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In a message dated 4/3/2003 10:07:35 AM Eastern Standard Time,
rubyprincesstsg@... writes:


> Children that have grown and been nourished in
> the same home as each other are different to each other. THEY can say or
> do
> things to their siblings but let an OUTSIDER even THINK about it and life
> will not be good for said outsider. They really love each other on some
> level

Well, not always true. My little brother and I rarely speak. I'm 42; he's 41.
Better that way. We've never gotten along. I heard ALL my life about how we
would eventually be "best friends"---later. :-PPP~~~~ It's not always true.
And I think it's not right for adults to automatically assume that siblings
will get along---now or later. John and I can be civil at family gatherings,
but we QUICKLY get on each other's nerves.

Johnny's plenty charming---but I would NEVER go out of my way to spend time
with him if we didn't "have" to.

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Mary

From: <kbcdlovejo@...>

<<Well, not always true. My little brother and I rarely speak. I'm 42; he's
41.
Better that way. We've never gotten along. I heard ALL my life about how we
would eventually be "best friends"---later. :-PPP~~~~ It's not always true.
And I think it's not right for adults to automatically assume that siblings
will get along---now or later. John and I can be civil at family gatherings,
but we QUICKLY get on each other's nerves.>>


I agree. Don't talk to my brother or sister. I've tried a few times. My
brother I actually like, he's just way to cynical and negative for me to
handle being around. My sister I can't stand.

But I still try and tell my kids that they need to get along. How important
brothers and sisters are. I am hoping they stay close. I made my ex step
daughter promise me, as she's the oldest and still a part of this family, to
keep the kids all in line and liking each other!!! Maybe since I don't have
it that's why it seems so important to me. I really want them to like each
other when they get older.

Mary B

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In a message dated 4/3/2003 12:29:20 PM Eastern Standard Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:

> Well, not always true. My little brother and I rarely speak. I'm 42; he's
> 41.
> Better that way. We've never gotten along. I heard ALL my life about how we
>
> would eventually be "best friends"---later. :-PPP~~~~ It's not always
> true.
> And I think it's not right for adults to automatically assume that siblings
>
> will get along---now or later. John and I can be civil at family
> gatherings,
> but we QUICKLY get on each other's nerves.
>
> Johnny's plenty charming---but I would NEVER go out of my way to spend time
>
> with him if we didn't "have" to.
>

You know when I typed that I was thinking about my OWN children and it is a
truthful statement of what I have witnessed as their parent.

BUT I do not speak with ANY of my siblings, I was the family "pleaser" for
many many years and took lots of abuse, hoping to "make" them feel like
family and for me to be loved as much as I loved them.

Four years ago a catastrophic event in my immediate family opened my eyes to
just what "takers" and liars my siblings were.

I cut them out of my life, there was much grieving involved on my part but I
know I am better off now without them in my life.

Seems kinda odd that I have such strong feelings that my children love each
other and respect each other and REALLY enjoy being together while I have no
desire to do the same with my own siblings.

But my children were raised in a VERY different kind of family than I was of
course.

Thanks for making me think!

glena


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

litlrooh

Maybe since I don't have
> it that's why it seems so important to me. I really want them to
like each
> other when they get older.


Same here. My younger brother and I HATED each other growing up. I
mean downright hated...no exagerration. Or maybe I just hated him.

We are friends now. We don't go out of our way to do things
together, and I wouldn't say we are "close". But we get along ok and
I don't feel that horrible animosity toward him now that I did then.

My kids fight like cats and dogs and it really worries me because I
*can* relate so well to that feeling of hatred. My hatred toward my
brother was exacerbated by some of the things my parents did and the
fact that my parents marriage disintegrated, which left very little
in the way of emotional support for me.

Seeing my kids fight the way they do makes me feel like I've failed
them somehow.

Bill and Diane

>Well, not always true. My little brother and I rarely speak. I'm 42; he's 41.
>Better that way. We've never gotten along. I heard ALL my life about how we
>would eventually be "best friends"---later. :-PPP~~~~ It's not always true.
>And I think it's not right for adults to automatically assume that siblings
>will get along---now or later. John and I can be civil at family gatherings,
>but we QUICKLY get on each other's nerves.
>
>Johnny's plenty charming---but I would NEVER go out of my way to spend time
>with him if we didn't "have" to.
>
>~Kelly
>

Me too, Kelly

When Katherine was a baby I went to a workshop on sibling relations. We
were to introduce ourselves, our current families, and our families of
origin. My intro included, "and I have a brother five years younger. I
didn't like him when we were kids and I don't intend to start now.

In fact, while I still don't like him and refer to him as St. Dave (who
can do no wrong), I have learned to call his wife something besides
"What's her name," so there's progress, I suppose. I wouldn't want to
live in the same town, though, especially if my mother did also.

:-) Diane