unschooled teens was Re: Johnny can learn
zenmomma *
>>Has anyone run across any problems with unschooled children once they hitI have one teen, Conor who is almost 14. I don't have problems with *him* at
>>their teens and after? >>
all. He's a good kid, very insightful, curious, and fairly open with me.
That's not to say that he hasn't already experimented with a couple of
things that I felt I (or his dad) needed to give him some guidance about. He
has. But we don't freak out and we don't punish. We talk a lot, though. And
we listen even more. And like Sandra said, we definitely don't sweat the
small stuff.
Above all else, I think the most important thing to remember is that no
matter what Conor may try, he is still the wonderful person I have known for
14 years. That is Who He Is. The other stuff is just situations to deal
with.
Life is good.
~Mary
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Mary Bianco
>From: "zenmomma *" <zenmomma@...><<I have one teen, Conor who is almost 14. I don't have problems with *him*
at all. He's a good kid, very insightful, curious, and fairly open with me.
That's not to say that he hasn't already experimented with a couple of
things that I felt I (or his dad) needed to give him some guidance about. He
has. But we don't freak out and we don't punish. We talk a lot, though. And
we listen even more. And like Sandra said, we definitely don't sweat the
small stuff.>>
Okay so the lightbulb just went off. Some things take me awhile. <bg> The
unschooling kids may very well try the exact same things that a lot of kids
do as teenagers, but it's what they do with that experience afterwards and
what they learn and how they handle it that makes a difference. So it makes
sense that I wasn't afraid of my child trying pot or a drink or some
physical intimacy, I was afraid of what all that would lead to. So seeing
how my children handle situations that are new and different will give me
the confidence to know they will handle teen things in the same manner. And
more importantly that I will give them the respect they have always gotten
in the past when new things arise in the future.
Okay, I'm all better now.
Mary B
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zenmomma *
>>I know quite a few unschooled teens and some are opinionated andOMG Pam. When did you meet Conor?!
>independent and sometimes think they are way more capable than they
>really are. They often have come to highly value eccentricity and
>sometimes they kind of force it or go awfully far with it. They are
>very very tolerant and accepting - sometimes this translates into
>gullible and easy to take advantage of. They tend to be very idealistic
>and sometimes impractical.>>
>>All of these traits are also pretty wonderful, too, and they tend to beself-centeredness) and kind and self-examining and deep-thinking
>>incredibly caring (mixed in with some normal levels of
people. I enjoy them a LOT.>>
Yup. :o) I'm saving this post. It's a keeper.
Life is good.
~Mary
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zenmomma *
>>So seeing how my children handle situations that are new and differentExactly. They're still the same people, just in bigger bodies. They may push
>>will give me the confidence to know they will handle teen things in the
>>same manner. And more importantly that I will give them the respect they
>>have always gotten in the past when new things arise in the future.>>
the envelope a little, but if the core parent/child relationship is good,
you'll be able to keep communicationg. Just like always.
Life is good.
~Mary
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Have a Nice Day!
What a good way to put it.
Kristen
Kristen
----- Original Message -----
From: zenmomma *
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, March 08, 2003 1:38 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] unschooled teens was Re: Johnny can learn
>>Has anyone run across any problems with unschooled children once they hit
>>their teens and after? >>
I have one teen, Conor who is almost 14. I don't have problems with *him* at
all. He's a good kid, very insightful, curious, and fairly open with me.
That's not to say that he hasn't already experimented with a couple of
things that I felt I (or his dad) needed to give him some guidance about. He
has. But we don't freak out and we don't punish. We talk a lot, though. And
we listen even more. And like Sandra said, we definitely don't sweat the
small stuff.
Above all else, I think the most important thing to remember is that no
matter what Conor may try, he is still the wonderful person I have known for
14 years. That is Who He Is. The other stuff is just situations to deal
with.
Life is good.
~Mary
_________________________________________________________________
Add photos to your messages with MSN 8. Get 2 months FREE*.
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
On Saturday, March 8, 2003, at 11:01 AM, Mary Bianco wrote:
teens, Mary!!!
The other thing nobody has mentioned is that they are busy in a way
schooled kids often are not - busy in "real" activities that they do
because they really enjoy doing them, as opposed to impressive
activities in order to pad their resume (college application).
-pam -- mom of Roya, 18 and Roxana, 15 and Rosie, 12.
> Okay so the lightbulb just went off. Some things take me awhile. <bg>I think this is a VERY accurate assessment of life with unschooled
> The
> unschooling kids may very well try the exact same things that a lot of
> kids
> do as teenagers, but it's what they do with that experience afterwards
> and
> what they learn and how they handle it that makes a difference. So it
> makes
> sense that I wasn't afraid of my child trying pot or a drink or some
> physical intimacy, I was afraid of what all that would lead to. So
> seeing
> how my children handle situations that are new and different will give
> me
> the confidence to know they will handle teen things in the same
> manner. And
> more importantly that I will give them the respect they have always
> gotten
> in the past when new things arise in the future.
teens, Mary!!!
The other thing nobody has mentioned is that they are busy in a way
schooled kids often are not - busy in "real" activities that they do
because they really enjoy doing them, as opposed to impressive
activities in order to pad their resume (college application).
-pam -- mom of Roya, 18 and Roxana, 15 and Rosie, 12.
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/9/03 2:17:38 AM, pamsoroosh@... writes:
<< The other thing nobody has mentioned is that they are busy in a way
schooled kids often are not - busy in "real" activities that they do
because they really enjoy doing them, as opposed to impressive
activities in order to pad their resume (college application). >>
Yes, and contrary to the dire predictions, I've seen some of them REALLY
stick with projects for years. If their lack of structure prevented that, we
wouldn't see any but the shortest dabbling projects. And if they were just
doing it for the resume, school-style, one season of each thing might be more
impressive than years of one.
Kirby goes to karate because he likes the camaraderie, he feels a loyalty to
the dojo, he likes the feeling of the workout, and he feels important there
because they give him real responsibilities. He used to go to the gaming
shop regularly because he liked the games. He helped out because he liked
the people there. They gave him a job because he seemed responsible and
trustworthy. That was two and a half years ago. He didn't go there and help
in hopes that they would hire him.
The dojo were he goes doesn't give black belts to anyone under 18, so his
future advancements are mapped out toward that goal. At some point before
long he'll advance to brown belt. Because he's kept trying to figure out
ways to socialize with the other teens in his class (all very schooled and
with protective parents), I asked whether it would be appropriate for me to
invite people over after his belt test, kind of a reception. Though I KNOW
he's been looking for a time and place and good reason for just socializing
with them, he said he didn't think that would be appropriate, since it
wouldn't seem in keeping with the humility that's supposed to be part of the
testing and advancement.
High school tests, advancements, grades and graduations never seemed to find
any good place to work in "humility," did they?
You can't know in advance what their hobbies and interests will lead to, but
if you try to direct them toward a goal in your own imagination, you can
certainly keep them from coming to the good places you were unable to foresee.
Sandra
<< The other thing nobody has mentioned is that they are busy in a way
schooled kids often are not - busy in "real" activities that they do
because they really enjoy doing them, as opposed to impressive
activities in order to pad their resume (college application). >>
Yes, and contrary to the dire predictions, I've seen some of them REALLY
stick with projects for years. If their lack of structure prevented that, we
wouldn't see any but the shortest dabbling projects. And if they were just
doing it for the resume, school-style, one season of each thing might be more
impressive than years of one.
Kirby goes to karate because he likes the camaraderie, he feels a loyalty to
the dojo, he likes the feeling of the workout, and he feels important there
because they give him real responsibilities. He used to go to the gaming
shop regularly because he liked the games. He helped out because he liked
the people there. They gave him a job because he seemed responsible and
trustworthy. That was two and a half years ago. He didn't go there and help
in hopes that they would hire him.
The dojo were he goes doesn't give black belts to anyone under 18, so his
future advancements are mapped out toward that goal. At some point before
long he'll advance to brown belt. Because he's kept trying to figure out
ways to socialize with the other teens in his class (all very schooled and
with protective parents), I asked whether it would be appropriate for me to
invite people over after his belt test, kind of a reception. Though I KNOW
he's been looking for a time and place and good reason for just socializing
with them, he said he didn't think that would be appropriate, since it
wouldn't seem in keeping with the humility that's supposed to be part of the
testing and advancement.
High school tests, advancements, grades and graduations never seemed to find
any good place to work in "humility," did they?
You can't know in advance what their hobbies and interests will lead to, but
if you try to direct them toward a goal in your own imagination, you can
certainly keep them from coming to the good places you were unable to foresee.
Sandra
Pamela Sorooshian
On Sunday, March 9, 2003, at 08:51 AM, SandraDodd@... wrote:
-pam
> You can't know in advance what their hobbies and interests will leadTHIS is something I need to remind myself, from time to time!!!!!
> to, but
> if you try to direct them toward a goal in your own imagination, you
> can
> certainly keep them from coming to the good places you were unable to
> foresee.
-pam