criers
Mary Bianco
I posted this once before a while ago but thought maybe some time would help
for answers.
It's Sierra. She cries a lot over what seems to be nothing at all. Now I try
to put myself in her position to understand, but to be honest, most of the
time I just don't get it. I've tried talking to her when she gets like this
and it makes things so much worse. I can't even begin to talk to her about
why she's crying until much later. If I even try a half hour later, she'll
start crying all over again. I've tried holding her and she just keeps
crying and crying. It seems like leaving her alone works best for her to get
over it. As much as it works, I hate doing it. Just leaving her to cry.
Examples: The other night, Joe was getting her into the shower. She wanted
to take a bath. So Joe got the shower ready for her to do her hair first and
then run the bath for her to play. Well I had in another time, given her a
bath first and conditioned her hair, let her play and then rinse her hair
out after. Joe didn't know and she didn't ask or say anything. She just
started to cry. Finding out later that she wanted to bath first and then
shower her hair.
Joe and I are making a very thoughtful effort to explain things and ask more
so she understands and we do too. But it's not always things like this.
Tonight she was starting to feel worse again. With everyone else getting
better, she'll get everyone else sick again. I was trying to get her to take
some meds so she wouldn't get a lot worse. I gave her two choices and she
didn't want either one. She went and got into bed before anyone else, I
rubbed her down with Vicks and she was fine. When Joe went to put Alyssa to
bed, Sierra was crying like crazy. No one had a clue as to what was wrong.
Turns out she just started to cry because she couldn't breath. I got her
calmed down and then she wanted to take a Sudafed. She comes out to do that,
she's drinking water and I'm doing dishes and she just starts to cry again.
This time because she dropped her pill on the floor. It wasn't that she
couldn't find it cause she didn't even look. She just started to cry because
she dropped it. Joe got her settled and found the pill and she took it and
then went to bed.
Now before anyone thinks it's just because she's sick, that isn't the case.
These are just the latest examples that I can think of. Even when she's
perfectly fine, these types of things still bring her to crying.
Sometimes she'll start to cry just because she can't finish something to
eat. Now she never gets yelled at for any of these types of things from any
of us. The kids are never punished. That's what makes this all so hard to
get. I can't see where she would be afraid of anything. No one is making fun
or anything close to that. Now sometimes it is her brother pushing her
buttons. That I get. But a lot of the time it's nothing of the sort.
Any ideas??
Mary B
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for answers.
It's Sierra. She cries a lot over what seems to be nothing at all. Now I try
to put myself in her position to understand, but to be honest, most of the
time I just don't get it. I've tried talking to her when she gets like this
and it makes things so much worse. I can't even begin to talk to her about
why she's crying until much later. If I even try a half hour later, she'll
start crying all over again. I've tried holding her and she just keeps
crying and crying. It seems like leaving her alone works best for her to get
over it. As much as it works, I hate doing it. Just leaving her to cry.
Examples: The other night, Joe was getting her into the shower. She wanted
to take a bath. So Joe got the shower ready for her to do her hair first and
then run the bath for her to play. Well I had in another time, given her a
bath first and conditioned her hair, let her play and then rinse her hair
out after. Joe didn't know and she didn't ask or say anything. She just
started to cry. Finding out later that she wanted to bath first and then
shower her hair.
Joe and I are making a very thoughtful effort to explain things and ask more
so she understands and we do too. But it's not always things like this.
Tonight she was starting to feel worse again. With everyone else getting
better, she'll get everyone else sick again. I was trying to get her to take
some meds so she wouldn't get a lot worse. I gave her two choices and she
didn't want either one. She went and got into bed before anyone else, I
rubbed her down with Vicks and she was fine. When Joe went to put Alyssa to
bed, Sierra was crying like crazy. No one had a clue as to what was wrong.
Turns out she just started to cry because she couldn't breath. I got her
calmed down and then she wanted to take a Sudafed. She comes out to do that,
she's drinking water and I'm doing dishes and she just starts to cry again.
This time because she dropped her pill on the floor. It wasn't that she
couldn't find it cause she didn't even look. She just started to cry because
she dropped it. Joe got her settled and found the pill and she took it and
then went to bed.
Now before anyone thinks it's just because she's sick, that isn't the case.
These are just the latest examples that I can think of. Even when she's
perfectly fine, these types of things still bring her to crying.
Sometimes she'll start to cry just because she can't finish something to
eat. Now she never gets yelled at for any of these types of things from any
of us. The kids are never punished. That's what makes this all so hard to
get. I can't see where she would be afraid of anything. No one is making fun
or anything close to that. Now sometimes it is her brother pushing her
buttons. That I get. But a lot of the time it's nothing of the sort.
Any ideas??
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
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In a message dated 3/11/2003 1:05:15 AM Eastern Standard Time,
mummyone24@... writes:
Just kidding---figured you could use a laugh! <g>
I don't know. I was VERY easy to cry as a child. I hated it, but I just
couldn't stop. The slightest thing would make a knot in my throat---and then
I knew it wouldn't be long before the tears would start. I really, really
hated it. I finally (at 25 or so!) just MADE myself STOP. I'd think about
ANYTHING just to keep from crying. I'm OK now (I'm 42!).
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mummyone24@... writes:
> Any ideas??A career in soap operas?
>
> Mary B
Just kidding---figured you could use a laugh! <g>
I don't know. I was VERY easy to cry as a child. I hated it, but I just
couldn't stop. The slightest thing would make a knot in my throat---and then
I knew it wouldn't be long before the tears would start. I really, really
hated it. I finally (at 25 or so!) just MADE myself STOP. I'd think about
ANYTHING just to keep from crying. I'm OK now (I'm 42!).
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary Bianco
>From: kbcdlovejo@...<<A career in soap operas?
Just kidding---figured you could use a laugh! <g>
I don't know. I was VERY easy to cry as a child. I hated it, but I just
couldn't stop. The slightest thing would make a knot in my throat---and then
I knew it wouldn't be long before the tears would start. I really, really
hated it. I finally (at 25 or so!) just MADE myself STOP. I'd think about
ANYTHING just to keep from crying. I'm OK now (I'm 42!).>>
LOL!!!! I've actually thought about that. I've even asked her if she wanted
to join an acting class but she's not interested. (it's for homeschoolers)
My mom came me to one day and asked if I knew Sierra could make herself cry
on command. Now my mom has a tendency to be a "Oh that didn't hurt you're
not really crying" kind of person. So I really can't be sure if she is
right. Whenever I've seen it happen, this kid is really crying. Now she can
prolong it once she gets going. That's why holding her doesn't help. She
really gets it going when someone is around.
It's rather reassuring to know someone else was pretty much the same way and
was able to overcome it later on. Not comforting that it was terrible for
you. I guess one reason why I'm so concerned is I remember a friend from
grade school. Poor Jamie sat in front of me and had bright red hair and very
pale skin. She wore her hair always in two braided pig tails. If the teacher
called on her and she didn't know what to say, her ears would turn bright
red and I knew she was going to cry. She cried for everything, even with us
kids only. Very sensitive. I remember later on kids making fun of her. It
certainly wasn't anything she seemed to enjoy. I left that school in 5th
grade so I never found out how Jamie dealt with it.
Thanks for the outlook of how hard it may be for Sierra to deal with too.
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
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Sorcha
Mary,
I think you were describing me as a kid. Man, I used to cry over
*everything*. Any little feeling of any emotion seemed to come welling
out as tears. It was embarrassing but I just couldn't stop doing it.
Even as a teenager, I had this boyfriend who thought women only cried to
manipulate men, and he used to yell at me all the time for crying and I
tried so hard to stop, but I couldn't.
I'm a lot better now (I'm 27) but there was one time just last year that
I was eating lunch with my husband and kids in a restaurant and I wanted
to go to Barnes and Noble afterwards and my husband said he was sick of
Barnes and Noble (we'd been going almost every weekend because it was
close and the kids like the play area). Well, I just started crying and
couldn't stop. I know that sounds stupid. All he said was that he was
bored going their every week, but I *wasn't* bored of going there, so I
thought he was saying that I was a boring person for wanting to do the
same thing all the time. I thought for the rest of my marriage we'd
never go to a bookstore together again because he was so bored with it.
I know that sounds really stupid *now*, but sitting in the restaurant
that day, it seemed perfectly rational and I cried through the whole
meal.
It's no surprise, then, that my first son should be sensitive. He cries
all the time and it's hard to understand why sometimes. Yesterday he
wanted to have a picnic on the living room floor and I was sitting on a
blanket with his brother, when he came in carrying about 12 forks. I
said, "I don't think we'll need the forks for our sandwiches and milk."
Well, he started crying and threw himself into my arms sobbing and when
he stopped he said, "You hurt my feelings and now we can't have a
picnic." Hours later he was thinking about it and said, "Was that
silly?" I said sometimes things seem silly to us later, but if his
feelings were really hurt at the time then it wasn't silly when it
happened.
When my son cries over every little thing, I just remind myself of my
brother, who cried over every little thing the whole time we were
growing up (even things that wouldn't have made me cry). He's 22 now,
and a Marine, and I don't think he's cried at all since he was about 15.
I guess that's not really advice, and I don't know if it's helpful at
all. But I assure you, people who cry easily aren't trying to
manipulate people, and telling them it's irrational to be crying is only
going to make them cry harder. I think emotional control comes with
age.
Sorcha
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I think you were describing me as a kid. Man, I used to cry over
*everything*. Any little feeling of any emotion seemed to come welling
out as tears. It was embarrassing but I just couldn't stop doing it.
Even as a teenager, I had this boyfriend who thought women only cried to
manipulate men, and he used to yell at me all the time for crying and I
tried so hard to stop, but I couldn't.
I'm a lot better now (I'm 27) but there was one time just last year that
I was eating lunch with my husband and kids in a restaurant and I wanted
to go to Barnes and Noble afterwards and my husband said he was sick of
Barnes and Noble (we'd been going almost every weekend because it was
close and the kids like the play area). Well, I just started crying and
couldn't stop. I know that sounds stupid. All he said was that he was
bored going their every week, but I *wasn't* bored of going there, so I
thought he was saying that I was a boring person for wanting to do the
same thing all the time. I thought for the rest of my marriage we'd
never go to a bookstore together again because he was so bored with it.
I know that sounds really stupid *now*, but sitting in the restaurant
that day, it seemed perfectly rational and I cried through the whole
meal.
It's no surprise, then, that my first son should be sensitive. He cries
all the time and it's hard to understand why sometimes. Yesterday he
wanted to have a picnic on the living room floor and I was sitting on a
blanket with his brother, when he came in carrying about 12 forks. I
said, "I don't think we'll need the forks for our sandwiches and milk."
Well, he started crying and threw himself into my arms sobbing and when
he stopped he said, "You hurt my feelings and now we can't have a
picnic." Hours later he was thinking about it and said, "Was that
silly?" I said sometimes things seem silly to us later, but if his
feelings were really hurt at the time then it wasn't silly when it
happened.
When my son cries over every little thing, I just remind myself of my
brother, who cried over every little thing the whole time we were
growing up (even things that wouldn't have made me cry). He's 22 now,
and a Marine, and I don't think he's cried at all since he was about 15.
I guess that's not really advice, and I don't know if it's helpful at
all. But I assure you, people who cry easily aren't trying to
manipulate people, and telling them it's irrational to be crying is only
going to make them cry harder. I think emotional control comes with
age.
Sorcha
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/11/2003 7:47:29 AM Eastern Standard Time,
sorcha-aisling@... writes:
thing.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sorcha-aisling@... writes:
> . I think emotional control comes withDitto. No matter how hard you may ty. It's probably just a time & maturity
> age.
thing.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Backstrom kelli
How old is she? My dd is also a crier and I have just grown to accept that part of her. I actually love her openness and willingness to express, as opposed to my ten year old who I feel like I have to pull everything out of and who I always worry is trying to hold her feelings in. My husband (who is 35) is a huge crier. He cries over everything! We always laugh about this but it is the best quality about him. Kelli
Mary Bianco <mummyone24@...> wrote:I posted this once before a while ago but thought maybe some time would help
for answers.
It's Sierra. She cries a lot over what seems to be nothing at all. Now I try
to put myself in her position to understand, but to be honest, most of the
time I just don't get it. I've tried talking to her when she gets like this
and it makes things so much worse. I can't even begin to talk to her about
why she's crying until much later. If I even try a half hour later, she'll
start crying all over again. I've tried holding her and she just keeps
crying and crying. It seems like leaving her alone works best for her to get
over it. As much as it works, I hate doing it. Just leaving her to cry.
Examples: The other night, Joe was getting her into the shower. She wanted
to take a bath. So Joe got the shower ready for her to do her hair first and
then run the bath for her to play. Well I had in another time, given her a
bath first and conditioned her hair, let her play and then rinse her hair
out after. Joe didn't know and she didn't ask or say anything. She just
started to cry. Finding out later that she wanted to bath first and then
shower her hair.
Joe and I are making a very thoughtful effort to explain things and ask more
so she understands and we do too. But it's not always things like this.
Tonight she was starting to feel worse again. With everyone else getting
better, she'll get everyone else sick again. I was trying to get her to take
some meds so she wouldn't get a lot worse. I gave her two choices and she
didn't want either one. She went and got into bed before anyone else, I
rubbed her down with Vicks and she was fine. When Joe went to put Alyssa to
bed, Sierra was crying like crazy. No one had a clue as to what was wrong.
Turns out she just started to cry because she couldn't breath. I got her
calmed down and then she wanted to take a Sudafed. She comes out to do that,
she's drinking water and I'm doing dishes and she just starts to cry again.
This time because she dropped her pill on the floor. It wasn't that she
couldn't find it cause she didn't even look. She just started to cry because
she dropped it. Joe got her settled and found the pill and she took it and
then went to bed.
Now before anyone thinks it's just because she's sick, that isn't the case.
These are just the latest examples that I can think of. Even when she's
perfectly fine, these types of things still bring her to crying.
Sometimes she'll start to cry just because she can't finish something to
eat. Now she never gets yelled at for any of these types of things from any
of us. The kids are never punished. That's what makes this all so hard to
get. I can't see where she would be afraid of anything. No one is making fun
or anything close to that. Now sometimes it is her brother pushing her
buttons. That I get. But a lot of the time it's nothing of the sort.
Any ideas??
Mary B
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary Bianco <mummyone24@...> wrote:I posted this once before a while ago but thought maybe some time would help
for answers.
It's Sierra. She cries a lot over what seems to be nothing at all. Now I try
to put myself in her position to understand, but to be honest, most of the
time I just don't get it. I've tried talking to her when she gets like this
and it makes things so much worse. I can't even begin to talk to her about
why she's crying until much later. If I even try a half hour later, she'll
start crying all over again. I've tried holding her and she just keeps
crying and crying. It seems like leaving her alone works best for her to get
over it. As much as it works, I hate doing it. Just leaving her to cry.
Examples: The other night, Joe was getting her into the shower. She wanted
to take a bath. So Joe got the shower ready for her to do her hair first and
then run the bath for her to play. Well I had in another time, given her a
bath first and conditioned her hair, let her play and then rinse her hair
out after. Joe didn't know and she didn't ask or say anything. She just
started to cry. Finding out later that she wanted to bath first and then
shower her hair.
Joe and I are making a very thoughtful effort to explain things and ask more
so she understands and we do too. But it's not always things like this.
Tonight she was starting to feel worse again. With everyone else getting
better, she'll get everyone else sick again. I was trying to get her to take
some meds so she wouldn't get a lot worse. I gave her two choices and she
didn't want either one. She went and got into bed before anyone else, I
rubbed her down with Vicks and she was fine. When Joe went to put Alyssa to
bed, Sierra was crying like crazy. No one had a clue as to what was wrong.
Turns out she just started to cry because she couldn't breath. I got her
calmed down and then she wanted to take a Sudafed. She comes out to do that,
she's drinking water and I'm doing dishes and she just starts to cry again.
This time because she dropped her pill on the floor. It wasn't that she
couldn't find it cause she didn't even look. She just started to cry because
she dropped it. Joe got her settled and found the pill and she took it and
then went to bed.
Now before anyone thinks it's just because she's sick, that isn't the case.
These are just the latest examples that I can think of. Even when she's
perfectly fine, these types of things still bring her to crying.
Sometimes she'll start to cry just because she can't finish something to
eat. Now she never gets yelled at for any of these types of things from any
of us. The kids are never punished. That's what makes this all so hard to
get. I can't see where she would be afraid of anything. No one is making fun
or anything close to that. Now sometimes it is her brother pushing her
buttons. That I get. But a lot of the time it's nothing of the sort.
Any ideas??
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/10/03 11:07:11 PM, mummyone24@... writes:
<< No one is making fun
or anything close to that. Now sometimes it is her brother pushing her
buttons. That I get. But a lot of the time it's nothing of the sort.
<<Any ideas?? >>
My first ideas might be lame, but maybe not.
Rocking? Does rocking help? Do you have a rocking chair you can use while
you're comforting her? Do you have swings in the yard and can you go out
with her and get her to swing while she's crying?
Is there music she likes that you could leave on lots? Holly likes to have a
CD on when she's in the bathtub. Cyndi Lauper, lately. Different things
over the years, and not always needed.
Do you breathe with her and try to get her to use deep breaths to calm down?
Crying creates oxygen deprivation, which can feel pretty good IF you want to
maintain your adrenaline jag, and sometimes that's useful--to cry really hard
until the adrenaline's gone. But its not until the really hard crying (which
comes with some deep breathing) that it goes. So if it's casual, habitual
crying, trying to get her to breathe as deeply as possible, wait a second or
two before breathing in again, holding it in when she breathes as deeply as
she can, breathing out, then huffing the last little part out and waiting a
second or two... that will slow her pulse and help her calm herself. But
you'll probably have to talk her through it the first many times.
Sandra
<< No one is making fun
or anything close to that. Now sometimes it is her brother pushing her
buttons. That I get. But a lot of the time it's nothing of the sort.
<<Any ideas?? >>
My first ideas might be lame, but maybe not.
Rocking? Does rocking help? Do you have a rocking chair you can use while
you're comforting her? Do you have swings in the yard and can you go out
with her and get her to swing while she's crying?
Is there music she likes that you could leave on lots? Holly likes to have a
CD on when she's in the bathtub. Cyndi Lauper, lately. Different things
over the years, and not always needed.
Do you breathe with her and try to get her to use deep breaths to calm down?
Crying creates oxygen deprivation, which can feel pretty good IF you want to
maintain your adrenaline jag, and sometimes that's useful--to cry really hard
until the adrenaline's gone. But its not until the really hard crying (which
comes with some deep breathing) that it goes. So if it's casual, habitual
crying, trying to get her to breathe as deeply as possible, wait a second or
two before breathing in again, holding it in when she breathes as deeply as
she can, breathing out, then huffing the last little part out and waiting a
second or two... that will slow her pulse and help her calm herself. But
you'll probably have to talk her through it the first many times.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/11/03 5:47:31 AM, sorcha-aisling@... writes:
<< Hours later he was thinking about it and said, "Was that
silly?" I said sometimes things seem silly to us later, but if his
feelings were really hurt at the time then it wasn't silly when it
happened. >>
But what part was silly?
So he shows up with twelve forks. You could have made a design in the
middle with them. You could have set them around the perimeter to keep ants
away. You could have given each person four forks to outline their spot.
Maybe he just wanted to do something different and was discouraged.
From an unschooling point of view, there are a lot of things to do with
twelve forks besides just not eat sandwiches with them.
Sandra
<< Hours later he was thinking about it and said, "Was that
silly?" I said sometimes things seem silly to us later, but if his
feelings were really hurt at the time then it wasn't silly when it
happened. >>
But what part was silly?
So he shows up with twelve forks. You could have made a design in the
middle with them. You could have set them around the perimeter to keep ants
away. You could have given each person four forks to outline their spot.
Maybe he just wanted to do something different and was discouraged.
From an unschooling point of view, there are a lot of things to do with
twelve forks besides just not eat sandwiches with them.
Sandra
Sorcha
>>But what part was silly?<<The part about me being uptight about him getting out 12 forks. :-)
Sorcha
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dawn Ackroyd
When my daughter is tired she can be a real crier. My husband always
talks to her once she has pulled herself together about how crying
doesn't help her get what she wants. If there is something she wants it
is much more effective to just ask for it or discuss it. Crying just
makes everything worse in our house. She gets it and tends to do better.
Dawn
-----Original Message-----
From: Sorcha [mailto:sorcha-aisling@...]
Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2003 5:45 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: [Unschooling-dotcom] criers
Mary,
I think you were describing me as a kid. Man, I used to cry over
*everything*. Any little feeling of any emotion seemed to come welling
out as tears. It was embarrassing but I just couldn't stop doing it.
Even as a teenager, I had this boyfriend who thought women only cried to
manipulate men, and he used to yell at me all the time for crying and I
tried so hard to stop, but I couldn't.
I'm a lot better now (I'm 27) but there was one time just last year that
I was eating lunch with my husband and kids in a restaurant and I wanted
to go to Barnes and Noble afterwards and my husband said he was sick of
Barnes and Noble (we'd been going almost every weekend because it was
close and the kids like the play area). Well, I just started crying and
couldn't stop. I know that sounds stupid. All he said was that he was
bored going their every week, but I *wasn't* bored of going there, so I
thought he was saying that I was a boring person for wanting to do the
same thing all the time. I thought for the rest of my marriage we'd
never go to a bookstore together again because he was so bored with it.
I know that sounds really stupid *now*, but sitting in the restaurant
that day, it seemed perfectly rational and I cried through the whole
meal.
It's no surprise, then, that my first son should be sensitive. He cries
all the time and it's hard to understand why sometimes. Yesterday he
wanted to have a picnic on the living room floor and I was sitting on a
blanket with his brother, when he came in carrying about 12 forks. I
said, "I don't think we'll need the forks for our sandwiches and milk."
Well, he started crying and threw himself into my arms sobbing and when
he stopped he said, "You hurt my feelings and now we can't have a
picnic." Hours later he was thinking about it and said, "Was that
silly?" I said sometimes things seem silly to us later, but if his
feelings were really hurt at the time then it wasn't silly when it
happened.
When my son cries over every little thing, I just remind myself of my
brother, who cried over every little thing the whole time we were
growing up (even things that wouldn't have made me cry). He's 22 now,
and a Marine, and I don't think he's cried at all since he was about 15.
I guess that's not really advice, and I don't know if it's helpful at
all. But I assure you, people who cry easily aren't trying to
manipulate people, and telling them it's irrational to be crying is only
going to make them cry harder. I think emotional control comes with
age.
Sorcha
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
talks to her once she has pulled herself together about how crying
doesn't help her get what she wants. If there is something she wants it
is much more effective to just ask for it or discuss it. Crying just
makes everything worse in our house. She gets it and tends to do better.
Dawn
-----Original Message-----
From: Sorcha [mailto:sorcha-aisling@...]
Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2003 5:45 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: [Unschooling-dotcom] criers
Mary,
I think you were describing me as a kid. Man, I used to cry over
*everything*. Any little feeling of any emotion seemed to come welling
out as tears. It was embarrassing but I just couldn't stop doing it.
Even as a teenager, I had this boyfriend who thought women only cried to
manipulate men, and he used to yell at me all the time for crying and I
tried so hard to stop, but I couldn't.
I'm a lot better now (I'm 27) but there was one time just last year that
I was eating lunch with my husband and kids in a restaurant and I wanted
to go to Barnes and Noble afterwards and my husband said he was sick of
Barnes and Noble (we'd been going almost every weekend because it was
close and the kids like the play area). Well, I just started crying and
couldn't stop. I know that sounds stupid. All he said was that he was
bored going their every week, but I *wasn't* bored of going there, so I
thought he was saying that I was a boring person for wanting to do the
same thing all the time. I thought for the rest of my marriage we'd
never go to a bookstore together again because he was so bored with it.
I know that sounds really stupid *now*, but sitting in the restaurant
that day, it seemed perfectly rational and I cried through the whole
meal.
It's no surprise, then, that my first son should be sensitive. He cries
all the time and it's hard to understand why sometimes. Yesterday he
wanted to have a picnic on the living room floor and I was sitting on a
blanket with his brother, when he came in carrying about 12 forks. I
said, "I don't think we'll need the forks for our sandwiches and milk."
Well, he started crying and threw himself into my arms sobbing and when
he stopped he said, "You hurt my feelings and now we can't have a
picnic." Hours later he was thinking about it and said, "Was that
silly?" I said sometimes things seem silly to us later, but if his
feelings were really hurt at the time then it wasn't silly when it
happened.
When my son cries over every little thing, I just remind myself of my
brother, who cried over every little thing the whole time we were
growing up (even things that wouldn't have made me cry). He's 22 now,
and a Marine, and I don't think he's cried at all since he was about 15.
I guess that's not really advice, and I don't know if it's helpful at
all. But I assure you, people who cry easily aren't trying to
manipulate people, and telling them it's irrational to be crying is only
going to make them cry harder. I think emotional control comes with
age.
Sorcha
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/11/2003 3:21:20 AM Pacific Standard Time,
mummyone24@... writes:
Carol
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mummyone24@... writes:
> Whenever I've seen it happen, this kid is really crying. Now she canThe homeopathic remedy Pulsatilla can be really helpful for weepy kids.
> prolong it once she gets going. That's why holding her doesn't help.
Carol
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/11/03 1:31:16 AM Eastern Standard Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
it has continued. Cry at the drop of a hat. LOL. I think some people are
more sensitive to any change in their environment. And being sick just seems
to make it worse. I know with Phillip I try to ask as many questions as
possible to get things right. You have a fever...do you want anything
Tylenol, Motrin, a bath? Do you want to chew the Tylenol or crush it? Crush
it in juice or water? What kind of juice?
He gets very mad if I don't ask. Like I am taking his choice away. Even
everyday stuff. Do you want those breakfast patties cold or hot? Cut or not
cut? Cut into chunks or strips? Do you want any ketchup with them?
Jackson doesn't do that and then Phillip gets upset. I try to explain to
Jackson that Phil wants things his way not ours, he wants to make even little
decisions. I think it is the least I can do to help the situation along and
we all get what we want. Sometimes he gets what he wants himself and
sometimes he just wants me to do it. I don't mind.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
> I don't know. I was VERY easy to cry as a child. I hated it, but I justI think I have gotten worse. When i was pregnant It started, hormones, but
> couldn't stop. The slightest thing would make a knot in my throat---and
> then
> I knew it wouldn't be long before the tears would start. I really, really
> hated it. I finally (at 25 or so!) just MADE myself STOP. I'd think about
> ANYTHING just to keep from crying. I'm OK now (I'm 42!).
>
>
it has continued. Cry at the drop of a hat. LOL. I think some people are
more sensitive to any change in their environment. And being sick just seems
to make it worse. I know with Phillip I try to ask as many questions as
possible to get things right. You have a fever...do you want anything
Tylenol, Motrin, a bath? Do you want to chew the Tylenol or crush it? Crush
it in juice or water? What kind of juice?
He gets very mad if I don't ask. Like I am taking his choice away. Even
everyday stuff. Do you want those breakfast patties cold or hot? Cut or not
cut? Cut into chunks or strips? Do you want any ketchup with them?
Jackson doesn't do that and then Phillip gets upset. I try to explain to
Jackson that Phil wants things his way not ours, he wants to make even little
decisions. I think it is the least I can do to help the situation along and
we all get what we want. Sometimes he gets what he wants himself and
sometimes he just wants me to do it. I don't mind.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Samantha M. Stopple
Sorcha,
You could could tell your son they eat sandwiches with forks in
Denmark. They provide knives and forks for that purpose at Mcdonalds.
So the next time you have sandwiches break out the knives and forks.
And they don't switch hands with their forks either they keep the fork
in their left hand and use the right hand for the knife.
Samantha
You could could tell your son they eat sandwiches with forks in
Denmark. They provide knives and forks for that purpose at Mcdonalds.
So the next time you have sandwiches break out the knives and forks.
And they don't switch hands with their forks either they keep the fork
in their left hand and use the right hand for the knife.
Samantha
Sorcha
>>You could could tell your son they eat sandwiches with forks inDenmark. They provide knives and forks for that purpose at Mcdonalds.<<
I didn't know that! See, I realized as soon as I'd made the comment
that I was being too uptight, but he got so upset and was crying so much
that I couldn't calm him down by saying, "What the heck, forks sound
like fun!"
>>So the next time you have sandwiches break out the knives and forks.<<I will. :-) I hope he forgives me soon and wants to have another
picnic.
>>And they don't switch hands with their forks either they keep the forkin their left hand and use the right hand for the knife.<<
That's how I eat! I'm left-handed.
Sorcha
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dawn Ackroyd
It is very American to switch hands. Canadians, and Europeans (maybe
more - but I don't know) eat like that all the time. I lived in CA for
18 months and ate dinner at people's homes often, and they often
commented on this. It was kind of funny.
Dawn
That's how I eat! I'm left-handed.
Sorcha
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
more - but I don't know) eat like that all the time. I lived in CA for
18 months and ate dinner at people's homes often, and they often
commented on this. It was kind of funny.
Dawn
>>And they don't switch hands with their forks either they keep the forkin their left hand and use the right hand for the knife.<<
That's how I eat! I'm left-handed.
Sorcha
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tia Leschke
> I guess that's not really advice, and I don't know if it's helpful atSome. <g> I still cry more easily than many people, but as a child
> all. But I assure you, people who cry easily aren't trying to
> manipulate people, and telling them it's irrational to be crying is only
> going to make them cry harder. I think emotional control comes with
> age.
anything could make me cry. I was the school crybaby from the time in
kindergarten that the kids figured out they could make me cry. My parents
never told me I was wrong to cry, but I remember my grandmother telling me
not to cry, that whatever it was wasn't that bad. She even said that the
time a hornet stung me on my lower lip. (I was pouting.) <g>
Tia
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/03/2003 07:16:04 Pacific Standard Time,
sognokids@... writes:
is feeling distraught, also for my son. Used both the homeopathic remedy and
the tincture.
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sognokids@... writes:
> The homeopathic remedy Pulsatilla can be really helpful for weepy kidsHow about weepy adults? I have found Chamomile to be helpful when my daughter
is feeling distraught, also for my son. Used both the homeopathic remedy and
the tincture.
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/11/03 9:10:09 AM, sammimag@... writes:
<< They provide knives and forks for that purpose at Mcdonalds. >>
Oh yeah! I've heard that several European places do that with hamburgers.
And in Japan what do they do? Do they cut them up and eat them with
chopsticks?
This makes me want a hamburger.
Sandra
<< They provide knives and forks for that purpose at Mcdonalds. >>
Oh yeah! I've heard that several European places do that with hamburgers.
And in Japan what do they do? Do they cut them up and eat them with
chopsticks?
This makes me want a hamburger.
Sandra
Tia Leschke
> Sometimes she'll start to cry just because she can't finish something toany
> eat. Now she never gets yelled at for any of these types of things from
> of us. The kids are never punished. That's what makes this all so hard tofun
> get. I can't see where she would be afraid of anything. No one is making
> or anything close to that. Now sometimes it is her brother pushing herSome of these examples make me wonder if she's something of a perfectionist,
> buttons. That I get. But a lot of the time it's nothing of the sort.
and she cries when she isn't perfect by her standards. (dropping the pill,
not finishing her food, making the wrong choice about meds, etc.)
Tia
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/11/2003 8:52:09 AM Pacific Standard Time,
LOWRIEK@... writes:
one time of another to everyone in this house, including me!
Carol
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
LOWRIEK@... writes:
> >The homeopathic remedy Pulsatilla can be really helpful for weepy kidsDefinitely! I refer to Pulsatilla as "cranky baby," and I have given it at
>
> How about weepy adults?
one time of another to everyone in this house, including me!
Carol
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dawn Ackroyd
Nope. We have a girl from Japan who lives with us. They just pick it up
and eat it, she says.
-----Original Message-----
From: SandraDodd@... [mailto:SandraDodd@...]
Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2003 10:00 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] criers
In a message dated 3/11/03 9:10:09 AM, sammimag@... writes:
<< They provide knives and forks for that purpose at Mcdonalds. >>
Oh yeah! I've heard that several European places do that with
hamburgers.
And in Japan what do they do? Do they cut them up and eat them with
chopsticks?
This makes me want a hamburger.
Sandra
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
and eat it, she says.
-----Original Message-----
From: SandraDodd@... [mailto:SandraDodd@...]
Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2003 10:00 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] criers
In a message dated 3/11/03 9:10:09 AM, sammimag@... writes:
<< They provide knives and forks for that purpose at Mcdonalds. >>
Oh yeah! I've heard that several European places do that with
hamburgers.
And in Japan what do they do? Do they cut them up and eat them with
chopsticks?
This makes me want a hamburger.
Sandra
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tia Leschke
> It is very American to switch hands. Canadians, and Europeans (maybeI've never seen Canadians eat that way. Maybe in the east?
> more - but I don't know) eat like that all the time. I lived in CA for
> 18 months and ate dinner at people's homes often, and they often
> commented on this. It was kind of funny.
Tia
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/11/2003 12:00:11 PM Eastern Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
~Kely
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> Oh yeah! I've heard that several European places do that with hamburgers.And pizzas.
>
>
~Kely
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dawn Ackroyd
I'm in Calgary. I really noticed it when I was in the states. I was
surprised at how they were switching hands all the time. Seemed like a
lot of work to me!
Dawn
-----Original Message-----
From: Tia Leschke [mailto:leschke@...]
Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2003 10:45 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Eating Mannerisms (was criers)
Tia
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
surprised at how they were switching hands all the time. Seemed like a
lot of work to me!
Dawn
-----Original Message-----
From: Tia Leschke [mailto:leschke@...]
Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2003 10:45 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Eating Mannerisms (was criers)
> It is very American to switch hands. Canadians, and Europeans (maybeI've never seen Canadians eat that way. Maybe in the east?
> more - but I don't know) eat like that all the time. I lived in CA for
> 18 months and ate dinner at people's homes often, and they often
> commented on this. It was kind of funny.
Tia
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/11/03 10:09:45 AM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< The homeopathic remedy Pulsatilla can be really helpful for weepy kids. >>
I'm glad you mentioned this Carol, I couldn't remember if Pulsatilla was good
for the weepy stuff, or just the clingy and weepy child.
If holding helps a child, then Pulsatilla is usually the right remedy. But
Mary said that Sierra gets worse with holding, so would that still be the
remedy?
Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."
----Frances Hodgson Burnett
[email protected] writes:
<< The homeopathic remedy Pulsatilla can be really helpful for weepy kids. >>
I'm glad you mentioned this Carol, I couldn't remember if Pulsatilla was good
for the weepy stuff, or just the clingy and weepy child.
If holding helps a child, then Pulsatilla is usually the right remedy. But
Mary said that Sierra gets worse with holding, so would that still be the
remedy?
Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."
----Frances Hodgson Burnett
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/11/2003 10:43:21 AM Pacific Standard Time,
starsuncloud@... writes:
wants. Just one dose and within minutes, she's ready to be held and
comforted.
Carol
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
starsuncloud@... writes:
> I'm glad you mentioned this Carol, I couldn't remember if Pulsatilla wasIt works for Kayla (3) when she is so out of sorts she doesn't know what she
> good
> for the weepy stuff, or just the clingy and weepy child.
> If holding helps a child, then Pulsatilla is usually the right remedy. But
> Mary said that Sierra gets worse with holding, so would that still be the
> remedy?
>
wants. Just one dose and within minutes, she's ready to be held and
comforted.
Carol
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
Mary,
I have an idea. She sounds like me as a child - I got frustrated easily
and didn't find it easy to express myself - to express my needs. I'm
sure I looked pretty irrational to my parents who would walk in and
find me crying, just like you described, out of nowhere.
I would have been helped by being given "scripts" - things to say and
exact words to use.
There are such things in Myrna Shure's book, "I Can Problem Solve."
If somebody said to me, "When you feel like you might start crying,
come to me and say these words: 'I am sad," that would have been a huge
milestone for me.
Sounds kind of silly, but it is true.
--pam
I have an idea. She sounds like me as a child - I got frustrated easily
and didn't find it easy to express myself - to express my needs. I'm
sure I looked pretty irrational to my parents who would walk in and
find me crying, just like you described, out of nowhere.
I would have been helped by being given "scripts" - things to say and
exact words to use.
There are such things in Myrna Shure's book, "I Can Problem Solve."
If somebody said to me, "When you feel like you might start crying,
come to me and say these words: 'I am sad," that would have been a huge
milestone for me.
Sounds kind of silly, but it is true.
--pam
On Monday, March 10, 2003, at 10:28 PM, kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
> In a message dated 3/11/2003 1:05:15 AM Eastern Standard Time,
> mummyone24@... writes:
>
>> Any ideas??
>>
>> Mary B
>
> A career in soap operas?
>
> Just kidding---figured you could use a laugh! <g>
>
> I don't know. I was VERY easy to cry as a child. I hated it, but I just
> couldn't stop. The slightest thing would make a knot in my
> throat---and then
> I knew it wouldn't be long before the tears would start. I really,
> really
> hated it. I finally (at 25 or so!) just MADE myself STOP. I'd think
> about
> ANYTHING just to keep from crying. I'm OK now (I'm 42!).
>
> ~Kelly
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
> ~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
>
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zenmomma *
>>It's Sierra. She cries a lot over what seems to be nothing at all.>>Sweet Sierra. She sounds intense and sensitive and unable to communicate as
well as she would like to right now. I was a crier too. And I cried A LOT.
Just like Sierra. My kids do it too to some extent. Other times they will
skip the crying part and just shut down into silence.
Frustrating isn't it?!
I think that talking about it when they're not upset helps. Talking about
other ways to express frustration. It sounds like Sierra is perhaps very
orderly or precise in her own mind about how she likes things done. Not in a
bad way. But for her the order of a bathtime routine is obviously
comforting. Change is upsetting. Casey is like that. I try to aware of
transitions and routines. If we're going to deviate at all, I try to give
her a choice or lots of warning ahead of time.
I hope some others here will have other ideas. I'm all ears. :o)
Life is good.
~Mary
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mummyone24
--- In [email protected], Backstrom kelli
<kellibac@y...> wrote:
<<How old is she? My dd is also a crier and I have just grown to
accept that part of her. I actually love her openness and willingness
to express, as opposed to my ten year old who I feel like I have to
pull everything out of and who I always worry is trying to hold her
feelings in>>
Oh I forgot that part. Sierra is 7. And she really isn't open. She
has a tendency to clam up. I think it's because she may not be real
good at communicating what's wrong that she cries. Oooh, big
lightbulb moment. I guess too that she just doesn't know how to
express maybe frustration that might a problem too. Not sure. Maybe
I should ask how to go about getting her to understand and talk about
what's bothering and what she's feeling.
Mary B
<kellibac@y...> wrote:
<<How old is she? My dd is also a crier and I have just grown to
accept that part of her. I actually love her openness and willingness
to express, as opposed to my ten year old who I feel like I have to
pull everything out of and who I always worry is trying to hold her
feelings in>>
Oh I forgot that part. Sierra is 7. And she really isn't open. She
has a tendency to clam up. I think it's because she may not be real
good at communicating what's wrong that she cries. Oooh, big
lightbulb moment. I guess too that she just doesn't know how to
express maybe frustration that might a problem too. Not sure. Maybe
I should ask how to go about getting her to understand and talk about
what's bothering and what she's feeling.
Mary B
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/11/03 1:39:08 PM, mummyone24@... writes:
<< Oh I forgot that part. Sierra is 7. And she really isn't open. She
has a tendency to clam up. I think it's because she may not be real
good at communicating what's wrong that she cries. Oooh, big
lightbulb moment. I guess too that she just doesn't know how to
express maybe frustration that might a problem too. Not sure. Maybe
I should ask how to go about getting her to understand and talk about
what's bothering and what she's feeling. >>
Kirby went through varying phases when he was little. He would go for a
while being very expressive, and then he's come to a frustration stage. We
(think) we figured out that his emotional perceptions and his verbal skills
weren't always growing at the same rate. Sometimes he was frustrated about
something he didn't have any words for. Then he would have more words, and
be fine for a while.
And it turned out one of his best skills is the interpersonal/intrapersonal
thing, so that fit our original theory.
Other back-and-forth growth patterns we saw in our kids were/are talling up,
then plumping up (back and forth) and having the desire to do something, and
eveloping the physical ability. Obvious, maybe, especially the last one.
But I think it happens with emotional expression too.
Sandra
<< Oh I forgot that part. Sierra is 7. And she really isn't open. She
has a tendency to clam up. I think it's because she may not be real
good at communicating what's wrong that she cries. Oooh, big
lightbulb moment. I guess too that she just doesn't know how to
express maybe frustration that might a problem too. Not sure. Maybe
I should ask how to go about getting her to understand and talk about
what's bothering and what she's feeling. >>
Kirby went through varying phases when he was little. He would go for a
while being very expressive, and then he's come to a frustration stage. We
(think) we figured out that his emotional perceptions and his verbal skills
weren't always growing at the same rate. Sometimes he was frustrated about
something he didn't have any words for. Then he would have more words, and
be fine for a while.
And it turned out one of his best skills is the interpersonal/intrapersonal
thing, so that fit our original theory.
Other back-and-forth growth patterns we saw in our kids were/are talling up,
then plumping up (back and forth) and having the desire to do something, and
eveloping the physical ability. Obvious, maybe, especially the last one.
But I think it happens with emotional expression too.
Sandra