[email protected]

I absolutely love the relaxed lives we lead as unschoolers. But I have a
problem on days where we have to leave the house at an appointed time. My
son Colton (12), carries the unschooling approach into getting ready as well.
I will explain to him that we have to leave the house at a certain time to
go wherever, and ask him to get dressed so we can leave on time. But Colton
is a dreamy, emotional, and imaginative kid, and I will invariably find him
ten or fifteen minutes later playing with his cockatiel or reading a book,
blissfully oblivious to the time. I frequently end up waiting impatiently by
the door, tapping my foot and jingling my car keys. Even when it's something
he absolutely can't wait to go do, he gets ready with a lot of daydreamy
stops along the way. Does anyone have any respectful, unschoolerish ideas on
how I can light a fire under this kid?

Thanks,
~~Carol


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/14/03 3:19:11 PM, sognokids@... writes:

<< But Colton
is a dreamy, emotional, and imaginative kid, and I will invariably find him
ten or fifteen minutes later playing with his cockatiel or reading a book,
blissfully oblivious to the time. >>

I ask them to get ready early, by saying "Could you put on what you're going
to wear when we leave and THEN eat?
(or play
or read...)"

And sometimes (Kirby's karate gear, Holly's fiddle-class bag) I'll ask them
to put their stuff in the car early too, so we can all leave at the last
minute in happy peace.

When they were little I would just leave earlier than necessary and if we
actually pulled off getting on the road early, I'd use the extra time to
drive by and show them something interesting, or to stop at a store for one
item, or some such.

Sandra

Fetteroll

on 2/14/03 5:17 PM, sognokids@... at sognokids@... wrote:

> Does anyone have any respectful, unschoolerish ideas on
> how I can light a fire under this kid?

Help him get dressed! I've learned it's a lot less stressful if I get my 11
yos clothes for her and hover near by to make sure she's getting dressed.

Joyce

Nora or Devereaux Cannon

A couple of things that work around here.

I take 2 choices of clothing to the kid (I'll bring others if
neither suits, but since she has selected them initially, there
are very few "unfavored" choices). Next pass through the area, I
bring a hairbrush and desired "trimmings". Next pass, I'll bring
shoes and socks. The deal is not that I'm doing nothing but
walking back and forth - I may answer an e-mail, take "stuff" to
the car, bank the fire, feed animals or whatever - but every few
minutes in the course of those preparation for leaving steps, I'm
helping her stay on track. When she was 3-4, I really had to
almost hand over hand the process, now as often as not, she will
go from the first step to ready without any further prompts from
me - I'll hear her head back to her room and the sounds of
preparation. But if she gets involved in watching a squirrel or
a book or whatever, the habit keeps us from devolving into a
struggle.

The other thing is to allow enough time for some transitions,
changed minds and distractions. It is a 30 minute drive to most
every where from here - an hour before I intend to leave, I
assess what we need to do to get out the door, including the
food/clothing status (If there isn't a set arrival time, I may
wait a little longer, since an error doesn't matter as much). If
we are ready early, then the natural result is a more pleasant
drive and maybe time to make a favored stop or an unplanned one.
But because getting ready isn't wrapped up in unpleasant
experiences of "Mama Exasperation" there is little resistance to
doing it.

----- Original Message -----
From: <sognokids@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Friday, February 14, 2003 4:17 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Getting out the door


| I absolutely love the relaxed lives we lead as unschoolers.
But I have a
| problem on days where we have to leave the house at an
appointed time. My
| son Colton (12), carries the unschooling approach into getting
ready as well.
| I will explain to him that we have to leave the house at a
certain time to
| go wherever, and ask him to get dressed so we can leave on
time. But Colton
| is a dreamy, emotional, and imaginative kid, and I will
invariably find him
| ten or fifteen minutes later playing with his cockatiel or
reading a book,
| blissfully oblivious to the time. I frequently end up waiting
impatiently by
| the door, tapping my foot and jingling my car keys. Even when
it's something
| he absolutely can't wait to go do, he gets ready with a lot of
daydreamy
| stops along the way. Does anyone have any respectful,
unschoolerish ideas on
| how I can light a fire under this kid?
|
| Thanks,
| ~~Carol
|
|
| [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
|
|
| ~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject
line! ~~~~
|
| If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list,
please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll
(fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener
(HEM-Editor@...).
|
| To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or
address an email to:
| [email protected]
|
| Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
|
| Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to
http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
|
|
|

Deborah Lewis

On Fri, 14 Feb 2003 17:17:59 EST sognokids@... writes:
***I will invariably find him
ten or fifteen minutes later playing with his cockatiel or reading a
book,
blissfully oblivious to the time. ***

Oh, this is like Dylan...
When he was younger he would go in to get dressed and I might find him a
half hour later with one shoe on and his sweat pants on his head, the
legs wrapped around like a turban. He'd be fighting dragons or
something.

Start earlier. <g>
Plan one little thing several hours before the big thing and get ready
for the little thing, a walk, a quick trip to the store, the library,
whatever.

Talk about it the night before. Dylan never likes things to be sprung
on him, he wants a detailed plan, time, etc. He can be hurried sometimes
if everyone is hurrying and happy, it's an adventure, but if people are
just waiting on him he gets upset and can't think about what he's
supposed to do. Talk it out the night before.

Wander by his room and remind him where you have to be soon and is he
almost ready and does he need help... but keep it happy if you can and
remember being late isn't the worst thing in the world. <g>

Deb L

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/14/2003 8:53:17 PM Pacific Standard Time,
ddzimlew@... writes:

> but keep it happy if you can and
> remember being late isn't the worst thing in the world.

BINGO! I've thought about this since I originally posted, and realized that
I worry about being late to things that don't really matter. I just have
this "thing" about being late, and frankly I don't think I have ever been
late to anything in my life. I was even born a day before my due date, lol!
Now that I think about it, I think Colton is the wise one here. I learn so
much from my kids!

Carol


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/14/03 10:56:19 PM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< Oh, this is like Dylan...
When he was younger he would go in to get dressed and I might find him a
half hour later with one shoe on and his sweat pants on his head, the
legs wrapped around like a turban. He'd be fighting dragons or
something. >>

My child like this is Jared...so dreamy and unaware much of the time.
My friends comment on how quiet and sweet he is. Well, he's not here most of
the time, of course he's quiet!! lol
He lives in a dreamland of dragons I'm quite sure since that's all he has
drawn since he was four years old!!
I really wish I could get into his head sometimes...I know it's gotta be
interesting.
But getting anywhere is almost impossible. Anything can be a distraction,
absolutely anything.....

Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."

----Frances Hodgson Burnett

Deborah Lewis

On Sat, 15 Feb 2003 00:10:48 EST starsuncloud@... writes:

***I really wish I could get into his head sometimes...I know it's gotta
be
interesting.***

Have you asked him to tell you a story? Don't ask for what he's
thinking about, just someday if you're alone together tell him you wish
someone would tell you a story and see what happens. I have volumes of
my son's imaginative quiet time in stories and poems, the best I could
get them down. He would sometimes let me record them.

***But getting anywhere is almost impossible. Anything can be a
distraction,
absolutely anything.....***

I know.<g> But it must be lovely to have so few worries that you can
take the time to be distracted by a feather or a spider or stray Lego.
We should all be so lucky.

Deb L

marji

At 22:59 2/14/03 -0700, Deb L wrote:
>***But getting anywhere is almost impossible. Anything can be a
>distraction,
>absolutely anything.....***
>
>I know.<g> But it must be lovely to have so few worries that you can
>take the time to be distracted by a feather or a spider or stray Lego.
>We should all be so lucky.
>
>Deb L

Yeah... (smiling)

Marji

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

**I know.<g> But it must be lovely to have so few worries that you can
take the time to be distracted by a feather or a spider or stray Lego.
We should all be so lucky.**

Um... it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with how many worries one
does or doesn't have.

I'm a distractable one. When we get out the door late it's not usually the
fault of any of my children, it's because I got sidetracked somewhere along
the line. The more worries I have, the more likely I am to get sidetracked.
It's possible that's because drifting is more attractive than thinking about
whatever's bothering me. But it's more likely that it's because when I'm
stressed I'm less succesful at using the strategies I've learned over the
years to keep myself focused on single goals. :)

Just thought you should know so you won't be thinking that he'll get less
distractable when his life gets more complicated or something like that. :)

Deborah in IL

coyote's corner

I don't know if anyone can get a grain of help here, but this is what I do
with Brianna. Sometimes, when I'm running to the store or to the post
office, Brianna will want to stay alone. She's 10 y.o. I have a cell phone;
she's won't cook, open the door; tell anyone on the phone that I'm not here
("Sorry, coyote is unavailable just now, but I can take a message", when
anyone pushes the point, she asks, "If I were an adult, would you still be
asking for her?") Anyway, I hate leaving her. But she doesn't like to dress.
She's is a world-class dawdler! She'll do this and that.now, time to leave!!
Usually she wasn't ready.
Once I started giving her a choice and then leaving it, things changed!
"I'm going to the market, the bakery and I'd like to stop by Savers, would
you like to come? She would say "I'll be all right here"

A couple of times she stayed home, calling frequently to the cell phone.
"Where are you now?" "Are there any ------ there" (That one I would answer
w/ "I'm sorry, I don't like leaving you anywhere, so I don't have time to
look, you can look next time we're here."

Know what happens?
5 - 10 minutes before I leave, she'll ask, do I have time to get ready?
She does get ready.
She does look okay.
We have hair problems to, but the braids work here.


This may not work for everyone. I have one child and a protective dog. I
have only agreed to her staying home when I'm running quick errands. But it
does work for us.

-----Original Message-----
From: dacunefare@... [mailto:dacunefare@...]
Sent: Saturday, February 15, 2003 2:05 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: Getting out the door

**I know.<g> But it must be lovely to have so few worries that you can
take the time to be distracted by a feather or a spider or stray Lego.
We should all be so lucky.**

Um... it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with how many worries one
does or doesn't have.

I'm a distractable one. When we get out the door late it's not usually the
fault of any of my children, it's because I got sidetracked somewhere along
the line. The more worries I have, the more likely I am to get sidetracked.
It's possible that's because drifting is more attractive than thinking about
whatever's bothering me. But it's more likely that it's because when I'm
stressed I'm less succesful at using the strategies I've learned over the
years to keep myself focused on single goals. :)

Just thought you should know so you won't be thinking that he'll get less
distractable when his life gets more complicated or something like that. :)

Deborah in IL

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/15/03 12:12:22 AM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

<<
Have you asked him to tell you a story? Don't ask for what he's
thinking about, just someday if you're alone together tell him you wish
someone would tell you a story and see what happens. I have volumes of
my son's imaginative quiet time in stories and poems, the best I could
get them down. He would sometimes let me record them. >>

Yes, he doesn't like being "on display" so to speak. He prefers being
unnoticed and dictating anything puts way to much attention on him.
I think that's why he won't let me anyway.....he keeps to himself a lot and
doesn't share much about what he's thinking. The only way to draw him out
(no pun intended here :) is to give him paper and he'll draw elaborate
fantasy beings and worlds.
He'll tell me all about those, but if he sees me writing it down, he clams up.
So I listen and smile and ask questions and sometimes I dictate stuff on the
back of the picture later. So I remember the stories that go with the
creatures.


"I know.<g> But it must be lovely to have so few worries that you can
take the time to be distracted by a feather or a spider or stray Lego.
We should all be so lucky. "

Yes, I have to get into his world...those days when I'm in a hurry it's so
frustrating. But my kids always have a way of reminding me what is truly
important.
I kept trying to read an email yesterday but Jalen (that's the littlest guy)
kept taking my hand and taking me places. He wanted me to push him on the
swing, watch him play in the dirt with a Tonka truck etc....
He wasn't about to let me sit and read!! Not when the sun was shining and
there were things to discover. What a smart guy......:)

Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."

----Frances Hodgson Burnett

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/15/03 3:50:09 AM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< The more worries I have, the more likely I am to get sidetracked. >>

Yep. Me too...
But in reference to these "dreamy" type children it is truly a lack of stress
that causes the behavior.
Trust me, you'd see it in an instance if you could observe for a day. He's
just thinking and watching things, it's SO cool.
I can literally just watch him drift out of this world in a calm, peaceful
way. His thoughts far from where he is. He is still and quiet and has this
totally dreamy look about him, like and angel.
And 9 times out of 10, when he comes to, he's got some questions for me about
something really interesting.
It's definitely not a distraction from stress!
But I am incredibly distractable as an adult, so I have NO doubt he could
easily be too.

Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."

----Frances Hodgson Burnett

Betsy

**
Know what happens?
5 - 10 minutes before I leave, she'll ask, do I have time to get ready?
She does get ready.
She does look okay.
We have hair problems to, but the braids work here.**


I like it! I don't know if it would work for my kid, but it definitly
works for me. I truly have to say "no" and have that answer be
"allowed" before I can willingly say "yes". It's important for me to
KNOW that I have a choice.

Betsy