[email protected]

I feel bad for getting testy and defensive about notation/music/math.

The same way a child might not 'get' something when he's just not getting it,
someone who's not getting what I'm talking about or someone else is talking
about
on this list just isn't going to get it.

When that something involves the basics of unschooling, I get worried.

One of my greatest concerns about unschooling has nothing to do with my own
kids.
I worry about the future and stability of the idea of unschooling at the
hands of
people who say they're doing it but aren't getting it to work at their house
for one reason or another.

I worry about people writing or e-mailing me in the future and saying "Okay,
you said my kids could get into college. I left them alone for twelve years,
and now I want you to tell me which college they can get into and how much
it's going to cost and how I should make their transcripts.

I worry about people who don't want to pay for a curriculum and do the work
to go through all that, but they somehow at some point want unschooling given
to them the way a currciulum gives lessons to the families who plunk down the
money for that.

If someone doesn't want to change their own personal way of seeing the world
of learning, I don't see how unschooling will work.

It's not my personal problem. Not usually.
Some moments when someone's angry because they've wanted magical learning to
take place while they ignored the kids it seems my problem when they're
saying "You said..."

And will it be my personal problem when my name comes up somewhere, someday
when someone's trying to defend their doing nothing as unschooling?

I wonder if Mary Griffith worries about that. <g>

Sandra

nellebelle

snip>>>>>And will it be my personal problem when my name comes up somewhere,
someday when someone's trying to defend their doing nothing as
unschooling?>>>>>>>

Well, it might be <g>. Unfortunately, people can take any bit of
information and twist it to fit something that it wasn't intended to apply
to in the first place.

FWIW, I appreciate your efforts, Sandra, in sharing your ideas. Thank you
for saying what you say. The things that rub me wrong at first are often
the things that I need to work on. I thought I was unschooling pretty well,
but have had some more insights lately, aided by what I'm reading on this
and the unschooling website and other lists. Thanks to all of you!

Mary Ellen

Have a Nice Day!

----- Original Message -----
From: SandraDodd@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, February 08, 2003 3:32 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] guilt and concern


>>>I feel bad for getting testy and defensive about notation/music/math.

The same way a child might not 'get' something when he's just not getting it,
someone who's not getting what I'm talking about or someone else is talking
about
on this list just isn't going to get it.<<<
I'm going to try and respond to this, even though I said I was going to think about other things. I have been feeling sick most of the day and I feel bad about being testy too.


I'm responding from a personal point of view, even though I'm assuming much of your post was meant as a general post and not about any one person here.


So many times I have read your posts Sandra, and most of the time it makes sense. Other times I have to think about it for awhile before it makes sense, and sometimes it just doesn't make sense, but I keep coming back hoping that at some point it will.


If it seems like I am arguing it is only because I *want* it to make sense. If I question something or ask for more examples from you or others here, its because I'm trying to see it from different angles, hoping to find one that makes sense.


Sometimes I won't get it all right away, but I am sure that I *will* get it if I keep looking at it, keep thinking about it, and keep reading and asking questions about it.


It is true, your name is a well known name in "unschooling" circles. That is why, when I have a question, particularly about unschooling, that I turn to you or others here.


I could research lots of information but there are not very many places where I can get accurate information about it. And I've already read the Unschooling.com message boards to the point of exhaustion. I have also read Holt...in fact I'm re-reading "How Children Fail" as I write.


There *are* others who define unschooling differently and I completely understand that you want to defend the term unschooling against imposters. So, out of respect for you and the others here, I come *here* to ask my unschooling questions. I don't want to research unschooling somewhere else, for the very reason that there *are* others that define unschooling differently than it is defined here.

I also don't want to leave here and try to apply something I didn't fully understand from this list. That would be an injustice to a viable educational philosophy. There are times when I can be "put off" by what has been said, either here or at the boards, but I keep coming back. For some reason I won't just "dismiss" information just because I don't always like the way it is presented.


I would never hold you responsible for the decisions I make. From what you posted, it sounds like you've run into that a lot.


I'm deterimined to keep on keepin on, and in spite of my own recent frustration, I have gotten quite a bit of really good information here.


Kristen

****************************************************************

Today is even more important than tomorrow because "today" is a gift, and "tomorrow" might never come.

Today is where hope lives because today is when we can make things better than yesterday.

The only thing we can be sure of is today and life isn't worth living if it isn't lived in joy for as many moments of today as we can manage.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Betsy

**I have also read Holt...in fact I'm re-reading "How Children Fail"
as I write. **

Oh! I thought about recommending that earlier in the discussion,
because he has some good stuff about school kids totally
misunderstanding fractions.

Betsy

Aleksi <[email protected]>

Personally, I love the way you defend the definition of unschooling. I think people confuse "deschooling" with "unschooling". I wonder if it would have so many "wanna-be's" if it was called something else. As long as it has the word "school" in the definition it becomes a "type of school" in minds of those who don't get it. It can really get to you when the public homeschools in California are offering "Unschooling" along with "Waldorf Inspired" in the same brochure.
Aleksi


--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
> If someone doesn't want to change their own personal way of seeing the world
> of learning, I don't see how unschooling will work.
> Sandra

Robyn Coburn

<<.That would be an injustice to a viable educational philosophy.>>



Joyce (one of my heroes) wrote this and I printed it to look at on a
daily basis:



"The goal of unschooling is not education. It is to help a child be who
she is and blossom into who she will become. Education happens as a side
effect."



Robyn Coburn





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Have a Nice Day!

----- Original Message -----
From: Betsy
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, February 08, 2003 11:19 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] guilt and concern




**I have also read Holt...in fact I'm re-reading "How Children Fail"
as I write. **

Oh! I thought about recommending that earlier in the discussion,
because he has some good stuff about school kids totally
misunderstanding fractions. <<<

I just finished it. And it was definitely better this time through than the last.

I especially liked the summary about coerced learning and fear, whether its harshly coereced or kindly coereced.

I think he is so right.

And he's right about the fact that "essential knowledge" changes over time and we can't really predict which knowledge will be "essential" but if we leave kids alone, they will learn what they need to know when it becomes essential in their own lives.

I borrowed this book from the library. I might have to buy my own copy. :o)

Kristen


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

the_clevengers <[email protected]>

--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
> And will it be my personal problem when my name comes up somewhere,
someday
> when someone's trying to defend their doing nothing as unschooling?


Sandra,
I think some or many of us on the list probably face the same
concern, though I'm sure as one of the most vocal and well-known
proponents of unschooling you probably experience it on a different
scale. But I think it *is* disturbing. I had a talk with a friend the
other day who has moved from more rigid homeschooling to more of an
unschooling model, and she was concerned because her kids don't ask
questions and don't seek out learning opportunities "yet". And I
think she was thinking that if she just didn't do school long enough,
that would just happen. I often think of the words used here to
adequately explain how unschooling is not just not-schooling.

I think each of us is (consciously or unconsciously) an example of
unschooling to others, and I've become cognizant of how others may
choose an unschooling or more-unschooling-like course based on what I
might say or do. But other people also don't often see what it is
that we do on a daily basis, and they might easily make the
assumption that we just not-school. They see my kids as naturally
inquisitive, but they don't see the thought I put in to what my kids
are interested and in presenting activities (as possibilities) for
them that I think might be something they'd like. Or the time I take
to explain things when they ask, and to really answer questions in
depth. Or just the fact that they've never been in a school-like
environment, at home or elsewhere, and therefore they never learned
*not* to have that natural inquisitiveness. There's a very fine line
between searching for "teachable moments" and facilitating your kids
interests, it's often hard to get across.

At least here on this list, you have the power of words to explain
what/how unschooling is and isn't to you. And if anyone takes the
time to read your posts and doesn't get it, well then I don't think
you can feel guilty over that one.

Blue Skies,
-Robin-

Betsy

**I think each of us is (consciously or unconsciously) an example of
unschooling to others, and I've become cognizant of how others may
choose an unschooling or more-unschooling-like course based on what I
might say or do. But other people also don't often see what it is
that we do on a daily basis, and they might easily make the
assumption that we just not-school. They see my kids as naturally
inquisitive, but they don't see the thought I put in to what my kids
are interested and in presenting activities (as possibilities) for
them that I think might be something they'd like. Or the time I take
to explain things when they ask, and to really answer questions in
depth. Or just the fact that they've never been in a school-like
environment, at home or elsewhere, and therefore they never learned
*not* to have that natural inquisitiveness.**


I think you make a great point. Could you expand even more about what
you do, especially the thought you put into what your kids are
interested in?

My son is a cautious pessimist, which he gets from me both genetically
and by modeling. (oops). He's never been in school, but reacts
negatively to any kind of coaxing. It's really hard to keep offering
him stuff because he says "no" so much. Sometimes it's hard to know
what his interests are, because he's so "inwards".

(It did help me to stop waiting for him to be interested in school
subjects like ancient history, or geology, and to comprehend that
Pokemon *is* an interest.)

Betsy

kayb85 <[email protected]>

But I think that if someone is here and they really want to improve
their understanding of unschooling, they will stay and work until
they "get" it. If they don't, it's their fault. I was here a few
years ago and couldn't believe that my relaxed unit studies plus a
little math wasn't being considered unschooling. <grin> It took me a
lot to "get" that. I stayed for quite awhile, left still not
completely getting it, digested it for a few months, and then came
back ready for more.

I'm so glad that there were people here ready to challenge just about
every school idea I had. And after I got the "school" part of
unschooling, I started tackling the "housework" and "food" part of
unschooling. The food part I got. I'm finally getting the housework
part I guess. Now I just need to get over the pride of what other
people think of the housework part. :)

I'm glad I can come here and say "Did I blow it?" and have people
very bluntly tell me that I certainly did blow it, exactly why I blew
it, and how I can not blow it next time. There aren't a lot of
places where you can get that. Most people will just fluffy, feel-
good words so that people won't feel bad that they blew it. But in
the long-run, it won't make them better at what they're wanting to
improve.

If people are close-minded, or don't want to change their ideas about
learning, or don't want to completely think through the idea of
unschooling, then they won't get it. It will be no one else's fault
except for their own.

Sheila


--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
> I feel bad for getting testy and defensive about
notation/music/math.
>
> The same way a child might not 'get' something when he's just not
getting it,
> someone who's not getting what I'm talking about or someone else is
talking
> about
> on this list just isn't going to get it.
>
> When that something involves the basics of unschooling, I get
worried.
>
> One of my greatest concerns about unschooling has nothing to do
with my own
> kids.
> I worry about the future and stability of the idea of unschooling
at the
> hands of
> people who say they're doing it but aren't getting it to work at
their house
> for one reason or another.
>
> I worry about people writing or e-mailing me in the future and
saying "Okay,
> you said my kids could get into college. I left them alone for
twelve years,
> and now I want you to tell me which college they can get into and
how much
> it's going to cost and how I should make their transcripts.
>
> I worry about people who don't want to pay for a curriculum and do
the work
> to go through all that, but they somehow at some point want
unschooling given
> to them the way a currciulum gives lessons to the families who
plunk down the
> money for that.
>
> If someone doesn't want to change their own personal way of seeing
the world
> of learning, I don't see how unschooling will work.
>
> It's not my personal problem. Not usually.
> Some moments when someone's angry because they've wanted magical
learning to
> take place while they ignored the kids it seems my problem when
they're
> saying "You said..."
>
> And will it be my personal problem when my name comes up somewhere,
someday
> when someone's trying to defend their doing nothing as unschooling?
>
> I wonder if Mary Griffith worries about that. <g>
>
> Sandra

Olif VanPelt

"I had a talk with a friend the other day who has moved from more rigid homeschooling to more of an
unschooling model, and she was concerned because her kids don't ask questions and don't seek out learning opportunities "yet". And I think she was thinking that if she just didn't do school long enough, that would just happen. I often think of the words used here to adequately explain how unschooling is not just not-schooling."

I am in the same situation as your friend right now, I think (for about a whole 3 weeks now). I am really starting to get a grasp on the philosophy of unschooling, but I am still confused on how my children are going to become inquisitive. Basically, there is still something that I am not understanding.

So my kids have interests...let's take my 9 year old son for example. He likes rocks. He has collected them since he was little. Since this is something he is interested in, what exactly do I do now? I am waiting for our library to get a book about experiments with rocks (it is checked out at the time). He doesn't seem interested in reading books about rocks really because most of these are too encyclopedia-like to catch his interest. When it warms up, I plan on taking him rock hunting. Is this along the lines of what I am supposed to be "doing" as an unschooling parent?

Other than this, for the last couple of weeks, I have just had books laying around...they are still where I have left them. My son did ask me to take him to the library a week ago for the first time:) Other than that, I try to search and find things that they will like, maybe it is just playing a game with them or building legos. I often suggest many things, art kind of stuff, games, toys, usually we eventually hit on something they would like to do. What else should I be doing?

Thanks,
OlifGet more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download : http://explorer.msn.com


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

kayb85 <[email protected]>

> So my kids have interests...let's take my 9 year old son for
example. He likes rocks. He has collected them since he was little.
Since this is something he is interested in, what exactly do I do
now? I am waiting for our library to get a book about experiments
with rocks (it is checked out at the time). He doesn't seem
interested in reading books about rocks really because most of these
are too encyclopedia-like to catch his interest. When it warms up, I
plan on taking him rock hunting. Is this along the lines of what I am
supposed to be "doing" as an unschooling parent?

How much does he really want to get into rocks? Does he really want
to learn geology facts or does he just want to find cool rocks and
put them in containers? Does he want to do experiments with rocks?
I would probably get the book from the library, show it to him, and
wait to see if he does anything with it. I wouldn't say, "Hey, come
do an experiment with me".

One time after a homeopathy appointment my kids and I went past this
really cool looking park. We didn't have time to stop that morning,
but I knew we would after the next appointment. It was a perfect
day. We had a picnic, we watched ducks and swans, played on swings,
and played in a stream. We took a walk to see where the stream ended
up, and found that it emptied into a bigger "stream" that looked like
the beginning of a river. My kids asked me which river it was, and I
wasn't sure. We went home and I looked it up on the map. I told
them the name of the river that it emptied into (in the same town).
I pointed out other towns we had been in that had parts of the same
river in them. They thought that was cool. I thought...Ooh,
something they're interested in. And instead of just enjoying the
memory of that incredibly fun day at the park and simply answering
their simple question, I tried to turn it into this big thing. I
found the name of the town in New York where the stream started as a
lake and found a neat looking hotel there. I told them we could play
on the beach of the lake there. I found the name of the town in
Maryland where the river emptied in the Chesapeake. I found they had
boat tours there. I ordered a big wall map from Chesapeake water
alliance and planned on putting stickers on every part of the river
that we visited. I ordered several interlibrary loan books on rivers
and salmon swimming from oceans to rivers to lay their eggs. I was
showing my daughter the hotels I was considering and discussing some
of the plans with her and noticed that she seemed less than
enthusiastic. I said something like, "Aren't you interested in going
here?" And she said, "Well, not really, but I'll go with you if you
want to go".

Then it hit me. They had a fun day at the park and asked one little
question about a stream and I went NUTS! lol It would have been a
cool project to do if they really, REALLY were into it. But they
didn't care about rivers THAT much. lol I was unschooling but
somewhere in the back of my mind I was waiting for them to get into
this academically-impressive project that would impress all the
unschooling doubters I know.

My point is that not everything has to be a project that resembles a
unit study. They don't have to have interests that resemble school
in any way. Nothing they do with their day has to easily fall into
any academic subject.

Sheila


> Other than this, for the last couple of weeks, I have just had
books laying around...they are still where I have left them. My son
did ask me to take him to the library a week ago for the first time:)
Other than that, I try to search and find things that they will like,
maybe it is just playing a game with them or building legos. I often
suggest many things, art kind of stuff, games, toys, usually we
eventually hit on something they would like to do. What else should I
be doing?
>
> Thanks,
> OlifGet more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download :
http://explorer.msn.com
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Betsy

**Since this is something he is interested in, what exactly
do I do now? I am waiting for our library to get a book about
experiments with rocks (it is
checked out at the time). He doesn't seem interested in reading books
about rocks really
because most of these are too encyclopedia-like to catch his interest.**

Maybe there are websites about rocks and geology that are fascinating?
(Not a subject I know much about.)

If he's "chatty" maybe he will tell you what he finds interesting about
rocks. This will give you more info to work with. (And if you are
stumped, come post the additional info here and someone who knows more
than me will post.)

There are a lot of catalogs about science materials that homeschoolers
use. Paging through these may be a source of ideas.

I like shops like the nature company that have bins of polished rocks
you can pick from.

Oh, my grandfather was a "rock hound" and they have "rock shows" that
are kind of cool. You could search on the internet for something like
that that might be happening in your area.

My dh is interested in geology, and might have more ideas, but he is
interested in the big picture (continents and mountains) more than in rocks.

**Other than this, for the last couple of weeks, I have just had books
laying around...**

Would he be interested in having you read them to him?

Betsy

Have a Nice Day!

<<.That would be an injustice to a viable educational philosophy.>>


"The goal of unschooling is not education. It is to help a child be who
she is and blossom into who she will become. Education happens as a side
effect."
Good point. Perhaps "viable way of life" would work better.

Kristen




Robyn Coburn





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~

If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Betsy

**There are a lot of catalogs about science materials that homeschoolers
use. Paging through these may be a source of ideas.**

I meant to say the child should be given the chance to page through
these. Given enough catalogs, most children will tell you what they
want. <g>

Betsy

Kelli Traaseth

"kayb85 <sheran@...>" <sheran@...> wrote:
**Then it hit me. They had a fun day at the park and asked one little
question about a stream and I went NUTS! lol It would have been a
cool project to do if they really, REALLY were into it. But they
didn't care about rivers THAT much.**



In Homeschooling Our Children, Unschooling Ourselves, by Alison Mckee, she touches on this. How easy it is for us parents to get so excited over what we think will be an awesome learning opportunity that we totally take the experience away from them.



I was queen of this when we started homeschooling. Thought that's what I was supposed to do. But it became my agenda, it wasn't my childs anymore. They will go with it if they really desire to. Again, this is that fine line.



Kelli





> So my kids have interests...let's take my 9 year old son for
example. He likes rocks. He has collected them since he was little.
Since this is something he is interested in, what exactly do I do
now? I am waiting for our library to get a book about experiments
with rocks (it is checked out at the time). He doesn't seem
interested in reading books about rocks really because most of these
are too encyclopedia-like to catch his interest. When it warms up, I
plan on taking him rock hunting. Is this along the lines of what I am
supposed to be "doing" as an unschooling parent?

How much does he really want to get into rocks? Does he really want
to learn geology facts or does he just want to find cool rocks and
put them in containers? Does he want to do experiments with rocks?
I would probably get the book from the library, show it to him, and
wait to see if he does anything with it. I wouldn't say, "Hey, come
do an experiment with me".

One time after a homeopathy appointment my kids and I went past this
really cool looking park. We didn't have time to stop that morning,
but I knew we would after the next appointment. It was a perfect
day. We had a picnic, we watched ducks and swans, played on swings,
and played in a stream. We took a walk to see where the stream ended
up, and found that it emptied into a bigger "stream" that looked like
the beginning of a river. My kids asked me which river it was, and I
wasn't sure. We went home and I looked it up on the map. I told
them the name of the river that it emptied into (in the same town).
I pointed out other towns we had been in that had parts of the same
river in them. They thought that was cool. I thought...Ooh,
something they're interested in. And instead of just enjoying the
memory of that incredibly fun day at the park and simply answering
their simple question, I tried to turn it into this big thing. I
found the name of the town in New York where the stream started as a
lake and found a neat looking hotel there. I told them we could play
on the beach of the lake there. I found the name of the town in
Maryland where the river emptied in the Chesapeake. I found they had
boat tours there. I ordered a big wall map from Chesapeake water
alliance and planned on putting stickers on every part of the river
that we visited. I ordered several interlibrary loan books on rivers
and salmon swimming from oceans to rivers to lay their eggs. I was
showing my daughter the hotels I was considering and discussing some
of the plans with her and noticed that she seemed less than
enthusiastic. I said something like, "Aren't you interested in going
here?" And she said, "Well, not really, but I'll go with you if you
want to go".

Then it hit me. They had a fun day at the park and asked one little
question about a stream and I went NUTS! lol It would have been a
cool project to do if they really, REALLY were into it. But they
didn't care about rivers THAT much. lol I was unschooling but
somewhere in the back of my mind I was waiting for them to get into
this academically-impressive project that would impress all the
unschooling doubters I know.

My point is that not everything has to be a project that resembles a
unit study. They don't have to have interests that resemble school
in any way. Nothing they do with their day has to easily fall into
any academic subject.

Sheila


> Other than this, for the last couple of weeks, I have just had
books laying around...they are still where I have left them. My son
did ask me to take him to the library a week ago for the first time:)
Other than that, I try to search and find things that they will like,
maybe it is just playing a game with them or building legos. I often
suggest many things, art kind of stuff, games, toys, usually we
eventually hit on something they would like to do. What else should I
be doing?
>
> Thanks,
> OlifGet more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download :
http://explorer.msn.com
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~

If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).

To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]

Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.



---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

the_clevengers <[email protected]>

--- In [email protected], Betsy <ecsamhill@e...>
wrote:
> I think you make a great point. Could you expand even more about
what
> you do, especially the thought you put into what your kids are
> interested in?


Well, a few for-instances from the last week or so:

I pointed out a flyer for a kids vaudeville show that I knew was
having this awesome old-time music band with an incredible woman
fiddle player. My daughter has expressed interest in learning the
violin, and there's a homeschooling Suzuki teacher in our group that
I've talked to about violin. DH took the kids to the vaudeville show
after they said they wanted to go, and when I met them there, the
first thing my daughter said is "I want to play just like that
woman." I pretty much knew it would be something that would really
appeal to her, but whether or not she wanted to go, and whether or
not she came to that conclusion were totally up to her. I wouldn't
have had a problem with it if she *hadn't* been interested in the
fiddle player, but I thought she might be, so I presented the
opportunity

I was baking yeast bread and I asked if the kids wanted to help (they
usually do, with baking). As we emptied the yeast in, I told them
what its purpose was. My son was immediately interested in how,
exactly, it worked. I didn't have all the answers, so as soon as the
bread started rising we logged onto www.howstuffworks.com and found a
good explanation plus three experiments with yeast. We read about how
it worked and did the experiments.

I know my son loves any kind of science and experiments, and I often
think like that too, so sometimes I just do my thinking aloud, and if
he's interested in a subject, we do it together. Like today, the
salad dressing that I like to make up had been in the refridgerator.
When I took it out, the olive oil had congealed into a fat layer on
top of the vinegary layer. So I just mentioned that I noticed it was
congealed, and he was interested in that and why it happened. I told
him I thought if I set it in a patch of sunlight it would melt
faster. He suggested dividing it into two portions and setting one in
sun and one in shade to see if I was right (funny to hear a 6 y.o.
chanting "Test your hypothesis, MOM!") and so we had a mini
experiment to see if warmer temperatures converted a solid fat to a
liquid faster. Now I'm sure he doesn't think of it in those terms,
and neither did I try to make it into a science lesson, we just
wanted to see which would melt faster so I could have my salad.

My son is interested in Legos, Bionicles, and Lego Mindstorms. I
noticed an article in the newspaper about some local students making
Lego Mindstorm creations, and kept it out to read to him.

Lots of times I just listen to their musings or thoughts or ideas,
trying to give them my full attention. Attention is a gift that us
busy parents sometimes don't give enough of. I have to consciously
fight listening to my own mind thinking about all the stuff I have to
do, versus really listening to my kids.

We went to the zoo yesterday, and we were standing at the Sea Lion
tank. While all the kids ooohed and aaahed as the big sea lions swam
past, my son was watching them intently. After about a minute or so,
he turned to me and said "The bigger sea lion is swimming in a
pattern - over this way, then down there, then back across. The
smaller sea lion is swimming in a different pattern. The patterns
don't take up the same amount of time, so they cross at different
places." I'm constantly amazed by the *different* way that he looks
at the world. He has a very mathematical brain - finding patterns in
stuff that most of us just see. If I was just half-listening to him
while trying to urge the kids onward to the penguin house, I would've
missed this incredible observation. It's just being fully *present*
for those moments, those little clues that our kids give to the way
they think, that really helps us tune in to what they might be
interested in. But it's not always easy!


> My son is a cautious pessimist, which he gets from me both
genetically
> and by modeling. (oops).

Funny, I just wrote an article about how kids learn by example, and
one of the best examples we can teach by example is how to fail - how
to get frustrated and overcome it (I'm trying to get it published in
print, otherwise I'd post it here). My son used to be such a
perfectionist, and I had to realize that most of it came from my
example. Once he started seeing me do things that I struggled with,
and I shared my struggles with him (which is important, because often
kids don't *see* that we struggle too), he started being much less
frustrated with himself when he made mistakes. As unschooling
parents, the only sure way that we do any "teaching" at all is by
example, and we do that whether the examples we set are things we
want our kids to do or not. So it's even more imperative that we try
to change ourselves! Much harder than to just assume we can change
our kids, which is the common assumption in our culture (usually
through threats and bribes and the old "do as I say, not as I do").


> He's never been in school, but reacts
> negatively to any kind of coaxing. It's really hard to keep
offering
> him stuff because he says "no" so much. Sometimes it's hard to know
> what his interests are, because he's so "inwards".

Well, I'm sure that must be much harder. Both of my kids never stop
talking, so I know just about every thought that crosses their minds.
I think it would definitely take more effort on the parent's part
with a kid who is more inwards. But most people react negatively to
coaxing, whether they show it overtly or not. Instead of coaxing, I
try to just do, and I just talk out loud about what I'm seeing,
doing, or interested in. I also have a time each night with each of
my kids set aside to talk with them and listen to whatever they want
to talk about - in the dark, I lie down with each of them in bed, and
we stare up at the glow-in-the-dark ceiling stars and talk. Usually
we start out talking about our day, but that often branches out into
many different things. I've been really amazed by the things they've
revealed to me during this time. I think it helps that I don't really
have an agenda, and with the darkness it's very informal and I'm not
grilling them or anything. That's just what works for me, anyways.


> (It did help me to stop waiting for him to be interested in school
> subjects like ancient history, or geology, and to comprehend that
> Pokemon *is* an interest.)

I know what you mean. Unschooling ourselves is the biggest challenge
we parents face. Just the idea of "subjects" is limiting. There's
just a big world, and dividing it up into areas is not all that
useful. I bump up against my old school-ized upbringing constantly.
It's a never-ending process of self-evaluation.

Blue Skies,
-Robin-

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/9/03 2:02:58 PM Eastern Standard Time, sheran@...
writes:

> When it warms up, I
> plan on taking him rock hunting.

Sheila, I cant recall where you live ( if I ever knew) Here in NC and also
in some surrounding states ( heck, probably a lot of states..lol) there are
gem mines and panning and digging for rocks and minerals for familes or
groups. NC is a geology rich state, so we have several that are really fun
for kids to kick around in. One of the most fun field trips I went on with
my kids when they were in school was to Hiddenite, NC. to a gem mine.. The
kids got to surface dig, pan in the river and pan in a flume stream too.. We
will definitly be going back as a family to do our own digging on our own
time... The employees were so "geology smart" and very willing and
enthusiastic to share thier wealth of knowlege. It was great fun.
Something like that if its available would probably be great for your son.

Teresa


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/9/03 11:12:38 AM, ovanpelt@... writes:

<< I am still confused on how my children are going to become inquisitive.
Basically, there is still something that I am not understanding. >>

You become inquisitive and they'll pick it up.

<< He likes rocks. He has collected them since he was little. Since this is
something he is interested in, what exactly do I do now? I am waiting for our
library to get a book about experiments with rocks (it is checked out at the
time)>>

Do you live where rocks are rare?

Rocks are everywhere, where I live, but some of my favorite finds have been
in the gravel outside of businesses. River rocks, smooth, but sometimes with
an oddity. My favorites are rounded-in-the-river rock (big gravel, like the
size of the palm of my hand) that's lava rock.

If he's interested in rocks, he might be interested in videos about volcanos,
or about Carlsbad Caverns or spelunking. He might not. But he might!

If there's a rock shop where you live, maybe just go and look at the stuff,
like going to a museum.

Maybe at a museum near you they have minerals or crystals or veins of silver
or something like that. Gold nuggets.

I wouldn't press him to identify his own rock collection or anything. It
might kill the fun. I had rocks as a kid that I identified years later when
I saw samples like them, and it didn't matter that I didn't know.

If you come across a bit of trivia in your life about rocks, you might
mention it to him. Like old gas stoves sometimes have mica between the
flame and the outside. Whetstones... if you have a knife sharpening rock
maybe mention that. Pumice-on-a-stick sold to clean water deposits out of
toilets can be cool. But if you live where there's only soft water, you
don't need pumice on a stick.

Lava soap has ground up pumice in it.

Emery boards and sand paper might be around your house. Maybe you could look
on the internet to see if they tell how they're made. Emery cloth. Sanding
disks that can be used with hand drills.

Maybe he's interested in none of that, but maybe he is! Industrial uses for
rock right in your house. <g>

Sandra

Olif VanPelt

"When it warms up, I
> plan on taking him rock hunting.

Sheila, I cant recall where you live ( if I ever knew)"

I think I (Olif) wrote this. I am in IL. I found a website that lists geology groups or museums, etc., but there weren't any in IL. I am going to search some more. I did find a place where archeologists are digging for Indian arrow heads, but I don't think this will interest him much. We'll see...Get more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download : http://explorer.msn.com


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

kayb85 <[email protected]>

--- In [email protected], grlynbl@a... wrote:
> In a message dated 2/9/03 2:02:58 PM Eastern Standard Time,
sheran@p...
> writes:
>
> > When it warms up, I
> > plan on taking him rock hunting.
>
> Sheila, I cant recall where you live

Just to clarify, it wasn't me who has kids who were into rocks. I
had replied to someone in this thread though, which is how my name
got in there.

Not that it matters. I'm sure your advice was helpful to the rock
person. (Now I can't remember the name! lol)

Sheila

Betsy

**Well, I'm sure that must be much harder. Both of my kids never stop
talking, so I know just about every thought that crosses their minds.
I think it would definitely take more effort on the parent's part
with a kid who is more inwards. But most people react negatively to
coaxing, whether they show it overtly or not. Instead of coaxing, I
try to just do, and I just talk out loud about what I'm seeing,
doing, or interested in. I also have a time each night with each of
my kids set aside to talk with them and listen to whatever they want
to talk about - in the dark, I lie down with each of them in bed, and
we stare up at the glow-in-the-dark ceiling stars and talk.**

Hi, Robin --

Thanks for taking the time to write a long, thoughtful reply.

I like your bedtime talking idea. My dad and I used to have "bedtime
chats" when I outgrew bedtime stories (or my dad outgrew them).

I also think I can do more things, myself, in our house, as it is hard
to get him to consent to leave the house, except for a few favorite things.

And, of course, I can make sure that we do those favorite things a lot.

Betsy

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/9/03 5:50:34 PM, diamondair@... writes:

<< I was baking yeast bread . . . .>>

I'm so glad I read this!! My bread was rising a long time upstairs. Now it's
in three pans.

<< as soon as the
bread started rising we logged onto www.howstuffworks.com >>

GOOD.

This morning I was trying to explain soap and detergent. I don't even
remember why. I'll save that website for next time.

Sandra