maturity, real and imagined (was smoking)
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/14/03 8:17:39 AM, mummy124@... writes:
<< Could very well be. I'm sure some psers are just way too "mature" to do
that
but I think it probably has a lot to do with surroundings at the time. >>
No, I think when someone REALLY thinks that there comes an age when she is
too old to play with dolls, she will keep that attitude, either until she has
kids or is being paid to babysit (then she would be working, not playing).
Schools and teachers and other kids tell kids constantly what they should be
doing and liking, and what is "for first graders" or "for elementary school
kids" and that continues. They'll be insulted for "acting like a teenager"
if they're not a teenager," and insulted for acting like a little kid. Their
allowable platform is very, very small.
If a family (unschooling or not) can manage to encourage kids to be different
ways at different times, as appropriate to situation or mood or opportunity,
MAYBE those kids can avoid that assembly-line "act twelve now" nonsense.
My kids will rate as more mature on most scales of measure, but can still
play with toys. They can still "be childish" because we haven't used the
terms "childish" or "mature" with them about behavior, not about theirs or
others either, not in any ways involving praise or shame. We've discussed
false dignity, posturing, posing, embarrassment, and things like that when
they want to talk about why acquaintances, friends or strangers are acting in
ways they find stilted or odd.
If we allow them a place where it's okay to be playing in the dirt with cars
one moment and it's okay to wear makeup and dress like Britney Spears the
next (whether they're girls OR boys <bwg>) or it's just as okay to wear the
most neutral clothes on earth and read the least popular book this year, they
will listen to their OWN internal comfort meters instead of listening to the
warning beeps of the comfort meters of twitchy people all around them.
Sandra
<< Could very well be. I'm sure some psers are just way too "mature" to do
that
but I think it probably has a lot to do with surroundings at the time. >>
No, I think when someone REALLY thinks that there comes an age when she is
too old to play with dolls, she will keep that attitude, either until she has
kids or is being paid to babysit (then she would be working, not playing).
Schools and teachers and other kids tell kids constantly what they should be
doing and liking, and what is "for first graders" or "for elementary school
kids" and that continues. They'll be insulted for "acting like a teenager"
if they're not a teenager," and insulted for acting like a little kid. Their
allowable platform is very, very small.
If a family (unschooling or not) can manage to encourage kids to be different
ways at different times, as appropriate to situation or mood or opportunity,
MAYBE those kids can avoid that assembly-line "act twelve now" nonsense.
My kids will rate as more mature on most scales of measure, but can still
play with toys. They can still "be childish" because we haven't used the
terms "childish" or "mature" with them about behavior, not about theirs or
others either, not in any ways involving praise or shame. We've discussed
false dignity, posturing, posing, embarrassment, and things like that when
they want to talk about why acquaintances, friends or strangers are acting in
ways they find stilted or odd.
If we allow them a place where it's okay to be playing in the dirt with cars
one moment and it's okay to wear makeup and dress like Britney Spears the
next (whether they're girls OR boys <bwg>) or it's just as okay to wear the
most neutral clothes on earth and read the least popular book this year, they
will listen to their OWN internal comfort meters instead of listening to the
warning beeps of the comfort meters of twitchy people all around them.
Sandra
Tim and Maureen
That is definitely along the lines of my own experience. My 14 year old d still loves to play a variety of things but is also experimenting with clothes,makeup etc.. I have had people use different words of she is very mature to immature, innocent, down to earth, etc.. I think it comes down to just being who she is at that moment. Right now she is experiencing emotions in a more intense way. Lots of restlessness,tears etcc. I wondered aloud to her about whether sheneeded more social as she has always had a very small need for lots of friend. She thought a long time about it and came back to say she thought what she was missing right now was she needed to play more with things like playmobile and dollhouses,things like that.A very different way of knowing herself than I ever experienced.
Maureen
Maureen
----- Original Message -----
From: SandraDodd@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, May 14, 2003 8:50 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] maturity, real and imagined (was smoking)
In a message dated 5/14/03 8:17:39 AM, mummy124@... writes:
<< Could very well be. I'm sure some psers are just way too "mature" to do
that
but I think it probably has a lot to do with surroundings at the time. >>
No, I think when someone REALLY thinks that there comes an age when she is
too old to play with dolls, she will keep that attitude, either until she has
kids or is being paid to babysit (then she would be working, not playing).
Schools and teachers and other kids tell kids constantly what they should be
doing and liking, and what is "for first graders" or "for elementary school
kids" and that continues. They'll be insulted for "acting like a teenager"
if they're not a teenager," and insulted for acting like a little kid. Their
allowable platform is very, very small.
If a family (unschooling or not) can manage to encourage kids to be different
ways at different times, as appropriate to situation or mood or opportunity,
MAYBE those kids can avoid that assembly-line "act twelve now" nonsense.
My kids will rate as more mature on most scales of measure, but can still
play with toys. They can still "be childish" because we haven't used the
terms "childish" or "mature" with them about behavior, not about theirs or
others either, not in any ways involving praise or shame. We've discussed
false dignity, posturing, posing, embarrassment, and things like that when
they want to talk about why acquaintances, friends or strangers are acting in
ways they find stilted or odd.
If we allow them a place where it's okay to be playing in the dirt with cars
one moment and it's okay to wear makeup and dress like Britney Spears the
next (whether they're girls OR boys <bwg>) or it's just as okay to wear the
most neutral clothes on earth and read the least popular book this year, they
will listen to their OWN internal comfort meters instead of listening to the
warning beeps of the comfort meters of twitchy people all around them.
Sandra
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]