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In a message dated 4/12/03 12:30:05 AM, stephanie.elms@...
writes:

<< I have also been having good luck lately with talking about the 3 steps

to solving a problem (I got this from Sandra). First option is to talk with
the other person.

If that does not work, second option is to find me or another adult. If that
does not work

then you can hit. So when he starts hitting, I ask him what he tried
first...usually he

did ask Kyle to stop doing something so I can ask him what he should have
tried next. And

that is the step he usually skips. ;o) But it gives us a good framework to
talk about

how he had other options then hitting. I think that often at 6 he can't see
the other

options so this helps remind him and helps us talk about them. Not a cure
all, but it is

getting better. >>

When the boys were little and I was trying to figure out how to say "Yes" a
lot and not no, I came up with that once when Kirby said he REALLY wanted to
hit Marty. Somehow it came around to "when can I hit him?" I said You can
hit him (which was the answer Kirby REALLY wanted!) IF first you try to talk
to him and if that doesn't work you get a grownup to try to help you settle
it, and if THAT doesn't work, then you can hit him.

So if he hit Marty (or the other way) the main offense was that they didn't
follow procedure.

Just as I had suspected, they never got past the grownup-assistance stage, so
the stage three never materialized. But I suppose the boys sometimes had
hope that it would.


Sandra