Mother Dance - forbidden foods, etc.
nellebelle
Mother Dance by Harriet Lerner. This is NOT an unschooling book, but I'm
finding lots of passages that apply to unschooling. (There are also things
that would work against unschooling, but that is not the point of the book.)
She has a chapter on food which ends with her son sneakily gorging on grapes
(which were forbidden in their home), while ignoring the desserts.
"limiting a child's access to and intake of particular foods ... will
intensify the child's wish for them. ... Once the food is legalized and on
hand for the child in greater amounts than he or she can possibly be hungry
for, the child first turns to it with a vengeance and later usually loses
interest in it." Obviously, this applies to homes where there had once been
restrictions. If a food had never been restricted a child's reaction would
be different.
There is a quote from the section on sex that I think could apply to just
about anything. This basic idea has been promoted on this list over and
over, so it isn't anything new. Replace [sex] with sugar, TV, R rated
movies, or whatever else you think your child should never be exposed to.
She isn't saying to tell your teen daughter, sure go have sex. She is
saying that if the parent is operating on the assumption that it is always
wrong to have sex before marraige, the child cannot ever make the decision
not to on their own. The child will benefit if the parent accepts that some
people do have sex before marraige and has open discussions with the child
on the issue.
"When the dictate to say no to [sex] is founded on fear and external
pressure, it's not a true choice. It is also less likely to be maintianed
if the girl doesn't experience herself as having the power and agency ever
to give an affirming yes."
Mary Ellen
finding lots of passages that apply to unschooling. (There are also things
that would work against unschooling, but that is not the point of the book.)
She has a chapter on food which ends with her son sneakily gorging on grapes
(which were forbidden in their home), while ignoring the desserts.
"limiting a child's access to and intake of particular foods ... will
intensify the child's wish for them. ... Once the food is legalized and on
hand for the child in greater amounts than he or she can possibly be hungry
for, the child first turns to it with a vengeance and later usually loses
interest in it." Obviously, this applies to homes where there had once been
restrictions. If a food had never been restricted a child's reaction would
be different.
There is a quote from the section on sex that I think could apply to just
about anything. This basic idea has been promoted on this list over and
over, so it isn't anything new. Replace [sex] with sugar, TV, R rated
movies, or whatever else you think your child should never be exposed to.
She isn't saying to tell your teen daughter, sure go have sex. She is
saying that if the parent is operating on the assumption that it is always
wrong to have sex before marraige, the child cannot ever make the decision
not to on their own. The child will benefit if the parent accepts that some
people do have sex before marraige and has open discussions with the child
on the issue.
"When the dictate to say no to [sex] is founded on fear and external
pressure, it's not a true choice. It is also less likely to be maintianed
if the girl doesn't experience herself as having the power and agency ever
to give an affirming yes."
Mary Ellen
Sorcha
It's been a long time since I read that book, and I don't remember most
of what she said, but one thing has stuck in my mind. She was talking
about how people say that motherhood is the hardest job in the world and
she said, "It's not a job, it's a relationship."
Sorcha
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
of what she said, but one thing has stuck in my mind. She was talking
about how people say that motherhood is the hardest job in the world and
she said, "It's not a job, it's a relationship."
Sorcha
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]