Tammy Thompson

My 10 yr old dd is very sensitive about everything. I'm way different than I used to be in the parenting department and I don't know that she is adjusting to my changes. Now instead of making them do what I say I ask them if they feel like helping me do some thing and generally they say no to a chore but yes to most other things. Well, she will never say no, she will begrudgingly do the thing(if it is a chore like help pick up a room or something like that), even if I say she doesn't have to I just wondered if she wanted to. Do I just lay off or should I explain what I'm trying to accomplish with our new lives by unschooling? She seems to have the mentality (all my fault) that if she helps mom, she is good, and if she doesn't she is not good. How do I wash away this way misguided thought I put into her? I guess maybe just de-compress as long as it takes? Now that I'm typing it out.it looks like I want to push her into trust. I guess I need some de-parenting, huh? My 8 yo is somewhat this way also but not as intense. My others are 5 and 2 and demand to be their own person.. I don't know if they would even allow me to "teach" them anything! lol
comments welcome and appreciated.
-tammy

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marji

Hi, Tammy.

At 13:14 4/29/03 -0500, you wrote:
>My 10 yr old dd is very sensitive about everything. I'm way different
>than I used to be in the parenting department and I don't know that she is
>adjusting to my changes. Now instead of making them do what I say I ask
>them if they feel like helping me do some thing and generally they say no
>to a chore but yes to most other things. Well, she will never say no, she
>will begrudgingly do the thing(if it is a chore like help pick up a room
>or something like that), even if I say she doesn't have to I just wondered
>if she wanted to. Do I just lay off or should I explain what I'm trying
>to accomplish with our new lives by unschooling?

I think I would avoid making any announcements or pronouncements about the
big change. (g) It may be difficult for her to accept it and she may be
wary of it or wondering when things are going to go back to "normal."

You might consider though changing the way you approach these topics. The
advice I have seen here that I *really* resonate with is visualizing how
you might like your husband to talk to you about, say, clearing off the
table or picking up the stuff off the floor in the living room. Or, how
you might ask a really good friend. You know, something like, "Hey, if
you're not too busy right now, would you mind giving me a hand with...?"
Or, "Ooh, I see you're really involved with ____. When you're done with
that, do you think you would have a minute to help me with ______?" Then,
be prepared to hear a "No, I can't." And if you do hear a "no," accept it
in a friendly way, the way you would want someone to accept your "no."

In other words, let your change be your announcement. That's putting your
money where your mouth is! (g) I hope that helps.

Marji

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tammyof4

********8 she may be wary of it or wondering when things are going to
go back to "normal."********




Ah yes! I can see that now, and quite understandable for her, too,
considering all the big changes in such a short span of her life.
Thank you..that helps alot.




********* visualizing how you might like your husband to talk to you
about, say, clearing off the table or picking up the stuff off the
floor in the living room. Or, how you might ask a really good friend.
And if you do hear a "no," accept it in a friendly way, the way you
would want someone to accept your "no."***********




You know, this is exactly how I explain it to my husband when
discussing speaking to the children...funny how I sometimes forget my
own advice..lol. Thanks for the reminder. :)




*******In other words, let your change be your announcement. That's
putting your money where your mouth is! (g) I hope that helps.****




So true and thank you so much, Marji.


-tammy


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marji

At 18:42 4/29/03 +0000, Tammy wrote:
>So true and thank you so much, Marji.

I'm glad I could help! :-)

Marji

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