momo3kaj

Hi all,
I guess that this feeling comes from years of doing what was expected
of me (external motivation). Now I am free to do what I want and I am
lost (no internal motivation). I am hoping that I just need to
deschool myself longer (20 years equals almost 2 years so...do you
deschool work years too??)<g> I need to find out who I am and what I
want to do along side my children. (14.10,7) I tend to gravitate to
somewhat schooly things (reading, naming, lists, attempts at
organizing). I was drawn to WTM because I thought it would be neat to
trek in an orderly fashion through time and do lots of history and lit
stuff that I missed in school. We have dumped any such plan
(regardless of how relaxed our version was). The kids certainly have a
better idea of what they want to do. Maybe I should just do it for me?
But this seems too schooly? I don't feel like I have an artsy,
spontaneous bone in my body. Has anyone struggled with this and can
recommend some reading/activities that may have helped you
reawaken/rediscover your passions? Very sad that I am still looking
for someone to "tell me what to do" Yikes!!!
Beth in MD
PS I have been enjoying lots of the unschool movies and book favorites
that Sandra and others recommend.

Heidi

Hi Beth

I'm in the same boat. Strongly wanting a "passion" to guide me, so I
have something cool to do, to bring my kids up alongside. And feeling
like a dullard.

Sandra has a deschooling "prescription", and one of the things that I
did, on her advice, was to make a list of everything I have ever
learned. Sat at the puter and just started rattling away. That helped
a lot. http://sandradodd.com/deschooling this link will take you to
that article.

Since then, I've "seen" the things I do. Not artsy or off the wall,
and none of them a "passion" without which I would be miserable
(except maybe the reading), but enjoyable things that I do and have
always done, with the kids, or without them: taking walks and
observing nature, writing, reading, piano, bird watching, herbs,
chickens, simplifying my lifestyle (becoming less
consumeristic)...etc. Yours are going to be different. Listing
everything I ever learned was a very good beginning for me.

hope that helps

peace, HeidiC




--- In [email protected], "momo3kaj" <scott-
wecht@e...> wrote:
> Hi all,
> I guess that this feeling comes from years of doing what was
expected
> of me (external motivation). Now I am free to do what I want and I
am
> lost (no internal motivation). I am hoping that I just need to
> deschool myself longer (20 years equals almost 2 years so...do you
> deschool work years too??)<g> I need to find out who I am and what I
> want to do along side my children. (14.10,7) I tend to gravitate to
> somewhat schooly things (reading, naming, lists, attempts at
> organizing). I was drawn to WTM because I thought it would be neat
to
> trek in an orderly fashion through time and do lots of history and
lit
> stuff that I missed in school. We have dumped any such plan
> (regardless of how relaxed our version was). The kids certainly
have a
> better idea of what they want to do. Maybe I should just do it for
me?
> But this seems too schooly? I don't feel like I have an artsy,
> spontaneous bone in my body. Has anyone struggled with this and can
> recommend some reading/activities that may have helped you
> reawaken/rediscover your passions? Very sad that I am still looking
> for someone to "tell me what to do" Yikes!!!
> Beth in MD
> PS I have been enjoying lots of the unschool movies and book
favorites
> that Sandra and others recommend.

Barb Eaton

Kathryn,
Have you read any of her other books? What do you think of them if you
have?

Barb E
"Children have more need of models than of critics."

- Carolyn Coats, Author




on 5/2/03 10:54 AM, [email protected] at
[email protected] wrote:

> Date: Fri, 2 May 2003 09:40:21 EDT
> From: KathrynJB@...
> Subject: Re: I am a dud. Help!
>
> I'm going to recommend a book I have before: Wishcraft, by Barbara Sher. If
> yoiu were here, I'd lend you one of my copies...I try to keep several on
> hand.
>
> Get the book and read it. It really will help!
>
> Kathryn

nellebelle

Read something by Barbara Sher. "Wishcraft" or one of her others to help
you identify your interests and develop a plan to go for them.

Mary Ellen

----- snip----- I need to find out who I am and what I
> want to do along side my children. (14.10,7)

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/2/03 2:32:02 AM, scott-wecht@... writes:

<< I don't feel like I have an artsy,

spontaneous bone in my body. Has anyone struggled with this and can

recommend some reading/activities that may have helped you

reawaken/rediscover your passions? Very sad that I am still looking

for someone to "tell me what to do" Yikes!!!

Beth in MD >>


Beth,

This is old, but I don't remember it being discussed. Maybe my memory's just
gone, but as it was about to pass out of my mailbox I just wanted to throw it
back in here to see wether you're still feeling frustrated a month later.

My best suggestions would be that when you had a choice between doing
something schooly and something NOT, that you choose the non-schooly thing, for a
while at least, just to change paths.

Sandra

Heidi

--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
>
> In a message dated 5/2/03 2:32:02 AM, scott-wecht@e... writes:
>
> << I don't feel like I have an artsy,
>
> spontaneous bone in my body. Has anyone struggled with this and can
>
> recommend some reading/activities that may have helped you
>
> reawaken/rediscover your passions? Very sad that I am still looking
>
> for someone to "tell me what to do" Yikes!!!
>
> Beth in MD >>
>
>
> Beth,
>
> This is old, but I don't remember it being discussed. Maybe my
memory's just
> gone, but as it was about to pass out of my mailbox I just wanted
to throw it
> back in here to see wether you're still feeling frustrated a month
later.
>
> My best suggestions would be that when you had a choice between
doing
> something schooly and something NOT, that you choose the non-
schooly thing, for a
> while at least, just to change paths.
>
> Sandra

I'm glad you did this, Sandra. It's been a few months for me, and I'm
still feeling doubt about this, quite a bit of the time. Like Beth, I
feel like a bit of a dullard, like I don't have the interests or
passions about life, to lead my kids this way in excellence.
Modeling "computer" and "reading" LOL that's what I seem to be doing.
Getting off my duff once in a blue moon to take care of the barest
minimum of housekeeping and the house DOES look it, believe me.
Depressing.

although, with company coming over on Friday, we will be getting busy
with housework today and tomorrow, so that'll be better, the house
part of things. I just have such a lethargy about everything. Like,
giving my kids permission to do what they want, has led to me doing
ONLY what I "want" and not any of my duties or responsibilities, and
the house (and yard, btw) look it. No energy. Lots of apathy.

This can't be good.

However, I must say I'm seeing some good things from my kids. We have
a broken leg in the house, which means the TV is not only on a lot,
but upstairs, and...actually gets turned off and stays off, for a
large portion of every day. This is not something I expected: by
choice, the kids, even the kid on her back on the couch, opting OUT
of the TV watching. wow. But youse told me, they would eventually. It
could very well be, the TV (and maybe even the computer games) will
become "just another thing to do" around here.

And, Katie whose leg it is that is broken...playing cribbage
yesterday, was doing some pretty cool math. For instance, when her
points added up to an even number, she was breaking it down into two
moves. e.g. 18 points, she'd move her piece and count 9, and then
count 9 again. Who taught her that? Not I. She is full of little math
surprises like that.

Last night, Abbie my 15 year old, signed off of chat, and then sat in
a chair shaking her head and saying "I've got to do something about
this chat addiction" *eyebrows up* You mean, I didn't need to SAY
THAT to her? She figured it out on HER OWN? wow

And Robby's willingness to pitch in has increased. Eye contact, too.
Robby, the one who's been "schooled" the most, whom I have worried
about the most, is turning off the computer games voluntarily, is
talking to me excitedly about things (including his latest level in
his latest puter game!), is making eye contact, is saying "okay"
without a whine or complaint when asked to feed the chickens or
whatever...*sniff* *dab* I think our relationship is getting good
again *dab*

so it isn't the kids I'm worried about anymore...it's me. An
introverted literary type who enjoys reading more than anything,
whose house is falling apart around her ears because she's
been "doing what she wants" (Reading) and not taking care of things.

What do I have to offer?

sheesh. sorry this went so long. Thanks again for posting that,
Sandra.

HeidiC

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/28/03 9:21:41 AM, bunsofaluminum60@... writes:

<< so it isn't the kids I'm worried about anymore...it's me. An

introverted literary type who enjoys reading more than anything,

whose house is falling apart around her ears because she's

been "doing what she wants" (Reading) and not taking care of things.

>>

I have an idea!
When the broken leg isn't such an issue, schedule outings, Maybe twice a
week, GO somewhere. Not necessarily with all the kids, if they're old enough to
stay home or be somewhere else. And you can piggy-back the outings onto
deliveries, like if one kid has to be somewhere, plan to drop him off and take the
others somewhere else. Doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive. Maybe just
one errand, or to lunch, or to take the dog to run in some park or vacant lot.

The easiest outing of all is to go to a different grocery store. Take twenty
minutes longer to shop, but see new things, new people, drive a different
route, take your time, talk to the kids, stop at some section you've never stood
in front of before and just LOOK at the stuff. Use the grocery store as a
museum. Buy some vegetable you've never had. You can get recipes on the
internet with google.com.

It will spark up some learning and break up your monotony.

If you have more time and money, maybe have an artsy lunch and hit a big
magazine rack to get some magazines you've never heard of (or that you like but
don't usually buy). We have a couple of places here that combine artsy lunch
with huge magazine racks! A $6 magazine and a $9 lunch is pretty expensive, but
once in a while it's a great luxury and a good date with a kid.

But if you set a goal for yourself of getting out twice a week with at least
one of your kids, to a museum or movie or even shopping for socks, but take a
kid and talk and observe and hang out, you will break your inertia.

I can get into being home too, sometimes, and will take any offers for others
to deliver and pick up my kids, and I'll accept my husband's offer to go to
for groceries and soon I'm growing roots!! And though it can be comfortable,
it's not the best for unschooling, if my kids become rooted with me.

Sandra

nellebelle

----- Original Message ----- > so it isn't the kids I'm worried about
anymore...it's me. An
> introverted literary type who enjoys reading more than anything,
> whose house is falling apart around her ears because she's
> been "doing what she wants" (Reading) and not taking care of things.> > >
>>>

Maybe you are still de-schooling yourself?

I was over 40 (and had 17 years of school) when it occurred to me that it
was up to me how to spend my time. What should I do all day? Although I
did what I wanted in my 20's, I felt that I wasn't doing what I *should* be
doing, because I had dropped out of college and therefore wasn't doing
anything that mattered. Dumb thinking I know now, but didn't know it then.
As if moving to Alaska, supporting myself, making friends, and having
adventures doesn't matter!

Yesterday I was kind of depressed because, it seemed, that nothing I did
showed. I pulled the fridge out to clean the coils and under and behind,
but once it was done it didn't look any different. I washed the kitchen
floor and folded and put away two loads of laundry, but that never lasts
long! The children and I watched the bonus material on Shakespeare in Love.
Even then, *I* was feeling guilty that I spent the morning watching TV.
It's that old conditioning. One part of my brain was thinking how cool it
was to be watching and talking about it with my kids, and making good use of
the pause button, and how much we were all learning, and another part of my
brain was thinking, "I'm wasting time watching TV".`

Mary Ellen

Heidi

--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
>
> In a message dated 5/28/03 9:21:41 AM, bunsofaluminum60@h... writes:
>
> << so it isn't the kids I'm worried about anymore...it's me. An
>
> introverted literary type who enjoys reading more than anything,
>
> whose house is falling apart around her ears because she's
>
> been "doing what she wants" (Reading) and not taking care of
things.
>
> >>
>
> I have an idea!
> When the broken leg isn't such an issue, schedule outings, Maybe
twice a
> week, GO somewhere. Not necessarily with all the kids, if they're
old enough to
> stay home or be somewhere else. And you can piggy-back the outings
onto
> deliveries, like if one kid has to be somewhere, plan to drop him
off and take the
> others somewhere else. Doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive.
Maybe just
> one errand, or to lunch, or to take the dog to run in some park or
vacant lot.
>
> The easiest outing of all is to go to a different grocery store.
Take twenty
> minutes longer to shop, but see new things, new people, drive a
different
> route, take your time, talk to the kids, stop at some section
you've never stood
> in front of before and just LOOK at the stuff. Use the grocery
store as a
> museum. Buy some vegetable you've never had. You can get recipes
on the
> internet with google.com.
>
> It will spark up some learning and break up your monotony.
>
> If you have more time and money, maybe have an artsy lunch and hit
a big
> magazine rack to get some magazines you've never heard of (or that
you like but
> don't usually buy). We have a couple of places here that combine
artsy lunch
> with huge magazine racks! A $6 magazine and a $9 lunch is pretty
expensive, but
> once in a while it's a great luxury and a good date with a kid.
>
> But if you set a goal for yourself of getting out twice a week with
at least
> one of your kids, to a museum or movie or even shopping for socks,
but take a
> kid and talk and observe and hang out, you will break your inertia.

Okay, this is good. Thing is, summertime? Here? swimming, hiking,
rock hopping, taking nature walks, bicycling...these are all in my
plans, or were, until the broken leg. Katie is eight, and by far my
most outgoing, outdoorsy, active, kinesthetic, (and kinetic, now that
I think about it! L), wanting-to-do-things, going-est kid. And stuck
on crutches. And so, we've been following her "lead" quite a bit. She
has good ideas, and fun things of her own planned (like working on
the treehouse and riding her bike across the valley all by herself),
and loves to have us come along and we love to...

this is going to be taking me outside of the rut, actually. Going
while Katie stays, for two months, anyway. Reading to her, playing
cards and other games, sitting quietly and talking with KATIE?
my "see ya mom!" as she walks out the door kid? L yup. Gonna break us
out of the moldy old mold, for sure.

>
> I can get into being home too, sometimes, and will take any offers
for others
> to deliver and pick up my kids, and I'll accept my husband's offer
to go to
> for groceries and soon I'm growing roots!! And though it can be
comfortable,
> it's not the best for unschooling, if my kids become rooted with me.
>
> Sandra

That's it, right there. Putting down roots. Maybe if we did a garden
together or some such. And there's always the chickens. ;)

thanks again, sandra.

HeidiC

Heidi

--- In [email protected], "nellebelle"
<nellebelle@c...> wrote:
> ----- Original Message ----- > so it isn't the kids I'm worried
about
> anymore...it's me. An
> > introverted literary type who enjoys reading more than anything,
> > whose house is falling apart around her ears because she's
> > been "doing what she wants" (Reading) and not taking care of
things.> > >
> >>>
>
> Maybe you are still de-schooling yourself?

you know what it really is? It is being best friends with a driven,
accomplished, achievement-oriented homeschooling mom whose kids have
excelled. She follows a curriculum AND lets her kids choose their
interests, and they do follow their interests, to the top of the
Achievement Ladder, like their mom. Just got an email from her and
it's astounding all the irons she has in the fire. She has passion
for life. AND she disagrees with the idea of unschooling. AND she
sees me, intelligent, personable, and says "Such potential", shaking
her head, just like my FREAKING teachers and parents when I was a
kid. Which has thrown me into major self-doubt this whole entire
year.

And made me angry with her, to boot!

*sigh*

going to get a cast.

thanks

HeidiC

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/28/03 9:49:56 AM, nellebelle@... writes:

<< One part of my brain was thinking how cool it

was to be watching and talking about it with my kids, and making good use of

the pause button, and how much we were all learning, and another part of my

brain was thinking, "I'm wasting time watching TV".`

>>

Yes. You COULD have mopped around the washing machine and vacuumed the
ceilings.

But instead you learned about Shakespeare and moviemaking and an award
winning script.

AND... speaking of Shakespeare in Love, does anyone know why Rosencrantz and
Guildenstern are Dead (by the same author) is still out of print and not on
DVD? Does someone want more money? Did a lawyer botch a job? This, too, came
up in the car last night (because when we stopped to buy work out shorts for
Marty we also bought The Fifth Element, with Gary Oldman who's in R&G) and
Marty, just to make me feel better, said they're probably gathering up wonderful
deleted scenes to make a really great DVD.

Sandra

Betsy

**"Such potential", shaking
her head, just like my FREAKING teachers and parents when I was a
kid. Which has thrown me into major self-doubt this whole entire
year. **

When I was a kid one of my friends had a Peanuts wall hanging (with
Linus?) saying "There's no burden heavier than a great potential".

If I don't put that on a bumper sticker, maybe I'll get a tattoo!

Betsy

PS One of the great things about unschooling for your children, which
your friend is failing to see, is the delightful *absence* of the
parental voice saying "tut, tut, you are spending your potential in the
wrong way". Next time she starts "tutting" maybe you could "snort", at
least inwardly.

I don't think your friend *makes you feel inferior* but she seems to be
perfectly happy with *letting you* feel inferior. Competitive people
annoy me. (I hate to lose!)

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/28/2003 12:33:44 PM Eastern Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:


> Marty we also bought The Fifth Element, with Gary Oldman who's in R&G

My husband calls Gary Oldman the man of 1000 faces...really versatile!
Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/28/03 3:35:03 PM, CelticFrau@... writes:

<< My husband calls Gary Oldman the man of 1000 faces...really versatile! >>

Sam Rockwell's that way.
He was the romantic love interest (in the round glass house) in Charlie's
Angels,
"Guy" in Galaxy Quest,
and the rustic actor who ends up playing "Thisbe" in Midsummer Night's Dream

Different faces, same cute butt. (His naked rear seems featured in many
movies he's in, though only in maybe Charlie's Angels of the set above.)

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/28/2003 6:09:06 PM Eastern Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:


> Sam Rockwell's that way.
> He was the romantic love interest (in the round glass house) in Charlie's
> Angels,
> "Guy" in Galaxy Quest,
> and the rustic actor who ends up playing "Thisbe" in Midsummer Night's Dream
>

I loved him in "The Green Mile." The boys favorite part is when he says he's
"cookin' up a turd" for tomorrow...and Yes, he is a cutie...saw him described
on an internet site as having "sinewy sexiness."

Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Julie Solich

I'm glad you did this, Sandra. It's been a few months for me, and I'm
still feeling doubt about this, quite a bit of the time. Like Beth, I
feel like a bit of a dullard, like I don't have the interests or
passions about life, to lead my kids this way in excellence.
Modeling "computer" and "reading" LOL that's what I seem to be doing.
Getting off my duff once in a blue moon to take care of the barest
minimum of housekeeping and the house DOES look it, believe me.
Depressing.

although, with company coming over on Friday, we will be getting busy
with housework today and tomorrow, so that'll be better, the house
part of things. I just have such a lethargy about everything. Like,
giving my kids permission to do what they want, has led to me doing
ONLY what I "want" and not any of my duties or responsibilities, and
the house (and yard, btw) look it. No energy. Lots of apathy.

This can't be good.

so it isn't the kids I'm worried about anymore...it's me. An
introverted literary type who enjoys reading more than anything,
whose house is falling apart around her ears because she's
been "doing what she wants" (Reading) and not taking care of things.


HeidiC


You are describing me!! A couple of weeks ago I was thinking the same thing about myself. But this week I have gotten the house cleaned and have spent more time with the kids and done some art by myself. This just sort of happened. I think it's the whole deschooling thing and maybe we need it more than the kids.

I don't think you need to worry, the vegging is seasonal. You'll probably find yourself feeling completely different in a couple of months/weeks.

Julie
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Heidi

Thanks, Julie

I think you're right. Part of it is PMS, I'm sure...feeling bad about
myself for anything. "Just won the Pulitzer Prize, but sheesh, I'm
overweight" LOL or something. And part of it is the changes in me, my
homeschooling, my friendship w/soul sister...change=stress. As I
always had to remind myself when i was in college as a single
mom "Everything Is Temporary" and I know you're right: I'll feel
better in a week or two.

thanks again
HeidiC
>
>
> You are describing me!! A couple of weeks ago I was thinking the
same thing about myself. But this week I have gotten the house
cleaned and have spent more time with the kids and done some art by
myself. This just sort of happened. I think it's the whole
deschooling thing and maybe we need it more than the kids.
>
> I don't think you need to worry, the vegging is seasonal. You'll
probably find yourself feeling completely different in a couple of
months/weeks.
>
> Julie
> Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
>
>
>
> ~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line!
~~~~
>
> If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list,
please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@e...), or the
list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@h...).
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or
address an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
Service.
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]