this list has forced me again
Mary Bianco
to question what I hadn't before.
By now you all know what a clean neat freak I am.
I have mentioned before that once a day we all usually clean up what's all
over the floor. My kids are always asked and I always expect that a no
answer would be okay. I never get a no except from Alyssa. (naturally, she's
2!) So the kids always pitch in and help and there hasn't been any problems
with the way it's been going. But lately I'm starting to be more aware of
them asking me for things that aren't restricted. I think maybe that's just
the way the kids are.
Such as, there's always a basket of candy available to all to eat. It's
always within reach and I never say no when they ask. But the kids always
ask anyway. They always ask to go outside even though the answer is always
yes. (out in back that is) If one asks to go out, I say yes and then the
other two will ask anyway, even though they KNOW it's okay. The kids even
use to ask me if they could get out of bed when they were little in the
morning.
So I started to think that maybe me asking for clean up time is just
something they figure they can't say no to, since none of them ever have. So
as smooth as it's all been going, I decided to change that. My husband isn't
exactly happy and thinks I'm nuts but what else is new?
I sat down with the 3 kids and explained everything to them. I still would
like the parts of the house where everyone goes to be kept neat. As in
dining room and hallway. No one ever plays in the living room or kitchen
much at all. When those parts are cluttered, I'll start cleaning up and then
ask for help if I want it. The playroom and their bedrooms are up to them.
I'm a little apprehensive as to how this will all go. I'm hoping I can keep
my sanity about it all. It's been a few days and so far the things on the
floor have been few and far between. Not what I expected. Yesterday the
dining room was full of play doh and afterwards, all 3 cleaned up everything
they were playing with. I always clean the leftover play doh myself. Last
night the girls room was messy with loose beads all over the floor. I wanted
to vacuum so I just picked them up myself. The stuff on the floor in the
playroom was minimal. Today the playroom is spotless. They've been in their
rooms all day. Not sure what hey look like now. I'll let you know how things
go in the near future.
My husband seems to think not asking every night and just doing it myself
will make them see me as a maid. I don't see it that way and he's promised
to keep his mouth shut! So thanks for helping me question some more. Not
sure whether I will still say thanks in a month!! I feel now that I was
being coercive in that I was asking too much. Does that make sense??
Mary B
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By now you all know what a clean neat freak I am.
I have mentioned before that once a day we all usually clean up what's all
over the floor. My kids are always asked and I always expect that a no
answer would be okay. I never get a no except from Alyssa. (naturally, she's
2!) So the kids always pitch in and help and there hasn't been any problems
with the way it's been going. But lately I'm starting to be more aware of
them asking me for things that aren't restricted. I think maybe that's just
the way the kids are.
Such as, there's always a basket of candy available to all to eat. It's
always within reach and I never say no when they ask. But the kids always
ask anyway. They always ask to go outside even though the answer is always
yes. (out in back that is) If one asks to go out, I say yes and then the
other two will ask anyway, even though they KNOW it's okay. The kids even
use to ask me if they could get out of bed when they were little in the
morning.
So I started to think that maybe me asking for clean up time is just
something they figure they can't say no to, since none of them ever have. So
as smooth as it's all been going, I decided to change that. My husband isn't
exactly happy and thinks I'm nuts but what else is new?
I sat down with the 3 kids and explained everything to them. I still would
like the parts of the house where everyone goes to be kept neat. As in
dining room and hallway. No one ever plays in the living room or kitchen
much at all. When those parts are cluttered, I'll start cleaning up and then
ask for help if I want it. The playroom and their bedrooms are up to them.
I'm a little apprehensive as to how this will all go. I'm hoping I can keep
my sanity about it all. It's been a few days and so far the things on the
floor have been few and far between. Not what I expected. Yesterday the
dining room was full of play doh and afterwards, all 3 cleaned up everything
they were playing with. I always clean the leftover play doh myself. Last
night the girls room was messy with loose beads all over the floor. I wanted
to vacuum so I just picked them up myself. The stuff on the floor in the
playroom was minimal. Today the playroom is spotless. They've been in their
rooms all day. Not sure what hey look like now. I'll let you know how things
go in the near future.
My husband seems to think not asking every night and just doing it myself
will make them see me as a maid. I don't see it that way and he's promised
to keep his mouth shut! So thanks for helping me question some more. Not
sure whether I will still say thanks in a month!! I feel now that I was
being coercive in that I was asking too much. Does that make sense??
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
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[email protected]
In a message dated 2/6/03 2:32:23 PM, mummyone24@... writes:
<< My husband seems to think not asking every night and just doing it myself
will make them see me as a maid. I don't see it that way and he's promised
to keep his mouth shut! So thanks for helping me question some more. Not
sure whether I will still say thanks in a month!! >>
This is Mary B from two weeks ago. I was thinking about this stuff more. My
house isn't as clean as most people would like their houses. I mopped the
kitchen the other night at 9:30. It was the first time over a month it had
been more than just swept or spot-cleaned. If I hadn't broken a glass, it
wouldn't have been cleaned the time before this. So if a neatnik came to my
house and I said "Don't make them help" she might run screaming that I was
crazy and she was going STRAIGHT home to make her kids clean house.
And she might be right.
But I don't think so.
When I want help doing something, I gauge it against what the kid's already
doing. If one kid is just kinda bouncing a ball or watching my husband cut
wood, I'll probably ask that one before I'll ask the one who's on the phone
or playing with a friend. It's not easy to describe. I think because I
prize human interaction, I like to think of chores more as a human
interaction opportunity.
Sometimes I don't ask anyone for help. Sometimes I ask EVERYONE for help, if
we're going to have company or we need a big clear space to do a big project.
But because human interaction is more important to me than sanitation and
home decorating, then my advice is skewed that way. I almost want to be
apologetic, but then I remind myself that this list is about unschooling and
related parenting and logistics stuff, and not about home-perfection.
I suppose there might be sites or lists about how to keep your home totally
photo-ready, but I wouldn't want to be on one.
Sometimes I see a little mess and I wonder whether it's worth the disruption
or interuption or unhappiness that would be caused by me going and as
king/making the kid clean it, or berating him in front of a friend.
Sometimes the answer is "Yes, worth it," and more often it's not.
If I can buy peace and happiness by picking up candy wrappers or cereal
bowls, sometimes I do that joyfully. Little voices in my head sometimes say
"You're training them to leave things lying around." But my own voice says
"They've picked up after me, willingly, and peacefully, and they will again
if I don't screw this relationship up."
Sandra
<< My husband seems to think not asking every night and just doing it myself
will make them see me as a maid. I don't see it that way and he's promised
to keep his mouth shut! So thanks for helping me question some more. Not
sure whether I will still say thanks in a month!! >>
This is Mary B from two weeks ago. I was thinking about this stuff more. My
house isn't as clean as most people would like their houses. I mopped the
kitchen the other night at 9:30. It was the first time over a month it had
been more than just swept or spot-cleaned. If I hadn't broken a glass, it
wouldn't have been cleaned the time before this. So if a neatnik came to my
house and I said "Don't make them help" she might run screaming that I was
crazy and she was going STRAIGHT home to make her kids clean house.
And she might be right.
But I don't think so.
When I want help doing something, I gauge it against what the kid's already
doing. If one kid is just kinda bouncing a ball or watching my husband cut
wood, I'll probably ask that one before I'll ask the one who's on the phone
or playing with a friend. It's not easy to describe. I think because I
prize human interaction, I like to think of chores more as a human
interaction opportunity.
Sometimes I don't ask anyone for help. Sometimes I ask EVERYONE for help, if
we're going to have company or we need a big clear space to do a big project.
But because human interaction is more important to me than sanitation and
home decorating, then my advice is skewed that way. I almost want to be
apologetic, but then I remind myself that this list is about unschooling and
related parenting and logistics stuff, and not about home-perfection.
I suppose there might be sites or lists about how to keep your home totally
photo-ready, but I wouldn't want to be on one.
Sometimes I see a little mess and I wonder whether it's worth the disruption
or interuption or unhappiness that would be caused by me going and as
king/making the kid clean it, or berating him in front of a friend.
Sometimes the answer is "Yes, worth it," and more often it's not.
If I can buy peace and happiness by picking up candy wrappers or cereal
bowls, sometimes I do that joyfully. Little voices in my head sometimes say
"You're training them to leave things lying around." But my own voice says
"They've picked up after me, willingly, and peacefully, and they will again
if I don't screw this relationship up."
Sandra
Mary Bianco
>From: SandraDodd@...<<If I can buy peace and happiness by picking up candy wrappers or cereal
bowls, sometimes I do that joyfully. Little voices in my head sometimes say
"You're training them to leave things lying around." But my own voice says
"They've picked up after me, willingly, and peacefully, and they will again
if I don't screw this relationship up.">>
Well I know it hasn't been two weeks, but I'm reporting anyway! Things have
gone a lot better than I expected and also better than my husband thought
too. The playroom actually doesn't get as cluttered as when we had clean up
time. The kids rooms are messier but out of my sight for the most part and
therefore easier for me to handle.
Joe has stayed out of it and sees where it actually works fine. He still
might think I'm playing maid but not saying it. <bg> I have been watching
what is important to me and what seems to be important to the kids. I've had
to cut way back on my anal tendencys. I hate to see anything lying on the
floor unless it's one of the dogs. Well I've managed to not be bothered by
the little things the kids leave behind. When it gets to me, I pick it up.
And the clean up for me isn't that much. It seems to go quick and more times
than not, without asking, I have one child at least behind me picking
something up also.
Their rooms I ask for a path, as I always have. I also ask for them not to
play right in the doorway. Other than that, their rooms definitely look
played in. Joseph was up until about 2:00 last night cleaning his room and
also playing some. He says he wants to finish it today. I haven't vacuumed
in there for at least a week and a half. The girls room I was able to vacuum
today for the most part except for a small area around Alyssa and her
Barbies.
The rest of the house is mine and it's more than enough to satisfy my
cleaning urges. I always mop and vacuum every day so "our" part of the house
is great and the kids part.....well looks like the kids part. And I'm
actually okay with that. If nothing else, I've managed to get a hold
somewhat of my need to have absolutely everything neat.
I think the kids are happier, my husband and I are and the house still looks
presentable, just more like kids live here. That's not a bad thing! <bg>
Mary B
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In a message dated 2/22/03 11:15:05 AM, mummyone24@... writes:
<< I think the kids are happier, my husband and I are and the house still
looks
presentable, just more like kids live here. That's not a bad thing! <bg>
photographable the drapes and lamps and all are. <g>
Sandra
<< I think the kids are happier, my husband and I are and the house still
looks
presentable, just more like kids live here. That's not a bad thing! <bg>
>>Yeah. And having happy kids live there beats having sad kids, no matter how
photographable the drapes and lamps and all are. <g>
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 22/02/2003 09:02:19 Pacific Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
whole different feeling about it. I felt a rush of relief at this one
statement of yours, that it gives me permission to let go of all the
frustration I feel when my kid doesn't want to help. I can ask in a different
way with a different energy.
Thank you, that appeared at just the right time. In fact, I may not ask again
for along time.
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> I like to think of chores more as a humanSandra, it amazes me how by simply looking at something a new way, it has a
> interaction opportunity.
>
whole different feeling about it. I felt a rush of relief at this one
statement of yours, that it gives me permission to let go of all the
frustration I feel when my kid doesn't want to help. I can ask in a different
way with a different energy.
Thank you, that appeared at just the right time. In fact, I may not ask again
for along time.
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/22/2003 9:02:17 AM Pacific Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
every time. It reminded me of an afternoon some time ago when Colton and I
went to a local mall. We window shopped and talked about everything and
nothing. Then we went to a card shop and I bought him some trading cards and
a comic book, for the simple reason that it made me feel good to do it.
After that, I asked if he'd like some ice cream. He looked at me, stunned,
held out his bag of goodies and said, "Do you mean I get ice cream after all
THIS?!?!" I smiled and my son and told him that I really, *really* loved
him. He lit up like a Christmas tree. This happened right after the
Columbine tragedy, and I couldn't help but wonder if those two boys had ever
received unconditional love and grace. I pray I never forget what I learned
that afternoon.
~Carol
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> If I can buy peace and happiness by picking up candy wrappers or cerealThis was lovely. For me, relationship wins out over an arbitrary to-do list
> bowls, sometimes I do that joyfully. Little voices in my head sometimes
> say
> "You're training them to leave things lying around." But my own voice says
>
> "They've picked up after me, willingly, and peacefully, and they will again
>
> if I don't screw this relationship up."
>
every time. It reminded me of an afternoon some time ago when Colton and I
went to a local mall. We window shopped and talked about everything and
nothing. Then we went to a card shop and I bought him some trading cards and
a comic book, for the simple reason that it made me feel good to do it.
After that, I asked if he'd like some ice cream. He looked at me, stunned,
held out his bag of goodies and said, "Do you mean I get ice cream after all
THIS?!?!" I smiled and my son and told him that I really, *really* loved
him. He lit up like a Christmas tree. This happened right after the
Columbine tragedy, and I couldn't help but wonder if those two boys had ever
received unconditional love and grace. I pray I never forget what I learned
that afternoon.
~Carol
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kayb85 <[email protected]>
I always mop and vacuum every day so "our" part of the house
every day. It is posts like this (or real life conversations like
this) that get me feeling very down about how I'm not having time to
keep the house as clean as a lot of people do.
But I'm learning to not let it bother me. I'm learning to just be
who I am (which is a very creative, lots of projects, lots of play
kind of person who doesn't have the time or energy to clean a house
like a lot of people do) and to be happy about being who I am.
I'm still trying to learn how to not be stressed and not feel like
I'm neglecting the kids when I have to clean before company, but I'm
getting better I think. I've been trying to make a conscious effort
to tell myself that this is who I am and that I don't need to put a
front on for other people (as in staying up until 4 am trying to get
the house presentable).
I wonder how long it will take until I'm as cool about it as
Sandra? :)
Sheila
> is great and the kids part.....well looks like the kids part. AndI'm
> actually okay with that.I so don't get how you have the time or energy to mop and vacuum
every day. It is posts like this (or real life conversations like
this) that get me feeling very down about how I'm not having time to
keep the house as clean as a lot of people do.
But I'm learning to not let it bother me. I'm learning to just be
who I am (which is a very creative, lots of projects, lots of play
kind of person who doesn't have the time or energy to clean a house
like a lot of people do) and to be happy about being who I am.
I'm still trying to learn how to not be stressed and not feel like
I'm neglecting the kids when I have to clean before company, but I'm
getting better I think. I've been trying to make a conscious effort
to tell myself that this is who I am and that I don't need to put a
front on for other people (as in staying up until 4 am trying to get
the house presentable).
I wonder how long it will take until I'm as cool about it as
Sandra? :)
Sheila
Bill and Diane
kayb85 wrote:
whatever reason, I have the time and energy to do so. That just doesn't
happen often. ;-)
:-) Diane
>I so don't get how you have the time or energy to mop and vacuumI find that on the days when vacuuming really IS a priority for me, for
>every day. It is posts like this (or real life conversations like
>this) that get me feeling very down about how I'm not having time to
>keep the house as clean as a lot of people do.
>
whatever reason, I have the time and energy to do so. That just doesn't
happen often. ;-)
:-) Diane
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/22/03 3:50:26 PM, sheran@... writes:
<< I wonder how long it will take until I'm as cool about it as
Sandra? :) >>
If you stay up til 4:00 cleaning, you'll never be as... unconcerned about it
as I am.
I bet you don't have cardboard boxes of good stuff in the corner of just
about every room in your house, but I do. <g> I was just brought another
two-drawer filing cabinet by my husband. He's cleaning out the storage room
at our old house (slowy) which had (slowly) inherited stuff from our elderly
neighbor's house. Now I have to buy frames and hanging folders. Or maybe
just stuff books in there. <g> Packrattery here, everywhere.
Don't look at me if you're a housecleaning type. I'm not good at it.
Sandra
<< I wonder how long it will take until I'm as cool about it as
Sandra? :) >>
If you stay up til 4:00 cleaning, you'll never be as... unconcerned about it
as I am.
I bet you don't have cardboard boxes of good stuff in the corner of just
about every room in your house, but I do. <g> I was just brought another
two-drawer filing cabinet by my husband. He's cleaning out the storage room
at our old house (slowy) which had (slowly) inherited stuff from our elderly
neighbor's house. Now I have to buy frames and hanging folders. Or maybe
just stuff books in there. <g> Packrattery here, everywhere.
Don't look at me if you're a housecleaning type. I'm not good at it.
Sandra
zenmomma *
>>I so don't get how you have the time or energy to mop and vacuumevery day. It is posts like this (or real life conversations like
this) that get me feeling very down about how I'm not having time to
keep the house as clean as a lot of people do.>>
Try to consciously remind yourself to step back and look at your thoughts
when they go off like this. I find that really helps to break the cycle.
Think about it, if no one else in the whole world vacuums every day, then
it's okay for us not to? (I don't either!!) Or is it if no one mentions it,
we're okay? Or is it if we don't think about it we're okay?
Or is it that we're just okay because we are? :o)
From my perspective, just like every child is different, every household is
different. Each one will require a different level and type of care. You'll
know what your house needs to keep it clean enough to be healthy and dirty
enough to be happy.
Life is good.
~Mary
_________________________________________________________________
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Rachel Ann
Well heck,
I've been sick all this bloody month and the house sure shows it! Certainly
I've spot cleaned, but there were lots of days I couldn't really make it off
the couch. If dyfs walked in her I'd be up that proverbial creek without a
paddle, and probably without the canoe....
be well.
Rachel Ann
-------Original Message-------
From: [email protected]
Date: Saturday, February 22, 2003 13:14:17
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] this list has forced me again
bowls, sometimes I do that joyfully. Little voices in my head sometimes say
"You're training them to leave things lying around." But my own voice says
"They've picked up after me, willingly, and peacefully, and they will again
if I don't screw this relationship up.">>
Well I know it hasn't been two weeks, but I'm reporting anyway! Things have
gone a lot better than I expected and also better than my husband thought
too. The playroom actually doesn't get as cluttered as when we had clean up
time. The kids rooms are messier but out of my sight for the most part and
therefore easier for me to handle.
Joe has stayed out of it and sees where it actually works fine. He still
might think I'm playing maid but not saying it. <bg> I have been watching
what is important to me and what seems to be important to the kids. I've had
to cut way back on my anal tendencys. I hate to see anything lying on the
floor unless it's one of the dogs. Well I've managed to not be bothered by
the little things the kids leave behind. When it gets to me, I pick it up.
And the clean up for me isn't that much. It seems to go quick and more times
than not, without asking, I have one child at least behind me picking
something up also.
Their rooms I ask for a path, as I always have. I also ask for them not to
play right in the doorway. Other than that, their rooms definitely look
played in. Joseph was up until about 2:00 last night cleaning his room and
also playing some. He says he wants to finish it today. I haven't vacuumed
in there for at least a week and a half. The girls room I was able to vacuum
today for the most part except for a small area around Alyssa and her
Barbies.
The rest of the house is mine and it's more than enough to satisfy my
cleaning urges. I always mop and vacuum every day so "our" part of the house
is great and the kids part.....well looks like the kids part. And I'm
actually okay with that. If nothing else, I've managed to get a hold
somewhat of my need to have absolutely everything neat.
I think the kids are happier, my husband and I are and the house still looks
presentable, just more like kids live here. That's not a bad thing! <bg>
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I've been sick all this bloody month and the house sure shows it! Certainly
I've spot cleaned, but there were lots of days I couldn't really make it off
the couch. If dyfs walked in her I'd be up that proverbial creek without a
paddle, and probably without the canoe....
be well.
Rachel Ann
-------Original Message-------
From: [email protected]
Date: Saturday, February 22, 2003 13:14:17
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] this list has forced me again
>From: SandraDodd@...<<If I can buy peace and happiness by picking up candy wrappers or cereal
bowls, sometimes I do that joyfully. Little voices in my head sometimes say
"You're training them to leave things lying around." But my own voice says
"They've picked up after me, willingly, and peacefully, and they will again
if I don't screw this relationship up.">>
Well I know it hasn't been two weeks, but I'm reporting anyway! Things have
gone a lot better than I expected and also better than my husband thought
too. The playroom actually doesn't get as cluttered as when we had clean up
time. The kids rooms are messier but out of my sight for the most part and
therefore easier for me to handle.
Joe has stayed out of it and sees where it actually works fine. He still
might think I'm playing maid but not saying it. <bg> I have been watching
what is important to me and what seems to be important to the kids. I've had
to cut way back on my anal tendencys. I hate to see anything lying on the
floor unless it's one of the dogs. Well I've managed to not be bothered by
the little things the kids leave behind. When it gets to me, I pick it up.
And the clean up for me isn't that much. It seems to go quick and more times
than not, without asking, I have one child at least behind me picking
something up also.
Their rooms I ask for a path, as I always have. I also ask for them not to
play right in the doorway. Other than that, their rooms definitely look
played in. Joseph was up until about 2:00 last night cleaning his room and
also playing some. He says he wants to finish it today. I haven't vacuumed
in there for at least a week and a half. The girls room I was able to vacuum
today for the most part except for a small area around Alyssa and her
Barbies.
The rest of the house is mine and it's more than enough to satisfy my
cleaning urges. I always mop and vacuum every day so "our" part of the house
is great and the kids part.....well looks like the kids part. And I'm
actually okay with that. If nothing else, I've managed to get a hold
somewhat of my need to have absolutely everything neat.
I think the kids are happier, my husband and I are and the house still looks
presentable, just more like kids live here. That's not a bad thing! <bg>
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Add photos to your e-mail with MSN 8. Get 2 months FREE*.
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~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
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.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary Bianco
>From: "kayb85 <sheran@...>" <sheran@...><<I so don't get how you have the time or energy to mop and vacuum
every day. It is posts like this (or real life conversations like
this) that get me feeling very down about how I'm not having time to
keep the house as clean as a lot of people do.
But I'm learning to not let it bother me. I'm learning to just be
who I am (which is a very creative, lots of projects, lots of play
kind of person who doesn't have the time or energy to clean a house
like a lot of people do) and to be happy about being who I am.>>
Being happy with who we all are is the most important thing. Because then we
will be happy about who are kids are too. Not worrying about some standard
set about by "other" people.
I envy you for being crafty. I find it very hard to do. I don't naturally
think along those lines. I don't naturally think about how to do crafty
things. My kids love it. So I force myself. I actually have to. I get on the
internet late at night and sometimes spend hours looking for things I know I
could present and that my kids would enjoy doing. I have a great sense of
accomplishment when my kids are done and they are happy with their finished
products. It takes a lot for me though. Christmas was so trying that
Valentines day went by without a single craft. Okay my kids didn't ask, but
I'm sure if I would have mentioned it they would have wanted to do
something. I'll try for Easter. But it really is a chore for me.
Cleaning isn't like that for me. I guess maybe I've been like that all my
life. It's easy for me to do. I enjoy doing it and it's also important for
me. To be neat and clean. To have a place for everything. So THAT'S part of
who I am. I'm also blessed with great kids that allow me the time to do
those things. Joseph is 8 and Sierra is 7 and they play so well with each
other most of the time and of course the 2 year old follows right behind
them. They play with her well also. So that alone gives me the time to do
what I want. I grab those times to clean. Being that I clean every day,
there isn't that much to do even though my house is rather big. Mopping
every day actually takes less time than if I did it once a week. The floor
is practically spotless anyway and cleaning something that isn't real dirty
takes less time. That's my secret. I actually have one of those clorox mops
and mop the whole floor once a day and spot mop like 3-4 times. Same with
cleaning bathrooms and such. I do one load of laundry every day. That way I
don't get overwhelmed and spend hours doing it at the end of the week. Being
that these things take less time, I can grab 20 minutes while the kids eat
breakfast or lunch. I can grab 20 minutes when all 3 take a shower. (my
husband takes charge of that every night) I can grab 20 minutes while they
watch Rugrats or go and visit grandma next door. 20 minutes 2 or 3 times a
day amounts to a lot of time to clean something. I also make sure that if
someone needs me, to reach something they can't or just listen to a story of
theirs, I stop what I'm doing. That's when cleaning can wait. About the only
time I try to schedule uninterrupted is when the carpets get cleaned. I have
my own machine. <bg>
So it's time management. That's the key. That and being happy with ones
self.
Mary B (who's husband ripped all the wallpaper off the kitchen walls today
and provided me with plenty to handle without being anal)
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kayb85 <[email protected]>
--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
everywhere. My 3 year old found it, pretended it was "magic gold
dust" (from the Thomas the tank engine movie), and thought that our
house would be magical if he distributed it everywhere. <grin>
The diningroom table was cleaned off once today, but now half of it
has the kids' snack stuff on it (still being munched on) and the
other half is covered with a project the kids are doing. The
diningroom floor is covered with craft stuff (glitter, paper scraps,
pom poms, etc.) from two days ago that I haven't had time to take
care of yet.
Even though I ran the dishwasher 3 times yesterday and once so far
today, there is an overflowing sinkful of dishes to be done. The
kitchen floor is badly in need of cleaning.
The livingroom couch is full of unfolded clean laundry. The floor is
covered with legos and beanie babies. Not neat lego things that
people made, but legos scattered everywhere. We're talking 45
minutes of straightening up before vacuuming would be possible.
The foyer has a bunch of stuff all over it, like stuff that we
brought in from the car and haven't gotten a chance to put away yet.
A bag of coloring books and crayons that we took along to the skating
rink, Alisha's backpack full of doll stuff, a bag of non-refrigerated
groceries that hasn't been put away yet. A few pairs of shoes too and
I bet there's a sock or two laying around.
My bedroom is filled with lots of boxes of packratee stuff. So is
the hallway and both rooms in the attic. The boys' room has stuff
all over the floor. Alisha's room is under construction so that is
excusable.
living amid my clutter. It doesn't phase me in the least--until
someone says they're coming over or someone knocks on the door. We
have girls' club in our house once a week and some very housecleany
moms accompany their daughters. Instead of having fun with my
daughter all day Tuesday getting ready for it, I stress out big time
and pretty much ignore the kids getting the house clean. Usually
Monday night I do stay up until 4 am and then drag myself through
Tuesdays exhausted, looking forward to it all being over. I LOVE
having the girls at my house and I LOVE the cool projects we do. I
just can't handle the cleaning that I do in order to prepare for it.
That has to change. My problem is getting to the point where I
don't care that some people will judge me because my house is a
mess.
So yep, I look to you and think that your attitude toward
housecleaning is something that I would like to emulate.
Sheila
> I bet you don't have cardboard boxes of good stuff in the corner ofjust
> about every room in your house, but I do. <g>The family room floor is covered with books and toys. Also glitter
everywhere. My 3 year old found it, pretended it was "magic gold
dust" (from the Thomas the tank engine movie), and thought that our
house would be magical if he distributed it everywhere. <grin>
The diningroom table was cleaned off once today, but now half of it
has the kids' snack stuff on it (still being munched on) and the
other half is covered with a project the kids are doing. The
diningroom floor is covered with craft stuff (glitter, paper scraps,
pom poms, etc.) from two days ago that I haven't had time to take
care of yet.
Even though I ran the dishwasher 3 times yesterday and once so far
today, there is an overflowing sinkful of dishes to be done. The
kitchen floor is badly in need of cleaning.
The livingroom couch is full of unfolded clean laundry. The floor is
covered with legos and beanie babies. Not neat lego things that
people made, but legos scattered everywhere. We're talking 45
minutes of straightening up before vacuuming would be possible.
The foyer has a bunch of stuff all over it, like stuff that we
brought in from the car and haven't gotten a chance to put away yet.
A bag of coloring books and crayons that we took along to the skating
rink, Alisha's backpack full of doll stuff, a bag of non-refrigerated
groceries that hasn't been put away yet. A few pairs of shoes too and
I bet there's a sock or two laying around.
My bedroom is filled with lots of boxes of packratee stuff. So is
the hallway and both rooms in the attic. The boys' room has stuff
all over the floor. Alisha's room is under construction so that is
excusable.
> Don't look at me if you're a housecleaning type. I'm not good atit.
>I am definitely not a housecleaning type. I am perfectly content
> Sandra
living amid my clutter. It doesn't phase me in the least--until
someone says they're coming over or someone knocks on the door. We
have girls' club in our house once a week and some very housecleany
moms accompany their daughters. Instead of having fun with my
daughter all day Tuesday getting ready for it, I stress out big time
and pretty much ignore the kids getting the house clean. Usually
Monday night I do stay up until 4 am and then drag myself through
Tuesdays exhausted, looking forward to it all being over. I LOVE
having the girls at my house and I LOVE the cool projects we do. I
just can't handle the cleaning that I do in order to prepare for it.
That has to change. My problem is getting to the point where I
don't care that some people will judge me because my house is a
mess.
So yep, I look to you and think that your attitude toward
housecleaning is something that I would like to emulate.
Sheila
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/22/03 7:02:09 PM, mummyone24@... writes:
<< Mary B (who's husband ripped all the wallpaper off the kitchen walls today
Or did he just hate lunch and there it went?
(joking)
My husband had an unexpected big sink drain repair in the kitchen, involving
(of course) an odd-sized hose, a dishwasher, a garbage disposal, two fully
broken pieces of metal... Five trips to the hardware store(s). Partly
because he's cheap and wants to just get parts he HAS to have. So instead of
saying "Was it worth FIVE trips?" I just said he was wonderful, and thank you
THANK you and sorry it took so long and do you want some food?
I had just returned from driving an hour to deliver Kirby and his girlfriend
to a party in another town, so I missed the frustration and got back just in
time to hold the flashlight for the last hose and hoseclamp moments.
Poor Keith. He hates to hire plumbers and he doesn't like plumbing.
From my point of view it was a great excuse to clean out under the sink.
I need great excuses to do things like that because they just never seem as
fun as playing with kids or writing or renting a video out the back gate at
Hollywood Video. I love living right by Hollywood Video.
Lazy, Happy Sandra
<< Mary B (who's husband ripped all the wallpaper off the kitchen walls today
>>Did you WANT him to?
Or did he just hate lunch and there it went?
(joking)
My husband had an unexpected big sink drain repair in the kitchen, involving
(of course) an odd-sized hose, a dishwasher, a garbage disposal, two fully
broken pieces of metal... Five trips to the hardware store(s). Partly
because he's cheap and wants to just get parts he HAS to have. So instead of
saying "Was it worth FIVE trips?" I just said he was wonderful, and thank you
THANK you and sorry it took so long and do you want some food?
I had just returned from driving an hour to deliver Kirby and his girlfriend
to a party in another town, so I missed the frustration and got back just in
time to hold the flashlight for the last hose and hoseclamp moments.
Poor Keith. He hates to hire plumbers and he doesn't like plumbing.
From my point of view it was a great excuse to clean out under the sink.
I need great excuses to do things like that because they just never seem as
fun as playing with kids or writing or renting a video out the back gate at
Hollywood Video. I love living right by Hollywood Video.
Lazy, Happy Sandra
kayb85 <[email protected]>
> I envy you for being crafty. I find it very hard to do. I don'tnaturally
> think along those lines. I don't naturally think about how to docrafty
> things. My kids love it. So I force myself. I actually have to. Iget on the
> internet late at night and sometimes spend hours looking for thingsI know I
> could present and that my kids would enjoy doing. I have a greatsense of
> accomplishment when my kids are done and they are happy with theirfinished
> products. It takes a lot for me though. Christmas was so tryingthat
> Valentines day went by without a single craft. Okay my kids didn'task, but
> I'm sure if I would have mentioned it they would have wanted to doOh, I'm not necessary crafy-creative. I don't do neatly packaged
> something. I'll try for Easter. But it really is a chore for me.
crafts as often as a lot of homeschoolers I know. But I am creative
in thinking up fun, spur- of-the moment things to do.
We have a craft cupboard, with all kinds of stuff that the kids have
free reign to use. There is all kinds of ribbons, glitter, buttons,
pom poms, pipe cleaners, wiggly eyes, etc. They do their own thing
with it. They also have free access to glue, paper, markers, tape,
yarn, etc. My dad owns a flea market so I get a lot of free crafty
stuff for them to play with there. I don't think you have to plan a
whole lot of cute little crafts for kids to make them happy (unless
they specifically want you to of course). Just give them access to a
bunch of stuff and let them have fun with it. My kids have all kinds
of creations taped to walls all over the house.
Lately they've been pretending they're cats. They get bowls of dry
cereal, milk, and water and put it all over the house. Then they
crawl around on all fours and eat it. And they cleared a whole
bookshelf full of toys out of the family room to display their beanie
babies. They divided the family room up into different "houses".
They take containers out of the kitchen filled with water so that
they can wash their "kitty" dishes when their done. They invite me
to their "houses" for dinner. When my daughter wants to play house
and wants me to be her kid at the same time my son wants me to play
house and be his cat and they start fighting over it, I have to be
creative and find a way to make everyone happy. (I ended up being a
kid who could turn into a cat, which led me to tell them that I think
they would really like the movie Shaggy Dog). That's the creative
stuff I'm talking about.
But giving kids free access to craft stuff, tons of toys, and letting
them eat pretend cat food in bowls makes for a messy house.
Sheila
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/22/03 7:25:23 PM, sheran@... writes:
<< My problem is getting to the point where I
don't care that some people will judge me because my house is a
mess. >>
But if you don't care, it's no longer a problem.
Some of my happiest memories have been in crazy-looking messy houses,
apartments, offices, shops. Some of my worst memories have been in people's
houses that were like Ethan Allen showrooms.
Sandra
<< My problem is getting to the point where I
don't care that some people will judge me because my house is a
mess. >>
But if you don't care, it's no longer a problem.
Some of my happiest memories have been in crazy-looking messy houses,
apartments, offices, shops. Some of my worst memories have been in people's
houses that were like Ethan Allen showrooms.
Sandra
kayb85 <[email protected]>
I'm printing this out and hanging it on my fridge. :)
Sheila
Sheila
> >>I so don't get how you have the time or energy to mop and vacuumthoughts
> every day. It is posts like this (or real life conversations like
> this) that get me feeling very down about how I'm not having time to
> keep the house as clean as a lot of people do.>>
>
> Try to consciously remind yourself to step back and look at your
> when they go off like this. I find that really helps to break thecycle.
>day, then
> Think about it, if no one else in the whole world vacuums every
> it's okay for us not to? (I don't either!!) Or is it if no onementions it,
> we're okay? Or is it if we don't think about it we're okay?household is
>
> Or is it that we're just okay because we are? :o)
>
> From my perspective, just like every child is different, every
> different. Each one will require a different level and type ofcare. You'll
> know what your house needs to keep it clean enough to be healthyand dirty
> enough to be happy.
>
> Life is good.
> ~Mary
>
> _________________________________________________________________
> MSN 8 helps eliminate e-mail viruses. Get 2 months FREE*.
> http://join.msn.com/?page=features/virus
Tia Leschke
My problem is getting to the point where I
me is none of my business."
It's been a help to me.
Tia
> don't care that some people will judge me because my house is aYou're welcome to use my old sig if it would help you. "What you think of
> mess.
>
me is none of my business."
It's been a help to me.
Tia
Mary Bianco
>From: "kayb85 <sheran@...>" <sheran@...><<The family room floor is covered with books and toys. Also glitter
everywhere. My 3 year old found it, pretended it was "magic gold
dust" (from the Thomas the tank engine movie), and thought that our
house would be magical if he distributed it everywhere. <grin> Etc. etc.>>
Okay after reading your post I was ready to come to your house and help!! Do
you live very far away from FL?? I think maybe I'll rent myself out and make
some extra cash. But hey, you sound as if you are perfectly happy with
things being that way. So to hell with everyone else who may come to your
house. If they don't like it, they can go elsewhere.
When I have company, I go to no extra ordinary measures in our house. About
the only thing I will do that I normally don't do is frett where everyone is
going to sit to eat. I have a very large dining room but unfortunately only
a table that seats 8 in a tight squeeze. So I get crazy with the card table
and long folding table and if I have enough folding chairs. Other than that,
the house is as it usually is. The kids will clean their rooms from the
clutter just so they can play in there if other kids are coming. So I keep
things as is, if people don't like it, tough. Nothing in my house is new,
it's all second hand. I don't have a showcase here. Just one that I keep as
neat and clean as I can. So no different measures here for company. Unless
of course you count cooking!!!!
Mary B
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Mary Bianco
>From: SandraDodd@...<<Did you WANT him to?
Or did he just hate lunch and there it went?
(joking)>>
LOL!!!! I have hated that wallpaper in there since the day we moved in 2
years ago. Of course there have been other priorities. The dogs started
taking off the paper from the bottom and the previous owners had some very
large poster type picture on one wall of the ocean and boats and stuff. Very
tacky looking. Now what got into Joe today that made him decide to tackle it
now I have no idea. I could have waited so that I had time to adjust to all
the mess. Yes it is driving me nuts. I want to clean up now so bad but it
will just be a mess again tomorrow so Joe said to wait. He thinks the
previous owners used super glue to put on the wallpaper. <bg>
Mary B
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Mary Bianco
>From: "kayb85 <sheran@...>" <sheran@...><<But giving kids free access to craft stuff, tons of toys, and letting
them eat pretend cat food in bowls makes for a messy house.>>
My kids have a whole cupboard in the playroom of stuff like that. All kinds
of paints, glitter, glues, felt, ribbon, yard, different kinds of scissors,
stencils, eyes, pom poms, pipe cleaners, beads, etc. We always have tons of
paper here too along with all kinds of crayons and markers. My kids very
rarely get into that stuff. I keep thinking maybe it's because of me not
being craft minded. They both love to draw a lot and even Tara still likes
coloring and doing collage type stuff with pictures and all. But none of
them do craft things alone. If I find something and present it, they'll do
it then. That's why I force myself to do so, I feel like they are missing
out because I'm not naturally like that and they have never been exposed to
that kind of thinking.
Mary B
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Russ & Julie Anderson
> If I can buy peace and happiness by picking up candy wrappers or cerealsay
> bowls, sometimes I do that joyfully. Little voices in my head sometimes
> "You're training them to leave things lying around." But my own voicesays
> "They've picked up after me, willingly, and peacefully, and they willagain
> if I don't screw this relationship up."From a mostly non-poster..this is exactly how I feel too!
> Sandra<<
Julie in MO
Mary Bianco
>From: "Mary Bianco" <mummyone24@...><<My kids have a whole cupboard in the playroom of stuff like that. All
kinds of paints, glitter, glues, felt, ribbon, yard,>>
Sorry about that, they don't have yard in the cupboard. I meant yarn!
Mary B
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[email protected]
In a message dated 2/22/03 11:20:44 PM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< Cleaning isn't like that for me. I guess maybe I've been like that all my
life. It's easy for me to do. I enjoy doing it and it's also important for
me. To be neat and clean. To have a place for everything. So THAT'S part of
who I am. >>
I really think you belong with MY dh!!! lol
Are you sure your mother didn't give up a baby boy for adoption in '64? cuz
I'd swear you're related.....he could have written the above.
Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."
----Frances Hodgson Burnett
[email protected] writes:
<< Cleaning isn't like that for me. I guess maybe I've been like that all my
life. It's easy for me to do. I enjoy doing it and it's also important for
me. To be neat and clean. To have a place for everything. So THAT'S part of
who I am. >>
I really think you belong with MY dh!!! lol
Are you sure your mother didn't give up a baby boy for adoption in '64? cuz
I'd swear you're related.....he could have written the above.
Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."
----Frances Hodgson Burnett
Pam Hartley
> I so don't get how you have the time or energy to mop and vacuumI think the difference is probably that those of us who "have the time and
> every day. It is posts like this (or real life conversations like
> this) that get me feeling very down about how I'm not having time to
> keep the house as clean as a lot of people do.
>
> But I'm learning to not let it bother me. I'm learning to just be
> who I am (which is a very creative, lots of projects, lots of play
> kind of person who doesn't have the time or energy to clean a house
> like a lot of people do) and to be happy about being who I am.
energy" actually enjoy these tasks (making them not tasks so much as hobbies
<g>) and/or so much enjoy the result that the task itself doesn't seem
draining or onerous.
When I'm doing something I enjoy (which includes the dishes) I have much
more energy for it, and will make more time, than when I'm doing something I
don't enjoy. When I'm cleaning I'm also thinking, and planning, and
daydreaming, and singing, and talking to those around me. It gives me energy
to clean and live amidst order, rather than taking energy away from me.
(((Important Caveat: Many days around here you would never know that I enjoy
cleaning or living in a clean house. Right now it appears that a pinata
filled with socks and used chocolate milk glasses was recently beaten open
over my downstairs living area. My enjoyment of cleaning and cleanliness
does NOT always equal the actual time to get to it as often as I'd like.
Priorities for me generally go: people, pets, paid work, cleaning and other
hobbies, so it can and often does end up undone. I contrive to breathe
another day and put it out of my mind, most of the time. <g>)))
> I'm still trying to learn how to not be stressed and not feel likeOne solution is to have less company. :) A better one is to let your
> I'm neglecting the kids when I have to clean before company, but I'm
> getting better I think. I've been trying to make a conscious effort
> to tell myself that this is who I am and that I don't need to put a
> front on for other people (as in staying up until 4 am trying to get
> the house presentable).
housekeeping weed out the icky people who will judge you on a cluttered
house, thereby selecting for those who overlook such mundanity in their own
search for nice people to hang out with.
Pam
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/22/03 11:20:44 PM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< But giving kids free access to craft stuff, tons of toys, and letting
them eat pretend cat food in bowls makes for a messy house. >>
NO KIDDING!! My poor dh is doomed to feeling slightly edgy around us all the
time.
He eyes the project that is starting up, asks if I know what's going on, I
wave a nonchalant hand and tell him that yes, I do know and don't worry about
it and he just slinks off to his hideout.
Later, when things are disastrous, he gives me this "I told you this would
happen" kind of look....but bites his tongue.
Yesterday, it was bingo markers, stamped so hard on the paper that they
splattered the floor and table with ink. He looked positively ill.
I just don't have much sympathy for him anymore, as sad as that may be.
I think he should have a clue how I operate by now, if not, oh well....:) The
kids sanity is more important to me than his. I only say that because he has
his own area of the house to go to....and I refuse to make myself insane
trying to keep it to his standard.
I try to get things straightened to help him feel calm, but with four
creative kids, there is no way it'll look like his perfect corner of the
house!!!
I wish I knew how to help him feel calm amidst chaos...it's a learned art I
think.
Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."
----Frances Hodgson Burnett
[email protected] writes:
<< But giving kids free access to craft stuff, tons of toys, and letting
them eat pretend cat food in bowls makes for a messy house. >>
NO KIDDING!! My poor dh is doomed to feeling slightly edgy around us all the
time.
He eyes the project that is starting up, asks if I know what's going on, I
wave a nonchalant hand and tell him that yes, I do know and don't worry about
it and he just slinks off to his hideout.
Later, when things are disastrous, he gives me this "I told you this would
happen" kind of look....but bites his tongue.
Yesterday, it was bingo markers, stamped so hard on the paper that they
splattered the floor and table with ink. He looked positively ill.
I just don't have much sympathy for him anymore, as sad as that may be.
I think he should have a clue how I operate by now, if not, oh well....:) The
kids sanity is more important to me than his. I only say that because he has
his own area of the house to go to....and I refuse to make myself insane
trying to keep it to his standard.
I try to get things straightened to help him feel calm, but with four
creative kids, there is no way it'll look like his perfect corner of the
house!!!
I wish I knew how to help him feel calm amidst chaos...it's a learned art I
think.
Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."
----Frances Hodgson Burnett
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/22/03 10:44:29 PM, starsuncloud@... writes:
<< He looked positively ill.. . .
I wish I knew how to help him feel calm amidst chaos... >>
Maybe there are drugs for that!
And if there is such a drug, maybe any teacher with more than two ADHD kids
in a class could take that drug so the kids could be drug-free and the
teacher would be calm and happy amidst chaos!
Sandra
<< He looked positively ill.. . .
I wish I knew how to help him feel calm amidst chaos... >>
Maybe there are drugs for that!
And if there is such a drug, maybe any teacher with more than two ADHD kids
in a class could take that drug so the kids could be drug-free and the
teacher would be calm and happy amidst chaos!
Sandra
kayb85 <[email protected]>
> My kids have a whole cupboard in the playroom of stuff like that.All kinds
> of paints, glitter, glues, felt, ribbon, yard, different kinds ofscissors,
> stencils, eyes, pom poms, pipe cleaners, beads, etc. We always havetons of
> paper here too along with all kinds of crayons and markers. My kidsvery
> rarely get into that stuff. I keep thinking maybe it's because ofme not
> being craft minded. They both love to draw a lot and even Tarastill likes
> coloring and doing collage type stuff with pictures and all. Butnone of
> them do craft things alone. If I find something and present it,they'll do
> it then. That's why I force myself to do so, I feel like they aremissing
> out because I'm not naturally like that and they have never beenexposed to
> that kind of thinking.But you're following their interests, right? If you do whatever they
want you to do with them and your play rarely leads you to the craft
cabinet, then it just must not be their thing.
I think that of course our interests are going to reflect in the
kids. I don't think we should be guilty because our kids aren't
really into something that we're also not into. And of course the
stuff that we are really into they have a better chance of getting
into because they're expose to it more. That's the way life is. :)
Sheila
zenmomma *
>>But giving kids free access to craft stuff, tons of toys, and lettingthem eat pretend cat food in bowls makes for a messy house.>>
Oh and forts!! My house always gets overrun by forts made wherever out of
whatever. :o)
Life is good.
~Mary
_________________________________________________________________
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zenmomma *
><< My problem is getting to the point where ISometimes I'll say "You'll have to excuse the mess but, you know, we
>don't care that some people will judge me because my house is a
>mess. >>
>
>But if you don't care, it's no longer a problem.>>
actually LIVE here." ;-)
Life is good.
~Mary
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