Pam Hartley

I know it's fun to imagine Sandra as some sort of latter-day Pied Piper on
Steroids leading us mindless rats around by our collective brown noses, but
it also is not the purpose of this list to delve into our sycophancy, real
or (I beg leave to assure you) imagined.

This list is not Sandra & Cohorts (WHY am I always a cohort and never a
hort?!) vs The Good Guys, this list is a bunch of individual moms (and a few
dads) with ideas of their own.

I know it's a radical notion for any of us who went to junior high school,
but this isn't about who's cool, it's about who can best communicate their
points of view.

But on topic, I beg you.

Pam

>> You may have to Say this, but there are more than a few of us on this
>> list including myself, who have had about enough of the tactics of some
>> if its members.

>>Sandra has quite the following here, I am not surprised
>> how many jump into to defend her.
>> And in fact, all of you followers are getting very good at her games.
>
>> The one that I enjoy, is taking someones post completely out of its
>> text, and bashing them as a parent.
>>
>> Another, is the "I don't understand what you are saying game?"
>>
>> Or the biggie, game of YOU USED A WORD WE DON'T APPROVE OF.
>> Since when does someone dictate what words used in order
>> to convey ones thoughts Because Sandra sets the standards?
>>
>> I would think twice if I was following someone who set my standards.
> Chose what words I could use, and what I could or couldn't do with my kids.

Pam Hartley

----------
>From: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Digest Number 3034
>Date: Fri, Feb 14, 2003, 12:54 PM
>

> It's very rare
> anyone defends me ( or anyone else who goes against Sandra) because of this
> kind of total crap.


I think you're mistaken about the reason it's rare that anyone defends you.

Pam, not being sarcastic

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/14/03 4:31:38 PM Eastern Standard Time,
pamhartley@... writes:

> think you're mistaken about the reason it's rare that anyone defends you.
>
> Pam, not being sarcastic
>

You have no idea how many folks agree with me or why they dont speak up
publically. You can't assume that because only one or two occasionally speak
up those are the ONLY ones. Sandra said he was being sarcastic saying I
probably had dozens of folks emailing me.. That is probably a lot closer to
the truth than to sarcasm. I would NEVER give these folks up. If they
wanted to "out themselves" they would. Its not my place to betray thier
privacy. Its thier choice to not be public with their support, I respect
that decision. But just because you dont see them, doesn't mean they dont
exist.

Teresa


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/14/03 7:51:06 PM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

<<
You have no idea how many folks agree with me or why they dont speak up
publically. You can't assume that because only one or two occasionally
speak
up those are the ONLY ones. >>

Well here we are, real people, really speaking on this list and telling
stories about our lives. I've disagreed and had lengthy in depth discussion
with all of these good folk, but never felt the need to stay on a list where
I absolutely couldn't stand the people there or the strongest voices.
All these phantom people that email you are on an email list but too scared
to post?
This isn't required reading.
No one is going to grade you or fail you if you don't come here.
There is a big wide world of internet lists out there to suit everyone...why
oh why would all these invisible people stay if they don't even want to
learn, or read or write?
I really, really wish you and your cohorts would make your own list and let
this one get back to the lively, enjoyable flow of learning about unschooling.
Hate it as much as you want, that's free CHOICE.
But let us enjoy the list as it IS.
It is what it is....let it be.
PLEASE

Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."

----Frances Hodgson Burnett

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/14/03 10:56:19 PM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< I still get pissed sometimes when I read certain things, but I realize
now that I'm angry for a reason. And I think about the information
being passed on to me by people who have more experience, and I'm
grateful to them. >>

You know what? I still get pissed once in a while too...not about the
premises of unschooling and how that affects all areas of life, that's all
sunk in fairly good (although I have to resist my conditioning often enough).
The posts that get under my skin now are ANNE O'S. BIG admission here,
because I love her dearly, and I love her positive force in the world.
But sometimes, I think "Oh C'mon, get a dose of reality" when she's being all
light and love and peace in the face of negativity.
And you know why?
Because she's evolved further on her spiritual path than I have.
She's able to have qualities I would like to better posses.
So it irks me because it's where I need to grow....and I often see that after
I think about it.
The irritating posts are the ones that make me feel inadequate.....because
that IS where I'm weak. No one likes to be reminded where they're weak.
But it's the first step to growing and changing and doing better.
So thanks Anne, and Mary and Sandra and Joyce and Kelly and Pam and everyone
that has made me think, and think, and think til my brain hurt and caused me
to be a better person because of that thinking and growing.
Thank you Anne, for getting under my skin and making me realize I need MORE
love, MORE joy and better skills for dealing with angst.
Love ya!!

Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."

----Frances Hodgson Burnett

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/14/03 8:33:44 PM, windystreet@... writes:

<< I unsubbed in anger a few times over the past few years, but the stuff I
read here sunk in. I may have hated the advice (even if it wasn't
directed toward me) but I took most of it to heart. Our family has
changed for the better, a lot due to Sandra (and Mary, and Ren, and
Joyce, and Pam, and etc...) and I have never thanked any of them for it. >>

I really like this kind of belated feedback after a long time.

Sometimes I talk to someone I knew when I was younger (or little) and we'll
get to telling a story, and say "Remember, when we were twelve..." or
"Remember, when I lived in Santa Fe, and you..." and I've given and gotten
positive feedback sometimes for stuff from years and years ago. I just love
it. It's like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle that's been out a long, long time.

Sandra

Tia Leschke

>
> You have no idea how many folks agree with me or why they dont speak up
> publically. You can't assume that because only one or two occasionally
speak
> up those are the ONLY ones. Sandra said he was being sarcastic saying I
> probably had dozens of folks emailing me.. That is probably a lot closer
to
> the truth than to sarcasm. I would NEVER give these folks up. If they
> wanted to "out themselves" they would. Its not my place to betray thier
> privacy. Its thier choice to not be public with their support, I respect
> that decision. But just because you dont see them, doesn't mean they
dont
> exist.

Are you sure your name isn't Bridget?

At any rate, if this list doesn't suit you, or them, why are you here? It's
so easy to start a list these days, none of that majordomo stuff or
anything. Start one that suits you, or join the one Puddles started. This
list is what it is.
Tia

Peggy

> Kate in Ca
> who is trying her best to be a better unschooling parent everyday

Very nice Kate. Me too.

> P.S. THEIR, not thier (can't help it - it really bugs me)


LOL. Spell checks are wonderful for catching and helping us to learn
what other people see when we write. My spelling has really improved
with instant feedback. Apostrophes can be a wonderful thing too. ;)

Peggy

Fetteroll

There were a lot of things said last night that didn't help get the list
back onto the subject of unschooling.

Before anyone adds anything further this morning, think about whether what
you're about to send helps someone move closer to unschooling or be more
respectful or trusting of their children.

Joyce
Unschooling-dotcom moderator

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/15/03 1:25:44 AM Eastern Standard Time, leschke@...
writes:

> Are you sure your name isn't Bridget?
>
> At any rate, if this list doesn't suit you, or them, why are you here?
> It's
> so easy to start a list these days, none of that majordomo stuff or
> anything. Start one that suits you, or join the one Puddles started. This
> list is what it is.
> Tia
>

Yeah, I'm sure. My name is Teresa Blalock. But, every often I do get accused
of being "someone else" who faced up to Sandra. Sorry folks, its not one
person posing as many. I'm not Ned , or Yol, or Sherry, or Bridget. Let me
see, someone asked me if I was, or if I "knew" some other lady from NC, I
cant recall her name ... actually I think it was a couple of ladies who also
went and made their own group. Maybe one of them was Bridget.

For folks that only read what I write in response to Sandra. I will once
again answer the question of why I stay here. I've answered it over and over
and over, but evidently, no one reads those posts I write. I get accused of
writing negative stuff, disrupting the list, throwing tantrums. When in
reality, I write about a lot more than in defense of myself against Sandra.
I suppose if I am not arguing with Sandra, or defending myself, my posts are
not worthy to read. I've been told I write too confidently. I've been told
to "be quiet" I've been told to ignore stuff that doesn't suit me. And, I've
been asked MANY MANY times, why I stay here, why don't I start my own list.
Well, the most recent response I made to those questions was on Feb 10th.
I'll just copy it for inquiring minds who skipped over it when I posted it.
or maybe they read it and just "forgot."

____________
I can only speak for myself. I can just as easily call myself "eclectic"
or relaxed or whatever term may best fit my style of parenting and
homeschooling. No one term is better or worse in my opinion. I wouldn't be
called a 'school at home" person, because, I don't do school at home. I've
said before, that I find labels restrictive and I don't feel I fit any one
'way" of doing things. It doesn't' offend me that folks here may say. OH
OH. You're not a REAL TRUE unschooler. Just like I'm not offended if folks
say. OH, your not a real true Christian because I don't subscribe to their
fundamental beliefs 100% (or heck, even 50%). I stay around this group
because its active, there are lots of GOOD advice here, and I have made some
friends. For unschooling information, ( which is what I look for, even if
I'm not "there" yet) this group has consistently been the best source I have
found. That's why I hang around here. Folks can call me eclectic or relaxed
or "unschooling modified" LOL.. ( although, I don't INTEND to modify
unschooling in my home. its just I'm lower on the continuum and still
learning). I know I've been called much worse :-)

Teresa
____________________

As far as why so many other lurk. I can only assume its because they also get
GOOD information. They take it and sort through it and use what is helpful
to them. Others come forward occasionally to say that they are lurkers and
they just want to thank Sandra and pat her on the back. Of course they do
that publicly. Folks aren't gonna come out and say they get lots of good
stuff EXCEPT for Sandra's. They know how that would be received. Everyone is
not a glutton for punishment or has those balls of steel like me. I've also
said several times before that I gain a lot of insight, learn a lot about
unschooling, and find much of what Sandra says useful. I just don't find it
useful for her to have such an in your face, I'm right you're wrong, attitude
and to personally attack folks under the guise of "generally helping" folks.
Maybe that works for some people, but for most, its a detriment to the
unschooling lifestyle. I've compared Sandras radical unschooling to that of
a radical Christian. She likes to insult and attack Christians for their
tactics in trying to convert others, but she utilizes the same methods. They
don't work. Just like the bible thumper dressed in biblical costume, holding
up signs, standing on the street corner, shouting at sinners to REPENT,
screaming out scripture about hellfire and damnation does NOT persuade others
to turn to Jesus. In fact it causes others to turn against Christianity. I
think the tactics that Sandra and her close followers use have the same
effect on "passersby " that might have thought they wanted to be unschoolers,
until they got it shoved down their throat evangelical style


(I'll run spell check for the grammar and spelling perfectionists)

OK got all the typos and commas in. Hope that helps... BTW, I am an excellent
speller, terrible typist.

Teresa




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelli Traaseth

Ren,

This is great, I think everyone goes through this. I think its growing pains. <g>

I love this list for the honesty that comes forth. If we only heard what we wanted to hear there wouldn't be any growth.

It is such an introspective journey, this unschooling journey, it's amazing, isn't it?

I'll also want to say thank you to all of you who take time to get us all closer to that unschooling goal!

I'm sending patience and calmness to this list.

Kelli


starsuncloud@... wrote:In a message dated 2/14/03 10:56:19 PM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< I still get pissed sometimes when I read certain things, but I realize
now that I'm angry for a reason. And I think about the information
being passed on to me by people who have more experience, and I'm
grateful to them. >>

You know what? I still get pissed once in a while too...not about the
premises of unschooling and how that affects all areas of life, that's all
sunk in fairly good (although I have to resist my conditioning often enough).
The posts that get under my skin now are ANNE O'S. BIG admission here,
because I love her dearly, and I love her positive force in the world.
But sometimes, I think "Oh C'mon, get a dose of reality" when she's being all
light and love and peace in the face of negativity.
And you know why?
Because she's evolved further on her spiritual path than I have.
She's able to have qualities I would like to better posses.
So it irks me because it's where I need to grow....and I often see that after
I think about it.
The irritating posts are the ones that make me feel inadequate.....because
that IS where I'm weak. No one likes to be reminded where they're weak.
But it's the first step to growing and changing and doing better.
So thanks Anne, and Mary and Sandra and Joyce and Kelly and Pam and everyone
that has made me think, and think, and think til my brain hurt and caused me
to be a better person because of that thinking and growing.
Thank you Anne, for getting under my skin and making me realize I need MORE
love, MORE joy and better skills for dealing with angst.
Love ya!!

Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."

----Frances Hodgson Burnett

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Betsy

**For folks that only read what I write in response to Sandra. I will
once
again answer the question of why I stay here. I've answered it over and
over and over, but evidently, no one reads those posts I write. **

That's a pretty negative belief. I don't think it's accurate.


**I suppose if I am not arguing with Sandra, or defending myself, my
posts are not worthy to read.**

I don't agree with this, either. :-)

I'm fed up with slams against Sandra, but I'm happy to read your other stuff.


Betsy

Pam Sorooshian

On Saturday, February 15, 2003, at 07:37 AM, grlynbl@... wrote:

> Others come forward occasionally to say that they are lurkers and
> they just want to thank Sandra and pat her on the back. Of course they
> do
> that publicly. Folks aren't gonna come out and say they get lots of
> good
> stuff EXCEPT for Sandra's.

If you don't like the kind of stuff you get from someone - then
ignoring them is a really really helpful thing to do for the sake of
the list. To all those who are out there doing that - THANK YOU!!!

It ALWAYS disrupts the list when you feel the need to tell us all how
Sandra is picking on you, Teresa. Knowing Sandra as I do, I find that
idea almost laughable. It isn't true. Sandra can't even keep track of
who is who, to be honest. She doesn't even remember from one time to
the next that you're the same person. She doesn't even see the names at
the tops of the posts. She responds to each post's ideas. It isn't
"you" personally - but your ideas she is responding to, each and every
time this comes up.

Please just use your delete key -- or even better, sort all messages
from Sandra directly into your trash folder. Nobody will care if you
read them or not and you won't have to feel "picked on."

-pam



Pam Sorooshian
The National Home Education Network
~The World is Our Classroom~
www.NHEN.org

Tia Leschke

> It ALWAYS disrupts the list when you feel the need to tell us all how
> Sandra is picking on you, Teresa. Knowing Sandra as I do, I find that
> idea almost laughable. It isn't true. Sandra can't even keep track of
> who is who, to be honest. She doesn't even remember from one time to
> the next that you're the same person. She doesn't even see the names at
> the tops of the posts. She responds to each post's ideas. It isn't
> "you" personally - but your ideas she is responding to, each and every
> time this comes up.
>
> Please just use your delete key -- or even better, sort all messages
> from Sandra directly into your trash folder. Nobody will care if you
> read them or not and you won't have to feel "picked on."

I just thought of something else. I have an ex who used to be able to "push
my buttons" almost any time he wanted to. Even though I had sworn that I
would never subject my kids to an ugly divorce, that's what they lived
through. I even knew he was pushing my buttons, but I wasn't able to stop
responding to it until I realized just exactly what the button was that he
was pushing. Even though I didn't care what he thought of me as a person
(he believed all kinds of things which weren't true, and I was never going
to change those beliefs) I still cared about his opinion of me as a parent!
Once I realized how important it was *to him* that I be a bad parent (to
justify the things he was doing to keep me and my daughter apart - we each
had custody of one of the kids) I was able to disconnect the button he'd
been pushing. That was the end of our screaming matches.

Now, I'm *not* saying that Sandra is trying to push Teresa's buttons. But
if she were, I'm guessing that the main button would be Teresa's belief in
herself as a good parent. The things Sandra writes *seem* (to Teresa
anyway) to be saying that Teresa isn't a good parent. I don't think that's
what's actually happening, but it seems as if Teresa is reacting that way.
Teresa, maybe you could simply decide that you really don't care what Sandra
thinks of you, or even the rest of the list, for that matter. If you are
getting some good advice here, which would be the only reason to stay, just
focus on that. You have the power to react or not. It's yours.
Tia
"What you think of me is none of my business."

Kris

Lanora, Jonathan and I were at the park yesterday when Lanora and I began to make whistles with grass. Jonathan, fully impressed, tried doing the same thing and it didn't work. I asked him if he would like me to show him how I was doing it and he said yes. I spent a few seconds showing him how I put the grass between my thumbs while he listened intently. Suddenly and politely he said, "Okay, that's enough teaching!"

I got a good laugh but realized that, being only unschooled, he sees "teaching" as something he can access and turn off at will, a tool and not something he is subjected to. Yeah!!

Kris

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]