need some advise/help
Backstrom kelli
Hi. We are a new family on this list serve and we are currently researching homeschooling in Gloucester MA. For my husband and I this is an easy decision. We have both been reading and researching and it is very exciting for us and our two daughters, Sadie age 2 and a half and Nora, age 3 months. The tricky part for us now is that I have a daughter from a previous relationship, Molly, age 10. She is in the 5th grade and it falling behind in school and so discouraged with everything. This is breaking our hearts, watching her go into school everyday, try her hardest and just come home feeling like a failure again. I have repeatedly gone in to her private school to talk to teachers, principals ect to no avail. They have had me previously convinced that she has ADD, that she needs medication ect. So the problem for my husband and I now is trying to convince Molly's father (who I currently and historically have had a very strained relationship with) that homeschooling is a positive choice for Molly. He told me yesterday over the phone that he is adamently against it, that he will fight me on it and that it is the "worst possible" thing that we could do for Molly. I am looking for any advise from anyone out there that may have gone through something similiar. For example, how does the court system look at this issue and what can I expect? Also, this is a father who does not have custodial custody of Molly and has been inactive for many years of her life. Any advise would be greatly appreciated! Thanks Kelli
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Sorcha
Homeschooling is legal in your state. To me, that's the bottom line.
I'd do it, and if he tries to "fight it" I'd let him! If it's legal,
it's legal. How does he intend to fight it? If he'd been more involved
in her life to this point, I'd probably recommend trying to convince him
or work something out with him. But if he's chosen to be uninvolved in
her upbringing until now, I wouldn't personally take his advice on how
to raise her. If he's left her upbringing to you all this time, he's
set the precedent of being uninvolved and of deferring the decisions to
you.
When you say he's been "inactive", is he paying child support? Because
if he's not, then I can pretty much guarantee he won't take you to
court! Even if he has, and even if he does take you to court, have your
evidence ready regarding the homeschooling laws and the fact that he
doesn't really know what's in her best interests since he hasn't been
raising her.
Sorcha
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'd do it, and if he tries to "fight it" I'd let him! If it's legal,
it's legal. How does he intend to fight it? If he'd been more involved
in her life to this point, I'd probably recommend trying to convince him
or work something out with him. But if he's chosen to be uninvolved in
her upbringing until now, I wouldn't personally take his advice on how
to raise her. If he's left her upbringing to you all this time, he's
set the precedent of being uninvolved and of deferring the decisions to
you.
When you say he's been "inactive", is he paying child support? Because
if he's not, then I can pretty much guarantee he won't take you to
court! Even if he has, and even if he does take you to court, have your
evidence ready regarding the homeschooling laws and the fact that he
doesn't really know what's in her best interests since he hasn't been
raising her.
Sorcha
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Backstrom kelli
thank you for your support! It's just so nice to hear support right now. It is such a joy and pleasure raising my two children with my husband as compared with the struggle it has been in raising my ten year old with a battle brewing over everything (although dont get me wrong I adore Molly and wouldnt trade our journey together for anything!) I guess that my worry comes from the fine line that Matt (her dad) and I walk together. I have historically had problems with money but he is generally pretty good about it now (especially compared to a lot of men who dont pay at all) He comes and goes with consistency with Molly and now he is in an "up" time where for the last year or so he has been consistently taking her every other weekend. However, Gary (my husband) and I have always been the ones dealing with any issue at school. We attend ALL school related functions, meeting ect and we do all homework and related activities. I guess I am nervous too because, frankly, I'm scared. I'm scared to lose my daughter to him (although that is totally crazy and illogical) I'm afraid he'll take me to court (which he has done once when she was three and they totally disregarded the attempt and I received full custody of her) and the judge will think I am crazy for homeschooling. I think maybe I feel this way because I am not totally sold on the idea yet because I am underconfident in myself as a mom and teacher. I think I just answered my own question:) I think this is an internal struggle for me! Ugh, I'm still learning everyday and I'm not in school!
Kelli
Sorcha <sorcha-aisling@...> wrote:Homeschooling is legal in your state. To me, that's the bottom line.
I'd do it, and if he tries to "fight it" I'd let him! If it's legal,
it's legal. How does he intend to fight it? If he'd been more involved
in her life to this point, I'd probably recommend trying to convince him
or work something out with him. But if he's chosen to be uninvolved in
her upbringing until now, I wouldn't personally take his advice on how
to raise her. If he's left her upbringing to you all this time, he's
set the precedent of being uninvolved and of deferring the decisions to
you.
When you say he's been "inactive", is he paying child support? Because
if he's not, then I can pretty much guarantee he won't take you to
court! Even if he has, and even if he does take you to court, have your
evidence ready regarding the homeschooling laws and the fact that he
doesn't really know what's in her best interests since he hasn't been
raising her.
Sorcha
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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Kelli
Sorcha <sorcha-aisling@...> wrote:Homeschooling is legal in your state. To me, that's the bottom line.
I'd do it, and if he tries to "fight it" I'd let him! If it's legal,
it's legal. How does he intend to fight it? If he'd been more involved
in her life to this point, I'd probably recommend trying to convince him
or work something out with him. But if he's chosen to be uninvolved in
her upbringing until now, I wouldn't personally take his advice on how
to raise her. If he's left her upbringing to you all this time, he's
set the precedent of being uninvolved and of deferring the decisions to
you.
When you say he's been "inactive", is he paying child support? Because
if he's not, then I can pretty much guarantee he won't take you to
court! Even if he has, and even if he does take you to court, have your
evidence ready regarding the homeschooling laws and the fact that he
doesn't really know what's in her best interests since he hasn't been
raising her.
Sorcha
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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sorcha_aisling
Kelli,
I was thinking about your daughter last night and how you said her
father said homeschooling is the "worst possible" thing you could do
for her. That's when I realized I have more to say. :)
So here goes: the worst possible thing you could do for her is stand
by while she's in a situation where you know she's not only not
thriving, but losing her self-esteem and feeling like a failure. For
her to go to school day after day, miserable, and feel worse and
worse about herself ... for her parents to keep sending her into this
situation where she's struggling, and when she looks into the future,
she sees years and years of the same (what grade did you say? fifth,
right? so she has seven more years of prison sentence to serve).
That could lead to serious depression in adults ... does her father
not see the possibility of a clinically depressed teenager in a few
short years?
She's looking to the adults in her life to help her out of a
situation that she can't possibly get out of herself. She's trusting
that her parents will do what's best for her.
And no, homeschooling her is not the "worst possible" thing you could
do for her.
There; that's what was on my mind.
Sorcha
I was thinking about your daughter last night and how you said her
father said homeschooling is the "worst possible" thing you could do
for her. That's when I realized I have more to say. :)
So here goes: the worst possible thing you could do for her is stand
by while she's in a situation where you know she's not only not
thriving, but losing her self-esteem and feeling like a failure. For
her to go to school day after day, miserable, and feel worse and
worse about herself ... for her parents to keep sending her into this
situation where she's struggling, and when she looks into the future,
she sees years and years of the same (what grade did you say? fifth,
right? so she has seven more years of prison sentence to serve).
That could lead to serious depression in adults ... does her father
not see the possibility of a clinically depressed teenager in a few
short years?
She's looking to the adults in her life to help her out of a
situation that she can't possibly get out of herself. She's trusting
that her parents will do what's best for her.
And no, homeschooling her is not the "worst possible" thing you could
do for her.
There; that's what was on my mind.
Sorcha
Backstrom kelli
thank you thank you thank you:)))) Good encouragment for me and so good to hear that I was not the only one (with my husband in tow) pacing around grumbling to myself last night! We just look at our two small children and think what great shining futures they are going to have being homeschooled and get so frustrated that Matt cannot see this! I hope he does soon! Kelli
sorcha_aisling <sorcha-aisling@...> wrote:Kelli,
I was thinking about your daughter last night and how you said her
father said homeschooling is the "worst possible" thing you could do
for her. That's when I realized I have more to say. :)
So here goes: the worst possible thing you could do for her is stand
by while she's in a situation where you know she's not only not
thriving, but losing her self-esteem and feeling like a failure. For
her to go to school day after day, miserable, and feel worse and
worse about herself ... for her parents to keep sending her into this
situation where she's struggling, and when she looks into the future,
she sees years and years of the same (what grade did you say? fifth,
right? so she has seven more years of prison sentence to serve).
That could lead to serious depression in adults ... does her father
not see the possibility of a clinically depressed teenager in a few
short years?
She's looking to the adults in her life to help her out of a
situation that she can't possibly get out of herself. She's trusting
that her parents will do what's best for her.
And no, homeschooling her is not the "worst possible" thing you could
do for her.
There; that's what was on my mind.
Sorcha
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sorcha_aisling <sorcha-aisling@...> wrote:Kelli,
I was thinking about your daughter last night and how you said her
father said homeschooling is the "worst possible" thing you could do
for her. That's when I realized I have more to say. :)
So here goes: the worst possible thing you could do for her is stand
by while she's in a situation where you know she's not only not
thriving, but losing her self-esteem and feeling like a failure. For
her to go to school day after day, miserable, and feel worse and
worse about herself ... for her parents to keep sending her into this
situation where she's struggling, and when she looks into the future,
she sees years and years of the same (what grade did you say? fifth,
right? so she has seven more years of prison sentence to serve).
That could lead to serious depression in adults ... does her father
not see the possibility of a clinically depressed teenager in a few
short years?
She's looking to the adults in her life to help her out of a
situation that she can't possibly get out of herself. She's trusting
that her parents will do what's best for her.
And no, homeschooling her is not the "worst possible" thing you could
do for her.
There; that's what was on my mind.
Sorcha
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
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