jmcseals SEALS

**Also, I personally love kids. However, life would certainly be
*easier* without them.**

What an interesting thread. This line, in particular, really caught my eye.
I really don't think life would be easier without kids, for *me*. Perhaps
it is because I have always wanted so much to have them. I think, for me,
there are definitly a lot of life circumstances surrounding that, though. I
always wonder how differently I would feel about motherhood had I had a
different mother, or at least had my own mother been more attentive and
loving. Having my first child truly changed my life. Gave me a focus and
dreams and plans I really didn't have before. I still have such a hard time
when I see teen mother shows that tell teenagers that a baby won't change
their lives for the better because for me, it certainly did. Having a child
gave me everything I felt was lacking in my life, internally and externally.
I would never encourage a teenager to have a baby, but I know that after
the fact, there are those who become better people because of it and find a
peace they have never known. I'm not naive to the fact that having a baby
can be a life breaker for some people as well, sad as that is to say.

When I lost my second daughter, Hillary was stillborn at 38 weeks, Haleigh
was my saving grace. Having her to focus my energy and love into saved me
from a deep and paralyzing depression. It scares me to think of where I
would be now had it not been for having to come out of the darkness and face
my responsibilitites as a mother. Strange as it may sound, and as much as I
would give anything to have Hillary here with me now, her brief passing
through my life has given me so much and taught me so many lessons that I
think only losing a child can teach a person. I felt this same sentiment in
the recent posts on losing children.

Now, when I hear people tell me how hard having seven children must be, I
can honestly say how hard it would be for me not to have them. They
brighten up my gloomiest days and fill me with a deep love and passion I had
never known was even humanly possible. I've had a terrible week. I'm
facing things that would drive many people into a spiraling depression. I
*have* been depressed. But when I have to stop the turning world to nurse
my baby and peer into her beautiful eyes, I am reminded that what we are
going through will pass. Everytime we are turned away from a prospective
house because of our credit, I look at my children and know that it doesn't
really matter where we live. When the house is a mess and life becomes
overwhelming and I feel like throwing in the towel, a sweet little face
appears and says, "Mommy, my love you" or "Can we read a story in the closet
with a flashlight tonight?" I realize the messes can wait, a house will
come along and soon, all will be right with my world.

Jennifer

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