Grudges WAS One lurker says hi
[email protected]
**Yes, sometimes I get impatient, but all I have to do is explain and
apologize, and
that's that. He doesn't hold grudges, thank goodness. **
**You're lucky.
Holly does.**
Does anyone have a boy who holds onto grudges at them, anger or moodiness
because of parenting? Just curious, because it seems to be such a girl thing,
at least to me from my perspective of having one out of four who does, who is
currently 11 and unhappily growing up too fast for her own self, and who has
always always been my most private child so that sometimes I don't know for
DAYS that she's brooding over something I did or didn't do and often have no
recollection. :::sigh:::
Deborah
apologize, and
that's that. He doesn't hold grudges, thank goodness. **
**You're lucky.
Holly does.**
Does anyone have a boy who holds onto grudges at them, anger or moodiness
because of parenting? Just curious, because it seems to be such a girl thing,
at least to me from my perspective of having one out of four who does, who is
currently 11 and unhappily growing up too fast for her own self, and who has
always always been my most private child so that sometimes I don't know for
DAYS that she's brooding over something I did or didn't do and often have no
recollection. :::sigh:::
Deborah
Kelli Traaseth
** Does anyone have a boy who holds onto grudges at them, anger or
moodiness
because of parenting? Just curious, because it seems to be such a
girl thing, **
Same here, my daughters will remember and hang onto it for a while.
My son on the other hand, "no problem Mom" and off he goes.
Kelli
moodiness
because of parenting? Just curious, because it seems to be such a
girl thing, **
Same here, my daughters will remember and hang onto it for a while.
My son on the other hand, "no problem Mom" and off he goes.
Kelli
Tim and Maureen
----- Original Message -----
From: dacunefare@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, May 19, 2003 10:32 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Grudges WAS One lurker says hi
**
I have a 7 year old boy and a 14 year old girl who hold grudges because of parenting. They both are very sensitive to voice and underlying feelings and keep me checking the respect I am dishing out in my parenting. They are very good respect thermometers for me. If the grudges or moody anger begins usually I have delivered something unkind or out of line. They are also the most loving and caring about me. They do it with passion.
maureen
Does anyone have a boy who holds onto grudges at them, anger or moodiness
because of parenting? Just curious, because it seems to be such a girl thing,
at least to me from my perspective of having one out of four who does, who is
currently 11 and unhappily growing up too fast for her own self, and who has
always always been my most private child so that sometimes I don't know for
DAYS that she's brooding over something I did or didn't do and often have no
recollection. :::sigh:::
Deborah
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Rebecca DeLong
Kelli Traaseth <tktraas@...> wrote:
<<<** Does anyone have a boy who holds onto grudges at them, anger or
moodiness
because of parenting? Just curious, because it seems to be such a
girl thing, **
Same here, my daughters will remember and hang onto it for a while.
My son on the other hand, "no problem Mom" and off he goes.>>>
I'm gonna have to agree, In our family(4 of us) I'm the only one that can't let stuff go. All the men in my life seem to have no problem just shrugging it off nad continuing on with there life, I'm the one still sitting there fumming.
I wonder why?
Rebecca
*~*Leave the crowd, look within, and let your dreams soar*~*
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
<<<** Does anyone have a boy who holds onto grudges at them, anger or
moodiness
because of parenting? Just curious, because it seems to be such a
girl thing, **
Same here, my daughters will remember and hang onto it for a while.
My son on the other hand, "no problem Mom" and off he goes.>>>
I'm gonna have to agree, In our family(4 of us) I'm the only one that can't let stuff go. All the men in my life seem to have no problem just shrugging it off nad continuing on with there life, I'm the one still sitting there fumming.
I wonder why?
Rebecca
*~*Leave the crowd, look within, and let your dreams soar*~*
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Heidi Wordhouse-Dykema
><<<** Does anyone have a boy who holds onto grudges at them, anger orNot saying this is what it is, but something to look at and consider...
>moodiness
>
>Same here, my daughters will remember and hang onto it for a while.
>My son on the other hand, "no problem Mom" and off he goes.>>>
I've heard that if a person is 'obsessive' about emotions (ie, a grudge
endures out of proportion to the event) the person may be dealing with
depression. Also, folks might want to be aware that kid/teen-depression is
usually significantly different than adult depression and may not 'seem'
like what we think depression is.
Good stuff to consider, anyway.
HeidiWD
"Self-reliance is the antidote to institutional stupidity." JTGatto,
Monarch Notes guide to One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/20/03 10:52:30 AM, elfmama@... writes:
<< I'm gonna have to agree, In our family(4 of us) I'm the only one that
can't let stuff go. All the men in my life seem to have no problem just shrugging
it off nad continuing on with there life, I'm the one still sitting there
fumming.
<<I wonder why?>>
I've seen this in other aspects of life, with men too.
It might be that men's social tools are still physical, while women's tend to
be interpersonal/social tools.
If a guy is pissed at another guy, he decides whether he can kick his ass,
and then whether it's worth doing. Usually they decide it's not worth it. But
if the other guy just KNOWS his ass is kickable, he usually acts better
afterward. (I'm not saying this is great, I've just seen it unfold.)
Then the guys are fine again and they shake hands and go on, though something
DID happen, in an imperceptible kind of plane that women don't usually know
anything about.
With women, in our culture, we can't shun in the same way we might if the
troublemaker just wasn't invited to go dig roots the next day. We get the
instinctive urge but don't have the means to express it.
That's a rough estimate and it might be totally wrong, but it's my best model
at the moment.
Sandra
<< I'm gonna have to agree, In our family(4 of us) I'm the only one that
can't let stuff go. All the men in my life seem to have no problem just shrugging
it off nad continuing on with there life, I'm the one still sitting there
fumming.
<<I wonder why?>>
I've seen this in other aspects of life, with men too.
It might be that men's social tools are still physical, while women's tend to
be interpersonal/social tools.
If a guy is pissed at another guy, he decides whether he can kick his ass,
and then whether it's worth doing. Usually they decide it's not worth it. But
if the other guy just KNOWS his ass is kickable, he usually acts better
afterward. (I'm not saying this is great, I've just seen it unfold.)
Then the guys are fine again and they shake hands and go on, though something
DID happen, in an imperceptible kind of plane that women don't usually know
anything about.
With women, in our culture, we can't shun in the same way we might if the
troublemaker just wasn't invited to go dig roots the next day. We get the
instinctive urge but don't have the means to express it.
That's a rough estimate and it might be totally wrong, but it's my best model
at the moment.
Sandra
Rebecca DeLong
SandraDodd@... wrote:
<<<I've seen this in other aspects of life, with men too.
It might be that men's social tools are still physical, while women's tend to
be interpersonal/social tools.
If a guy is pissed at another guy, he decides whether he can kick his ass,
and then whether it's worth doing. Usually they decide it's not worth it. But
if the other guy just KNOWS his ass is kickable, he usually acts better
afterward. (I'm not saying this is great, I've just seen it unfold.)
Then the guys are fine again and they shake hands and go on, though something
DID happen, in an imperceptible kind of plane that women don't usually know
anything about.>>>
I was just talking to Jason about this, he said that almost always guys deal with other guys in one of two ways...
Some problems require a beer to get solved.
Others require an ass kicking and then a beer.
I asked him if they talk while drinking the beer, he said yah, but rarly about the problem. They both know there is a problem, why discuss it to death. Apparently the same goes with the second option too.
I asked his about problems that can't be fixed with ass kickings and beer. He said only rarely is that the case, but if it can't be fixed with those, maybe it's not worth fixing.
Not sure it makes sense to me, but then, I don't like beer.
Rebecca
*~*Leave the crowd, look within, and let your dreams soar*~*
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
<<<I've seen this in other aspects of life, with men too.
It might be that men's social tools are still physical, while women's tend to
be interpersonal/social tools.
If a guy is pissed at another guy, he decides whether he can kick his ass,
and then whether it's worth doing. Usually they decide it's not worth it. But
if the other guy just KNOWS his ass is kickable, he usually acts better
afterward. (I'm not saying this is great, I've just seen it unfold.)
Then the guys are fine again and they shake hands and go on, though something
DID happen, in an imperceptible kind of plane that women don't usually know
anything about.>>>
I was just talking to Jason about this, he said that almost always guys deal with other guys in one of two ways...
Some problems require a beer to get solved.
Others require an ass kicking and then a beer.
I asked him if they talk while drinking the beer, he said yah, but rarly about the problem. They both know there is a problem, why discuss it to death. Apparently the same goes with the second option too.
I asked his about problems that can't be fixed with ass kickings and beer. He said only rarely is that the case, but if it can't be fixed with those, maybe it's not worth fixing.
Not sure it makes sense to me, but then, I don't like beer.
Rebecca
*~*Leave the crowd, look within, and let your dreams soar*~*
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary
From: <dacunefare@...>
<<Does anyone have a boy who holds onto grudges at them, anger or moodiness
because of parenting? Just curious, because it seems to be such a girl
thing,
at least to me from my perspective of having one out of four who does, who
is
currently 11 and unhappily growing up too fast for her own self, and who has
always always been my most private child so that sometimes I don't know for
DAYS that she's brooding over something I did or didn't do and often have no
recollection. :::sigh:::>>
I do.
My girls are all fairly even tempered. If they do get upset, they get over
it quickly. Joseph is more moody than the girls and also quicker to get
upset with us. Sometimes it seems like it's over nothing at all, and most of
these times are between him and his father. We try real hard to take care of
that and find out exactly what the problem is. It isn't always easy to do. I
wouldn't say he holds grudges for long periods of time. I mean it's not like
an hour goes by and he's still mad, just more so than the girls. He also
gets angry quicker too. My husband and I have been really working on this
and ever so slowly, we have seen some improvement in how things are handled.
I'm hoping that between what we do and his maturing, it will continue to get
better as it seems to have already started.
Mary B
<<Does anyone have a boy who holds onto grudges at them, anger or moodiness
because of parenting? Just curious, because it seems to be such a girl
thing,
at least to me from my perspective of having one out of four who does, who
is
currently 11 and unhappily growing up too fast for her own self, and who has
always always been my most private child so that sometimes I don't know for
DAYS that she's brooding over something I did or didn't do and often have no
recollection. :::sigh:::>>
I do.
My girls are all fairly even tempered. If they do get upset, they get over
it quickly. Joseph is more moody than the girls and also quicker to get
upset with us. Sometimes it seems like it's over nothing at all, and most of
these times are between him and his father. We try real hard to take care of
that and find out exactly what the problem is. It isn't always easy to do. I
wouldn't say he holds grudges for long periods of time. I mean it's not like
an hour goes by and he's still mad, just more so than the girls. He also
gets angry quicker too. My husband and I have been really working on this
and ever so slowly, we have seen some improvement in how things are handled.
I'm hoping that between what we do and his maturing, it will continue to get
better as it seems to have already started.
Mary B
[email protected]
**Not saying this is what it is, but something to look at and consider...
I've heard that if a person is 'obsessive' about emotions (ie, a grudge
endures out of proportion to the event) the person may be dealing with
depression. Also, folks might want to be aware that kid/teen-depression is
usually significantly different than adult depression and may not 'seem'
like what we think depression is.
Good stuff to consider, anyway.**
Yup. When things change, it's always a good thing to consider. My oldest (now
25) went through a deep depressive episode at 17.
My 11yo though, isn't doing something really different *for her*, just
temporarily BIGGER. Moodier. Broodier. Makes me sympathetic to her and very
very glad that *I* don't ever have to go through puberty again as long as I
live. :)
Deborah in IL
I've heard that if a person is 'obsessive' about emotions (ie, a grudge
endures out of proportion to the event) the person may be dealing with
depression. Also, folks might want to be aware that kid/teen-depression is
usually significantly different than adult depression and may not 'seem'
like what we think depression is.
Good stuff to consider, anyway.**
Yup. When things change, it's always a good thing to consider. My oldest (now
25) went through a deep depressive episode at 17.
My 11yo though, isn't doing something really different *for her*, just
temporarily BIGGER. Moodier. Broodier. Makes me sympathetic to her and very
very glad that *I* don't ever have to go through puberty again as long as I
live. :)
Deborah in IL