Lisa Bugg

>
> So, old-timers, do any of you have these sort of problems? I'm not so much
> looking for practical solutions, but rather, ideas on how you cope with
these
> feelings of needing more from life, and coping with the criticism from
your
> fellow homeschoolers (who, after all these years of homeschooling, have
become
> my main circle of friends) if you go for it.

I'm not sure how I cope. Sometimes, I might not really cope, but sort of
muddle through?? I know that I mothered intensely for a number of years. I
have a child that was molested that needed lots and lots of me. Then I had
3 children in 4 years and I had all I could do to keep them clean and fed.
Now I have healthy, happy kids, all of whom are busy living and learning and
flowing around me. But after all the diapers were done and everyone could
get food for themselves life changed. I had a bit more time just for myself
and I laid claim to it with passion.

My dad and stepmom and mil have all voiced disapproval and dismay. They
don't understand a great many of our choices. I spent time trying to help
them see from our perspective, but they really were not interested in
understanding, only in controlling. Sadly, we've had to limit our time and
efforts with them. Life is too short to deal with the same issue over and
over.

Loneliness has cropped up for me. My circle of friends has been small, but I
must say this year has brought many interesting people into my life. And
that's where I focus. I work at making these new friendships. I refused to
get sucked into spending my time with people who drain me.

I think another thing I do is just talk honestly that it's hard to always be
odd man out and I would like to be accepted for just being me. Many times
those naysayers hear the underlying plea to let matters of difference lie.
We focus on just being ourselves together, rather than all of us being
alike. It gives them room to acknowledge the places they are indeed
different too. It's hard work though.

Back to cleaning out my mailbox. <VBG>

LisaKK

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/5/2000 7:40:47 AM Pacific Standard Time,
klement@... writes:

<< I too have decided to avoid or at least limit my time with those who
drain me and/or my family emotionaly (and that includes the
grandparents)
>>

I have decided this very thing. I have no desire to be drained simply for
forms sake and if the grandparents of my children think We are being abusive
by not putting them into school, then I can easily forgo the "pleasure" of
their company.

Someone said that you can't win with society and I agree, someone is always
going to disagree with you in a way that is not respectful of your decisions.
I started having my children when I was 24 and had two very quickly, one
right after another. I had I don't know how many people tell me that I was
insane for having them so close together. But really, I am glad I did. It was
hard when they were younger.... But it is so worthwhile now!
Teri


Suite101 Unschooling Editor
http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/unschooling
Assistant Editor For Voices,
The Journal of the National Home Education Network www.nhen.org
Columnist For The Link: A Homeschooling Newspaper
Homeschooling - Christian Unschooling - Natural learning
http://www.inspirit.com.au/unschooling/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

D Klement

Lisa Bugg wrote:
> My dad and stepmom and mil have all voiced disapproval and dismay. They
> don't understand a great many of our choices. I spent time trying to >help them see from our perspective, but they really were not interested >in understanding, only in controlling. Sadly, we've had to limit our >time and efforts with them. Life is too short to deal with the same >issue over and over.
> Loneliness has cropped up for me. My circle of friends has been small, >but I must say this year has brought many interesting people into my >life. And that's where I focus. I work at making these new friendships. >I refused to get sucked into spending my time with people who drain me.
*****************
I've been reading this thread off and on over the last few days.
What Lisa stated rang true for me.
I had very few adult friends to start with and when we started to have a
family others we knew put theirs into daycare.....heck even my mil and
mom we're pushing me to do that and find work....mind you their idea of
daycare was to assume it would be them doing the daycare and shutting
out the *other* grandma.
When we decided on HSing....we let them know about our decision after
the fact......we weren't going to let them have any control, these were
OUR children not theirs. They we're entitled to an opinion and give
advice but had to learn that when you give advice that doesn't mean your
adult child is automaticly coing to take it.

When HSing became a real thing in regards to the moms I had made friends
with at our neighbourhood school....I became invisible in the
neighbourhood....shunned or politely but extremely casually
acknowledged,when met in public like at the park or the library or at
Brownies and Cub Scouts. My kids we're not welcome to talk with their
kids especialy if Hsing was brought up.

I too have decided to avoid or at least limit my time with those who
drain me and/or my family emotionaly (and that includes the
grandparents)

Buzz (Debbie)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Klement Family "Education is what survives when
Darryl, Debbie, what has been learned has been
Kathleen, Nathan & forgotten"
Samantha B.F. Skinner in "New Scientist".
e-mail- klement@...
Canadian homeschool page: http:\\www.flora.org/homeschool-ca/
Ont. Federation of Teaching Parents: http:\\www.flora.org/oftp/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

D Klement

unschoolr2@... wrote:
>
> From: unschoolr2@...
>
> In a message dated 3/5/2000 7:40:47 AM Pacific Standard Time,
> klement@... writes:
>
> << I too have decided to avoid or at least limit my time with those who
> drain me and/or my family emotionaly (and that includes the
> grandparents)
> >>
>
> I have decided this very thing. I have no desire to be drained simply for
> forms sake and if the grandparents of my children think We are being abusive
> by not putting them into school, then I can easily forgo the "pleasure" of
> their company.
>
> Someone said that you can't win with society and I agree, someone is always
> going to disagree with you in a way that is not respectful of your decisions.
> I started having my children when I was 24 and had two very quickly, one
> right after another. I had I don't know how many people tell me that I was
> insane for having them so close together. But really, I am glad I did. It was
> hard when they were younger.... But it is so worthwhile now!
> Teri

I had Nathan and Samantha 18 months apart.
It was a lot like having twins except I had 6 months extra of diaper
duty. If I'd had them further apart they wouldn't have overlapped with
diaper duty and I would have had an extra two years and I ended up
nursing for three years instead of 4....I sort of *tandem nursed* 'cause
I nursed Nathan while pregnant with Sam.

We tried sooo long to have Nathan after Katie (4 1/4 yrs apart). We had
some infertility problems on my part...kind of hard to get preggers when
you only ovulate once every three or four months ;-)
I was thought to be selfish and irresponsible to have *let* it happen.
My sister and brother we're both planning second children (My sister
already preggers with #2) but I already had two and aparently was
considered to have showed poor judgement by having a third. I was
laughed laughed and sneered at because they all thought I'd used nursing
as birth control....I wasn't nursing to prevent conception and the pill
wasn't an option and latex I have an alergic reaction to.
But Sam is a delight even if her grandparents don't appreciate her an
aknowledge her as is appropriate.

Buzz
--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Klement Family "Education is what survives when
Darryl, Debbie, what has been learned has been
Kathleen, Nathan & forgotten"
Samantha B.F. Skinner in "New Scientist".
e-mail- klement@...
Canadian homeschool page: http:\\www.flora.org/homeschool-ca/
Ont. Federation of Teaching Parents: http:\\www.flora.org/oftp/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

susan

Campbell & Wyman wrote:)


> It is very sad that you must deal with unsupportive family.

i agree because it -unschooling- would be even better when the whole family
unschools side by side - the more the merrier:) here's a good quote from
grace llewelyn about the multi-dimensional aspects of unschooling:

'it feels important to me to be in touch with my own process of unschooling
because, in order for people to contribute to the larger good, they need to be
self-fulfilled. as i work to fulfill my own talents, my dreams, i see that i
can also help people active their own dreams. i wonder what i'm here for,
and i try to make sure that i'm not being 'should' driven.

it feels important to my work that i not be a hypocrite. in a larger sense,
i encourage people to get out of their ruts, or institutions, that are not
serving them, where they feel dead.

i feel that i'm much more helpful to my audience when i'm self-sparked and
happy.

the more i learn about life from myself, the more i see how unschooling, or
any meaningful path of learning, is not something that you can really confine
to academia, certainly not to the systems of school as we know them. so i
would encourage people to ask themselves how they are limiting themselves, how
they limit their own ideas about what they or their kids could and should be
learning and growing - all that'


> I actually love some of the heated philosophical discussions that I have
> with my parents and
> sibling. These discussions help us all understand each other. And , if I
> remain open and accepting of the discussion I can really learn a lot and be
> a more critical thinker about where our learing is going.

> I know that a lot of their questions come from a place of love. They ask
> the questions because they love the girls and their own experience was
> school. And it worked for them. They were very interesting, loving
> teachers and I know that they were well-loved by their students. However,
> it is only natural that they question our choice...it is a foreign world to
> them and they want answers.

i think that bringing in the whole family by keeping these lines open (via
discussion etc.) is very much in keeping with the spirit of this quote.
though there are unfortunately situation where these path need to be closed
but whenever it is possible. i believe that if members of the extended
family are included everyone grows and stays 'in touch' with their 'own
process of unschooling'.

> The answers take time to show themselves. But
> it is happening...the girls are so solid, so empathetic, so spirited.
> My mom and dad are now hard-core believers in home education. They are so
> proud of us all... especially little me (blush). They know how hard we
> worked at the beginning to get our home-learning dream off the ground and
> the fruits of our labours are very evident now.

my mother had mixed feeling about homeschooling and my sister homeschooled
without really telling her (starting with her son at 14 but kept her dd in
school for 2 more years - 8 yr. spread between them). when i had rene' i told
my mother to plan on us homeschooling (she doesn't argue with me because she
knows i will not back down and if she pushes i will just stop talk to her -
one of the nice things about having a chronic illness you just don't have the
energy or patience for the bs) within about 6 months she was telling my sister
to homeschool and now thinks kids are much better off being homeschooled.

my in-laws are a bit different. they are ps believers. fil just retired from
teaching math in ps for 35 yrs and mil was a ps librarian but now is a
librarian at a public lib. both sil's are ardent supporters of ps, one
thinks rene' 'knows too much' and that i should not 'teach' him so much
because society doesn't like people who are 'too' smart (everything he knows
is of his own doing not mine - i've never 'taught' him anything i just answer
all his questions). talk about dumping down! but we stand firm and i hope
when they see that he is happy, self-confident and fulfilled and that just
because he knows lots of things doesn't mean he has to be a social pariah.
maybe she too will at least accept what we are doing, even if her family makes
a different choice.

>

> It makes me sad that so many of you don't have strong support from your
> families. I don't think that there is an easy solution but I think that
> time tells the tale. If the grandparent or other nay-sayers really love
> your children are they not able to see how loved they are??? Home schooling
> our children takes our devotion and time and love.
>
> Brooke in southern BC
> >
> brynlee@...

support is a great thing, where ever it comes from, but from ones own family
it really feels good. it's like fertilizer, but if you don't find it from
those who you think 'should' give it to you you need to find it within
yourself and stand firm in your decisions. doubter only distract you from all
the joy that is there to be had. i think the saddest part about unsupportive
family members is the loss of relationship and if people would accept the
differences we each have life would be much more wonderful than it already is.

-susan
austin,tx
'unity through diversity'

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/5/00 12:11:59 PM Central Standard Time,
klement@... writes:

<< But Sam is a delight even if her grandparents don't appreciate her an
aknowledge her as is appropriate.
>>
I can relate to this! My mother was delighted when she learned that we were
expecting our third, but my husbands folks were just hateful. His mother
actually said, "How could you do this to me???", and took to her bed for
several weeks!!! His dad said he couldn't believe that DH was stupid enough
to have "gotten caught". Apparently they didn't want their gene pool
polluted any more by my icky lupus genes. Well, that blew over fairly
quickly after they realized that they were going to find themselves the proud
grandparents of exactly ZERO grandchildren if they kept it up. Now they are
absolutely nuts about Josie and think she's the cat's pajamas. They pretty
much keep out of our decisions about the kids. MY mom, on the other hand,
makes no secret of her disdain for our decision to homeschool. She's
outspoken about how we're fouling up the children's lives. Everytime I have
a lupus flare her first reaction is, "You WILL put those children in school
where they belong now, I hope", or "how is this affecting your children's
education?" (this is met with stony silence on my part). I just can't be
bothered with this. She got to raise her children, and now I get to raise
mine.
KIM
***hobbles with scissors***
(terrible lupus flare)

Campbell & Wyman

At 01:07 PM 3/5/00 -0800, you wrote:
>> << I too have decided to avoid or at least limit my time with those who
>> drain me and/or my family emotionaly (and that includes the
>> grandparents)
>> >>

It is very sad that you must deal with unsupportive family.

My parents were teachers (my dad was a chemistry prof, mom taught
elementary) and my sister is a teacher in a private school in Vermont.
At first they were worried (I translated that as a normal response...heck!
I had it too in the beginning) so I inundated them with every wonderful
article and book that I found regarding family-centred learning and
home-schooling. We had many 'discussions' and it took time for them to
totally accept our choice. But I kept reminding them that the bottom line
for us was that the girls were loved and nurtured in a stimulating and
encouraging way. We love learning, we love books and we love our children!
A perfect mix...and the proof is in the pudding as they have grown into
self-motivated learners (they are 11 and 9).

Mom still phones once in a while and says, "Do the girls keep a journal?
Did the girls do math today? " but ...these types of questions are becoming
fewer and fewer as time goes on and they see how balanced we are in our
approach. I always laugh when my mom phones and says these things (and
remind her that she needs to come and visit soon!!!). I actually love some
of the heated philosophical discussions that I have with my parents and
sibling. These discussions help us all understand each other. And , if I
remain open and accepting of the discussion I can really learn a lot and be
a more critical thinker about where our learing is going.

I know that a lot of their questions come from a place of love. They ask
the questions because they love the girls and their own experience was
school. And it worked for them. They were very interesting, loving
teachers and I know that they were well-loved by their students. However,
it is only natural that they question our choice...it is a foreign world to
them and they want answers. The answers take time to show themselves. But
it is happening...the girls are so solid, so empathetic, so spirited.
My mom and dad are now hard-core believers in home education. They are so
proud of us all... especially little me (blush). They know how hard we
worked at the beginning to get our home-learning dream off the ground and
the fruits of our labours are very evident now.

It makes me sad that so many of you don't have strong support from your
families. I don't think that there is an easy solution but I think that
time tells the tale. If the grandparent or other nay-sayers really love
your children are they not able to see how loved they are??? Home schooling
our children takes our devotion and time and love.

Brooke in southern BC
>
brynlee@...

April

<<<KIM
***hobbles with scissors***
(terrible lupus flare)>>>


Kim, so sorry to hear about your flare up but I just had to say how much I
like your sense of humor. Your kids are learning so much about life and how
to cope by being with you seeing your sense of humor even during your flare
ups. This is something that will help them more than any education from any
school as they encounter the ups and downs of life.
April
*** who never did do what her mother said ***

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/5/00 10:13:13 PM Central Standard Time,
abmorris@... writes:

<< <<<KIM
***hobbles with scissors***
(terrible lupus flare)>>>


Kim, so sorry to hear about your flare up but I just had to say how much I
like your sense of humor. Your kids are learning so much about life and how
to cope by being with you seeing your sense of humor even during your flare
ups. This is something that will help them more than any education from any
school as they encounter the ups and downs of life.
April
*** who never did do what her mother said *** >>

April,

You just can never, never imagine how you made my day with your kind words.
I feel so absolutely awful tonight and I can't imagine scraping up the energy
to be of any use to my kids tomorrow and your words made all the difference
to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
KIM

Joshua Heath

Brooke, what town are you from? We live in Kelowna, bound to be not too far
away, unless you are way out east. Anyways, nice to hear someone else on
the list from B.C.!
I just became aware of "unschooling" or "natural learning" 2 months ago..
shortly after making the decision to school at home. It fits us like a
glove, and I have even managed to meet three other familes here in Kelowna
that also more or less unschool.

Take care,
Joshua
From: Campbell & Wyman <brynlee@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Sunday, March 05, 2000 7:58 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] old timers / was Definition Please


> From: Campbell & Wyman <brynlee@...>
>
> At 01:07 PM 3/5/00 -0800, you wrote:
> >> << I too have decided to avoid or at least limit my time with those who
> >> drain me and/or my family emotionaly (and that includes the
> >> grandparents)
> >> >>
>
> It is very sad that you must deal with unsupportive family.
>
> My parents were teachers (my dad was a chemistry prof, mom taught
> elementary) and my sister is a teacher in a private school in Vermont.
> At first they were worried (I translated that as a normal response...heck!
> I had it too in the beginning) so I inundated them with every wonderful
> article and book that I found regarding family-centred learning and
> home-schooling. We had many 'discussions' and it took time for them to
> totally accept our choice. But I kept reminding them that the bottom line
> for us was that the girls were loved and nurtured in a stimulating and
> encouraging way. We love learning, we love books and we love our children!
> A perfect mix...and the proof is in the pudding as they have grown into
> self-motivated learners (they are 11 and 9).
>
> Mom still phones once in a while and says, "Do the girls keep a journal?
> Did the girls do math today? " but ...these types of questions are
becoming
> fewer and fewer as time goes on and they see how balanced we are in our
> approach. I always laugh when my mom phones and says these things (and
> remind her that she needs to come and visit soon!!!). I actually love some
> of the heated philosophical discussions that I have with my parents and
> sibling. These discussions help us all understand each other. And , if I
> remain open and accepting of the discussion I can really learn a lot and
be
> a more critical thinker about where our learing is going.
>
> I know that a lot of their questions come from a place of love. They ask
> the questions because they love the girls and their own experience was
> school. And it worked for them. They were very interesting, loving
> teachers and I know that they were well-loved by their students. However,
> it is only natural that they question our choice...it is a foreign world
to
> them and they want answers. The answers take time to show themselves. But
> it is happening...the girls are so solid, so empathetic, so spirited.
> My mom and dad are now hard-core believers in home education. They are so
> proud of us all... especially little me (blush). They know how hard we
> worked at the beginning to get our home-learning dream off the ground and
> the fruits of our labours are very evident now.
>
> It makes me sad that so many of you don't have strong support from your
> families. I don't think that there is an easy solution but I think that
> time tells the tale. If the grandparent or other nay-sayers really love
> your children are they not able to see how loved they are??? Home
schooling
> our children takes our devotion and time and love.
>
> Brooke in southern BC
> >
> brynlee@...
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> GET A NEXTCARD VISA, in 30 seconds! Get rates as low as 0.0%
> Intro or 9.9% Fixed APR and no hidden fees. Apply NOW!
> http://click.egroups.com/1/937/5/_/448294/_/952315231/
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
> Check it all out at: http://www.unschooling.com
>
>
>

Campbell & Wyman

hi there...
We are in Nelson area..up the lake actually near the Kokanee Glacier
provincial park. We have a great support group here and have joined CHEA
(Can. Home Educ. Assoc). The president of that organization is in Penticton.
We (Kootenay Home Educators) have a newsletter as well (which I edit) and
have lots of get-togethers. There are 70 families that get the newsletter.

We have home educated from the beginning and so the girls have never been
to school. They are now 9 and 11. It has been an interesting journey...
I think that Deb (Buzz) is from BC too. But I could be wrong. Hey
buzz...are you there. ???

Unschooling is the way to go and I am really enjoying the journey. I have
used curriculum and even had us enrolled in a Distance Ed. program one year
but none of us enjoyed it. This year has been the best...and we owe it to
our more relaxed and trusting approach with unschooling.
Keep in touch...
Brooke in BC.

At 10:05 PM 3/5/00 -0800, you wrote:
>From: "Joshua Heath" <heathfam@...>
>
>Brooke, what town are you from? We live in Kelowna, bound to be not too far
>away, unless you are way out east. Anyways, nice to hear someone else on
>the list from B.C.!
>I just became aware of "unschooling" or "natural learning" 2 months ago..
>shortly after making the decision to school at home. It fits us like a
>glove, and I have even managed to meet three other familes here in Kelowna
>that also more or less unschool.
>
>Take care,
>Joshua

brynlee@...

K WORTHEN

Brooke,
You wrote that in the begining you were worried yourself about
homeschooling. What got you beyond this? I too am very worried. Probably
more than I'm willing to admit. I've spent so much time convincing everyone
from dh to mil to my mom that this is the best thing, but I'm not so sure
I've convinced myself. Any pointers would be great.
Amy Worthen
----- Original Message -----
From: "Campbell & Wyman" <brynlee@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Sunday, March 05, 2000 10:58 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] old timers / was Definition Please


> From: Campbell & Wyman <brynlee@...>
>
> At 01:07 PM 3/5/00 -0800, you wrote:
> >> << I too have decided to avoid or at least limit my time with those who
> >> drain me and/or my family emotionaly (and that includes the
> >> grandparents)
> >> >>
>
> It is very sad that you must deal with unsupportive family.
>
> My parents were teachers (my dad was a chemistry prof, mom taught
> elementary) and my sister is a teacher in a private school in Vermont.
> At first they were worried (I translated that as a normal response...heck!
> I had it too in the beginning) so I inundated them with every wonderful
> article and book that I found regarding family-centred learning and
> home-schooling. We had many 'discussions' and it took time for them to
> totally accept our choice. But I kept reminding them that the bottom line
> for us was that the girls were loved and nurtured in a stimulating and
> encouraging way. We love learning, we love books and we love our children!
> A perfect mix...and the proof is in the pudding as they have grown into
> self-motivated learners (they are 11 and 9).
>
> Mom still phones once in a while and says, "Do the girls keep a journal?
> Did the girls do math today? " but ...these types of questions are
becoming
> fewer and fewer as time goes on and they see how balanced we are in our
> approach. I always laugh when my mom phones and says these things (and
> remind her that she needs to come and visit soon!!!). I actually love some
> of the heated philosophical discussions that I have with my parents and
> sibling. These discussions help us all understand each other. And , if I
> remain open and accepting of the discussion I can really learn a lot and
be
> a more critical thinker about where our learing is going.
>
> I know that a lot of their questions come from a place of love. They ask
> the questions because they love the girls and their own experience was
> school. And it worked for them. They were very interesting, loving
> teachers and I know that they were well-loved by their students. However,
> it is only natural that they question our choice...it is a foreign world
to
> them and they want answers. The answers take time to show themselves. But
> it is happening...the girls are so solid, so empathetic, so spirited.
> My mom and dad are now hard-core believers in home education. They are so
> proud of us all... especially little me (blush). They know how hard we
> worked at the beginning to get our home-learning dream off the ground and
> the fruits of our labours are very evident now.
>
> It makes me sad that so many of you don't have strong support from your
> families. I don't think that there is an easy solution but I think that
> time tells the tale. If the grandparent or other nay-sayers really love
> your children are they not able to see how loved they are??? Home
schooling
> our children takes our devotion and time and love.
>
> Brooke in southern BC
> >
> brynlee@...
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> GET A NEXTCARD VISA, in 30 seconds! Get rates as low as 0.0%
> Intro or 9.9% Fixed APR and no hidden fees. Apply NOW!
> http://click.egroups.com/1/937/5/_/448294/_/952315231/
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
> Check it all out at: http://www.unschooling.com
>
>

K WORTHEN

Dear Buzz,
Thanks so much for your words of encouragment. I know in my
heart that I'm doing the right thing, but some days it gets so frustrating I
just want to cry (not that we don't all have those days). We just seem to be
in a rough spot right now. My oldest (7 yr. dd) is even telling me she wants
to go back to school and dh thinks it might not be a bad idea. <big sigh>. I
fought so hard for him to let me do this, I'd hate to have to admit I was
wrong (God forbid I should do that. LOL) It is true though that the 2
younger was still demand so much of my time and we won't even talk about the
state of my house right now. Oh well, this too will pass, right? Sorry to be
going on so long, but I've got a lot on my mind.
Amy
PS Sorry if you're getting all my posts twice. Ican't seem to fix that.
----- Original Message -----
From: "D Klement" <klement@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, March 06, 2000 11:35 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] old timers / was Definition Please


> From: D Klement <klement@...>
>
> K WORTHEN wrote:
> >
> > From: "K WORTHEN" <kworthen@...>
> >
> > Brooke,
> > You wrote that in the begining you were worried yourself
about
> > homeschooling. What got you beyond this? I too am very worried. Probably
> > more than I'm willing to admit. I've spent so much time convincing
everyone
> > from dh to mil to my mom that this is the best thing, but I'm not so
sure
> > I've convinced myself. Any pointers would be great.
> > Amy Worthen
>
> I'm not Brooke but I'll tell you my POV.
> I was worried sick about HSing....not that I couldn't handle it in
> itself but handling the pressures that would follow from friends family
> and neighbours etc.
> I got beyond it by affirming to myself....
>
> 1...Teachers don't love my kids or have their best interests truly at
> heart, how can they when they only have them for 1 year/grade and must
> split their time between 20+ kids.
> 2...This isn't a life time commitment. I can re-enroll my children at
> any given time.
> 3...if in the worst case scenario they don't thrive under my tuteledge I
> can ask for help from others with more expertise (either someone in the
> flesh or online help/tutouring)
> 4...my kids will always be able to work at their own pace and their own
> daily timetable (they might do math better at 8pm instead of 9 am).
> 5...if their own genuine learning speed is too slow for society
> (grandparents etc) then it would also be too slow for the PS system and
> therefore my kid needs the one on one of HSing.
> 6...if my kid is learning at lightspeed the PS wouldn't be able to
> accomodate them and they would be better off with one on one HSing.
> 7..my kids can do a GED and take courses to meet entry requirements as
> mature students when they reach 19 yrs...some colleges reserve placement
> spots specificly for mature students....which means they may have an
> advatage in getting a placement, and who says they have to enter college
> at 18 anyways?
> 8....philisophical/topical discussions are based on how long the child
> wants to discuss them not on when the bell rings and stops it because
> you have to go to the next class.
>
> Ohhhh somebody stop me I could go on and on and on!
>
> Buzz
> --
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> The Klement Family "Education is what survives when
> Darryl, Debbie, what has been learned has been
> Kathleen, Nathan & forgotten"
> Samantha B.F. Skinner in "New Scientist".
> e-mail- klement@...
> Canadian homeschool page: http:\\www.flora.org/homeschool-ca/
> Ont. Federation of Teaching Parents: http:\\www.flora.org/oftp/
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
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Campbell & Wyman

Hi Amy,

I loved Buzz' response. Ditto there.

In retrospect , I think that being worried when you are starting something
new is pretty healthy. After all, worry comes from caring and wanting to do
the right thing. In the case of our children, I think worry comes part and
parcel with the job of parenting. We want to make sure that we are not
'missing' a piece of the learning pie. We don't want to mess up so we worry.

Time will help. Reading a lot about home education will help (there were
few histories written about homelearning familes when I started but there
is a proliferation now!). But the most important thing is to have your own
person mantra to remind yourself to accept how you feel as normal. Any new
job, any new relationship of merit will cause you to worry and think..."am
I doing the right thing? am I doing too much? am I doing too little? what
if it doesn't work out?" Things are no different with homelearning, but
personally, after what I have seen in our family, it is only a win-win
situation. There are ups-and-downs-and-in-betweens in the beginning just
like any new job . But things settle down over the years and the
being/learning together becomes second nature. The secret is to let go and
accept your 'stage' of your 'new job'. Remember that "this too will pass".

If you have done a thorough job of convincing your family that this is the
right thing I would assume that you know the pros of homelearning. I think
that you need to listen to the messages that you gave them. I kept a
journal at the beginning and write down all the incredible learning moments
, especially those where I was a spectator or facilitator. I would reread
these and they would buoy me up on the days where the self-doubt would nag
the loudest. But time was the ultimate salve for me.

Why does your daughter want to go back to school? Maybe she is worried
too!!! This may be a place for you to sit down and have a private talk to
find out what her worries are...some of them may be the same as yours.
You could use this as an opportunity to share your fears and move beyond
them.

Tell us how things are going and send more specific questions. We will try
to help you through this period.
I would say that most of us have been there...you are not alone.

Big hugs from
Brooke in BC


At 08:23 AM 3/6/00 -0500, you wrote:
>From: "K WORTHEN" <kworthen@...>
>
>Brooke,
> You wrote that in the begining you were worried yourself about
>homeschooling. What got you beyond this? I too am very worried. Probably
>more than I'm willing to admit. I've spent so much time convincing everyone
>from dh to mil to my mom that this is the best thing, but I'm not so sure
>I've convinced myself. Any pointers would be great.
>Amy Worthen
>----- Original Message -----

>> From: Campbell & Wyman <brynlee@...>
>>
>> At first they were worried (I translated that as a normal response...heck!
>> I had it too in the beginning) so I inundated them with every wonderful
>> article and book that I found regarding family-centred learning and
>> home-schooling. We had many 'discussions' and it took time for them to
>> totally accept our choice. But I kept reminding them that the bottom line
>> for us was that the girls were loved and nurtured in a stimulating and
>> encouraging way. We love learning, we love books and we love our children!
>> A perfect mix...and the proof is in the pudding as they have grown into
>> self-motivated learners (they are 11 and 9).
>
brynlee@...

D Klement

K WORTHEN wrote:
>
> From: "K WORTHEN" <kworthen@...>
>
> Brooke,
> You wrote that in the begining you were worried yourself about
> homeschooling. What got you beyond this? I too am very worried. Probably
> more than I'm willing to admit. I've spent so much time convincing everyone
> from dh to mil to my mom that this is the best thing, but I'm not so sure
> I've convinced myself. Any pointers would be great.
> Amy Worthen

I'm not Brooke but I'll tell you my POV.
I was worried sick about HSing....not that I couldn't handle it in
itself but handling the pressures that would follow from friends family
and neighbours etc.
I got beyond it by affirming to myself....

1...Teachers don't love my kids or have their best interests truly at
heart, how can they when they only have them for 1 year/grade and must
split their time between 20+ kids.
2...This isn't a life time commitment. I can re-enroll my children at
any given time.
3...if in the worst case scenario they don't thrive under my tuteledge I
can ask for help from others with more expertise (either someone in the
flesh or online help/tutouring)
4...my kids will always be able to work at their own pace and their own
daily timetable (they might do math better at 8pm instead of 9 am).
5...if their own genuine learning speed is too slow for society
(grandparents etc) then it would also be too slow for the PS system and
therefore my kid needs the one on one of HSing.
6...if my kid is learning at lightspeed the PS wouldn't be able to
accomodate them and they would be better off with one on one HSing.
7..my kids can do a GED and take courses to meet entry requirements as
mature students when they reach 19 yrs...some colleges reserve placement
spots specificly for mature students....which means they may have an
advatage in getting a placement, and who says they have to enter college
at 18 anyways?
8....philisophical/topical discussions are based on how long the child
wants to discuss them not on when the bell rings and stops it because
you have to go to the next class.

Ohhhh somebody stop me I could go on and on and on!

Buzz
--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Klement Family "Education is what survives when
Darryl, Debbie, what has been learned has been
Kathleen, Nathan & forgotten"
Samantha B.F. Skinner in "New Scientist".
e-mail- klement@...
Canadian homeschool page: http:\\www.flora.org/homeschool-ca/
Ont. Federation of Teaching Parents: http:\\www.flora.org/oftp/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A. Yates

Buzz, THis is so well put. I'm going to save it to read on my doubt
days. I have them too!!
My biggest plus I think is the closeness I share with my children. I
get to so and share in all their discoveries in life. Their ups and
downs... I love that.
Last night the kids made dinner. What fun. They made spanakopita.
(wonder if I spelled that right) Then they made fruit salad. They even
set the table, and had me get out the china. It was lots of fun. I
just finished cleaning up today. Yes, it was a major mess. But, if you
could have seen my 7 yr olds face while cooking, and while eating what
he had made.... It was so worth the mess.
Ann

D Klement

A. Yates wrote:
>
> From: "A. Yates" <hooperck@...>
>
> Buzz, THis is so well put. I'm going to save it to read on my doubt
> days. I have them too!!

I've been at this 3 yrs after pulling them in grades 1 and kindergarten
and I still have the odd sleepless night over it.
I also do not wanting my kids to grow apart from each other. I know so
many kids from their old school who unmercifuly bully or shut out their
siblings. Its almost as if they feel they can't be friends with their
sibs because of the peer influence at school that only lets one play
with kids in your own grade....no playing with the *babies* syndrome.
Those kids also seem to expect to be bullied by older children and
accept it as a fact of life....sad :-(

My kids have become sooo much closer and it was really easy to see a
change in their relationship within the first 6 months but even easier
to see now in the third year.

Buzz
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Klement Family "Education is what survives when
Darryl, Debbie, what has been learned has been
Kathleen, Nathan & forgotten"
Samantha B.F. Skinner in "New Scientist".
e-mail- klement@...
Canadian homeschool page: http:\\www.flora.org/homeschool-ca/
Ont. Federation of Teaching Parents: http:\\www.flora.org/oftp/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tracy Oldfield

I have no worries about my children's ability to learn, my problem is can I hack the social pressure against staying home, or rather them staying at home...  What I mean (through my slightly drunken haze atm :-) ) is that I don't know if I want to spend that much time with them, but if not, why not, and I think it's societal conditioning against being with one's children, I hope you all understand cos I don't know how clear I'm being...
 
Tracy
 
From: D Klement <klement@...>

I'm not Brooke but I'll tell you my POV.
I was worried sick about HSing....not that I couldn't handle it in
itself but handling the pressures that would follow from friends family
and neighbours etc.
I got beyond it by affirming to myself....

1...Teachers don't love my kids or have their best interests truly at
heart, how can they when they only have them for 1 year/grade and must
split their time between 20+ kids.
2...This isn't a life time commitment. I can re-enroll my children at
any given time.
3...if in the worst case scenario they don't thrive under my tuteledge I
can ask for help from others with more expertise (either someone in the
flesh or online help/tutouring)
4...my kids will always be able to work at their own pace and their own
daily timetable (they might do math better at 8pm instead of 9 am).
5...if their own genuine learning speed is too slow for society
(grandparents etc) then it would also be too slow for the PS system and
therefore my kid needs the one on one of HSing.
6...if my kid is learning at lightspeed the PS wouldn't be able to
accomodate them and they would be better off with one on one HSing.
7..my kids can do a GED and take courses to meet entry requirements as
mature students when they reach 19 yrs...some colleges reserve placement
spots specificly for mature students....which means they may have an
advatage in getting a placement, and who says they have to enter college
at 18 anyways?
8....philisophical/topical discussions are based on how long the child
wants to discuss them not on when the bell rings and stops it because
you have to go to the next class.

Ohhhh somebody stop me I could go on and on and on!

Buzz

libbygirl

Hi Tracy,
I too worried about "spending that much time with my children" but two
things helped to clarify my views : a) if I don't want to spend time with my
children, why not? Are they not the kind of people I enjoy being with and if
not, can I help them become that type of person? and b) If I, who love them
so desperately do not want to spend time with them, who the hell else
will???


Regards,
Michelle