just a vent
averyschmidt
I've had a frustrating experience the last couple of days with my
four year old, and I need to talk about it... I hope nobody minds.
My son wanted to sign up for a week of swim camp this week because
his friend was doing it (as well as several cousins), so we visited
and checked it out, and he wanted to give it a try.
This is a very popular local swim school that almost everyone's kids
go to at some point to learn how to swim (or learn how to hate it,
but that's a different topic). My ten year old went when he was
younger and thoroughly enjoyed it, my eight year old tried it for
one day when he was four, hated it, and never went back. My now
four year old (my youngest) actually already knows how to swim since
we have regular access to a pool, but he really wanted to try this
camp anyway, just for fun, and just for one week. (Three hours of
alternating swimming "lessons" and play in a large, attractive, well-
stocked sandbox). The first day he did fine, but the second day he
didn't want to go back. Apparently he had an okay time but didn't
realize how much he'd hate being left there "alone" (parents aren't
allowed to stay). I tried to take him the second day to see if
they'd let me hang around for at least a little while he acclimated,
but they wouldn't let me stay, and he attached himself to me like
glue, refusing to stay without me.
Meanwhile, there are some very young children (like just turned
three it looked like) *totally hysterical* because the camp
counsellors had peeled them off their moms while their moms jumped
in their cars ignoring their crying, so my son was told "it wouldn't
be fair for your mom to stay because then all the other little boys
and girls will want *their* moms." When I made it clear that I'd
made a mistake and my son was leaving with me and wouldn't be
returning I was told what a "shame" it was that I wouldn't let him
adjust and "have fun at camp." They told me that I should at least
make him stay for three days before I "give in." I went through the
same shaming attempts from the director when I spoke to him about
getting a refund.
I just feel really shitty... almost like I have an emotional hang-
over from all the toxic input. My son was the only one out of a
very large group of kids who was actually listened to and taken
seriously, and I was criticized and shamed for it. I'm not feeling
very good about our society right now.
I also know that if I hadn't already had 10 years of attachment
parenting and 5 years of unschooling under my belt I probably would
have caved to the pressure. I feel so bad for all those firstborn
three year olds whose mothers mean well but will be shamed out of
following their instincts at that camp this summer.
The other sad thing is that my son would have had a good experience
if only they let mothers stay as long as the children need them to.
Am I the only one who feels like I'm from another planet sometimes?
Patti
four year old, and I need to talk about it... I hope nobody minds.
My son wanted to sign up for a week of swim camp this week because
his friend was doing it (as well as several cousins), so we visited
and checked it out, and he wanted to give it a try.
This is a very popular local swim school that almost everyone's kids
go to at some point to learn how to swim (or learn how to hate it,
but that's a different topic). My ten year old went when he was
younger and thoroughly enjoyed it, my eight year old tried it for
one day when he was four, hated it, and never went back. My now
four year old (my youngest) actually already knows how to swim since
we have regular access to a pool, but he really wanted to try this
camp anyway, just for fun, and just for one week. (Three hours of
alternating swimming "lessons" and play in a large, attractive, well-
stocked sandbox). The first day he did fine, but the second day he
didn't want to go back. Apparently he had an okay time but didn't
realize how much he'd hate being left there "alone" (parents aren't
allowed to stay). I tried to take him the second day to see if
they'd let me hang around for at least a little while he acclimated,
but they wouldn't let me stay, and he attached himself to me like
glue, refusing to stay without me.
Meanwhile, there are some very young children (like just turned
three it looked like) *totally hysterical* because the camp
counsellors had peeled them off their moms while their moms jumped
in their cars ignoring their crying, so my son was told "it wouldn't
be fair for your mom to stay because then all the other little boys
and girls will want *their* moms." When I made it clear that I'd
made a mistake and my son was leaving with me and wouldn't be
returning I was told what a "shame" it was that I wouldn't let him
adjust and "have fun at camp." They told me that I should at least
make him stay for three days before I "give in." I went through the
same shaming attempts from the director when I spoke to him about
getting a refund.
I just feel really shitty... almost like I have an emotional hang-
over from all the toxic input. My son was the only one out of a
very large group of kids who was actually listened to and taken
seriously, and I was criticized and shamed for it. I'm not feeling
very good about our society right now.
I also know that if I hadn't already had 10 years of attachment
parenting and 5 years of unschooling under my belt I probably would
have caved to the pressure. I feel so bad for all those firstborn
three year olds whose mothers mean well but will be shamed out of
following their instincts at that camp this summer.
The other sad thing is that my son would have had a good experience
if only they let mothers stay as long as the children need them to.
Am I the only one who feels like I'm from another planet sometimes?
Patti
jmcseals SEALS
<<Am I the only one who feels like I'm from another planet sometimes?>>
Not at all! You are from the planet Mother. Better than being from the
planet Robot! :)
We've faced these type of situations a million times. Ugh. Honestly, he
very well may have enjoyed his time there...eventually. But is that worth
three days of possible misery, heartbreak and fear? I don't think so. I
think you made the right decision. I promise your son thinks so. He needed
you to go against the grain and stand up for him. He needs to know you will
be there, support him and love him enough to let him opt out whe the going
gets rough. Good heavens, he's just a baby! Well, 4 to me is still a baby.
<bg>
Kudos! I admire you for taking your son's side. I see so many parents take
the 'popular' side at the expense of their children. Nice to see you aren't
one of those!
Jennifer
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Not at all! You are from the planet Mother. Better than being from the
planet Robot! :)
We've faced these type of situations a million times. Ugh. Honestly, he
very well may have enjoyed his time there...eventually. But is that worth
three days of possible misery, heartbreak and fear? I don't think so. I
think you made the right decision. I promise your son thinks so. He needed
you to go against the grain and stand up for him. He needs to know you will
be there, support him and love him enough to let him opt out whe the going
gets rough. Good heavens, he's just a baby! Well, 4 to me is still a baby.
<bg>
Kudos! I admire you for taking your son's side. I see so many parents take
the 'popular' side at the expense of their children. Nice to see you aren't
one of those!
Jennifer
_________________________________________________________________
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/10/03 1:24:30 PM, patti.schmidt2@... writes:
<< I just feel really shitty... >>
You're not.
<<almost like I have an emotional hang-
over from all the toxic input. >>
Damn them.
<<My son was the only one out of a
very large group of kids who was actually listened to>>
and taken
seriously,>>
Good for you.
<<.... and I was criticized and shamed for it. >>
They don't know how else to be. Their livelihood depends on being the way
they're being.
It wasn't personal. It was routine. I know that makes it worse in a way,
but it wasn't about you as an individual.
<<I'm not feeling very good about our society right now. >>
Easy for THAT to happen.
<< I feel so bad for all those firstborn
three year olds whose mothers mean well but will be shamed out of
following their instincts at that camp this summer.>>
We're doing the best we can here to give people a hand up and out of that,
but helping moms help their kids follow their instincts.
<<Am I the only one who feels like I'm from another planet sometimes?>>
I bet not. Come on back into the shade.
I wish you could've come by my house on the way home. The world is laid out
so inconveniently... <g>
Sandra
<< I just feel really shitty... >>
You're not.
<<almost like I have an emotional hang-
over from all the toxic input. >>
Damn them.
<<My son was the only one out of a
very large group of kids who was actually listened to>>
and taken
seriously,>>
Good for you.
<<.... and I was criticized and shamed for it. >>
They don't know how else to be. Their livelihood depends on being the way
they're being.
It wasn't personal. It was routine. I know that makes it worse in a way,
but it wasn't about you as an individual.
<<I'm not feeling very good about our society right now. >>
Easy for THAT to happen.
<< I feel so bad for all those firstborn
three year olds whose mothers mean well but will be shamed out of
following their instincts at that camp this summer.>>
We're doing the best we can here to give people a hand up and out of that,
but helping moms help their kids follow their instincts.
<<Am I the only one who feels like I'm from another planet sometimes?>>
I bet not. Come on back into the shade.
I wish you could've come by my house on the way home. The world is laid out
so inconveniently... <g>
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/10/03 3:24:27 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
patti.schmidt2@... writes:
always telling me that my son would be a backward introvert who was dependent on
his parents forever because I wasn't sending him off to school. I am sure you
feel drained. But I bet your son feels great.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
patti.schmidt2@... writes:
> I just feel really shitty... almost like I have an emotional hang-You did a great thing for your son. I totally understand. People were
> over from all the toxic input. My son was the only one out of a
> very large group of kids who was actually listened to and taken
> seriously, and I was criticized and shamed for it. I'm not feeling
> very good about our society right now.
>
always telling me that my son would be a backward introvert who was dependent on
his parents forever because I wasn't sending him off to school. I am sure you
feel drained. But I bet your son feels great.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Alan & Brenda Leonard
6/10/03 21:51:
People tell me all the time that I need to "let Tim go" more, or he'll
always be attached to my apron strings. Tim is six, and people constantly
think he's older. Yes, he's tall, but he's also well spoken, reasonably
responsible and trustworthy for six, and quite independent when he feels
like being independent.
I fail to see the problem with my son, but I'm becomming more articulate
about the problems in societal norms on child-rearing!
brenda
who does not wear aprons, just for the record
> Am I the only one who feels like I'm from another planet sometimes?Nope.
People tell me all the time that I need to "let Tim go" more, or he'll
always be attached to my apron strings. Tim is six, and people constantly
think he's older. Yes, he's tall, but he's also well spoken, reasonably
responsible and trustworthy for six, and quite independent when he feels
like being independent.
I fail to see the problem with my son, but I'm becomming more articulate
about the problems in societal norms on child-rearing!
brenda
who does not wear aprons, just for the record
averyschmidt
Thanks everyone.
I'm glad I posted. All of your responses are just the fuel I needed
to deal with more questions about my decision. I've already got one
questioning message on my machine "We missed you guys this
morning..."
Patti
I'm glad I posted. All of your responses are just the fuel I needed
to deal with more questions about my decision. I've already got one
questioning message on my machine "We missed you guys this
morning..."
Patti
Robyn Coburn
I know others have already replied but I want to add you are *not* the
problem, you are *totally right* to want to be with your boy if he needs
you there. They are toxic, dont judge yourself in their stupid light!!!
My daughter (3 ½) goes to dance class and for the first two months I
had to sit on the stairs where she could see me and come and get a kissy
and hug if she needed it. Now I have graduated to waiting in the living
room her decision. This is a series breach of the lovely dance
teachers usual rules about having no waiting room and no observers
except for creeping in like a little mouse for a peek, but she makes
exceptions when the child *needs* it to be happy.
Robyn Coburn
<<<my son was told "it wouldn't
be fair for your mom to stay because then all the other little boys
and girls will want *their* moms." When I made it clear that I'd
made a mistake and my son was leaving with me and wouldn't be
returning I was told what a "shame" it was that I wouldn't let him
adjust and "have fun at camp." They told me that I should at least
make him stay for three days before I "give in." I went through the
same shaming attempts from the director when I spoke to him about
getting a refund.
I just feel really shitty... almost like I have an emotional hang-
over from all the toxic input. My son was the only one out of a
very large group of kids who was actually listened to and taken
seriously, and I was criticized and shamed for it. I'm not feeling
very good about our society right now.>>>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
problem, you are *totally right* to want to be with your boy if he needs
you there. They are toxic, dont judge yourself in their stupid light!!!
My daughter (3 ½) goes to dance class and for the first two months I
had to sit on the stairs where she could see me and come and get a kissy
and hug if she needed it. Now I have graduated to waiting in the living
room her decision. This is a series breach of the lovely dance
teachers usual rules about having no waiting room and no observers
except for creeping in like a little mouse for a peek, but she makes
exceptions when the child *needs* it to be happy.
Robyn Coburn
<<<my son was told "it wouldn't
be fair for your mom to stay because then all the other little boys
and girls will want *their* moms." When I made it clear that I'd
made a mistake and my son was leaving with me and wouldn't be
returning I was told what a "shame" it was that I wouldn't let him
adjust and "have fun at camp." They told me that I should at least
make him stay for three days before I "give in." I went through the
same shaming attempts from the director when I spoke to him about
getting a refund.
I just feel really shitty... almost like I have an emotional hang-
over from all the toxic input. My son was the only one out of a
very large group of kids who was actually listened to and taken
seriously, and I was criticized and shamed for it. I'm not feeling
very good about our society right now.>>>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lee Roversi
>Am I the only one who feels like I'm from another planet sometimes?No, you are not the only one who feels that way. I am CONTINUALLY feeling
like I must somehow justify or defend myself to others - in the way I
parent and/or the way we are unschooling. . .
I am the subject of talk in the community - especially now that my children
are all teens and are not following the 'accepted' path. Imagine this,
though - I do have three teens who actually want to spend time with me. . .
unlike those who are consistently judging me. It is the same folks who
looked askance at me when I was nursing three year olds.
Sometimes I feel strong about it - other times it gets to me. . . depends
on what kind of day I've been having, I guess. The oddest part is that I am
now also defending myself to an ex-husband, who used to the the staunchest
supporter of this 'style' when they were all little, but who now thinks all
three kids are headed nowhere.
Guess that is my vent, in response to Patti's vent! Thanks for listening.
Lee
North Country Farms
An Eco-Tourism Destination
P.O. Box 723
Kilauea, Kauai, HI 96754
808-828-1513 phone and voice mail
www.northcountryfarms.com
Mary
From: "averyschmidt" <patti.schmidt2@...>
<<Am I the only one who feels like I'm from another planet sometimes?>>
No you are not alone. I would have felt terrible for all those other little
kids. I'm glad you were there for your son and he knows that no matter what
others say, you are behind him 100%. It's a shame that maybe he missed out
on something he might have enjoyed just because they wouldn't let you there.
You did what was right for your son and you shouldn't feel bad about that.
Maybe you feel bad about not saying enough to the director or whatever? I
sometimes regret not saying anything and at my age, I still do that. I
understand completely.
Mary B
<<Am I the only one who feels like I'm from another planet sometimes?>>
No you are not alone. I would have felt terrible for all those other little
kids. I'm glad you were there for your son and he knows that no matter what
others say, you are behind him 100%. It's a shame that maybe he missed out
on something he might have enjoyed just because they wouldn't let you there.
You did what was right for your son and you shouldn't feel bad about that.
Maybe you feel bad about not saying enough to the director or whatever? I
sometimes regret not saying anything and at my age, I still do that. I
understand completely.
Mary B
Have A Nice Day!
I have to say that the people I work with must have just either "given up" on me, or accepted me for who I am.
We had been discussing something else and how it was nobody else's business what this poor girl decided to do in her personal life. I had mentioned that I get it too because I'm countercultural.
A third nurse just laughed in a friendly way, and said she heard my kids are up till 3am and couldn't for the life of her figure out why.
When I explained it, she laughed again (good naturedly) and just said, "well we've all just decided you march to a different drummer" and she added that I remind her of the "flower children" LOLOLOL.
Works for me!
Kristen
We had been discussing something else and how it was nobody else's business what this poor girl decided to do in her personal life. I had mentioned that I get it too because I'm countercultural.
A third nurse just laughed in a friendly way, and said she heard my kids are up till 3am and couldn't for the life of her figure out why.
When I explained it, she laughed again (good naturedly) and just said, "well we've all just decided you march to a different drummer" and she added that I remind her of the "flower children" LOLOLOL.
Works for me!
Kristen
----- Original Message -----
From: Lee Roversi
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, June 10, 2003 7:03 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] just a vent
>Am I the only one who feels like I'm from another planet sometimes?
No, you are not the only one who feels that way. I am CONTINUALLY feeling
like I must somehow justify or defend myself to others - in the way I
parent and/or the way we are unschooling. . .
I am the subject of talk in the community - especially now that my children
are all teens and are not following the 'accepted' path. Imagine this,
though - I do have three teens who actually want to spend time with me. . .
unlike those who are consistently judging me. It is the same folks who
looked askance at me when I was nursing three year olds.
Sometimes I feel strong about it - other times it gets to me. . . depends
on what kind of day I've been having, I guess. The oddest part is that I am
now also defending myself to an ex-husband, who used to the the staunchest
supporter of this 'style' when they were all little, but who now thinks all
three kids are headed nowhere.
Guess that is my vent, in response to Patti's vent! Thanks for listening.
Lee
North Country Farms
An Eco-Tourism Destination
P.O. Box 723
Kilauea, Kauai, HI 96754
808-828-1513 phone and voice mail
www.northcountryfarms.com
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kris
I've encountered this more times than I could count. I told more than one
person, in the midst of their "they need to learn to be on their own"
advice, that when they contributed child support I would listen to their
input.
I have stayed at many such places where parents are "discouraged" from doing
so. If my child asks me to stay, I do, I don't even ask if I can.
Kris
person, in the midst of their "they need to learn to be on their own"
advice, that when they contributed child support I would listen to their
input.
I have stayed at many such places where parents are "discouraged" from doing
so. If my child asks me to stay, I do, I don't even ask if I can.
Kris
----- Original Message -----
From: "averyschmidt" <patti.schmidt2@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, June 10, 2003 12:22 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] just a vent
> Am I the only one who feels like I'm from another planet sometimes?
>
> Patti
>
>
>
> ~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
>
> If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email
the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner,
Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an
email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
Deborah Lewis
***Am I the only one who feels like I'm from another planet sometimes?***
I always stayed with Dylan. I stayed for half hour piano classes and I
stayed for swimming classes and I even got into the pool the first few
times until he was ok with just the instructor. I would just say, very
seriously "I'm staying" and maybe they were all afraid of the crazy
woman because I didn't have any trouble.
I stay at martial arts classes too and it's only been this year that
Dylan said it'd be ok with him if I didn't want to stay. He's eleven.
Is parenting for us or for our children? If it's for our children then
it seems we should parent they way they need us to. If a kid can't rely
on a parent who are they supposed to rely on?
You did the right thing.
Deb L
"What we call education and culture is for the most part nothing but the
substitution
of reading for experience, of literature for life, of the obsolete
fictitious for the contemporary real"
~George Bernard Shaw~
I always stayed with Dylan. I stayed for half hour piano classes and I
stayed for swimming classes and I even got into the pool the first few
times until he was ok with just the instructor. I would just say, very
seriously "I'm staying" and maybe they were all afraid of the crazy
woman because I didn't have any trouble.
I stay at martial arts classes too and it's only been this year that
Dylan said it'd be ok with him if I didn't want to stay. He's eleven.
Is parenting for us or for our children? If it's for our children then
it seems we should parent they way they need us to. If a kid can't rely
on a parent who are they supposed to rely on?
You did the right thing.
Deb L
"What we call education and culture is for the most part nothing but the
substitution
of reading for experience, of literature for life, of the obsolete
fictitious for the contemporary real"
~George Bernard Shaw~
unolist
--- In [email protected], "Kris" <louisa@b...> wrote:
much if I have to put them in the church nursery. No one seems to
understand what I go through and why it is not okay for me to let
them cry it out a few weeks until they get used to it. It upsets
them, which upsets me. How can I relax and enjoy myself when the
whole time I am watching the clock or waiting for my church beeper to
buzz? They act like I am taking away an opportunity from them. No
thanks. I treat church just like unschooling, it's their choice. I
signed up my 3yo for a wednesday night AWANA club last fall. She went
twice and hated it. I did not make her continue, even though I
invested in the vest and bag and book, and even though it would mean
I couldn't go to my own weds. night activity. She wanted to try again
later in the year, and she hated it again. When I picked her up, the
leader kept saying things to me about how she didn't do well. I
finally turned to him and shut him up.
My oldest megan was never like that. We did dance school and
preschool as soon as she was old enough, she never cried because I
was leaving, she always hated to go home with me.
Of course I get accused of "creating this monster" (actual words
used) because I had a very clingy baby the second time and we
attachment parented with her for the first time.
I know better now, because my third is a combo of the first two. He
benefitted from attachment parenting, but is much bolder after he
gets used to a situation. He didn't need to be in the sling ALL THE
TIME like my second, colicky daughter. But he still likes me to be
near and doesn't like me leaving him with strangers.
Ang
> I've encountered this more times than I could count. I told morethan one
> person, in the midst of their "they need to learn to be on theirown"
> advice, that when they contributed child support I would listen totheir
> input.from doing
>
> I have stayed at many such places where parents are "discouraged"
> so. If my child asks me to stay, I do, I don't even ask if I can.My younger kids are clingy, too. I like going to church, but don't
>
> Kris
much if I have to put them in the church nursery. No one seems to
understand what I go through and why it is not okay for me to let
them cry it out a few weeks until they get used to it. It upsets
them, which upsets me. How can I relax and enjoy myself when the
whole time I am watching the clock or waiting for my church beeper to
buzz? They act like I am taking away an opportunity from them. No
thanks. I treat church just like unschooling, it's their choice. I
signed up my 3yo for a wednesday night AWANA club last fall. She went
twice and hated it. I did not make her continue, even though I
invested in the vest and bag and book, and even though it would mean
I couldn't go to my own weds. night activity. She wanted to try again
later in the year, and she hated it again. When I picked her up, the
leader kept saying things to me about how she didn't do well. I
finally turned to him and shut him up.
My oldest megan was never like that. We did dance school and
preschool as soon as she was old enough, she never cried because I
was leaving, she always hated to go home with me.
Of course I get accused of "creating this monster" (actual words
used) because I had a very clingy baby the second time and we
attachment parented with her for the first time.
I know better now, because my third is a combo of the first two. He
benefitted from attachment parenting, but is much bolder after he
gets used to a situation. He didn't need to be in the sling ALL THE
TIME like my second, colicky daughter. But he still likes me to be
near and doesn't like me leaving him with strangers.
Ang
Kris
----- Original Message -----
From: "unolist" <unolist@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, June 11, 2003 9:23 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: just a vent
They act like I am taking away an opportunity from them. No
> thanks.
It's always the same thing, kids can't possibly be sincere or be taken
seriously when they express fear at being separated.
This has been one of the best by-products of unschooling, I'm MUCH better at
detecting bullsh*t when it's being spread.
I
> signed up my 3yo for a wednesday night AWANA club last fall. She went
> twice and hated it. I did not make her continue,
Lanora hated AWANA too, people looked at me like I had allowed her to play
with matches when I said she didn't like it so we weren't going anymore.
> Of course I get accused of "creating this monster" (actual words
> used) because I had a very clingy baby the second time and we
> attachment parented with her for the first time.
Well, it hasn't been that long since homosexuality and autism were blamed on
"overprotective" mothers. Tis my happy mantra, "Bullsh*t, bullsh*t,
bullsh*t".
Kris
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/10/03 10:53:56 PM, ddzimlew@... writes:
<< Is parenting for us or for our children? If it's for our children then
it seems we should parent they way they need us to. If a kid can't rely
on a parent who are they supposed to rely on? >>
Excellently put.
Memorial Day weekend, my kids all stayed at a big medieval campout from
Thursday to Monday. I was up most days for an hour or so and didn't always see
them all. Their dad was there, but he didn't always see them all either! <g>
Saturday and Sunday a longtime friend who has one child, older than ours, who
led the most structured life I've ever personally observed (in AND out of
school) was there and cooked. (Other days were mostly food I had pre-prepared
and sent up in coolers, and snacky stuff.)
Here's the feedback she sent me on my kids who are 16, 14, and 11 and are the
least structured kids she has ever personally observed. The first "kids"
includes three or more additional kids.
"Please thank all the kids for their helpfulness around camp. They were all
great, and I really enjoyed camping with them. Kirby and Marty, especially,
were always taking care of camp chores, usually without being asked. They are
really great kids. Holly, too, of course, she seemed to be having lots of fun,
and was very self-sufficient."
Each kid had his or her own tent. Kirby ended up sharing his with his 18
year old cousin Gina and her best friend (female), so having two girls like that
in his tent kept him from having any other kinds of girls in there. That was
okay. <g>
But the kids aren't clingy or scared, right?
Yes they are. Marty and I are sharing a banjo lesson tonight, or rather I
will have a banjo lesson while Marty watches, because he was too afraid of going
to a banjo lesson.
Marty did the Junior Police Academy, but I had to go with him and hand over
the application at first, and sit with him at the orientation and walk him in
(first day only, then he wanted to do it on his own).
When he was comfortable, I stepped back.
I would rather be able to say that than "I stepped back, he was scared and
cried a while, but eventually he got comfortable." That comes at the cost of
trust and love, straight out, and I want to maintain as much trust and love as
I can.
Sandra
<< Is parenting for us or for our children? If it's for our children then
it seems we should parent they way they need us to. If a kid can't rely
on a parent who are they supposed to rely on? >>
Excellently put.
Memorial Day weekend, my kids all stayed at a big medieval campout from
Thursday to Monday. I was up most days for an hour or so and didn't always see
them all. Their dad was there, but he didn't always see them all either! <g>
Saturday and Sunday a longtime friend who has one child, older than ours, who
led the most structured life I've ever personally observed (in AND out of
school) was there and cooked. (Other days were mostly food I had pre-prepared
and sent up in coolers, and snacky stuff.)
Here's the feedback she sent me on my kids who are 16, 14, and 11 and are the
least structured kids she has ever personally observed. The first "kids"
includes three or more additional kids.
"Please thank all the kids for their helpfulness around camp. They were all
great, and I really enjoyed camping with them. Kirby and Marty, especially,
were always taking care of camp chores, usually without being asked. They are
really great kids. Holly, too, of course, she seemed to be having lots of fun,
and was very self-sufficient."
Each kid had his or her own tent. Kirby ended up sharing his with his 18
year old cousin Gina and her best friend (female), so having two girls like that
in his tent kept him from having any other kinds of girls in there. That was
okay. <g>
But the kids aren't clingy or scared, right?
Yes they are. Marty and I are sharing a banjo lesson tonight, or rather I
will have a banjo lesson while Marty watches, because he was too afraid of going
to a banjo lesson.
Marty did the Junior Police Academy, but I had to go with him and hand over
the application at first, and sit with him at the orientation and walk him in
(first day only, then he wanted to do it on his own).
When he was comfortable, I stepped back.
I would rather be able to say that than "I stepped back, he was scared and
cried a while, but eventually he got comfortable." That comes at the cost of
trust and love, straight out, and I want to maintain as much trust and love as
I can.
Sandra
Robyn Coburn
<<When he was comfortable, I stepped back.
I would rather be able to say that than "I stepped back, he was scared
and
cried a while, but eventually he got comfortable." That comes at the
cost of trust and love, straight out, and I want to maintain as much
trust and love as I can.>>>
This is it exactly. And I have learned from Jayn, that she *will* say
"OK you can go now" when she is ready. I can trust her to free me to go
to the other room or visit with the other mothers or whatever. I do not
have to fear that I would be tied to her forever if I stay until she is
comfortable - although that would be ok too!
Robyn Coburn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I would rather be able to say that than "I stepped back, he was scared
and
cried a while, but eventually he got comfortable." That comes at the
cost of trust and love, straight out, and I want to maintain as much
trust and love as I can.>>>
This is it exactly. And I have learned from Jayn, that she *will* say
"OK you can go now" when she is ready. I can trust her to free me to go
to the other room or visit with the other mothers or whatever. I do not
have to fear that I would be tied to her forever if I stay until she is
comfortable - although that would be ok too!
Robyn Coburn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Karen McLaughlin
" Am I the only one who feels like I'm from another planet sometimes?"
I only feel this way 2 or 3 dozen times a day <g>.
Karen, whose biggest fantasy in life is finding another unschooling, vegan,
carfree family (and hoping we're not the only one in the universe)
I only feel this way 2 or 3 dozen times a day <g>.
Karen, whose biggest fantasy in life is finding another unschooling, vegan,
carfree family (and hoping we're not the only one in the universe)