more questions from a newbie
Christine Kuglen
Hi again,
I posted a few questions a few weeks ago and I have appreciated all of the responses. Here are some more issues for me that could use your input:
-I am the mother of 4 children ranging in age from 15 months to 10 years old. We have been unschooling since the beginning and thanks to this group I have lately adjusted my modeling to address the situations that were challenging me. I am truly realizing the subtle effects my actions, feelings, thoughts have on my children which is both empowering and overwhelming. I love all of the ideas about sharing and being deeply involved with your children in their daily activities whatever those may be however I am finding that impossible due to the fact that I have a 15 month old who completely monopolizes my time. If my son or daughter ask a question about such and such and I want to "research" it with them she is grabbing the mouse or wanting to drag me across the room. SHe sleeps very little during the day and I am exhausted by nightfall. I am feeling so sad for my other children. We talk about how this is temporary and how they all went through it but in the meantime how can I actively participate with my other kids? Have any of you experienced this type of problem?
-My four year old has been calling everyone "stupid idiot" lately. It sounds so ugly! I know he picked it up from a movie but somehow it stuck and frankly I do not know what to do when he insults me/others. My 10yods and 6yodd have never insulted others in this way. Do you think just ignoring it is a good idea or how would you address this with such a young person? FYI he has always been very aggressive. He was my colicky baby, my biting 1 year old, my hitting 2,3,and now 4 year old. His reactions for all of these behaviors are so knee-jerk quick they are hard to forsee. He uses this insult, along with hitting at least 2-3 times daily probably more. Not reacting has always worked the best in the past but he has been at this insulting thing since about April of last year and it is wearing.
Thanks! from, Christine in sunny Costa Rica but with no public library and no homeschool community...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I posted a few questions a few weeks ago and I have appreciated all of the responses. Here are some more issues for me that could use your input:
-I am the mother of 4 children ranging in age from 15 months to 10 years old. We have been unschooling since the beginning and thanks to this group I have lately adjusted my modeling to address the situations that were challenging me. I am truly realizing the subtle effects my actions, feelings, thoughts have on my children which is both empowering and overwhelming. I love all of the ideas about sharing and being deeply involved with your children in their daily activities whatever those may be however I am finding that impossible due to the fact that I have a 15 month old who completely monopolizes my time. If my son or daughter ask a question about such and such and I want to "research" it with them she is grabbing the mouse or wanting to drag me across the room. SHe sleeps very little during the day and I am exhausted by nightfall. I am feeling so sad for my other children. We talk about how this is temporary and how they all went through it but in the meantime how can I actively participate with my other kids? Have any of you experienced this type of problem?
-My four year old has been calling everyone "stupid idiot" lately. It sounds so ugly! I know he picked it up from a movie but somehow it stuck and frankly I do not know what to do when he insults me/others. My 10yods and 6yodd have never insulted others in this way. Do you think just ignoring it is a good idea or how would you address this with such a young person? FYI he has always been very aggressive. He was my colicky baby, my biting 1 year old, my hitting 2,3,and now 4 year old. His reactions for all of these behaviors are so knee-jerk quick they are hard to forsee. He uses this insult, along with hitting at least 2-3 times daily probably more. Not reacting has always worked the best in the past but he has been at this insulting thing since about April of last year and it is wearing.
Thanks! from, Christine in sunny Costa Rica but with no public library and no homeschool community...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/21/03 1:00:49 AM, wanderfree@... writes:
<< If my son or daughter ask a question about such and such and I want to
"research" it with them she is grabbing the mouse or wanting to drag me
across the room. >>
Do you have a frame backpack? I often had one baby peeking over my shoulder
or sleeping on my back.
<<My four year old has been calling everyone "stupid idiot" lately. It sounds
so ugly! I know he picked it up from a movie but somehow it stuck and frankly
I do not know what to do when he insults me/others.>>
Marty went through that. Maybe you could just talk to your son as though it
made sense, and ask why he thinks you're stupid (or whoever) and if he has an
actual reason, you could discuss that thing and say it wasn't stupidity, it
was an accident, or that's just the way he IS about his own things, or
whatever is real about the situation.
You could ask him if he knows what 'idiot' is. When you've told him, you
could say "I don't think Bobby IS an idiot. He's really good with <this or
that>..."
If he doesn't want to hear those drawn out questions and analyses, he might
quit with "stupid idiot." Or at least he will think about the words having
real live meanings.
Sandra
<< If my son or daughter ask a question about such and such and I want to
"research" it with them she is grabbing the mouse or wanting to drag me
across the room. >>
Do you have a frame backpack? I often had one baby peeking over my shoulder
or sleeping on my back.
<<My four year old has been calling everyone "stupid idiot" lately. It sounds
so ugly! I know he picked it up from a movie but somehow it stuck and frankly
I do not know what to do when he insults me/others.>>
Marty went through that. Maybe you could just talk to your son as though it
made sense, and ask why he thinks you're stupid (or whoever) and if he has an
actual reason, you could discuss that thing and say it wasn't stupidity, it
was an accident, or that's just the way he IS about his own things, or
whatever is real about the situation.
You could ask him if he knows what 'idiot' is. When you've told him, you
could say "I don't think Bobby IS an idiot. He's really good with <this or
that>..."
If he doesn't want to hear those drawn out questions and analyses, he might
quit with "stupid idiot." Or at least he will think about the words having
real live meanings.
Sandra
Fetteroll
on 2/20/03 1:48 AM, Christine Kuglen at wanderfree@... wrote:
he can push to make people behave irrationally. When you're 4 and want to be
powerful and in control, there aren't a lot of avenues available. :-/
For some reason it's satisfying when we feel like the world is pushing us
around to make people angry but not satisfying to make people sad. Can you
say simply "That hurts my feelings."
Are there things he could feel powerful and in control of?
If you bring feelings of "Boy this neediness is a pain in the neck and
interferes with what I want to do," then the kids will pick that up too and
resent the interference. But if you peacefully and fully embrace the
limitations of where you are right now, that will help them accept it too.
That doesn't mean that's an easy place to get to! There wouldn't be so many
books on Zen and such if it were easy ;-) But if you are looking to someone
for help, would you go to someone who seems frazzled by a situation or
peaceful in the same situation? If you go to the frazzled person, you'll
pick up their sense of unease. If you go to the peaceful person, you'll feel
calmer.
Joyce
> My four year old has been calling everyone "stupid idiot" lately. It sounds soHow do people react to it? It could be a form of control. It's like a button
> ugly! I know he picked it up from a movie but somehow it stuck and frankly I
> do not know what to do when he insults me/others.
he can push to make people behave irrationally. When you're 4 and want to be
powerful and in control, there aren't a lot of avenues available. :-/
For some reason it's satisfying when we feel like the world is pushing us
around to make people angry but not satisfying to make people sad. Can you
say simply "That hurts my feelings."
Are there things he could feel powerful and in control of?
> I love all of the ideas about sharing and being deeply involved with yourI don't know if I'll be able to put this clearly, but attitude helps a lot.
> children in their daily activities whatever those may be however I am finding
> that impossible due to the fact that I have a 15 month old who completely
> monopolizes my time. If my son or daughter ask a question about such and such
> and I want to "research" it with them she is grabbing the mouse or wanting to
> drag me across the room.
If you bring feelings of "Boy this neediness is a pain in the neck and
interferes with what I want to do," then the kids will pick that up too and
resent the interference. But if you peacefully and fully embrace the
limitations of where you are right now, that will help them accept it too.
That doesn't mean that's an easy place to get to! There wouldn't be so many
books on Zen and such if it were easy ;-) But if you are looking to someone
for help, would you go to someone who seems frazzled by a situation or
peaceful in the same situation? If you go to the frazzled person, you'll
pick up their sense of unease. If you go to the peaceful person, you'll feel
calmer.
Joyce
mary krzyzanowski
Could an older teen-aged kid from the neighborhood spend time with the 15
month old(at your house) while you did something else (at home) with the
older children?
Mary-NY
Help STOP SPAM with the new MSN 8 and get 2 months FREE*
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month old(at your house) while you did something else (at home) with the
older children?
Mary-NY
>From: "Christine Kuglen" <wanderfree@...>_________________________________________________________________
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: <[email protected]>
>Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] more questions from a newbie
>Date: Thu, 20 Feb 2003 01:48:05 -0500
>
>Hi again,
>I posted a few questions a few weeks ago and I have appreciated all of the
>responses. Here are some more issues for me that could use your input:
>
>-I am the mother of 4 children ranging in age from 15 months to 10 years
>old. We have been unschooling since the beginning and thanks to this group
>I have lately adjusted my modeling to address the situations that were
>challenging me. I am truly realizing the subtle effects my actions,
>feelings, thoughts have on my children which is both empowering and
>overwhelming. I love all of the ideas about sharing and being deeply
>involved with your children in their daily activities whatever those may be
>however I am finding that impossible due to the fact that I have a 15 month
>old who completely monopolizes my time. If my son or daughter ask a
>question about such and such and I want to "research" it with them she is
>grabbing the mouse or wanting to drag me across the room. SHe sleeps very
>little during the day and I am exhausted by nightfall. I am feeling so sad
>for my other children. We talk about how this is temporary and how they all
>went through it but in the meantime how can I actively participate with my
>other kids? Have any of you experienced this type of problem?
>
>-My four year old has been calling everyone "stupid idiot" lately. It
>sounds so ugly! I know he picked it up from a movie but somehow it stuck
>and frankly I do not know what to do when he insults me/others. My 10yods
>and 6yodd have never insulted others in this way. Do you think just
>ignoring it is a good idea or how would you address this with such a young
>person? FYI he has always been very aggressive. He was my colicky baby, my
>biting 1 year old, my hitting 2,3,and now 4 year old. His reactions for all
>of these behaviors are so knee-jerk quick they are hard to forsee. He uses
>this insult, along with hitting at least 2-3 times daily probably more. Not
>reacting has always worked the best in the past but he has been at this
>insulting thing since about April of last year and it is wearing.
>
>Thanks! from, Christine in sunny Costa Rica but with no public library and
>no homeschool community...
>
>
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Help STOP SPAM with the new MSN 8 and get 2 months FREE*
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Shyrley
Fetteroll wrote:
upsets me but pleases him no end as he didn't like going to their houses anyway. So yeah, the control and power thing would be very attractive to a 4 yo. I tried to tell people to ignore it as I do (no
reaction ain't much fun) but they couldn't.
Hopefully he'll grow out of it one day :-(
Shyrley
> on 2/20/03 1:48 AM, Christine Kuglen at wanderfree@... wrote:I have that same problem with my 6 yo. Unfortunately people here react in spectacular ways which obviously makes him feel powerful. Several friends are now ex-friends because of his behaviour which
>
> > My four year old has been calling everyone "stupid idiot" lately. It sounds so
> > ugly! I know he picked it up from a movie but somehow it stuck and frankly I
> > do not know what to do when he insults me/others.
>
> How do people react to it? It could be a form of control. It's like a button
> he can push to make people behave irrationally. When you're 4 and want to be
> powerful and in control, there aren't a lot of avenues available. :-/
>
upsets me but pleases him no end as he didn't like going to their houses anyway. So yeah, the control and power thing would be very attractive to a 4 yo. I tried to tell people to ignore it as I do (no
reaction ain't much fun) but they couldn't.
Hopefully he'll grow out of it one day :-(
Shyrley