Mark & Kristin Shields

Susan,

I will be starting to homeschool my son this summer. He is 8 and has PDD. I am interested in hearing how unschooling works for your son. I have had doubts about whether Ryan will learn without some kind of teaching. We were unschoolers until he was 6, when we got the diagnosis. It took us a few months, but we eventually decided to try school. At the time his behavior at home was difficult and it was a bit of a relief to have a respite. He is so much more mature now, and I'm have long tired of the schedules, the arbitrary homework (which is still very minimal as he is in first grade), the competition and "socialization" of public school. I also have a "typical" daughter who is 10 and has never been to traditional school. It's been hard to justify believing that school is good for Ryan when I wouldn't send Chloe there.

I guess I'm wondering what sort of challenges your son is facing. For Ryan, his biggest challenge is language. He is talking like crazy, but still often misunderstood especially outside the family. I think he will be able to learn to read, but it will take a while longer. Luckily, he absolutely loves books and looks at them for hours sometimes. This morning he was up early and I found him "reading" Go Dog Go. It was so cool to see him saying the words from memory (not exactly but a good representation). . I think that learning to read is the most important thing for him because he enjoys books so much. I always knew he would be a late reader so that doesn't worry me. I am a little worried about his lack of math skills (he can rote count but doesn't seem to get one to one correspondence). Handwriting is a major challenge, so I will make keyboarding available to him when he wants it. He has done some of this at school and he likes to send emails to grandparents, but of course he can't spell, so I have been doing the typing until we get to his name which he can do. I feel that anything else he will acquire when he's ready and interested.

Does anyone out there have any tips for us? I have read a lot of the posts at unschooling.com and a Sandra's website on special needs. Can I really just let go with a child who is a slow learner? Thanks for any advice! Kristin

-----Original Message-----
Well, thank YOU, Mary, Sandra, Jennifer and others!
Not to be dramatic, but it's almost like I have been brainwashed (my son,
too)?
And yes, my 14-yr-old son has special needs (autism). He does quite well
most of the time. I have an 11-yr-old "typical" son, which makes me laugh to
use ;these labels, because of course he is special to me in his own way, too!
You know, in so many words, we just want our life back.

I appreciate everyone's input,
Susan
:)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robyn Coburn

<<I will be starting to homeschool my son this summer. He is 8 and has
PDD. I am interested in hearing how unschooling works for your son. I
have had doubts about whether Ryan will learn without some kind of
teaching. .I think he will be able to learn to read, but it will take a
while longer. Luckily, he absolutely loves books and looks at them for
hours sometimes. This morning he was up early and I found him "reading"
Go Dog Go... I always knew he would be a late reader so that doesn't
worry me. .so I have been doing the typing until we get to his name
which he can do.>>



Kristin, you have come to the right place. BTW I doubt that anyone here
would agree with the label of "late reader" given the description of
your son's activities including typing his own name and seeking out
books for enjoyment. "Slow learner" is a label used by schools as a
convenient distinction also. The great thing about unschooling is the
letting go of all these labels. Also, the hard thing about unschooling
is letting go of all these labels, even in your own thinking -
especially in your own thinking! I guarantee that you and he will still
need to deschool after two years(?) of it. Welcome, welcome, welcome.



<< I feel that anything else he will acquire when he's ready and
interested.>>



This sentence is the nutshell description of unschooling and applies to
all of us regarding everything including reading and math. Have faith

Robyn Coburn





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zenmomma2kids

>> Does anyone out there have any tips for us? >>

Relax. ::Breathe:: Take a really good look at your son and appreciate
all the wonderful things he knows and can do *right now* in this
moment. This is Who He Is. Try not to compare him with anyone else.

>>Can I really just let go with a child who is a slow learner? >>

He learns as fast as he learns. It doesn't matter how it compares to
how quickly someone else learns. Help him find his own strengths and
talents. He has them inside, waiting to be discovered. (Unless you've
discovered them already in which case, GO with those strengths!)

IMHO your son will learn a lot about bieng slow and damaged
and "different" by being in school. With unschooling he can remain
whole. I've seen it with my own kids.

Life is good.
~Mary

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/3/03 4:27:13 PM, mkshields@... writes:

<< Can I really just let go with a child who is a slow learner? >>

Professionals pressed him and that didn't help, did it? Probably made things
worse.

"Let go" as in ignore him? No.
"Let go" as in go toward him and with him where he is? Absolutely.

Sandra

Mark & Kristin Shields

To all who responded to my post, thank you for your encouragement. I know I need to give unschooling some time so I can see for myself the difference it makes. I will keep those emails to remind myself what we are doing! Ryan is a pretty neat kid and I know it's a benefit to all in our family to get to know him even better. I'm looking forward to having some of those great unschooling stories to tell. Thanks. Kristin


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/4/2003 1:40:11 AM Eastern Standard Time,
mkshields@... writes:


> To all who responded to my post, thank you for your encouragement. I know I
> need to give unschooling some time so I can see for myself the difference
> it makes. I will keep those emails to remind myself what we are doing!
> Ryan is a pretty neat kid and I know it's a benefit to all in our family to
> get to know him even better. I'm looking forward to having some of those
> great unschooling stories to tell. Thanks. Kristin
>

Kristin, thanks for starting the thread. I have a "birthed" son <g> that I
currently homeschool, he has alway been homeschooled, who is 15. But next
year I plan to bring home our adopted son, almost 10. I let him stay in
school after his adoption (less than a year ago), because he loved school so
much...but this year has been awful. He has been labeled with FAS, ADHD,
RAD, and who knows what else. All I see is a child who was not nurtured for
the first 7 years of his life, who is still in soooo many ways a baby. I am
looking forward to the relief from all the school stress and junk that comes
along with it.

We also have 2 foster sons, and unfortunately in our state foster children
have to be in public or private school. I was told it may have made a
difference if I were a licensed teacher, but I only have a high school
education. :o( BUT...we are working on adopting them, and we are hoping
that over the summer we may be able to convince the judge that since we are
adopting them ANYWAY we may as well mesh them with the rest of the kids
education since the adoption will probably be final before the end of the
year.

ALL 3 adopt/foster boys have reading and math problems by the school's
standards. But MIcheal (9) loves to play with rope and build intricate
pulley systems, and is constantly trying to reinvent the wheel. Travis (12)
is an awesome artist, and can play almost anything he hears on a recorder.
and Justin (10) is making wonderful progress in just PLAYING...for the first
year of him being here, because of past abuse/etc...he just sat around like a
bored adult when given toys. Now he spends hours at the spring cleaning it
out, finding frogs, finding tadpoles, and he can't walk past the birdseed
container without scooping through it, putting some in the funnel, burying
his hands in it...it's great. Can't wait for SUMMER!

I hate labels too...I believe they are a way the school system justifies
treating kids unfairly and getting paid extra money to do so. grrrrrr

Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Olga

Nancy,

I am just curious about how adoption and foster care has worked for
you. I have always desired to do that at some point, however, I am
always concerned with ages and what the appropriate time to bring
someone in would be (related to the other children)? I would love to
hear all about it. Also, what a great gift, congratulations for
doing something so selfless! You have my highest respect.

Olga :)

> >
>
> Kristin, thanks for starting the thread. I have a "birthed" son
<g> that I
> currently homeschool, he has alway been homeschooled, who is 15.
But next
> year I plan to bring home our adopted son, almost 10. I let him
stay in
> school after his adoption (less than a year ago), because he loved
school so
> much...but this year has been awful. He has been labeled with FAS,
ADHD,
> RAD, and who knows what else. All I see is a child who was not
nurtured for
> the first 7 years of his life, who is still in soooo many ways a
baby. I am
> looking forward to the relief from all the school stress and junk
that comes
> along with it.
>
> We also have 2 foster sons, and unfortunately in our state foster
children
> have to be in public or private school. I was told it may have
made a
> difference if I were a licensed teacher, but I only have a high
school
> education. :o( BUT...we are working on adopting them, and we are
hoping
> that over the summer we may be able to convince the judge that
since we are
> adopting them ANYWAY we may as well mesh them with the rest of the
kids
> education since the adoption will probably be final before the end
of the
> year.
>
> ALL 3 adopt/foster boys have reading and math problems by the
school's
> standards. But MIcheal (9) loves to play with rope and build
intricate
> pulley systems, and is constantly trying to reinvent the wheel.
Travis (12)
> is an awesome artist, and can play almost anything he hears on a
recorder.
> and Justin (10) is making wonderful progress in just PLAYING...for
the first
> year of him being here, because of past abuse/etc...he just sat
around like a
> bored adult when given toys. Now he spends hours at the spring
cleaning it
> out, finding frogs, finding tadpoles, and he can't walk past the
birdseed
> container without scooping through it, putting some in the funnel,
burying
> his hands in it...it's great. Can't wait for SUMMER!
>
> I hate labels too...I believe they are a way the school system
justifies
> treating kids unfairly and getting paid extra money to do so.
grrrrrr
>
> Nancy
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Olga

Nancy,

I think I just erased my post, so hopefully this does not go through
twice! Anyway, I was curious about how adoption and foster care has
worked for you. I have always been intersted in adopted a child but
worried about the righttime in relation to the other children. Would
love to hear anything you would like to share. BTW, what a great
gift and selfless act. You have my highest respect!

Olga :)
>
> Kristin, thanks for starting the thread. I have a "birthed" son
<g> that I
> currently homeschool, he has alway been homeschooled, who is 15.
But next
> year I plan to bring home our adopted son, almost 10. I let him
stay in
> school after his adoption (less than a year ago), because he loved
school so
> much...but this year has been awful. He has been labeled with FAS,
ADHD,
> RAD, and who knows what else. All I see is a child who was not
nurtured for
> the first 7 years of his life, who is still in soooo many ways a
baby. I am
> looking forward to the relief from all the school stress and junk
that comes
> along with it.
>
> We also have 2 foster sons, and unfortunately in our state foster
children
> have to be in public or private school. I was told it may have
made a
> difference if I were a licensed teacher, but I only have a high
school
> education. :o( BUT...we are working on adopting them, and we are
hoping
> that over the summer we may be able to convince the judge that
since we are
> adopting them ANYWAY we may as well mesh them with the rest of the
kids
> education since the adoption will probably be final before the end
of the
> year.
>
> ALL 3 adopt/foster boys have reading and math problems by the
school's
> standards. But MIcheal (9) loves to play with rope and build
intricate
> pulley systems, and is constantly trying to reinvent the wheel.
Travis (12)
> is an awesome artist, and can play almost anything he hears on a
recorder.
> and Justin (10) is making wonderful progress in just PLAYING...for
the first
> year of him being here, because of past abuse/etc...he just sat
around like a
> bored adult when given toys. Now he spends hours at the spring
cleaning it
> out, finding frogs, finding tadpoles, and he can't walk past the
birdseed
> container without scooping through it, putting some in the funnel,
burying
> his hands in it...it's great. Can't wait for SUMMER!
>
> I hate labels too...I believe they are a way the school system
justifies
> treating kids unfairly and getting paid extra money to do so.
grrrrrr
>
> Nancy
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/5/2003 2:04:30 PM Eastern Standard Time,
britcontoo@... writes:


> I think I just erased my post, so hopefully this does not go through
> twice! Anyway, I was curious about how adoption and foster care has
> worked for you. I have always been intersted in adopted a child but
> worried about the righttime in relation to the other children. Would
> love to hear anything you would like to share.

I think one thing that worked out (not intentionally) for us is that all 3
boys are younger than our bio-children. So no one was bumped out of their
"place" in the family. Believe me, they all get on each other's nerves, but
each time it looked like they were possibly going home all my children were
heartbroken. I also think, that my kids are awesome and are just the type of
young adults that are capable of putting other people first and realizing
that some kids are a heck of a lot less fortunate than we are. I also try to
give them alone time with me,...sometimes I will take the girls shopping
alone with me, or something like that. And a lot of freedom and time away
from home (spending the night at friends, going to the movies, etc) as a
break from the other kids.

Foster care and adoption is a full time job, it turns your life upside down,
and should never be taken lightly. I don't believe most people becoming
foster parents are prepared for how hard it is. Because of this, many foster
parents who cannot handle a kid, pass them along to another family, or a
shelter, or an institution. This probably does as much damage to the kids as
the abuse or neglect they suffered. In Sandra's tape on peaceful parenting
she talks about kids having to feel safe in their home to learn. Can you
imagine the ultimate "unsafe" feeling of being be removed from a family,
school, community, at the drop of a hat?

On the other hand, there are NEVER enough good foster homes...NEVER. So if
your heart is in the right place, and you truly want more children, and
understand the hardships you may face, then by all means, look into it. We
are with a private agency that gives us much more support. The monthly
stipend is almost double what the state pays also, which always helps. In
all 50 states, I believe, if a foster parent adopts a child now, the monthly
allowance is not taken away, it continues until the child is 18 or done with
college. I believe this is one of the more brilliant things our government
has done :o)

Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Mark & Kristin Shields

Nancy,
I think you will be giving a wonderful gift to these boys if you can homeschool them. It sounds like they will benefit immensely by being given free reign with their interests. You are the one with the sheep too, right? What a great thing for them to be raised on a farm and out in nature. Good for you!! Kristin

-----Original Message-----
ALL 3 adopt/foster boys have reading and math problems by the school's
standards. But MIcheal (9) loves to play with rope and build intricate
pulley systems, and is constantly trying to reinvent the wheel. Travis (12)
is an awesome artist, and can play almost anything he hears on a recorder.
and Justin (10) is making wonderful progress in just PLAYING...for the first
year of him being here, because of past abuse/etc...he just sat around like a
bored adult when given toys. Now he spends hours at the spring cleaning it
out, finding frogs, finding tadpoles, and he can't walk past the birdseed
container without scooping through it, putting some in the funnel, burying
his hands in it...it's great. Can't wait for SUMMER!

I hate labels too...I believe they are a way the school system justifies
treating kids unfairly and getting paid extra money to do so. grrrrrr

Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]