Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Fw: Need for advice
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earthmagik@... writes:
<< Am I ever gonna go to a regular school?, and play with the toys? >>
I think most children go through this. They get it from television (tv always
makes school look like fun and all they ever do is sing and play and do
crafts),
children's books and schooled friends. I explained to my children that
school is not like they show it on tv or even how friends may talk about
it. I told them how long they would be there (from after breakfast to before
dinner basically) and that they would have to do school work at home after
dinner too! I also said that they would only be able to play with their
friends
during lunch for a short period and the rest of the time they would be
expected to sit at their desks, not talking and doing what the teacher says!
Well, talk about scaring the heck out of them. They want nothing to do
with that (especially doing what the teacher tells them LOL). I think its
important to find a homeschool group in your area. Even if they are a bit
of a drive it would be worth it. You need the support and your son can
see other children "just like him". Whats really cool is that my dd tells
people that we don't need to go to school to learn things, we just learn
from going places and doing things. Good luck!
Kathy
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earthmagik@... writes:
<< Has anyone else had something like this occur. My question also being,
having Never been taught in an institutional environment, I wonder why he
would ASSUME he would enjoy this environment more than homeschool. ANd why
would he categorize homeschool , Not as school, where does this ,
sounding-programmed attitide come from? It really makes my confidence in
homeschooling, suffer. I wish I had a homeschooling group, so that he could
see other children who are also learning like this, as all his friends, and
aquaintences are in public or private schools. SO this is probably where he
gets it. Any advice here? I want to start a playgroup , does anyone have
any suggestions about getting one up off it's feet? There are many reasons I
chose to homeschool him, and they are all very important to me, but when he
makes a statement such as this I wonder if I am giving him what he needs.
Thanks. Michelle
-------------------- >>
Well, probably the reason we haven't had that exact conversation is that my
son had the "joy" of actually going to ps. It's not all it's cracked up to
be and he soon found that out. Not that I am recommending it.
But ...
maybe your son sees all his little buddies and TV characters and most of the
rest of the world going off to school. He's not stupid. He knows that he is
doing something different from the mainstream.
I would suggest that you explain that to him. That Mommy calls it school but
really it is homeschool. That Mommy wants him to get a really good education
and this is how you are doing it. Or whatever it is you want to explain to
him. Whatever it is you want him to believe about hsing. But, the point is,
I think it is important to tell him, explicitly, that hsing is what you are
going to be doing. As opposed to whatever else he may see going on in the
world around him. Or he might start to imagine all sorts of reasons why he's
not in "school."
Good luck.
Nance (I think it is hard to know when to really explain things to kids and
when you just sort of go along and they go with you; I think that line keeps
shifting; but I think they "get" more than we think and need clear, truthful,
full explanations more than we think!)
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earthmagik@... writes:
<<
>>Dear Michelle,
Hang in there! I have 2 sons, one is 5, and the other
is 3. My oldest actually went to preschool for 1 semester before I pulled
him out. After being away from that environment for many months, it was
Sept., and all the advertisements were pushing "back to school" items. He
wanted to be a part of this! This is why he thought school was supposed to
be so much fun-- afterall, to him it meant getting new things- pencils,
bookbags, lunchboxes, etc.. and it looked so much like a big kid thing to
do! And then there was the school bus issue-- so many kids see that big
yellow bus, and it looks like a blast! They are so innocent, and just have
no clue what all of this stuff is about. They do not understand that they
are being programmed to conform and go along like everyone else does, and
attend the institution called mass schooling. But the pros in advertising
know that the key to getting children interested is in making it all look
like the greatest thing since chocolate cake. Once kids get into school,
however, they soon learn the reality-- no chocolate cake, and rarely even a
cookie. I have personally been on both sides of this fence: I am a mother
of 3 that fully supports unschooling, and I am also a former teacher! I
decorated my kdg. room to make them think "School must be great!, Look at
all the Disney characters!" We as teachers go to such effort to make it so
beautiful to look at, but part of that is to impress parents,too. I'm sure
many classrooms actually were "too pretty" and "too colorful"-- such a
distraction for many children -- then they get in trouble for not being able
to listen, pay attention, etc... Anyway, my oldest son needed to be told
what it was like in school. I had him sit at the kit. table , and I told him
that he could not speak without raising his hand, and that he had to sit
still, and do what I said. Boy, do you think he wanted to continue this
game? No way! "But", I told him, "this is what you'd get to do at school".
Then I showed him so worksheets, and told him he would have to sit there and
do them, and that, sorry, even if he did not want to, he'd have to anyway,
just like in real school. He soon could see that "real" school was not
sounding like much fun afterall, and decided it was more fun to go outside
and play in the sandbox. That ended his fascination with going to "real
school". Another lady I know had to deal with the magical yellow bus issue.
She woke up her child bright and very early and explained that he was to
hurry up: eat, dress, brush teeth, gather a lunch, and out the door-- in time
to meet that 7:00 am bus. Her child realized he would rather eat at a slower
pace, rest more completely, and relax his way into the day, and it ended the
fantasy there. I hope you can use these ideas to show your child the best
thing for him is to be right where he is. My name is Karen, and I would be
happy to talk with you further, if you would like! Good luck!
Karen
susan
rene', my 4 1/2 yo son, went through this about a year ago (we live next door to a daycare and across the street from an elementary school:) and i was really hurt, upset and felt terribly guilty (i also have a chronic illness hence the guilt). how i handled it was i just let myself feel this way then after about an hour of this self effacing and self pitying i asked myself why i wanted to unschool and i told him these reasons. like other people have said, i also told him why i thought he wouldn't like being a 'daycare kid' as he phrased it. i talked about the loss of decision making, having to share toys with lots of other kids, having to eat and play and nap etc. when they felt he should, and that he would have to go to sleep early and wake up early and he wouldn't see me or his dad until the sun was nearly set...
about 6 months after this he happened to be playing at a park that butted up against a daycare. he wandered in and was playing with the kids but he was soon discovered and kicked out. though he had never talked about going to daycare or school during the 6 months prior to this, he is now openly against schools. recently he came to me really upset. it took me a little while to figure out what was bothering him, one of the things he said was 'i don't want to go to itt tech'. i'm thinking what are you talking about but apparently there are ads on tv for this tech school and they say something like 'you must go here' and he thought he could not be homeschooled anymore:) so as they say 'this too shall pass'. anxiety is part of the transition once you're well on they way it will fade.
personally i would caution against falling into a trap of 'entertaining' your son with lots of things outside of the family particularly at this age. a local group would be great, i unfortunately have no idea how to start one, we are luck enough to have this already in place for some 20 years here in austin - inclusive to boot, but the truth is we only go to parkdays once a week and if we need to skip a week he really isn't too upset by it but he does love his friends there. i'm reading holt's teach your own and he says: 'perhaps above all, they [kids] need a lot of privacy, solitude, calm, times when there's nothing to do.' he'll have plenty of time to be outgoing and being active no need to rush it, though it's tempting. by the way where do you live?
-susan
austin,tx
'unity through diversity'
Dear fellow homeschoolers, Today I was faced with my son, Zain's very blunt words, and since I base his learning on what he naturally inspires towards learning about, it kinda hit me hard. I want him to be happy in his learning environment. He sais," Am I ever gonna go to a regular school?, and play with the toys?" (when he was around 3 we went and viewed some schools, to get an idea of what was available besides public school, and I think he may be referrring to one of the schools we went to see)_I said this is a regular school, and you have plenty of toys(my son is 4) He spouts off" This ain't NO school, This is a home!!!!" This was very frustrating to me, as I feel he is expressing the need for more stimulating activites. I don't really know how to go about planning more activites. Has anyone else had something like this occur. My question also being, having Never been taught in an institutional environment, I wonder why he would ASSUME he would enjoy this environment more than homeschool. ANd why would he categorize homeschool , Not as school, where does this , sounding-programmed attitide come from? It really makes my confidence in homeschooling, suffer. I wish I had a homeschooling group, so that he could see other children who are also learning like this, as all his friends, and aquaintences are in public or private schools. SO this is probably where he gets it. Any advice here? I want to start a playgroup , does anyone have any suggestions about getting one up off it's feet? There are many reasons I chose to homeschool him, and they are all very important to me, but when he makes a statement such as this I wonder if I am giving him what he needs. Thanks. Michelle