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In a message dated 3/4/03 11:00:35 AM, ddzimlew@... writes:

<< Happy, happy, happy. >>

Deb wrote that. <g>

FIRST the mom has to figure out how to be happy now.

Not happy when the house is clean. Happy without the house being clean.

The mom has to find joy in being a mom. Maybe she could end up living in a
tent (with a dirt floor!) and would she still be happy? Maybe she will break
her leg and live on the couch for a month and a half. It can happen. Will
she still be a mom who's joyful to see her children? Or will she have to be
miserable until she can wax her floor?

I never birthed a linoleum floor, nor the wood one in Holly's room, nor the
tile in Marty's room, nor the carpet in Kirby's. But Holly, Marty and
Kirby are mine to keep safe and well and happy. They need a happy mom more
than they need a floor they could eat off of.

This is pretty applicable. If what's below is messy, it's at
http://www.unschooling.com/library/essays/essay06.shtml

REJECTING A PRE-PACKAGED LIFE
by Sandra Dodd

------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many things do you do because you're supposed to, because your relatives
and neighbors expect it, because it's easy and you don't have to think about
it? How many of those things are taking you and your kids in a positive and
healthy direction?

"Changing paradigms" is an option! If you're operating on oneferently. It's
just thinking. It won't hurt you.
Is school the center of children's lives? Should it be?

Is the only acceptable goal of adult life having the most expensive house and
furniture credit will buy?
It doesn't take much of a shift to consider house and education secondary
instead of primary. What might be primary then? Health? Joy? Togetherness and
love?

Part of the pre-packaged life Americans are issued is the idea that happiness
comes after college, after home ownership, after the new car. The stick that
holds that carrot will not bend. If happiness depends on performance and
acquisition, how long will it last? How long is your car the newest on your
street before unhappiness returns?

Here's a little paradigm shift for you to practice on. Perhaps happiness
shouldn't be the primary goal. Try joy. Try the idea that it might be
enJOYable to cook, to set the table, to see your family, rather than the idea
that you'll be happy after dinner's done and cleaned up. My guess is that
such happiness might last a couple of seconds before you look around and see
something else between you and happiness. Joy, though, can be ongoing, and
can be felt before, during and after the meeting of goals.

Enjoyment--that word itself is hardly used. Enjoyment is seen nearly as a sin
for some people. "You're not here to have fun, you're here to work." Why
can't work bring joy? Any tiny moment can be enjoyed: the feel of warm
running water when you wash your hands; light and shadow on the floor;
pictures in the clouds; the feel of an old book. If you see an old friend
that can bring pure, tingly joy for which there are no words.

If you practice noticing and experiencing joy, if you take a second out of
each hour to find joy, your life improves with each remembrance of your new
primary goal. You don't need someone else to give you permission, or to
decide whether or not what you thought gave you joy was an acceptable source
of enjoyment.

Can learning be fun? If it's not fun, it won't stick. Can laundry be fun? If
you have to do laundry and you choose NOT to enjoy it, an hour or more of
your precious hours on earth have been wasted. Can looking at your child
bring you joy even when he needs a bath and has lost a shoe and hasn't lived
up to some expectation that only exists in your mind? If not, a paradigm
shift could help you both.

Your life is yours, and it is being lived even as you read this. Do not wait
for approval. Do not wait for instructions, or for a proctor to say "Open
your lifebook now and write." Have all the joy you want, and help your
children, neighbors and relatives find some too. Joy doesn't cost anything
but some reuseable thought and awareness. Tell your kids it's recyclable.
They'll love that!

Barb Eaton

Sandra,
I want to thank you for always including the article with your posts. I
can't always get to the links sent and it's so nice to be able to read it
while I'm reading everything else.

Barb E
"Children have more need of models than of critics."

- Carolyn Coats, Author