Paula Sjogerman

on 5/18/03 12:23 PM, [email protected] at
[email protected] wrote:

> Is
> there any way to reassure him that just "doing your best" is all we can
> do in life?

Nope. Well, you can say it, but he won't believe you. I'd say it anyway,
just so he knows that some people do believe it.


> I'm looking for words of wisdom for myself in working through this. As
> his Mama I want to step in and "fix" things for him, but I know that's
> not the best thing for any of us. It's hard for ME to see him struggle
> with his perfectionism. How can I be there for him and help him to work
> through his frustrations without imposing my own wishes or solutions on him?


My son is just like this. I see your son is only 4 and that can be a
difficult age even with the easiest-going of kids. So, first, take a lot of
deep breaths.

It IS really hard to parent a perfectionist child. You watch them make
things so much harder on themselves than they need to be. So far what I've
learned is to listen sympathetically, to mirror back their feelings, to
offer some suggestions (but NOT take it personally when they're shot down)
and to trust that they're doing what they need to. I try to talk about
situations with Quinn after the intense feelings about them are over.


> Also, how do you all handle "schoolish" lingo with the littler ones?
> What I mean is the "age/grade level" that workbooks, games and
> activities put on their products and things like that. I'm having
> difficulty explaining that it's all arbitrary, but DS is taking it
> literally and seems to be really focusing on these labels.

Let him experience for himself the silliness of it all. Just get whatever
materials he wants at whatever levels and get other things yourself for him
that you think he might enjoy; he'll get soon enough that they make no
sense.

Paula