Donna Andrea!!!
Nancy in BC


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 18/06/2003 06:22:02 Pacific Daylight Time,
ms_fausey@... writes:


>
> The main thing in staying healthy and maintain or reducing to a healthy
> weight is daily exercise. Without daily movement, when we are dieting to lose
> weight, we are losing muscle, and that includes heart muscle. So, make sure to
> exercise daily for at least 20 minutes. Of course, ask your doctor before
> beginning any fitness program. ;o)
>

Thanks Nichole,
Ds has learned to ride his bike this spring, and we are out at least once if
not twice a day for long periods of time. I pull the ds in the trailer. WE
live in the country on 2 acres with horses etc., and are VERY active outdoors. I
find without the exercise, we all go a little batty.
My dh has switched to pepsi twist, oddly enough. We try to avoid the diet as
I am suspicious of the sweeteners used. Your ideas are appreciated.
Nancy in BC


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 18/06/2003 08:17:08 Pacific Daylight Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:


>
> The more worried you are about his choices, seems to me, the less you should
>
> limit or judge those choices. He can't make really honestly free choices
> while you're taking in your breath or grimacing or relaxing or smiling or
> cooing
> or whimpering on the side.
>

This paragraph made me smile!!! That is me. I thought I was doing so well,
and now that you mention this stuff, I have gone back to it.I knew I came here
for a reason.
I realize that I don't have to do it all to be unschooling, I just really
strive for the freedom and peace for my family. If I am freaking out in one area,
that ain't gonna happen for me.
Thanks again, Sandra!!
Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 18/06/2003 08:58:30 Pacific Daylight Time,
heidi@... writes:


> So, definitely buy 'healthy', but buy emotionally healthy! Get what you
> crave. Get what calls to you. Get twice as much as you think you *should*
> have. Get home and let yourself eat as much as you want, when you want
> to. Don't double-guess yourself or limit yourself or shame yourself
> (WHAT! The WHOLE BAG of cookies!!! You slob!) No, no, no... Say,
> (WHAT? The whole bag of cookies? I'd better go out and get another
> bag! They were delicious, delectable!) You've got to make eating okay for
> yourself. Once it's okay to eat what and when you want, THEN you'll be
> free to try other things, like putting grapes next to the chips or eating
> 'healthy' (instead of emotionally-healthy-eating)
>

I am so glad to hear from you on this, Heidi WD!!Your post helped so much
last time I was losing it over this.At that time I asked you to come live with me
and look after me, that still stands!!
We do eat healthy, made from scratch foods, some organics as money allows. I
don't see that as a problem. It's those OTHERS. I will get some damn oreos,
and I have been buying the candy and making the baked things when I feel the
need.I think things are getting better, and I am not so uptight about it, just
needed to hear it agian, and didn't feel right writing to just you off list.
YOur posts really worked the last time, so thanks again!!!
Nancy, heaving a sigh of relief in BC
PS, if someone can tell me how to reply to all the posts on one e-mail, I
will do it, I am not sure how to quote each post on one reply??


'


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 6/18/03 10:26:19 AM, LOWRIEK@... writes:

<< PS, if someone can tell me how to reply to all the posts on one e-mail, I
will do it, I am not sure how to quote each post on one reply?? >>

Open a new file on your desktop and cut and paste the stuff into there, write
your responses there, rearrange it so it flows the way you want it to, and
then cut and paste that whole thing into an e-mail message.

Sandra

kayb85

I think that this has been a problem in our family. I struggle with
compulsive eating too. My whole family is "defooding", and have been
for some time. Lifting all food restrictions went smoothly for my
boys, who are younger. It's taking me much longer to learn to self-
regulate and despite my best intentions, I still end up binge-eating
for emotional reasons sometimes. My concern is that I think my
daughter sees me consuming say too much food at a time and she copies
my behavior. She's gained a lot of weight in the last year or so,
and now at her 10th birthday weighs 115 pounds and is wearing women's
small or medium clothing. I've kept my mouth shut and haven't said a
word to her about her weight--I don't think she even thinks of her
weight at all and doesn't realize that it might be a problem. For
her, it's not the food restrictions or lack of that's a problem, it's
the bad habits she sees me modelling.

At this point, should I just keep trying to get myself under control
and hope she copies me and her weight balances out eventually, or
should I do something else?

Sheila

> I know this one keeps coming up. I posted some months ago about
being a
> compulsive eater and worrying about my son who is 7 years old
picking this up from
> my habits.

[email protected]

In a message dated 6/18/03 11:14:39 AM, sheran@... writes:

<< My concern is that I think my

daughter sees me consuming say too much food at a time and she copies

my behavior. >>

Then for HER sake you should not do what you already believe is wrong to do
anyway.

If you think it's really a copy-cat situation and not just a genetic
similarity, your modelling is crucial. If you casually just go for a walk instead of
saying "OH MY!! WE HAVE TO LOSE WEIGHT!" it won't add to the emotional
layers.

Do you kids go back and forth between pudge and tall? Maybe she's about to
get tall!

Sandra

Mary

From: "jmcseals SEALS" <jmcseals@...>

<<My suggestion is to look at your shopping habits and begin there. Fill
your
fridge with water and fresh, raw fruits and veggies. Splurge on Ranch and
yogurt to dip them in. Don't buy quick foods, prepackaged foods, etc.
Besides the lure of a quick fix, they aren't nearly as healthy and some are
even harmful.>>


Fortunately for us, we don't have a problem with our kids eating what we
consider too much of anything. And we also don't have weight problems in the
family or over weight children. But this sounds like very good advice for
those that do or for those that want to switch to a different way of eating.

I have a friend who is concerned with herself, her husband and son. Both
families are overweight to the point of having gastric bypasses. Her son is
large. She started this same way too. By buying gradually healthier foods
and making them readily available and appealing to her son. She will buy
occasional "dessert" type items in small quantities. Her son knows that they
are occasional but that he also can eat what he wants of them. At first he
would finish the whole box or package and now he saves some for later. He's
adjusting himself with what's available to him. She's also finding that he's
making better choices on his own when he's out. It seems to be working for
them and although he is still on the large size, his weight has stabilized
and he seems to find the size that's right for him. He's 8 right now.

Mary B

Nichole Fausey-Khosraviani

----- Original Message -----
From: SandraDodd@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, June 18, 2003 11:35 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] overweight kids

Do you kids go back and forth between pudge and tall? Maybe she's about to
get tall!

Sandra
****************
I've seen this a lot working with Daisy Girl Scouts. They fit their pants just right and then suddenly they need a belt and their ankles are showing.

I agree with you, though, Sandra, about modeling right behavior. My daughter doesn't even remember my being thin until I show her pictures and then she thinks I look so pretty. So, now, I take her to the gym with me. Though she's not allowed on the machines, she sees me doing it 6 days a week, and understands its importance. She knows it's to lose weight, too, though. Thankfully, Margaux doesn't have a weight problem at all. She's just a normal sized girl. Many of her friends are really skinny, though. I don't think Margaux has ever compared her body to her friends'. She's just 6 years old. I hope to be able to keep her from feeling she needs to do that.

Margaux is also a very picky eater, but almost everything she eats is perfectly healthy. She likes candy, but she would rather have some gummy fruit snacks... sometimes she'll want to eat 20 packs of them in a row. I ask her if she feels sick on all that. She always says no, so I don't tell her not to eat it. But I can't/don't buy her 5 boxes a week. She eats them when we have them.

Nichole



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Andrea

At 12:23 PM 6/18/03 -0400, Nancy wrote:
>I will get some damn oreos, and I have been buying the candy and making
>the baked things when I feel the need.I think things are getting better,
>and I am not so uptight about it <snip>

Nancy, they are not "damn" oreos heehee. I can't emphasize enough how
important it was for me to give myself permission to eat anything I wanted,
not just to eat it. To take all value judgments off the food. In fact,
often I didn't even want to eat the food anyway but was just testing
myself. Sometimes I made cookies and ate many, many - and enjoyed it!

I was buying a coffee today after a dentist appointment and I looked at the
donuts while I was waiting. Before I would have had many conflicting
thoughts about the donuts. Today I thought to myself, "Do I want a donut?"
and I thought, "No, I really don't want a donut. In fact I don't really
like donuts from Tim Horton's, I only ate them occasionally because they
were forbidden." Amazing. I can't tell you how amazing. It's what I have
seen with my own children but never thought I would get for myself.

Donna Andrea
p.s. you should join Ang's undieting list :-)

Have A Nice Day!

Today I thought to myself, "Do I want a donut?"
and I thought, "No, I really don't want a donut. In fact I don't really
like donuts from Tim Horton's, I only ate them occasionally because they
were forbidden." <<<<<<

I find too that I'm much more able to put something down simply because it doesn't taste as good as I had hoped. Before this I would eat it anyway, for whatever reason...maybe hoping that it would get better just because it was "forbidden"??

Kristen


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

LOWRIEK@... writes:

<< That is hard for me to let go of. What does everyone here do? I need
some suggestions.
I am slowly trying to get myself to let go of the emotional attachment to
food and the need to binge on the formerly forbidden foods. Nothing is now
forbidden, but I worry about my children's health. >>

I don't know how old your kids are, but if you talk to them about their
health, and what they need to be healthy, like vitamins and calcium and such,
you'll probably go far towards not feeling as anxious ( talking about my concerns
almost always makes me feel better) and you'll feel more confident about your
kids at least knowing what they need to know to make good decisions for
themselves.

Alex knows all about the food pyramid, it's at USDA's website, and he knows
that sweets and oils should be eaten sparingly, and why. Sometimes we still
eat the whole bag of Fritos but he knows why, healthwise, that's not something
we should do everyday!!

I drink a lot of soda and coffee, but I try to remember to drink water to
replace what I lose by drinking caffeinated things. I talked to Alex about this,
and he has limited himself to one can of Coke a day, (although I don't!) and
is aware of the sugar in the Kool-Aid he likes (pouring that big cup of sugar
in the pitcher when he makes it helps).

I try to remember that balance with food doesn't happen every day, I look
over the longer term, a week or a month, to see if he really is not eating
enough veggies or too much sugar. If that's what you end up seeing, talking to
them about your concerns, ask them what they would like to see more of in the
house, take em grocery shopping with you, have them make dinner one nite, plan a
week of menus with their help, that kind of thing.

He loves going to the farmer's market with me in the summer, and we pick out
lots of fresh veggies, and fruits, and he'll even want to try new things when
we do that. I had to learn how to cook eggplant!! lol

~Aimee

Nichole Fausey-Khosraviani

----- Original Message -----
From: AimeeL73@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, June 18, 2003 4:03 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Help with Defooding Again


Alex knows all about the food pyramid, it's at USDA's website, and he knows
that sweets and oils should be eaten sparingly, and why. Sometimes we still
eat the whole bag of Fritos but he knows why, healthwise, that's not something
we should do everyday!!

****************
I find it really interesting that the food pyramid is the same as it is for fattening cattle. My grandparents
certainly did not eat this way, nor did their children. None has weight problems. What one should eat is
very specific to that individual. Perhaps the food pyramid is exactly what works for your body, it certainly doesn't work for everyone's body.

Nichole

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tia Leschke

My concern is that I think my
> daughter sees me consuming say too much food at a time and she copies
> my behavior. She's gained a lot of weight in the last year or so,
> and now at her 10th birthday weighs 115 pounds and is wearing women's
> small or medium clothing. I've kept my mouth shut and haven't said a
> word to her about her weight--I don't think she even thinks of her
> weight at all and doesn't realize that it might be a problem. For
> her, it's not the food restrictions or lack of that's a problem, it's
> the bad habits she sees me modelling.

Be careful nobody else says anything to her. I was a *very* skinny child.
When I was 11, I grew 6 inches and then got my period. I never grew
anymore. A year after that, I went for a checkup, and the doc told me to
lose 20 pounds. Believe it or not, I had gone from a girl's size 14 to a
ladies size 14 without even realizing it. I was very unaware of my own
body. Unfortunately, the weight I was at that time turned out to be my
ideal weight, the one my body would have naturally stayed if I hadn't messed
with it by trying to diet.
Tia

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety
deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...

[email protected]

ms_fausey@... writes:

<< I find it really interesting that the food pyramid is the same as it is
for fattening cattle. >>

LOL, no way!? Well, that's good to know...I guess! *grin*

He wanted to know more about food and what he "should" eat everyday, and
altho I told him that I couldn't really be sure exactly what that is, the gov't
has guidelines. He checked it out. He noticed the big fat sections of veggies
and fruits, and we talked about why those were the biggest sections. (
Vitamins, fiber, etc.)

He knows they're just guidelines, don't worry, I'm not fattening him up for
the slaughter! hee hee

~Aimee

[email protected]

In a message dated 6/19/2003 3:10:22 PM Eastern Standard Time,
AimeeL73@... writes:

> << I find it really interesting that the food pyramid is the same as it is
> for fattening cattle. >>
>
>

Are you talking about the USDA food pyramid, or the revised food pyramid done
by Harvard? The second is MUCH improved..much more specific. Here's a link.


<A HREF="http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/pyramids.html">Food Pyramids: Nutrition Source, Harvard School of Public Health</A>

or

<A HREF="http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/pyramids.html">http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/pyramids.html</A>

(same place)

Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]