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In a message dated 4/14/2003 4:48:55 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
litlrooh@... writes:

> I realize that some of you will answer that its not an issue at your home.
> But it *is* an issue here at the present moment and I could use some ideas.
>

I have older children (and at the risk of posting TOO much, I will tell you
about how we handled these situations, keeping in mind they were not
homeschooled children, but I haven't changed that much in my philosophy of
child rearing that this might be of help).

If they were going anywhere I had three questions, Who are you going with?
When will you be back? Where will you be? Those are important questions,
they often led down paths the further needed to be discovered.

There are times when one of them was adamant about going somewhere that I
knew was an unsafe place, were things would go on that I was not approving
of. I didn't just say, well go ahead, your decision. BUT I didn't just say
no, because I said so and I'm the mother.

I would tell them it really is their choice, after all what can I do? Tie
them to a chair, their bed? Call the police? BUT I would be VERY
disappointed if they made such a poor choice because I know they are much
smarter than to want to be _______________. Then I would ask them to think
it over for an hour and let me know their decision.

Are we allowed to be disappointed in our kids decisions? Of course we are.
Not for going to the mall or something innate like that. But there are REAL
dangers out their that teenagers often think they can handle and often they
can't.

I'm talking about older teens, not 12 or 12 or maybe even 14 year olds. At
those ages we pretty much were their way to get anywhere, after that, friends
drive, they know people, they get around.

Sometimes my kids rethought their wanting to go and it was usually simply
because one of their friends was trying to persuade them to go and they knew
they shouldn't already. Sometimes they went and sometimes they called me to
come get them and sometimes afterward they wished they had not went. (Like a
concert/festival in downtown DC where the bleachers collapsed and he took the
wrong metro train home at midnight and I had to drive 120 miles roundtrip to
pick him up because it was the last train of the night) Sometimes things
happen and they just aren't prepared for it. Not enough life experiences to
make some decisions quickly that need to be made.

But I do know that if I simply said they were not going or demanded they stay
home it would never have worked because they would have immediately become
defensive and nothing would have stopped them from going, not even their own
thoughts.

It's a hard thing raising teenagers, some of them anyway. But if they know
you love them and only want the very best for them it's easier for them to
accept your opinions. My son once said to me that I am probably the only
person in the world that doesn't have some hidden agenda when it comes to
offering him advice. Everyone else has a reason that is usually something to
do with getting what THEY want. I only want what is best for them to grow up
happy and healthy and well.

Good luck to you, I know this is a difficult time for you.

glena


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