nellebelle

My 7yod is doing this a lot - turning on the TV then saying she is hungry.
I have been bringing her food and beverage when she asks. I find I'm
feeling very resentful about this and I'd like some feedback.

Mary Ellen

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In a message dated 3/8/2003 8:10:34 PM Central Standard Time,
nellebelle@... writes:

> My 7yod is doing this a lot - turning on the TV then saying she is hungry.
> I have been bringing her food and beverage when she asks. I find I'm
> feeling very resentful about this and I'd like some feedback.

Sorry, did I miss your daughter might be unable to make
a snack due to being ill?
Its tough when they aren't feeling well and hard on Mothers.

Lynn


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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In a message dated 3/8/03 9:10:28 PM Eastern Standard Time,
nellebelle@... writes:

> My 7yod is doing this a lot - turning on the TV then saying she is hungry.
> I have been bringing her food and beverage when she asks

I have lots of snacks and drinks that are reachable for my sons. The bottom
shelf of the frig is theirs along with a shelf in a low cabinet etc. That
way they can get to snacks.
Pam G.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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In a message dated 3/8/03 7:10:52 PM, nellebelle@... writes:

<< My 7yod is doing this a lot - turning on the TV then saying she is hungry.
I have been bringing her food and beverage when she asks. I find I'm
feeling very resentful about this and I'd like some feedback. >>

Help her plan ahead. If you know she wants to watch Arthur (or whatever)
when it's nearly time, see if she needs the bathroom or some food before it
starts.

If she sees the clock and knows she needs to watch RIGHT THEN, and if it's a
show you yourself approve of enough to want to encourage it, maybe you should
just breathe through your resentment, imagine YOU being her, and imagine how
cool it would have felt if you, at seven, could have asked for food delivery,
and how cool it would have been if your mom had smilingly brought you food.

If it's not PBS, tell her to get food at the commercial. If it's taped,
pause it and help her get food.

Sandra

Mary Bianco

>From: "nellebelle" <nellebelle@...>

<<My 7yod is doing this a lot - turning on the TV then saying she is hungry.
I have been bringing her food and beverage when she asks. I find I'm
feeling very resentful about this and I'd like some feedback.>>


What exactly upsets you about getting food for your daughter? Do you think
at her age she should be getting it herself?

At 7 I don't see this as much of a problem. It's not like hours on end of
waiting on her. Maybe if you can meet her half way it would help you some.
Make something and then ask her if she can come and get it. I serve my kids
all day long and usually just put everything on the pass through counter
from kitchen to playroom. That's usually where they are when they eat and
Joseph and Sierra take turns serving each other. Even Alyssa is starting to
try but with her height, the other two usually help her out. We've had a few
plates dumped on the floor with her trying to help.

If the kids ask for something and I'm in the kitchen, I'll get it for them.
If I'm not in the kitchen, I'll ask if it's something they can get. Like
from the pantry or I always keep their drinks in their glasses on the
outside part of the fridge. Then they go and get it. And if by some chance I
want something and one of them is in the kitchen and they can get it, I'll
ask. They have always got it for me too with no problem.

Mary B




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>>My 7yod is doing this a lot - turning on the TV then saying she is hungry.
>>I have been bringing her food and beverage when she asks. I find I'm
>>feeling very resentful about this and I'd like some feedback.>>

Why do you think you're choosing to feel resentful? What do you think will
happen if your daughter continues with this pattern for awhile?

Life is good.
~Mary


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In a message dated 3/9/03 12:57:57 AM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< << My 7yod is doing this a lot - turning on the TV then saying she is
hungry.
I have been bringing her food and beverage when she asks. I find I'm
feeling very resentful about this and I'd like some feedback. >> >>

I think it's easy to get resentful when we believe our children should
understand what a good life they've got compared to what we had, but they
can't compare their life to what you lived. They can only live theirs.
The resentment comes from a place of unhappiness about our own
selves/childhood usually. But I wouldn't do things that make me resentful,
that's not honest.
I would try to understand the resentment though, try to work through it and
figure out if you can lose it.
Dialogue with her how you feel and why. Have her help come up with some
solutions. Or knowing this about your child, make sure there are foods fixed
or available by simply opening them ahead of time.

I know a Mom that lost her child this last month. An unschooling Mom.
Think of that pain and then maybe it will seem like a privilege rather than a
chore.
If my child is asking me for food or leaving messes, it is a poignant
reminder to be grateful because they are with me and healthy.

Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."

----Frances Hodgson Burnett

nellebelle

----- snip----- > Sorry, did I miss your daughter might be unable to make
> a snack due to being ill?
> Its tough when they aren't feeling well and hard on Mothers.

Yes, she and her sister have both been sick and dh has been away home more
than usual. They each had a day with a fever and really unable to get out
of bed or even be awake much. 7yod was feeling *better* but still not well.
They were watching a movie on my bed when she asked for cinnamon toast and
after I brought that to her I was thinking about crumbs in my bed and that
was when *I* started feeling resentful.

-----snip-----I have lots of snacks and drinks that are reachable for my
sons. The bottom
shelf of the frig is theirs along with a shelf in a low cabinet etc. That
way they can get to snacks.>>>>

I need to rethink this one. It appears to me that food is easy to get, but
I could ask the kids for ideas for stuff they like that they think would be
easy for them to serve to themselves.

------snip------maybe you should
just breathe through your resentment, imagine YOU being her, and imagine how
cool it would have felt if you, at seven, could have asked for food
delivery,
and how cool it would have been if your mom had smilingly brought you
food.>>>>>>

Yes, it is my problem. I know that she is not doing it to annoy me. Last
night we were watching a movie and someone suggested Popsicles. Lisa hopped
up and brought everyone the flavor they wanted, and with a napkin. I can
see that they are more likely to learn the joy of doing for others if I do
for them with joy.

----snip----What exactly upsets you about getting food for your daughter? Do
you think
at her age she should be getting it herself?>>>>>>

Good question. I know she is capable of getting food. She has no problem
climbing on the counter to get chocolate chips out of the cupboard <g>. I
think there are some other things going on in my life that led to one
request being that "last straw" for me. Fortunately I have all of you to
whine to. I don't think she realized that it bothered me.

---snip----Why do you think you're choosing to feel resentful? What do you
think will
happen if your daughter continues with this pattern for awhile?>>>>>

I just know it will lead to her spending the rest of her life sitting in
front of the TV demanding that others bring her food! OK, now I'm laughing
a bit about the whole thing. Thank you all for the support and ideas!

Dh is finally home today and I think I will take a well needed break to
grocery shop and sit at a coffee shop with a book, by myself.

Mary Ellen

Mary Bianco

>From: "nellebelle" <nellebelle@...>

<<I just know it will lead to her spending the rest of her life sitting in
front of the TV demanding that others bring her food! OK, now I'm laughing
a bit about the whole thing. Thank you all for the support and ideas!>>


That's funny. Humor helps.

Lately Joe has been teasing that he intends on gaining a whole bunch of
weight. He pokes the belly he has way out and pulls his pants way up walks
around all goofy. Sierra teases that he's turning into Santa Claus. He has
20lbs that he gains and loses every year. He can't seem to get motivated
now. Well last night I felt awful and was so hungry but nothing was tasting
right. I asked for a BK chicken sandwich and fries. For some reason when I'm
sick, I love fast food. Well naturally everyone got something. Joe and I
were sitting on the couch watching CNN. I wasn't interested in the talk but
was reading the news that runs along the bottom screen. One of the stories
was the major contribution to obesity in America. Eating fast food and
sitting on the couch!!!!! Joe and I were hysterical!!!

Mary B


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