Carol C. Korte

Hello all! I am *very* new to this group and am hoping
to find some words of encouragement/direction. I apologize
in advance if this is too long...My name is
Carol and I have three sons, ages 2, 4 and 6. I have been
homeschooling for a couple of years now and have tried many
different styles/curriculums...Recently I have been using
some suggestions by The Well Trained Mind and have found
Nebel's Tapestry of Education to be a great source. We need
a change, however, as my son absolutely resents any suggestion
by me as to our next task, which has led to many arguments
between us. At this point I feel it would be better for our family
and for him if I enrolled him in school, although I know in my
heart that that is not the answer I seek. I am the type of
person who needs structure and planning - I need to know where I'm
going and have my list of things to accomplish. I also seem to have
a very difficult time coming up with activities/ideas on the fly.
This style, though, does not suit my son - so it seems.

My question is this. How can I transition to an unschooling approach,
being the type of person that I described? (I've read the info.
on many websites I've found, but am still not sure how to even
begin!) I know that I need to trust my son, but he often chooses
to not do things which I feel are constructive activities (eg., he
loves to play his gameboy - something I limit to a certain extent -
as opposed to reading, drawing, etc...) I guess I don't even know
where I'm headed with my questions and the frustration I'm feeling is
probably quite clear! Any words of wisdom would be greatly
appreciated! Thank you in advance.

Carol

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/2/03 11:08:45 AM, ckorte@... writes:

<< My question is this. How can I transition to an unschooling approach,
being the type of person that I described? (I've read the info.
on many websites I've found, but am still not sure how to even
begin!) I know that I need to trust my son, but he often chooses
to not do things which I feel are constructive activities (eg., he
loves to play his gameboy - something I limit to a certain extent -
as opposed to reading, drawing, etc...) I guess I don't even know
where I'm headed with my questions and the frustration I'm feeling is
probably quite clear! >>

You need to learn and then trust how natural learning happens.

Organization can still be your best skill and your favorite hobby. Just
organize something besides your son's learning schedule!

Here is something on deschooling yourself
http://sandradodd.com/deschooling

and here is some information to read about video games
http://sandradodd.com/games/page

and here are links which might or might not work (and if not, you can cut and
paste the URLs above).

<A HREF="http://sandradodd.com/deschooling">Deschooling for Parents, by
Sandra Dodd</A>

<A HREF="http://sandradodd.com/games/page">Benefits of Video Games</A>

Betsy

**My question is this. How can I transition to an unschooling approach,
being the type of person that I described? (I've read the info.
on many websites I've found, but am still not sure how to even
begin!) I know that I need to trust my son, but he often chooses
to not do things which I feel are constructive activities (eg., he
loves to play his gameboy - something I limit to a certain extent -
as opposed to reading, drawing, etc...)**


I think a fundamental requirement for unschooling is being able to let
go of the idea that suffering is "better for you" than pleasure.
Certainly one must be able to believe that play is as important as work
in order to unschool.

Betsy

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/2/03 1:33:26 PM, ecsamhill@... writes:

<< Certainly one must be able to believe that play is as important as work
in order to unschool. >>

And that for children, play IS their work.

Sandra

Heidi Wordhouse-Dykema

>We need
>a change, however, as my son absolutely resents any suggestion
>by me as to our next task, which has led to many arguments
>between us.

Good for him.
Good for him.
Good for him!!!
When you stop arguing with him, he might be able to show you how it all
works. He knows what *HE* needs to learn and when, eh? Sometimes it's how
to Gameboy, sometimes it'll be Playstation or TV, another time it'll be
thermonuclear physics or pottery. Just get out of his way and let him do
what he needs to do.
(and while you're waiting for him to decompress from your schoolish needs,
busy yourself with reading. I think someone sent some nice links to you
already and you know how to Google, I'm sure.)

> I am the type of
>person who needs structure and planning - I need to know where I'm
>going and have my list of things to accomplish.

So, have you considered giving yourself some structure and planning? Just
don't slop it all over the rest of the family, eh? Get a hobby. Volunteer
someplace where they like timelines and protocols. Wear a
corset. (grin) (oh, c'mon, structure, people?!)

>I also seem to have
>a very difficult time coming up with activities/ideas on the fly.

So don't come up with activities on the fly. Watch what he's interested
in, and find more that's similar. Don't require him to look at/go to the
'similar', but mention it to him. If he needs to learn about it, he'll ask
for more of it. If he doesn't, he won't.
You are not the cruise director. You are the props manager... all you
have to do is keep track of what props the 'cruise director' (your son)
might be interested in having and where they might be found.

>My question is this. How can I transition to an unschooling approach,
>being the type of person that I described? (I've read the info.
>on many websites I've found, but am still not sure how to even
>begin!)

Begin by stopping.
Stop trying to lead.
Stop trying to entertain.
Stop trying to be in charge of knowing what your son needs next.

Let your son lead.
Let your son entertain himself.
Let your son be in charge of knowing what he needs next.

> I know that I need to trust my son, but he often chooses
>to not do things which I feel are constructive activities

Yeah, I hate it when my kids won't let me live their lives. (wry
grin) Darned inconvenient, their wanting their own lives and all. You'd
think they'd just do what I want to do so I could happily go on living
their life for them.... Pesky kids.

>(eg., he
>loves to play his gameboy - something I limit to a certain extent -
>as opposed to reading, drawing, etc...)

I suppose it's too early to ask you to let go of limiting gameboy?
Would it be too early to ask you to PLAY his gameboy?
Then, when you're done, go off in a backroom and make yourself a list of
all the things he has to know about to play that game better than you
do. (dexterity, determining shorter paths to goals, skill in trading,
timing, reading, evaluating benefits/trade-offs, increasing attention span,
internet or text research skills (to find 'cheats'), socialization skills
(talking with friends about the games and mining their expertise to improve
his own.) etc, etc.

HeidiWD

"I prefer a person who will burn the flag and wrap themselves in the
constitution to a person who will burn the constitution and wrap themselves
in the flag" --- Molly Ivins

Amy Alexander

Yeah about the whole gameboy thing. I am sure my
son's gameboy helped him to learn how to read. And
one time I had him show me how to play his Pokemon
game. And it was fun and I was so surprised to learn
how much he actually knew about the game. And this
was when he was 4!
--- Heidi Wordhouse-Dykema <heidi@...> wrote:
>
> >We need
> >a change, however, as my son absolutely resents any
> suggestion
> >by me as to our next task, which has led to many
> arguments
> >between us.
>
> Good for him.
> Good for him.
> Good for him!!!
> When you stop arguing with him, he might be able to
> show you how it all
> works. He knows what *HE* needs to learn and when,
> eh? Sometimes it's how
> to Gameboy, sometimes it'll be Playstation or TV,
> another time it'll be
> thermonuclear physics or pottery. Just get out of
> his way and let him do
> what he needs to do.
> (and while you're waiting for him to decompress from
> your schoolish needs,
> busy yourself with reading. I think someone sent
> some nice links to you
> already and you know how to Google, I'm sure.)
>
> > I am the type of
> >person who needs structure and planning - I need to
> know where I'm
> >going and have my list of things to accomplish.
>
> So, have you considered giving yourself some
> structure and planning? Just
> don't slop it all over the rest of the family, eh?
> Get a hobby. Volunteer
> someplace where they like timelines and protocols.
> Wear a
> corset. (grin) (oh, c'mon, structure, people?!)
>
> >I also seem to have
> >a very difficult time coming up with
> activities/ideas on the fly.
>
> So don't come up with activities on the fly. Watch
> what he's interested
> in, and find more that's similar. Don't require him
> to look at/go to the
> 'similar', but mention it to him. If he needs to
> learn about it, he'll ask
> for more of it. If he doesn't, he won't.
> You are not the cruise director. You are the props
> manager... all you
> have to do is keep track of what props the 'cruise
> director' (your son)
> might be interested in having and where they might
> be found.
>
> >My question is this. How can I transition to an
> unschooling approach,
> >being the type of person that I described? (I've
> read the info.
> >on many websites I've found, but am still not sure
> how to even
> >begin!)
>
> Begin by stopping.
> Stop trying to lead.
> Stop trying to entertain.
> Stop trying to be in charge of knowing what your son
> needs next.
>
> Let your son lead.
> Let your son entertain himself.
> Let your son be in charge of knowing what he needs
> next.
>
> > I know that I need to trust my son, but he often
> chooses
> >to not do things which I feel are constructive
> activities
>
> Yeah, I hate it when my kids won't let me live their
> lives. (wry
> grin) Darned inconvenient, their wanting their own
> lives and all. You'd
> think they'd just do what I want to do so I could
> happily go on living
> their life for them.... Pesky kids.
>
> >(eg., he
> >loves to play his gameboy - something I limit to a
> certain extent -
> >as opposed to reading, drawing, etc...)
>
> I suppose it's too early to ask you to let go of
> limiting gameboy?
> Would it be too early to ask you to PLAY his
> gameboy?
> Then, when you're done, go off in a backroom and
> make yourself a list of
> all the things he has to know about to play that
> game better than you
> do. (dexterity, determining shorter paths to goals,
> skill in trading,
> timing, reading, evaluating benefits/trade-offs,
> increasing attention span,
> internet or text research skills (to find 'cheats'),
> socialization skills
> (talking with friends about the games and mining
> their expertise to improve
> his own.) etc, etc.
>
> HeidiWD
>
> "I prefer a person who will burn the flag and wrap
> themselves in the
> constitution to a person who will burn the
> constitution and wrap themselves
> in the flag" --- Molly Ivins
>
>


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