Bill and Diane

Hi Everyone!

I'm posting because I'm sad and lonely, and I want someone to hold my hand.

My dh is sick, and the docs tell me he may never get well enough to be able to work or take responsibility for the little guys while I'm at work, although he will probably be able to live at home for a long time (severe chronic illness).

Just as I was about to bite the bullet and face the fact that I'm running out of money and I have to find child care and get to work, I think my son has whooping cough. So it sounds like it'll be several more weeks before I can put him with someone and work shifts (I'm a nurse). All solutions I figure now sound like they'll evaporate in five months when my son reaches *mandatory school age* and child care becomes scarce.

I've considered in-home care (a nanny) but realize that if my husband is able to return home, it may be difficult to keep a nanny around with a man in the house all day.

I'd appreciate ideas, or just hand holding.

Thanks for listening.

:-) Diane




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Backstrom kelli

oh Diane , that sounds really difficult! I will be thinking of you. Where do you live? What are the ages of your kids? I am so sorry that you ahve to go through such a difficult time! Kelli
Bill and Diane <cen46624@...> wrote:

Hi Everyone!

I'm posting because I'm sad and lonely, and I want someone to hold my hand.

My dh is sick, and the docs tell me he may never get well enough to be able to work or take responsibility for the little guys while I'm at work, although he will probably be able to live at home for a long time (severe chronic illness).

Just as I was about to bite the bullet and face the fact that I'm running out of money and I have to find child care and get to work, I think my son has whooping cough. So it sounds like it'll be several more weeks before I can put him with someone and work shifts (I'm a nurse). All solutions I figure now sound like they'll evaporate in five months when my son reaches *mandatory school age* and child care becomes scarce.

I've considered in-home care (a nanny) but realize that if my husband is able to return home, it may be difficult to keep a nanny around with a man in the house all day.

I'd appreciate ideas, or just hand holding.

Thanks for listening.

:-) Diane




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

zenmomma *

>>I'm posting because I'm sad and lonely, and I want someone to hold my
>>hand.>>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Diane}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Here are some cyber-hugs. (I'm not sure
how to cyber-handhold. ;-))

I'm so sorry you're going through such a difficult time. Any one of those
things-sick dh, sick child, money worries, child care needs-could be enough
to throw a family off balance. You sound very strong in the face of having
to deal with so much at once. Your family is lucky to have you.

My best advice is to take these life challenges one day (one moment) at a
time. Make the best child care/work options you can for now and keep an open
heart and mind to opportunities that might present themselves to you. If you
worry too much into the future, you may miss what's available and good
today.

>>All solutions I figure now sound like they'll evaporate in five months
>>when my son reaches *mandatory school age* and child care becomes
>>scarce.>>

Is that because it would be childcare through your work? Maybe another
homeschooling family could do childcare for you? Just a thought.

Life is good, but challenging at times.
~Mary

"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green
earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly alive."

~ Thich Nhat Hanh


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Jon and Rue Kream

"I've considered in-home care (a nanny) but realize that if my husband
is able to return home, it may be difficult to keep a nanny around with
a man in the house all day."

Hi Diane - What about a male nanny? Harder to find, but not impossible.
Are there any homeschoolers around to help you through the next few
weeks? I'm sending some virtual hand holding :0). ~Rue




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/2/03 10:57:10 PM, cen46624@... writes:

<< I've considered in-home care (a nanny) but realize that if my husband is
able to return home, it may be difficult to keep a nanny around with a man in
the house all day. >>

Male in-home care for your husband and your sons?

If there's a homeschooling family around you with teenagers, you might get
inexpensive assistance that way. It wouldn't have to be the same person
every time, and having different older kids to pay with different times would
be stimulating for your children. I hardly ever had babysitters, and those
we had were usually older kids of families we know, so they're still in the
kids' lives sometimes. Weddings and such.

I'm really sorry to hear of so much from so many directions at once at your
house.

Breathe and breathe, since you're in wait and wait time.
Sorry for the likely lame ideas, and I wish we were near enough that Holly
could play with your boys or they could come over while you worked sometimes.

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/3/03 1:02:28 AM Eastern Standard Time, cen46624@...
writes:

> I'd appreciate ideas, or just hand holding.
>
>

Diane,
I have no ideas, but am thinking of you.
Pam G.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelli Traaseth

Yes, I'm thinking of you too!

Kelli


genant2@... wrote:In a message dated 4/3/03 1:02:28 AM Eastern Standard Time, cen46624@...
writes:

> I'd appreciate ideas, or just hand holding.
>
>

Diane,
I have no ideas, but am thinking of you.
Pam G.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Bill and Diane

Backstrom kelli wrote:

>oh Diane , that sounds really difficult! I will be thinking of you. Where do you live? What are the ages of your kids? I am so sorry that you ahve to go through such a difficult time! Kelli
>

It is really difficult. Everytime I say to myself When it rains, it
pours, it starts pouring more, so I decided to quit saying that and just
deal with whatever can be done at the moment.

My kids are 3 and 5.

:-) Diane

Bill and Diane

zenmomma * wrote:

>I'm so sorry you're going through such a difficult time. Any one of those
>things-sick dh, sick child, money worries, child care needs-could be enough
>to throw a family off balance. You sound very strong in the face of having
>to deal with so much at once. Your family is lucky to have you.
>

My parents say if anyone can survive this, I can. I figure--that's dumb,
of course you can survive, what else are you going to do?

>My best advice is to take these life challenges one day (one moment) at a
>time. Make the best child care/work options you can for now and keep an open
>heart and mind to opportunities that might present themselves to you. If you
>worry too much into the future, you may miss what's available and good
>today.
>

I think that's a great idea. Sometimes when a lot hits at once we tend
to "catastrophize" and look at worst-case scenarios and wallow. Thank you.

>>>All solutions I figure now sound like they'll evaporate in five months
>>>when my son reaches *mandatory school age* and child care becomes
>>>scarce.>>
>>>
>
>Is that because it would be childcare through your work? Maybe another
>homeschooling family could do childcare for you? Just a thought.
>

No, no childcare through work, just that people who provide child care
don't want to have older kids around--and may be forbidden to do so by
their licensure). My impression (and I could be wrong) is that these
are the folks waiting for August.

>Life is good, but challenging at times.
>

True.

:-) Diane

Bill and Diane

Jon and Rue Kream wrote:

>"I've considered in-home care (a nanny) but realize that if my husband
>is able to return home, it may be difficult to keep a nanny around with
>a man in the house all day."
>
>Hi Diane - What about a male nanny? Harder to find, but not impossible.
>Are there any homeschoolers around to help you through the next few
>weeks? I'm sending some virtual hand holding :0). ~Rue
>

That is truly an idea I hadn't thought of. Thanks.

I really haven't made a lot of homeschooler contacts around here. One,
but she's so mired in her own problems right now that I end up getting
leaned on myself, which I don't have the strength for.

Perhaps this will prove to be the impetus for making some long-delayed
contact.--although I think around here (Kentucky) is heavy
school-at-home territory.

:-) Diane

Bill and Diane

SandraDodd@... wrote:

>If there's a homeschooling family around you with teenagers, you might get
>inexpensive assistance that way. It wouldn't have to be the same person
>every time, and having different older kids to pay with different times would
>be stimulating for your children. I hardly ever had babysitters, and those
>we had were usually older kids of families we know, so they're still in the
>kids' lives sometimes. Weddings and such.
>

Good ideas. Thanks. Sounds like some stuff I can use if he comes home
and can manage OK for early hours but needs help during the course of
the day.

>I'm really sorry to hear of so much from so many directions at once at your
>house.
>

Me too. Thank you.

>Breathe and breathe, since you're in wait and wait time.
>Sorry for the likely lame ideas, and I wish we were near enough that Holly
>could play with your boys or they could come over while you worked sometimes.
>

They're not lame, but more important, they may spark the idea/s that
ultimately solves everything. With dh out of commission, I didn't have
anyone to brainstorm with, so all ideas are definitely of value here.
I've been to the support boards for his illness, but of course they
don't have unschooling ideas--childcare? Kindercare!

I think "breathe" is mandatory, and I appreciate the reminder.

:-) Diane

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/3/03 12:20:42 PM, cen46624@... writes:

<< Perhaps this will prove to be the impetus for making some long-delayed
contact.--although I think around here (Kentucky) is heavy
school-at-home territory.
>>

still they might be willing to rent their older kids by the day!!

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/3/03 2:20:13 PM Eastern Standard Time, cen46624@...
writes:

> Are there any homeschoolers around to help you through the next few
> >weeks?
>

Do some investigating in your local HS support group or play group. Call the
Red Cross, they have names of kids who have completed baby sitter training.
You may be surprised to find someone nearby who is looking for a situation
like yours to help out with.

Anna ( 13) has got a "job" in the making of being a mommys helper to a lady
with 5 boys ( 11, 8, 5, 3, and 1) and she is expecting #6.. She is still
nursing #5. Needless to say, she is fatigued and overwhelmed at times, along
with morning sickness. She asked Anna to help her out about 3 days a week
3 or 4 hours a day. Mostly just an extra pair of hands and eyes. Nothing
MAJOR.. play with the little kids, keep an eye on them, maybe serve thier
lunch. Basically, be around to give Momma a little break. Anna has been
looking for this type of situation for a few weeks and it just sort of
"happened" We met this lady at our park day. Anna was talking about being
her Grandma's helper while she recuperates from an hysterectomy. And the
lady piped in to say that was exactly what she needs, somebody to just help
her out. We are still working out the fine details ( like exact schedule
and rate of pay.. btw, ANY SUGGESTIONS for that??.. ) Anna will probably
start helping her next week. She is really excited and so is the mother
and her boys.

Teresa


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/3/03 1:52:52 PM, grlynbl@... writes:

<< We are still working out the fine details ( like exact schedule
and rate of pay.. btw, ANY SUGGESTIONS for that??.. ) >>

I used to pay my neighbor $3 an hour if I was home and $5 if I wasn't. If it
was truly babysitting, $5. But just hanging out to give the kids someone
else to play with, show their owies to, get them water... $3.

That's been a while, and it was New Mexico. I don't know what adjustments
are good and right and what kids are used to getting for babysitting.

Sandra

Andrea

At 02:02 PM 4/3/03 -0500, you wrote:
>Jon and Rue Kream wrote:
> >Hi Diane - What about a male nanny? Harder to find, but not impossible.
> >Are there any homeschoolers around to help you through the next few
> >weeks? I'm sending some virtual hand holding :0). ~Rue
> >
>
>That is truly an idea I hadn't thought of. Thanks.

Or how about a mom with a child around your children's age, especially if
you could find someone with similar values (not necessarily planning to
homeschool, but your example might get her interested :-).

My mother didn't homeschool but she had to deal with a similar situation.
My Dad had a brain stem stroke when their kids were 18,15,9,5 and 7 months
(I was the 15-y.o.). It was, as you of all people can imagine, very
difficult for all of us. After he spent two years in various hospitals and
the rehab centre he came home. No movement except a bit of head motion, no
speech, but with his sharp brain intact ("locked-in" they call it). He had
a nurse part-time but mom did a lot of the rest.

The most important thing I learned from that is that the caregiver is vital
and must treat herself as such. When you are the one everyone depends on
you have to be as good or better to yourself than you are to your children
and husband. My mother couldn't accept this and had such a hard time.

My Dad is still alive 23 years later but moved to a nursing home after Mom
died. She had had cancer before his stroke and it recurred about ten years
later. I'm not willing to say that there is a link, but if there is I don't
think her stress helped.

If you can find any other unschooling/relaxed schooling families in your
area they might be willing to do occasional child-minding, or at least
getting together with others may be a real sanity saver on the days you
don't have to work.

Donna Andrea in Nova Scotia

Mary

From: "Bill and Diane" <cen46624@...>

<<It is really difficult. Everytime I say to myself When it rains, it
pours, it starts pouring more, so I decided to quit saying that and just
deal with whatever can be done at the moment.

My kids are 3 and 5.>>


{{{{{Diane}}}}}

I'm sorry to hear that things are that bad for you. I just hope that you can
find some comfort in family or friends there to help you out. I can't
imagine what it must be like for you but know my thoughts are with you.
Hopefully a little miracle will come your way.

Mary B

Bill and Diane

I realized that Brian is too sick for me to start with child care now. I
read that whooping cough lasts about 4 weeks--does anyone know how long
it is contagious?

Also my MIL told me today she has lung cancer. :-( I'll take that
miracle, please.

:-) Diane

Mary wrote:

>From: "Bill and Diane" <cen46624@...>
>
><<It is really difficult. Everytime I say to myself When it rains, it
>pours, it starts pouring more, so I decided to quit saying that and just
>deal with whatever can be done at the moment.
>
> My kids are 3 and 5.>>
>
>
>{{{{{Diane}}}}}
>
>I'm sorry to hear that things are that bad for you. I just hope that you can
>find some comfort in family or friends there to help you out. I can't
>imagine what it must be like for you but know my thoughts are with you.
>Hopefully a little miracle will come your way.
>
>Mary B
>

Heidi Wordhouse-Dykema

>I realized that Brian is too sick for me to start with child care now. I
>read that whooping cough lasts about 4 weeks--does anyone know how long
>it is contagious?

www.whoopingcough.net is a good resource for 'western medicine' info about it.
I'm on my 6th or 7th week of whooping cough, but I'm down to very minor
episodes now.
Didn't someone else on the list mention their kid/s have whooping
cough? ...and I've heard that someone had homeopathy work really well when
her kids got it.
Good luck with it and don't let it freak you out too badly.
It'll pass... just watch out for pneumonia!
HeidiWD


"I prefer a person who will burn the flag and wrap themselves in the
constitution to a person who will burn the constitution and wrap themselves
in the flag" --- Molly Ivins

Robin Bentley

> I realized that Brian is too sick for me to start with child care now. I
> read that whooping cough lasts about 4 weeks--does anyone know how long
> it is contagious?

In "Your Baby & Child" by Penelope Leach, she says the incubation period is
8-14 days.
>
> Also my MIL told me today she has lung cancer. :-( I'll take that
> miracle, please.
>
Oh, Diane. It must seem like just too much. Thinking of you and sending
healing energy to you and all your family.

Robin B.

[email protected]

{{{{{Diane}}}}} Hugs from someone on the other side of your chaos! (not OUT
of the chaos, just in a different form!) My hubby died two years ago ~ maybe
you read my introduction (I don't want to be redundant!) ~ His father was
diagnosed with lung cancer two months before he was dx with brain cancer.
This disease was the trigger for their reconciliation after 27 years of
estrangement! (not the miracle you're silently asking for, but it's a
miracle!) He was home with the kid/s off and on during the three years
post-dx. He had had part of his brain removed and specialists were unsure if
he had any *immune memory* left, boy was chicken pox FUN!! Fun, too, were
the days I went to work and came home to a disaster bigger than imaginable
because daddy couldn't leave his chair nor pull his attention from the telly
and the 2 & 4 year olds reigned supreme! Laugh? Cry? Scream? All of the
above, all at once? YES!! then you survive ... quietly the days go by and
though you can't imagine making it thru one more (*^&*^* day, you do. You
make it thru this one and the next and the next. Somehow your fingertips
never do slip off the edge of sanity. You're hanging there pretty heavy, you
want to slip over (and some may speculate you already have), but there is
*something* in you that stops the mind from completely checking out on you...
and that *something,* I really don't know what it is, is the difference
between those of us who receive these lessons and those who do not. I only
had to ask Why Me for a short time, I looked around at the other families in
my life and I understood, that they really *couldn't* do it, I sure as He!!
don't *wanna* do it, but I know I *CAN.* Once I questioned God's sanity, I
told him that HE may think I'm capable but that it's not true, I can't see
the diana he does, the one I see is not willing/able/ready for this. I won't
believe in myself until you show me myself thru your eyes. For a little bit
that night, I caught a glimpse of that woman. She is truly amazing. I now
journey towards having her be the authentic version of diana that we all get
to see. (it's a looooong journey!)
Wow, I've just rambled your eyes out! :) I just want you to know that even
the rough spots on the road can be joyous. Find something to laugh about
today. Remember why you chose each other to be a family, the gifts you have
for one another. (see, I'm off and running again...)
Feel free to contact me privately about anything! Really!
Blessings,
diana,
The wackiest widow westriver...
“I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule
of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence.”
--Frederick Douglass


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/3/03 8:51:08 PM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< It is really difficult. Everytime I say to myself When it rains, it
pours, it starts pouring more, so I decided to quit saying that and just
deal with whatever can be done at the moment.

My kids are 3 and 5. >>

I keep thinking and thinking of something brilliant to say, but it just isn't
coming!!! :)
I feel so bad for the difficulties you're facing right now. I really wish I
could help watch your kids or something....the downfalls of internet
community, everyone lives so far apart.
Take time to do something nice for yourself each and every day. We're
thinking of you.

Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."

----Frances Hodgson Burnett

Robin Clevenger

From: Bill and Diane <cen46624@...>
>I realized that Brian is too sick for me to start with child care now. I
>read that whooping cough lasts about 4 weeks--does anyone know how long
>it is contagious?

Ugh, I just got over it after a month. I've never been so sick in my life.
You have my sympathies. I think I read it's most infectious in the first two
weeks. Thankfully, no-one else in my family got it. I've been vaccinated,
and my kids haven't, but they were fine. Figures!

>Also my MIL told me today she has lung cancer. :-( I'll take that
>miracle, please.

(((Diane))). Sending thoughts for a miracle your way.

Blue Skies!
-Robin-

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/4/03 10:52:49 AM Eastern Standard Time,
hahamommy@... writes:

> Remember why you chose each other to be a family, the gifts you have
> for one another.

What a touching story.
Thanks for sharing that.
Pam G.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

joanna514

Somehow your fingertips
> never do slip off the edge of sanity. You're hanging there pretty
heavy, you
> want to slip over (and some may speculate you already have), but
there is
> *something* in you that stops the mind from completely checking out
on you...
> and that *something,* I really don't know what it is, is the
difference
> between those of us who receive these lessons and those who do not.
I only
> had to ask Why Me for a short time, I looked around at the other
families in
> my life and I understood, that they really *couldn't* do it, I sure
as He!!
> don't *wanna* do it, but I know I *CAN.* Once I questioned God's
sanity, I
> told him that HE may think I'm capable but that it's not true, I
can't see
> the diana he does, the one I see is not willing/able/ready for
this. I won't
> believe in myself until you show me myself thru your eyes. For a
little bit
> that night, I caught a glimpse of that woman. She is truly
amazing. I now
> journey towards having her be the authentic version of diana that
we all get
> to see. (it's a looooong journey!)
> Wow, I've just rambled your eyes out! :) I just want you to know
that even
> the rough spots on the road can be joyous. Find something to laugh
about
> today. Remember why you chose each other to be a family, the gifts
you have
> for one another. (see, I'm off and running again...)
> Feel free to contact me privately about anything! Really!
> Blessings,
> diana,
> The wackiest widow westriver...


Thankyou Diana
This was a beautiful post and true for my life in many ways.
Trying to handle to death of my son Sam, feels very much like hanging
by my fingertips over the edge of insanity. Sometimes I feel like
letting go would be easier. But I also know that I have to hold on
tight and remember the beautiful gift that he was to us.
I'm so sad, but I'm so joyful at having known him.
I try to remember all the joys left for me in this life. They are
always surrounding me. I just have to see.
Joanna

[email protected]

Diane--
You said you were a nurse. Could you work per diem?
I've been thinking about you a lot these past few days. I hope you find a
workable solution. In the midst of all this heartache and uncertainty, take
time to enjoy the simple pleasures with your children, and be good to you.
Mary J