Nicholina ODonnell

With all the talk about those who don't post, I thought I'd introduce myself as one of those non-posters, there-by removing myself from that catigory. :)

I've been lurking for about a month now and enjoy the list, though occationally do mass deletes to catch up. That is the reason for my lack of posting. I feel like I should be reading everything to make an informed decision before putting my 2 bits out there, but just don't always find the time to get through them all.

I'm mom to a 5 year old and have intended not to send her to school nor do school at home sense she was about 2 and I discovered unschooling. I first discovered Taking Children Seriously, which, while I think it's a nice ideal, I have some trouble with it. My problem is if I'm not meeting an ideal, I feel like a failure. Anyway, I try my best to be respectful and thoughful toward Davan and try not to beat myself up too much. Where I was trying to go with that was to say, it lead me toward unschooling, which is something I can work with and is a great way of life.

I have to say, though, that lately I've been feeling like I am not patient and creative enough with problem solving with Davan. We ended up having quite a bad seance at a store today. I think Davan was hungry, which led to some of the difficulties, but it gets me so down when she ends up crying and angry and I end up angry and not the nicest of people in return. Do any of you ever feel like you don't have enough patience for this job? Sometimes I wonder about myself....

So, here I am, and I imagine that now I've broken the ice with my first post, there will be more to follow. :)

Nicholina


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tia Leschke

>
> I have to say, though, that lately I've been feeling like I am not patient
and creative enough with problem solving with Davan. We ended up having
quite a bad seance at a store today. I think Davan was hungry, which led to
some of the difficulties, but it gets me so down when she ends up crying and
angry and I end up angry and not the nicest of people in return. Do any of
you ever feel like you don't have enough patience for this job?

Often. And then I find a bit more and carry on. <g>
Tia

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
saftety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...

joanna514

--- In [email protected], "Nicholina ODonnell"
<arodonn@e...> wrote:
I have to say, though, that lately I've been feeling like I am not
patient and creative enough with problem solving with Davan. We
ended up having quite a bad seance at a store today. I think Davan
was hungry, which led to some of the difficulties, but it gets me so
down when she ends up crying and angry and I end up angry and not the
nicest of people in return. Do any of you ever feel like you don't
have enough patience for this job? <<<

Absolutely!
Probably mostly.
I occasionally get it right, and it feels so good.
But, I really don't feel I meet my standards of what I 'should' be,
too much of the time.
Amazingly, my kids think I'm awsome. Amazingly, others think I'm a
good mom.
I'm thinking, "if they only knew....!"
I just keep striving to be better.

Joanna

Nicholina ODonnell

>>Do any of
>>you ever feel like you don't have enough patience for this job?

>Often. And then I find a bit more and carry on. <g>
>Tia


Thanks. :) Of course that's the answer, but sometimes it's good to hear and I thank you. It helps me to carry on.

Nicholina


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/18/03 9:45:48 PM, arodonn@... writes:

<< We ended up having quite a bad seance at a store today. I think Davan
was hungry, which led to some of the difficulties, but it gets me so down
when she ends up crying and angry and I end up angry and not the nicest of
people in return. Do any of you ever feel like you don't have enough
patience for this job? Sometimes I wonder about myself.... >>

I'm guessing you had a scene, not a seance, but hey... I better be careful
what I write! <bwg>

I have very often felt like I didn't have enough patience to be the kind of
mom I wanted to be.

But it turned out I had enough desire to be the kind of mom I wanted to be
that when I lost my patience I apologized and checked to see whether maybe
*I* was hungry (often true) and tired and maybe getting sick. When I had
three kids and the oldest was six, sometimes I didn't go too many hours in a
row without feeling like I wouldn't survive the day, or the night, or the
hour. And here I am, in calmer waters, nobody in diapers, everybody can
read. How did THAT happen?? One moment at a time.

Each moment has the potential to be better than the one before. Some moments
aren't. If most ARE, you're winning!

Sandra

zenmomma2kids

>>Do any of you ever feel like you don't have enough patience for
this job? >>

Oh my goodness YES! Just ask my kids. ;-)

But there's no room for guilt. There's only the next moment in which
to make a better choice, a calmer descision, a more joyful NOW.

>> So, here I am, and I imagine that now I've broken the ice with my
first post, there will be more to follow. :)>>

Welcome Nicholina. What a brave soul for stepping in at this
particular moment. <g>

Life is good.
~Mary

jmcseals SEALS

Re: One Lurker Says Hi

Hi Lurker! :)

<<Do any of you ever feel like you don't
have enough patience for this job?>>

Oh heavens yes! This could not have come at a better time. We are down to
the wire in finding a house. The fridge AND the ac went out this week. My
children learned how to unlock the front door and I don't have a way to get
to the store to get a Houdini-proof lock. Yesterday, the kids and I walked
to McDonalds for a cool indoor break and a *cold* drink. My dear sweet
Ethan decided to strip naked, including his dirty diaper, in the play-gym
and appeared from the slide in his birthday suit in front of about 20
people. I'm trying to pack, find a house, give my husband directions in
Columbia, SC while being in Texas and not seeing all the streets he's seeing
on the map so feeling hopelessly lost even though I'm the one at home,
reading the dang map! I hate being hot. Hot makes me incredibly cranky.
Chloe has been screaming all day and the carpet in THREE rooms is soaking
wet because the ac flooded. My husband will be home in three hours and the
house is a wreck.

If it isn't obvious, I'm feeling quite sorry for myself. <pitiful grin>

BUT, it's Sunday. Nicholette got a phonics turbo blaster for her birthday
and she has been spelling words for me all day. Lauren learned how to spell
ON and OFF and wrote it on a piece of paper, along with her name and a
beautiful picture and presented it to me as a gift. I found myself thinking
how wonderful it is that we are unschoolers. We had Nic's birthday party
today and my cousin was griping because tomorrow is a school day. She's
been at camp all weekend and feels too tired to go back to school in the
morning. She didn't feel like going home and reading for homework. My kids
were doing it for fun! For the excitement and joy of learning! How blessed
we truly are!

While cleaning out the laundry room cabinets (the equivilant of most
peoples' 'junk drawers' only 80 times as big) I found newborn pictures of
Chloe and the cutest picture of all the kids on hands and knees crawling
away from the camera in a long side-by-side line. I hung my gift from
Laurie on the fridge to help me smile while going about my dreary business
at hand. Instead of packing away the pictures of Chloe and the kids, I
grabbed a coke and took a break to remember the joy and peace of her birth
and what a fun day we had that day. When I came in the house, Ethan was
sitting in the kitchen floor with empty cupcake papers and the salt and
pepper, making 'birthday cakes'. I had just mopped the kitchen floor. I
just wanted to scream and cry. Instead, I grabbed him and carried him off
to bed. I sang him a soft song and rubbed his beautiful face until he fell
asleep. For an hour, I went from room to room, carressing my sleeping
little angels. Little by little my patience returned. A wave of peace
washed over me.

Our sheets still haven't made it into the washer. The house is still a
mess. But my kids are all sleeping peacefully. I have a beautful picture
hanging on my fridge that no professional artist nor writer could ever
compare with. There are no alarm clocks set, no homework due. When the
kids wake up their Daddy will be home and they will scream with joy to see
him again. And they will have all day to be with him and catch up on the
latest lost tooth, the birthday party he missed and tell him all the new
words they learned to spell. He'll get to hear Chloe say Dada for the first
time with his own ears as the girls all sit around praising her as if she
were the smartest baby ever born. He'll be gone again before week's end so
we have precious little time to savor with him. I am thankful they are
home, were they belong, for if they were in school, they would miss these
beautiful moments.

I can only say, look for every shining light in every day. If there were no
sour, trying moments, what need would we have for patience? Through trial
and error, we become better parents. Better people. If we can see the
light in the face of darkness we become more loving, patient and giving
individuals. This job we women hold as mothers (among so many others)
makes us better people. We are changing the world, not just for our
children but by them and through them. Every life they touch is a
reflection of our own. We are held accountable for every mistake we make
and thanked for far less than we deserve. It IS the hardest job a woman
could ever have. It is also the most rewarding. If we can stop and find
even the smallest particle of hope, the slightest little reward, we somehow
find the patience to move on and in the process, we find new solutions,
better choices, and create happier lives. We learn that our job pays better
than any check ever written. We are paid in love, smiles, hugs and kisses,
and bright little eyes that sparkle with each new discovery. But perhaps
even more valueable, our children look into *our* eyes for comfort and find
peace after a skinned toe, a broken toy or a love-torn heart. It is a hard
job, but it is priceless. Sometimes, we just need to reach out for a little
reminder. :)

I wish I could offer you a cup overflowing with patience, but I haven't
found a vendor! LOL Just breath, take that moment to find your shining
light and your cup will overflow!

Jennifer

_________________________________________________________________
Help STOP SPAM with the new MSN 8 and get 2 months FREE*
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail

Fetteroll

on 5/18/03 11:44 PM, Nicholina ODonnell at arodonn@... wrote:

> Do any of you ever feel like you don't have enough patience for this job?
> Sometimes I wonder about myself....

Yes, of course! Though my faults lie more with slothfulness. ;-)

I think it helps to not look at unschooling as the ideal we should be but as
the goal we should keep focused on. Rather than looking at a mistake and
beating ourselves up for what we should have done, we can look at it and
figure out how we could handle it better next time. It also helps to look at
the bigger picture. Rather than focusing on the scene and what you could
have done with the melt down, look at what you could have done to prevent
the melt down. Like maybe taking snacks with you, or give yourself
permission to stop and take a mall food break, or do smaller shopping trips,
or only shop when she can stay with someone else.

It also helps to look at things through your children's eyes. A shopping
trip, though seemingly necessary and something *you* have to put up with, is
like being dragged by your husband to a stock car race where you have to sit
and "behave" for hours and hours. And you can't take a book. You can't
wander around. You need to just wait until he's done. And maybe he'll get
you a snack if he thinks you need it. And maybe he'll leave early if you
burst into tears. But maybe he'll just get angry.

I'm not saying that's what happened. But to our kids it can look that way.

Joyce

Olga

Do I ever understand!! My kids are the same age and my 2 yo is my
challange. I have realized alot since joining the list and have made
a few changes that have helped me. He has a heck of a temper and
when he is mad he starts throwing his body around, throwing things of
tables, will NOT let you hold or console him and usually ends up
getting hurt in the process <sigh>. I have made a huge effort lately
to really pay attention to his cues so things do not escalate and
that is helping alot. I am also much more flexible with his
demands. The other day he wanted juice, so I got a juice, still
moaning. DO you want milk? okay, than a change of mind. After a few
minutes of struggle he wanted a regular cup with ice tea like a big
boy..LOL! Of course he spilled it a minute later..LOL! I never
would have continued to figure out the problem in the past. It took
less time then one of his tantrums and left an overall feeling of
peace. Anyway, we still have some really difficult moments and I
feel tears come because I don't feel I handled it in the best way.
At least our consciousness of the problem and desire to change are a
step in the right direction!!

Olga :)

--- In [email protected], "Nicholina ODonnell"
<arodonn@e...> wrote:
> With all the talk about those who don't post, I thought I'd
introduce myself as one of those non-posters, there-by removing
myself from that catigory. :)
>
> I've been lurking for about a month now and enjoy the list, though
occationally do mass deletes to catch up. That is the reason for my
lack of posting. I feel like I should be reading everything to make
an informed decision before putting my 2 bits out there, but just
don't always find the time to get through them all.
>
> I'm mom to a 5 year old and have intended not to send her to school
nor do school at home sense she was about 2 and I discovered
unschooling. I first discovered Taking Children Seriously, which,
while I think it's a nice ideal, I have some trouble with it. My
problem is if I'm not meeting an ideal, I feel like a failure.
Anyway, I try my best to be respectful and thoughful toward Davan and
try not to beat myself up too much. Where I was trying to go with
that was to say, it lead me toward unschooling, which is something I
can work with and is a great way of life.
>
> I have to say, though, that lately I've been feeling like I am not
patient and creative enough with problem solving with Davan. We
ended up having quite a bad seance at a store today. I think Davan
was hungry, which led to some of the difficulties, but it gets me so
down when she ends up crying and angry and I end up angry and not the
nicest of people in return. Do any of you ever feel like you don't
have enough patience for this job? Sometimes I wonder about
myself....
>
> So, here I am, and I imagine that now I've broken the ice with my
first post, there will be more to follow. :)
>
> Nicholina
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/18/2003 11:45:48 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
arodonn@... writes:


> I have to say, though, that lately I've been feeling like I am not patient
> and creative enough with problem solving with Davan. We ended up having
> quite a bad seance at a store today. I think Davan was hungry, which led
> to some of the difficulties, but it gets me so down when she ends up crying
> and angry and I end up angry and not the nicest of people in return. Do
> any of you ever feel like you don't have enough patience for this job?
> Sometimes I wonder about myself....
>
> So, here I am, and I imagine that now I've broken the ice with my first
> post, there will be more to follow. :)
>
> Nicholina
>

I'll recommend ordering Sandra's tape, "Peaceful Parenting". Baby steps. We
can become more patient with baby steps. Get her tape.
And welcome to the list!

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/19/2003 3:22:43 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
jmcseals@... writes:


> I'm trying to pack, find a house, give my husband directions in
> Columbia, SC while being in Texas and not seeing all the streets he's
> seeing
> on the map so feeling hopelessly lost even though I'm the one at home,
> reading the dang map!

My phone number is 803 776 4849. He can call ME and I'll pick him up! Feed
him too!

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/19/2003 3:22:43 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
jmcseals@... writes:


> I wish I could offer you a cup overflowing with patience, but I haven't
> found a vendor! LOL Just breath, take that moment to find your shining
> light and your cup will overflow!

Whole post---Lovely. Thank you!

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Olga

Jennifer,

What a beautiful post!! I have been trying harder and harder to find
more peace and lessen the frustration. I am sorry your weekend was
so crazy! I can't wait to meet you at the conference, anyone who can
manage 7 children and still be so calm and happy is worth meeting :)

Olga :)

--- In [email protected], "jmcseals SEALS"
<jmcseals@m...> wrote:
> Re: One Lurker Says Hi
>
> Hi Lurker! :)
>
> <<Do any of you ever feel like you don't
> have enough patience for this job?>>
>
> Oh heavens yes! This could not have come at a better time. We are
down to
> the wire in finding a house. The fridge AND the ac went out this
week. My
> children learned how to unlock the front door and I don't have a
way to get
> to the store to get a Houdini-proof lock. Yesterday, the kids and
I walked
> to McDonalds for a cool indoor break and a *cold* drink. My dear
sweet
> Ethan decided to strip naked, including his dirty diaper, in the
play-gym
> and appeared from the slide in his birthday suit in front of about
20
> people. I'm trying to pack, find a house, give my husband
directions in
> Columbia, SC while being in Texas and not seeing all the streets
he's seeing
> on the map so feeling hopelessly lost even though I'm the one at
home,
> reading the dang map! I hate being hot. Hot makes me incredibly
cranky.
> Chloe has been screaming all day and the carpet in THREE rooms is
soaking
> wet because the ac flooded. My husband will be home in three hours
and the
> house is a wreck.
>
> If it isn't obvious, I'm feeling quite sorry for myself. <pitiful
grin>
>
> BUT, it's Sunday. Nicholette got a phonics turbo blaster for her
birthday
> and she has been spelling words for me all day. Lauren learned how
to spell
> ON and OFF and wrote it on a piece of paper, along with her name
and a
> beautiful picture and presented it to me as a gift. I found myself
thinking
> how wonderful it is that we are unschoolers. We had Nic's birthday
party
> today and my cousin was griping because tomorrow is a school day.
She's
> been at camp all weekend and feels too tired to go back to school
in the
> morning. She didn't feel like going home and reading for
homework. My kids
> were doing it for fun! For the excitement and joy of learning!
How blessed
> we truly are!
>
> While cleaning out the laundry room cabinets (the equivilant of
most
> peoples' 'junk drawers' only 80 times as big) I found newborn
pictures of
> Chloe and the cutest picture of all the kids on hands and knees
crawling
> away from the camera in a long side-by-side line. I hung my gift
from
> Laurie on the fridge to help me smile while going about my dreary
business
> at hand. Instead of packing away the pictures of Chloe and the
kids, I
> grabbed a coke and took a break to remember the joy and peace of
her birth
> and what a fun day we had that day. When I came in the house,
Ethan was
> sitting in the kitchen floor with empty cupcake papers and the salt
and
> pepper, making 'birthday cakes'. I had just mopped the kitchen
floor. I
> just wanted to scream and cry. Instead, I grabbed him and carried
him off
> to bed. I sang him a soft song and rubbed his beautiful face until
he fell
> asleep. For an hour, I went from room to room, carressing my
sleeping
> little angels. Little by little my patience returned. A wave of
peace
> washed over me.
>
> Our sheets still haven't made it into the washer. The house is
still a
> mess. But my kids are all sleeping peacefully. I have a beautful
picture
> hanging on my fridge that no professional artist nor writer could
ever
> compare with. There are no alarm clocks set, no homework due.
When the
> kids wake up their Daddy will be home and they will scream with joy
to see
> him again. And they will have all day to be with him and catch up
on the
> latest lost tooth, the birthday party he missed and tell him all
the new
> words they learned to spell. He'll get to hear Chloe say Dada for
the first
> time with his own ears as the girls all sit around praising her as
if she
> were the smartest baby ever born. He'll be gone again before
week's end so
> we have precious little time to savor with him. I am thankful they
are
> home, were they belong, for if they were in school, they would miss
these
> beautiful moments.
>
> I can only say, look for every shining light in every day. If
there were no
> sour, trying moments, what need would we have for patience?
Through trial
> and error, we become better parents. Better people. If we can see
the
> light in the face of darkness we become more loving, patient and
giving
> individuals. This job we women hold as mothers (among so many
others)
> makes us better people. We are changing the world, not just for
our
> children but by them and through them. Every life they touch is a
> reflection of our own. We are held accountable for every mistake
we make
> and thanked for far less than we deserve. It IS the hardest job a
woman
> could ever have. It is also the most rewarding. If we can stop
and find
> even the smallest particle of hope, the slightest little reward, we
somehow
> find the patience to move on and in the process, we find new
solutions,
> better choices, and create happier lives. We learn that our job
pays better
> than any check ever written. We are paid in love, smiles, hugs and
kisses,
> and bright little eyes that sparkle with each new discovery. But
perhaps
> even more valueable, our children look into *our* eyes for comfort
and find
> peace after a skinned toe, a broken toy or a love-torn heart. It
is a hard
> job, but it is priceless. Sometimes, we just need to reach out for
a little
> reminder. :)
>
> I wish I could offer you a cup overflowing with patience, but I
haven't
> found a vendor! LOL Just breath, take that moment to find your
shining
> light and your cup will overflow!
>
> Jennifer
>
> _________________________________________________________________
> Help STOP SPAM with the new MSN 8 and get 2 months FREE*
> http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail

myfunny4

--- In [email protected], Fetteroll <fetteroll@e...>
wrote:
It also helps to look at
> the bigger picture. Rather than focusing on the scene and what you
could
> have done with the melt down, look at what you could have done to
prevent
> the melt down.

My kids are older now, but I remember those days with great
affection. I think little kids are amazing...older kids are cool,
too...but birth to 5 years old is probably my favorite "fun" time.
That was the age when my girls thought it was so fabulous to have a
shopping list and a crayon to check off items, to give the cashier
the money, to put coins in a slot, to order the "one pound of
virginia ham sliced thin" - all in a rush - at the deli counter,
because she had been practicing it diligently on the way to the
supermarket, to seriously hand the bank teller the check and deposit
slip and tell him that we'd like $100.00 in tens and a lollipop,
please.

This was a fascinating world to my kids, and everything could be made
into an adventure for them. I miss those days.

My dh and I tried to involve our kids in everything we did.
Sometimes it meant that errands or chores took us twice as long, but
better that time spent enjoyably engaged with your child than dealing
with an frustrated, irascible child who will scream "Noooooooooooo"
in a piercing shriek that could shatter glass.

Most of all, though...we tried to make our young children feel that
they mattered; that their feelings and thoughts and needs were
important to us; that they were part of a wonderful thing called a
family. This involvement, this partnership, we nurtured in as many
ways as possible...to the bewilderment of family and neighbors. Just
a few years ago, when he was 6 years old, my now 10-year old son was
fascinated by planes and airports. He thought the guys who guide the
planes waving those flags were just the coolest thing; so whenever we
were coming home and getting ready to drive the car into the
driveway, Robert would jump out of the car with his flags (from a
dollars store) and his headset (old clunky headset from my first
walkman), and would *guide* us into the driveway, flourishing his
flags in a mysterious hand signal that my husband intuitively
understood. The neighbors would pause in their yard chores to
stare. Honestly...I just miss those days so much.

Debbie

zenmomma2kids

>> I think it helps to not look at unschooling as the ideal we should
be but as the goal we should keep focused on. >>

Unschooling is the journey, not the destination.

Life is good.
~Mary

Maggy

I realize this group does not exist merely for moral support, but just want to say that this post really made my day. Thanks, Sandra! It helps to know that although some days are difficult to get through, better days will follow (and they often do). I feel so committed to unschooling that I know I won't give up. I try to take one day at a time and remind myself "this too shall pass".
Maggy (who HAS 3 kids with the oldest being 6 and the youngest in diapers)
----- Original Message -----
From: SandraDodd@...
To: [email protected]
I have very often felt like I didn't have enough patience to be the kind of
mom I wanted to be.

But it turned out I had enough desire to be the kind of mom I wanted to be
that when I lost my patience I apologized and checked to see whether maybe
*I* was hungry (often true) and tired and maybe getting sick. When I had
three kids and the oldest was six, sometimes I didn't go too many hours in a
row without feeling like I wouldn't survive the day, or the night, or the
hour. And here I am, in calmer waters, nobody in diapers, everybody can
read. How did THAT happen?? One moment at a time.

Each moment has the potential to be better than the one before. Some moments
aren't. If most ARE, you're winning!

Sandra



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

rwdhmc

Thank you Jennifer for that beautiful post. We just moved last Thursday and your post was very ummm.....timely. LOL This, and other posts like it, are the reason I keep reading despite the volume!

Patty

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robin Clevenger

> In a message dated 5/18/2003 11:45:48 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
> arodonn@... writes:
> I have to say, though, that lately I've been feeling like I am not patient
> and creative enough with problem solving with Davan. We ended up having
> quite a bad seance at a store today. I think Davan was hungry, which led
> to some of the difficulties, but it gets me so down when she ends up
crying
> and angry and I end up angry and not the nicest of people in return. Do
> any of you ever feel like you don't have enough patience for this job?
> Sometimes I wonder about myself....
>
> So, here I am, and I imagine that now I've broken the ice with my first
> post, there will be more to follow. :)
>
> Nicholina


Welcome Nicholina,
I'm sure that all of us can relate to your post and to the situation. It
helps me to remember that even if I plan things well and try to account for
kids who are tired and hungry and bring along fun things for them to do,
sometimes for whatever reason, my kid or kids are just going to have a tough
time of things. Heck, sometimes even though my life is pretty darn good, *I*
have a tough time and do stupid things like pick a fight with my husband
over something silly. It doesn't mean I don't love him, it means I was
having a hard day and didn't process is well. Same thing with my kids, and
I try to use forgiveness, both in their direction and in my own.
Patience is a tough one. I wasn't known as a patient person before having
kids, and it's been a work in progress over the years for me (I have a 6.and
a 3 year old). Right now when they're both fairly young and the littlest one
is still in that phase where things like "I want yogurt to eat, no a
sandwich, no YOGURT, I said YOGURT!! No, I want to get MY OWN SPOON!!!!" are
a minute-by-minute experience, my patience gets taken down to it's very end
at times. I'm learning as we go to breathe deeply and let go, but there are
times when it all just mounts up. Of course, trying to get something done
like grocery shopping can really be a challenge.
Hang in there, none of us is perfect. We are all on the road to being more
patient, more trusting, more of the parents we want to be.
One thing that sometimes works for me when we go shopping is to have the
kids each bring along one thing, something small they can hold on to. I went
shopping with my 6 year old last night and he brought along one of his Lego
people, "Cam". Well, the whole way through the store, Cam told me stories of
her adventures-- the time she fought the giant transforming Allosaurus, the
time she teamed up with the Bionicles to defeat the evil Makuta, the time
she and her partner (named "Water") built a trap for the Skeletors, etc. I
don't think my son took a breath for the hour we were in the store. After
awhile, I looked up and realized that the people around us were smiling at
us, just to hear his enthusiasm and the stories he was telling, the detail,
how excited he was. It felt really good to just be there with my amazing,
inventive kid and have him bringing smiles not only to me, but to everyone
around us. To him, it was not another drudgery of a shopping trip, but an
hour where he got to talk to me for the whole time. He loved it! And I loved
the little things he did like asking the checkout lady for some stickers for
his little sister. Very thoughtful. So just that one act of suggesting he
bring a Lego person along transformed a trip from possibly dreadful to
magical.
Of course, some days nothing works, everything falls apart, the center
cannot hold, etc. and then we just have to practice forgiveness--to our
kids, to ourselves--and move on, hopefully learning something for next time.

Blue Skies!
-Robin-

Maggy

Thanks for reminding me how easy I've got it. It's great that you can take it all in stride. You are in inspiration!
Maggy
----- Original Message -----
From: jmcseals SEALS
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, May 19, 2003 3:22 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: One Lurker Says Hi
Oh heavens yes! This could not have come at a better time. We are down to
the wire in finding a house. The fridge AND the ac went out this week.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Mary

<<on 5/18/03 11:44 PM, Nicholina ODonnell at arodonn@... wrote:

Do any of you ever feel like you don't have enough patience for this job?>>



I'm confused by this. The people that commented on this gave a resounding
yes answer. My first thought at reading it was definitely no.
What "job" are speaking of? Being a mom or being a mom to unschooled kids?
Well either way, the wording of "feel like I don't have enough patience"
makes me feel like someone just wanted to call it a day and not go on
anymore. (with the job) I have never felt like that. I haven't felt like I
don't have "enough" patience. What I do feel at times is that I want and
need to be better at what I do. No, actually I always feel like I want to do
better. But I have never questioned why I do this or feel like I bit off
more than I can chew.

Mary B

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/19/03 9:27:13 AM, mummy124@... writes:

<< I'm confused by this. The people that commented on this gave a resounding

yes answer. My first thought at reading it was definitely no. >>

It's okay if your answer doesn't match other people's. No need to be
confused. Be confident!

<<Well either way, the wording of "feel like I don't have enough patience"

makes me feel like someone just wanted to call it a day and not go on

anymore. (with the job) I have never felt like that. >>

I've felt like it momentarily, lots of times.

It could just be a biochemical difference. Some people are more even-keeled
than others, never feeling hugely elated, but never having any quick pangs of
despair, either.

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/19/03 9:47:23 AM, isaacray@... writes:

<< Maggy (who HAS 3 kids with the oldest being 6 and the youngest in diapers)
>>

I salute you.
Here's what's ahead for you (barring possible disabilities):

They will all be using toilets AND flushing AND wiping themselves!!
They will all put their own socks and shoes on!

They will all put their own jackets on.

They will learn to use alarm clocks and get up by themselves and take a
shower sometimes if they have a big day planned.

That last part is still amazing to me. And I still get up to double-check
that they had set the alarm and that they don't just go back to sleep. But
more and more, I keep secret that I'm up or checking (I just listen for the
shower or for movement), and more and more I don't need to help at all!

It probably sounds like science fiction, Maggy, but it's just RIGHT up the
road! (five and ten years...)

Sandra

Rebecca DeLong

SandraDodd@... wrote:

<<<I have very often felt like I didn't have enough patience to be the kind of
mom I wanted to be.

But it turned out I had enough desire to be the kind of mom I wanted to be
that when I lost my patience I apologized and checked to see whether maybe
*I* was hungry (often true) and tired and maybe getting sick. When I had
three kids and the oldest was six, sometimes I didn't go too many hours in a
row without feeling like I wouldn't survive the day, or the night, or the
hour. And here I am, in calmer waters, nobody in diapers, everybody can
read. How did THAT happen?? One moment at a time.

Each moment has the potential to be better than the one before. Some moments
aren't. If most ARE, you're winning!>>>

I just wanted to say that this really hit home for me. Jaiden and Avery are sick, I'm getting sick, and Jason is in the middle of finals and about to start two more classes, so that hopefully he'll be able to go back to work in Aug. Patience has been in short supply around here.

I just try to remember that if I'm running out of patience with the kids, they must be running out of patience with me. And that I've had many more years of experience dealing with loss of patience, so it's up to me to bring us all back to an okay place.

Jaiden and I have started deep breathing when one or both of us is getting upset, tired, or unable to cope with the situation. It kinda like a signal to the others around us that we are trying to maintain and that we all need to work and changing the situation/environment. Maybe it time for a snack, or a walk, whatever we need to get us all back to a better place.

It's not perfect yet, It may never be perfect, but it is better than the meltdowns we were all going through.

Rebecca


*~*Leave the crowd, look within, and let your dreams soar*~*

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

jmcseals SEALS

**I can't wait to meet you at the conference, anyone who can
manage 7 children and still be so calm and happy is worth meeting :)**

Thank you Olga (and Kelly <g>)! I can't wait to meet everyone, too!

I hate to burst your bubble <beg> but I'm NOT always calm. A lot of times,
far from it. But I am happy. One of the hardest things I've had to learn
as a mother is self-forgiveness. When I began to give myself permission to
make mistakes and learned to forgive myself, I found it so much easier to
see those little moments that really are there everyday. Life has been
throwing us some serious curve balls lately and we have all been pretty
miserable. The only thing that has saved my sanity is that I remind myself
that this will pass. Someday, we will have a house and everything will work
and we will use that time to fill ourselves with happiness and make it
through the next bump in the road. Sometimes, they're mountains, sometimes
just a pebble or two. :)

I couldn't be half the person or mother I am without self-forgiveness.
Being here to know I'm not alone is worth more than I could possibly put
into words!

Jennifer

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelly Lenhart

>I salute you.
>Here's what's ahead for you (barring possible disabilities):
>Sandra


I should keep this post. I have a 7 year old, a 2 year old and a new one on
the way. All boys. I'm in the "Am I really gonna make it?" stage. Plus I
only dimly remember what it is like to have more than 10 minutes alone with
my husband. Uhm, he's the tallest of the men in the house, right?? -sigh-

I was once told by my step mom that life starts being "normal" again when
the kid is around 3.5 or 4. I found that to be true with the first one, so
I'm hoping that we hit that point when little no name is about that. So,
say 4 years from now. When they can all talk, go to the bathroom, put on
their own clothes, etc....

Oh, but some days that sounds soooooo far away.

Kelly

Nicholina ODonnell

Hi Jennifer! :)

I snipped just a piece of your post (below) about your current stresses (and, boy, do I feel for you!) and I noticed that, even when you didn't feel very patient, you acted in a patient way. With all that is going on in your life just now, I wanted to say kudos to you for not blowing up!

Nicholina
Hi Lurker! :)

<<Do any of you ever feel like you don't
have enough patience for this job?>>

(snip) When I came in the house, Ethan was
sitting in the kitchen floor with empty cupcake papers and the salt and
pepper, making 'birthday cakes'. I had just mopped the kitchen floor. I
just wanted to scream and cry. Instead, I grabbed him and carried him off
to bed. I sang him a soft song and rubbed his beautiful face until he fell
asleep. For an hour, I went from room to room, carressing my sleeping
little angels. Little by little my patience returned. A wave of peace
washed over me. (snip)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Nicholina ODonnell

>> Do any of you ever feel like you don't have enough patience for this job?
>> Sometimes I wonder about myself....

>Yes, of course! Though my faults lie more with slothfulness. ;-)

>I think it helps to not look at unschooling as the ideal we should be but as
>the goal we should keep focused on. Rather than looking at a mistake and
>beating ourselves up for what we should have done, we can look at it and
>figure out how we could handle it better next time. It also helps to look at
>the bigger picture. Rather than focusing on the scene and what you could
>have done with the melt down, look at what you could have done to prevent
>the melt down. Like maybe taking snacks with you, or give yourself
>permission to stop and take a mall food break, or do smaller shopping trips,
>or only shop when she can stay with someone else.

Yes! This is deffinitly a piece of the puzzle. Davan doesn't really like stores unless she has money to spend (and who can blame her) and can look only at things she's interested in. I usually try to do store trips when she can stay at home. I even had a feeling it was going to turn out badly, but thought, it'll be quick, we're already out, the whole family is doing something together instead of a couple staying at home, we are picking up one thing for her, so that's catch her interest....sigh. Prevention is the best medicine.

Nicholina


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Nicholina ODonnell

>At least our consciousness of the problem and desire to change are a
>step in the right direction!!

>Olga :)

Absolutely! This is so important to keep in mind. People, and kids in particular, tend to pick up on overall parenting and good intention, right?

Everyone's responses have been great in helping me remember that everyone else isn't perfect while I'm the only one making mistakes. Which, when something goes wrong, I have a tendency to feel that way.


Thanks,
Nicholina


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Nicholina ODonnell

>Welcome Nicholina. What a brave soul for stepping in at this
>particular moment. <g>

>Life is good.
>~Mary

Thank you. I must say it did seem brave to jump in when I first started lurking and saw all the posts to Glena. However, after a while, I felt like I wouldn't get slammed, but lurking had become a habit. Now, well, as you can see by my many responses, the waterfall has been unleashed. <g>

Nicholina


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

jmcseals SEALS

Mary,

Are you saying you have never had a moment where your patience ran thin?
Where you felt frustrated and overwhelmed? I read her post in the
figurative sense. That there are days when the *thought* of throwing the
towel in comes to mind. I saw nothing to suggest she was actually making
that a serious consideration. I read a post by a mother needing
reassurance, a friendly smile and a nudge back in the right direction. What
I don't understand about your reply is why you want to do better. (?) What
did you handle incorrectly that you might like to change? Did you handle
them all with patience and understanding? If so, where is the need for
improvement in your reactions??

I'm sorry, but I have a hard time believing that you have never once felt a
lack of patience as a mother. I could see having a lack of patience but
still being understanding and gentle in your approach. To put the word job
in stars seemed snarky to me. I don't see how a *job* is a bad thing!
Weren't you the one who spoke of listing mother on a form of some sort in
the *job* blank? Either that or you were the one who shared the essay it
stemmed from. Yet you put it in stars as if it were condecending to
consider our life work a job.

Ugh, this is irritating.

Anyway, it would be one thing to say that, no, you have never felt that way
and given ways you handle daily stress in your life. But you left it at,
no, I never feel that way about my *job*. How was that in any way helpful
and did you honestly think your response was helpful to her in *any* way?
Or was it an attempt to come here and tout your perfect righteousness and
possibly make someone feel like shit?

Jennifer

I'm confused by this. The people that commented on this gave a resounding
yes answer. My first thought at reading it was definitely no.
What "job" are speaking of? Being a mom or being a mom to unschooled kids?
Well either way, the wording of "feel like I don't have enough patience"
makes me feel like someone just wanted to call it a day and not go on
anymore. (with the job) I have never felt like that. I haven't felt like I
don't have "enough" patience. What I do feel at times is that I want and
need to be better at what I do. No, actually I always feel like I want to do
better. But I have never questioned why I do this or feel like I bit off
more than I can chew.

Mary B

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