Strong-willed child
[email protected]
Contrary. That word probably sums my 10yo daughter up best. She has always
been this way. She doesn't like people telling her what to do, she questions
(argues) everything. We had a very difficult time while I subjected her to
public schooling from preschool through half of fourth grade, until she
stopped a year ago. She never listened to authority, didn't give much effort
at doing homework and paying attention, she would spend more energy getting
out of boring tasks. And I tried being drill sergeant with her all along. It
never worked well. I finally came to my senses and found out about
unschooling. I decided to be positive about my unique child. I use positive
adjectives to describe her "difficult" personality traits, and don't engage
in arguments as much anymore. I have curbed my perfectionistic attitudes. I
believe unschooling works, and it has helped me be a better parent. She is
rebelling from unschooling now. Is that even possible? She wants to return to
school. She wanted to at the beginning of this school year, and believing in
interest-led choices, I was going to let her, but she changed her mind. She
wants to go again(next fall). I am reading The Teenage Liberation Handbook,
trying to gain perspective, but she doesn't want to hear about any of it. She
wants to go to 6th grade, junior high. She wants a locker, to change classes,
play in the band, see her friends. I can relate, I was so excited about
starting junior high(7th grade). Now she wants me to play teacher with her.
She wants me to dole out tedious assignments so she can get used to being
ordered around. It is almost amusing the way she begs "why can't you just
make me do something!" But it's not funny. I have acquired such a distaste
for anything schoolish, and have explained my role as facilitator to her. I
try to help her brainstorm. I try to give her tools for self discovery. She
says she is lazy and wants me to tell her what to do. I am afraid the
progress I have seen over the past year was a mirage. I am afraid she still
thinks she will be stupid if she doesn't go to school and someone doesn't
tell her what she needs to know. I have deschooled myself more in the past
year than she has. I have waited patiently for her to get excited about
learning again, and it was finally happening. Now this. Most of all she wants
to just fight with me. She wants to do the extreme opposite of what I think,
and has always been this way. I am not sure what to do. I have been ignoring
the attitude and vicious words, but she just gets worse. Slamming doors,
rolling eyes. She acts like she hates me, because I DON'T make her go to
school. I told her she can stay in her room until her meanness passes. I had
her at 19, so I am a pretty young mother that has gained more confidence in
the past few years. I know I have made countless mistakes with her, and have
really felt we have made up for so much being together in the past year. What
can I say, she is so much like me. Extreme thinking, gets caught in negative
traps where nothing pleases her. Sensation-seeking, drama-making, and her
current tirade against me. She is trying to use her school choice against me.
She said if I get her a cellphone, she won't go to school. (her 13yo cousin
got one for Christmas, I have no idea why, but I am not in favor of a child
too young to drive having a cell phone)
Give it to me honestly, trusted mentors. I thought I was handling it well and
was seeing positive results. She really has come a long way in some areas,
will this little rough patch pass? I know she is bored and we haven't been
able to get out much with the constant snow advisories.....well she has now
come back asking to start the day over, wanting to do a project with
me......If I can get any practical feedback just from the little info I have
given today, to avoid further power struggles, I would be so grateful.
Ang
Unschooling mom to
Megan(10) Ashlyn(3) Christian(1.5)
<A HREF="http://hometown.aol.com/unolist/index.html">UNO Unschoolers Network of Ohio</A>
<A HREF="http://members.aol.com/megamom08/page1.html">My Links Page MEGAMOM08</A>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
been this way. She doesn't like people telling her what to do, she questions
(argues) everything. We had a very difficult time while I subjected her to
public schooling from preschool through half of fourth grade, until she
stopped a year ago. She never listened to authority, didn't give much effort
at doing homework and paying attention, she would spend more energy getting
out of boring tasks. And I tried being drill sergeant with her all along. It
never worked well. I finally came to my senses and found out about
unschooling. I decided to be positive about my unique child. I use positive
adjectives to describe her "difficult" personality traits, and don't engage
in arguments as much anymore. I have curbed my perfectionistic attitudes. I
believe unschooling works, and it has helped me be a better parent. She is
rebelling from unschooling now. Is that even possible? She wants to return to
school. She wanted to at the beginning of this school year, and believing in
interest-led choices, I was going to let her, but she changed her mind. She
wants to go again(next fall). I am reading The Teenage Liberation Handbook,
trying to gain perspective, but she doesn't want to hear about any of it. She
wants to go to 6th grade, junior high. She wants a locker, to change classes,
play in the band, see her friends. I can relate, I was so excited about
starting junior high(7th grade). Now she wants me to play teacher with her.
She wants me to dole out tedious assignments so she can get used to being
ordered around. It is almost amusing the way she begs "why can't you just
make me do something!" But it's not funny. I have acquired such a distaste
for anything schoolish, and have explained my role as facilitator to her. I
try to help her brainstorm. I try to give her tools for self discovery. She
says she is lazy and wants me to tell her what to do. I am afraid the
progress I have seen over the past year was a mirage. I am afraid she still
thinks she will be stupid if she doesn't go to school and someone doesn't
tell her what she needs to know. I have deschooled myself more in the past
year than she has. I have waited patiently for her to get excited about
learning again, and it was finally happening. Now this. Most of all she wants
to just fight with me. She wants to do the extreme opposite of what I think,
and has always been this way. I am not sure what to do. I have been ignoring
the attitude and vicious words, but she just gets worse. Slamming doors,
rolling eyes. She acts like she hates me, because I DON'T make her go to
school. I told her she can stay in her room until her meanness passes. I had
her at 19, so I am a pretty young mother that has gained more confidence in
the past few years. I know I have made countless mistakes with her, and have
really felt we have made up for so much being together in the past year. What
can I say, she is so much like me. Extreme thinking, gets caught in negative
traps where nothing pleases her. Sensation-seeking, drama-making, and her
current tirade against me. She is trying to use her school choice against me.
She said if I get her a cellphone, she won't go to school. (her 13yo cousin
got one for Christmas, I have no idea why, but I am not in favor of a child
too young to drive having a cell phone)
Give it to me honestly, trusted mentors. I thought I was handling it well and
was seeing positive results. She really has come a long way in some areas,
will this little rough patch pass? I know she is bored and we haven't been
able to get out much with the constant snow advisories.....well she has now
come back asking to start the day over, wanting to do a project with
me......If I can get any practical feedback just from the little info I have
given today, to avoid further power struggles, I would be so grateful.
Ang
Unschooling mom to
Megan(10) Ashlyn(3) Christian(1.5)
<A HREF="http://hometown.aol.com/unolist/index.html">UNO Unschoolers Network of Ohio</A>
<A HREF="http://members.aol.com/megamom08/page1.html">My Links Page MEGAMOM08</A>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/24/03 10:26:52 AM, unolist@... writes:
<< Most of all she wants
to just fight with me. She wants to do the extreme opposite of what I think,
and has always been this way. I am not sure what to do. >>
Is there an aikido teacher in the house?
I can't explain it but I think there are others who can.
<<I told her she can stay in her room until her meanness passes.>>
That doesn't seem the best.
Could you have taken her to a restaurant and put food in her and tell her
funny stories until her meanness evaporated and turned to a pleasant exchange
and a shared time?
If you've been deschooling in one place and she's been deschooling in her
room, or with her friends, you haven't spent the time as you might have.
There is an amazing thread on just that thing at unschooling.com.
Here:
http://www.unschooling.com/discus/messages/48/7542.html?MondayFebruary24200312
07pm
I think that gives you access to the current and older parts.
Read from the beginning, until you get the gist and maybe more if it's fun.
This is one of the best discussions I've ever seen about really BEING with
your kids.
<<well she has now
come back asking to start the day over, wanting to do a project with
me......If I can get any practical feedback just from the little info I have
given today, to avoid further power struggles, I would be so grateful. >>
That's it. That discussion on the unschooling forum will help a lot.
Sandra
<< Most of all she wants
to just fight with me. She wants to do the extreme opposite of what I think,
and has always been this way. I am not sure what to do. >>
Is there an aikido teacher in the house?
I can't explain it but I think there are others who can.
<<I told her she can stay in her room until her meanness passes.>>
That doesn't seem the best.
Could you have taken her to a restaurant and put food in her and tell her
funny stories until her meanness evaporated and turned to a pleasant exchange
and a shared time?
If you've been deschooling in one place and she's been deschooling in her
room, or with her friends, you haven't spent the time as you might have.
There is an amazing thread on just that thing at unschooling.com.
Here:
http://www.unschooling.com/discus/messages/48/7542.html?MondayFebruary24200312
07pm
I think that gives you access to the current and older parts.
Read from the beginning, until you get the gist and maybe more if it's fun.
This is one of the best discussions I've ever seen about really BEING with
your kids.
<<well she has now
come back asking to start the day over, wanting to do a project with
me......If I can get any practical feedback just from the little info I have
given today, to avoid further power struggles, I would be so grateful. >>
That's it. That discussion on the unschooling forum will help a lot.
Sandra
Kelli Traaseth
**This is one of the best discussions I've ever seen about really BEING with
your kids.
Here:
http://www.unschooling.com/discus/messages/48/7542.html?MondayFebruary24200312 ***
Yes!!
I have to agree, we were getting ready to leave for a few days and there I was stuck to the computer, reading that thread. Kids and dad, standing, tapping their feet, "OK, Mom, lets go, we're ready!"
I really think the part about how important it is for new unschoolers to spend lots of time with their kids and really listening and 'being' with them was so great. So often when my kids were absorbed in something I would then think, "OK, now this is when I can go get something done." Well, that would also be the exact time that I could be learning the most about my child. I learned that from that discussion!
It is a great read. Thanks to those of you who participated! Thanks for your time.
Kelli
SandraDodd@... wrote:
In a message dated 2/24/03 10:26:52 AM, unolist@... writes:
<< Most of all she wants
to just fight with me. She wants to do the extreme opposite of what I think,
and has always been this way. I am not sure what to do. >>
Is there an aikido teacher in the house?
I can't explain it but I think there are others who can.
<<I told her she can stay in her room until her meanness passes.>>
That doesn't seem the best.
Could you have taken her to a restaurant and put food in her and tell her
funny stories until her meanness evaporated and turned to a pleasant exchange
and a shared time?
If you've been deschooling in one place and she's been deschooling in her
room, or with her friends, you haven't spent the time as you might have.
There is an amazing thread on just that thing at unschooling.com.
Here:
http://www.unschooling.com/discus/messages/48/7542.html?MondayFebruary24200312
07pm
I think that gives you access to the current and older parts.
Read from the beginning, until you get the gist and maybe more if it's fun.
This is one of the best discussions I've ever seen about really BEING with
your kids.
<<well she has now
come back asking to start the day over, wanting to do a project with
me......If I can get any practical feedback just from the little info I have
given today, to avoid further power struggles, I would be so grateful. >>
That's it. That discussion on the unschooling forum will help a lot.
Sandra
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
your kids.
Here:
http://www.unschooling.com/discus/messages/48/7542.html?MondayFebruary24200312 ***
Yes!!
I have to agree, we were getting ready to leave for a few days and there I was stuck to the computer, reading that thread. Kids and dad, standing, tapping their feet, "OK, Mom, lets go, we're ready!"
I really think the part about how important it is for new unschoolers to spend lots of time with their kids and really listening and 'being' with them was so great. So often when my kids were absorbed in something I would then think, "OK, now this is when I can go get something done." Well, that would also be the exact time that I could be learning the most about my child. I learned that from that discussion!
It is a great read. Thanks to those of you who participated! Thanks for your time.
Kelli
SandraDodd@... wrote:
In a message dated 2/24/03 10:26:52 AM, unolist@... writes:
<< Most of all she wants
to just fight with me. She wants to do the extreme opposite of what I think,
and has always been this way. I am not sure what to do. >>
Is there an aikido teacher in the house?
I can't explain it but I think there are others who can.
<<I told her she can stay in her room until her meanness passes.>>
That doesn't seem the best.
Could you have taken her to a restaurant and put food in her and tell her
funny stories until her meanness evaporated and turned to a pleasant exchange
and a shared time?
If you've been deschooling in one place and she's been deschooling in her
room, or with her friends, you haven't spent the time as you might have.
There is an amazing thread on just that thing at unschooling.com.
Here:
http://www.unschooling.com/discus/messages/48/7542.html?MondayFebruary24200312
07pm
I think that gives you access to the current and older parts.
Read from the beginning, until you get the gist and maybe more if it's fun.
This is one of the best discussions I've ever seen about really BEING with
your kids.
<<well she has now
come back asking to start the day over, wanting to do a project with
me......If I can get any practical feedback just from the little info I have
given today, to avoid further power struggles, I would be so grateful. >>
That's it. That discussion on the unschooling forum will help a lot.
Sandra
Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Tax Center - forms, calculators, tips, and more
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]