not for kids eyes: bearing my heartache
Mary Allen <[email protected]>
Hi, I have been lurking for about 3 weeks. We live in Ga. I am having
a very hard time writing this. We are
homeschooling /unschooling/eclectic schooling not by choice.
let me explain, my son (14 almost 15)has some learning difficulties,
and has add, the first part of this school year he was enrolled in
public school and then we placed him in private school, where he was
subsoquently kicked out of due to inappropriate sexual behaviours.
(very long story).
I love my son dearly, he can be a great kid. but reality is that he
is a social misfit. (not like being a wall flower,etc. more like the
kid others avoid) he is challenging to be around even for me and his
dad. (arrogant know it all that knows nothing)he constantly lies, he
will say anything, even if he wasnt going to get in trouble for it.
he is dreadfully lazy. the homeschooling per se didnt work, it works
better when he gets to choose in what order or what subject to study,
we were long away from paperwork since his handwriting is that of a
1st grader and has a label of dsygraphia, basically his brain knows
it but it is torture to get it on paper.
ok just a general timeline
may- husband began working at home fulltime
may- 18 yr old move out (was already planned) weekend that son
carressed her breast, also discovered son's addiction to internet porn
may thru october major trama caused by 13 yr old adopted
autistic/odd/ocd child whom we placed out of the home oct 1st
aug -14 yr old started public school,
sept -placed 14 yr old in private school
end of october -14 yr old kicked out of school, attempted
homeschooling, very disrespectful child
november- 14 yr old- very high anxiety resulting in psych
hospitalization for 10 days (attempted to address sexual issues at
this time)
december- we decided to move, get a fresh start for us all, so you
know decembers focus was the move
Jan 1, new house, new county, new town. took 2 weeks to restart
school and settle in,
still not consistently up to the 4.5 hrs per day the state "requires"
He seems to have no real interest or passions of his own.
he has been totally (and I do mean totally) supervised since october.
my husband and I have had like only 2 dates.
i have looked into counseling for him, and havent found appropriate
counseling - most require a referral from dept of children services
or a juvinile record, which he has neither. (btw he had to review the
incidents so much in hospital he doesnt want to talk about it)
psych testing indicated statistically he warped sexually., we think
he has realized he messed up and has learned his lesson. any comments?
we eliminated his social contact until the last few weeks when we
have allowed him to begin in Christian youth group, where we did
inform a leader that he should be supervised.
I have found a homeschooling group to join and am pursuing that.
I am fearful that if we dont allow him social contact, we are warping
him, i am fearful that if we do let go he will harm someone else's
child. help
in discovering unschooling i have discovered i have no true interest
or passions. my life is not what i wanted it to be, i know i can
begin now and start a life, but where to start . . . this has gotten
me depressed. (i should say that I love my hubby dearly and wouldnt
trade him)
I don't think that my 14 yr old can handle the stress of a typical
school day even with modifications, which sending him to school would
be the short term easy way out. but i dont think it is best for him.
But how do I prepare him for the realities of this world if hes not
interested. and still there is the lingering thought of high school
next year, not for the academics but for the tech school prep stuff.
in my prayers i have been told he will be healed, but I dont know
what to do in the meantime.
just bearing my heartaches, feel free to email me offlist
Mary in GA
a very hard time writing this. We are
homeschooling /unschooling/eclectic schooling not by choice.
let me explain, my son (14 almost 15)has some learning difficulties,
and has add, the first part of this school year he was enrolled in
public school and then we placed him in private school, where he was
subsoquently kicked out of due to inappropriate sexual behaviours.
(very long story).
I love my son dearly, he can be a great kid. but reality is that he
is a social misfit. (not like being a wall flower,etc. more like the
kid others avoid) he is challenging to be around even for me and his
dad. (arrogant know it all that knows nothing)he constantly lies, he
will say anything, even if he wasnt going to get in trouble for it.
he is dreadfully lazy. the homeschooling per se didnt work, it works
better when he gets to choose in what order or what subject to study,
we were long away from paperwork since his handwriting is that of a
1st grader and has a label of dsygraphia, basically his brain knows
it but it is torture to get it on paper.
ok just a general timeline
may- husband began working at home fulltime
may- 18 yr old move out (was already planned) weekend that son
carressed her breast, also discovered son's addiction to internet porn
may thru october major trama caused by 13 yr old adopted
autistic/odd/ocd child whom we placed out of the home oct 1st
aug -14 yr old started public school,
sept -placed 14 yr old in private school
end of october -14 yr old kicked out of school, attempted
homeschooling, very disrespectful child
november- 14 yr old- very high anxiety resulting in psych
hospitalization for 10 days (attempted to address sexual issues at
this time)
december- we decided to move, get a fresh start for us all, so you
know decembers focus was the move
Jan 1, new house, new county, new town. took 2 weeks to restart
school and settle in,
still not consistently up to the 4.5 hrs per day the state "requires"
He seems to have no real interest or passions of his own.
he has been totally (and I do mean totally) supervised since october.
my husband and I have had like only 2 dates.
i have looked into counseling for him, and havent found appropriate
counseling - most require a referral from dept of children services
or a juvinile record, which he has neither. (btw he had to review the
incidents so much in hospital he doesnt want to talk about it)
psych testing indicated statistically he warped sexually., we think
he has realized he messed up and has learned his lesson. any comments?
we eliminated his social contact until the last few weeks when we
have allowed him to begin in Christian youth group, where we did
inform a leader that he should be supervised.
I have found a homeschooling group to join and am pursuing that.
I am fearful that if we dont allow him social contact, we are warping
him, i am fearful that if we do let go he will harm someone else's
child. help
in discovering unschooling i have discovered i have no true interest
or passions. my life is not what i wanted it to be, i know i can
begin now and start a life, but where to start . . . this has gotten
me depressed. (i should say that I love my hubby dearly and wouldnt
trade him)
I don't think that my 14 yr old can handle the stress of a typical
school day even with modifications, which sending him to school would
be the short term easy way out. but i dont think it is best for him.
But how do I prepare him for the realities of this world if hes not
interested. and still there is the lingering thought of high school
next year, not for the academics but for the tech school prep stuff.
in my prayers i have been told he will be healed, but I dont know
what to do in the meantime.
just bearing my heartaches, feel free to email me offlist
Mary in GA
Nora or Devereaux Cannon
What was the 14 y.o. doing - and how was he behaving before May?
----- Original Message -----
From: <mint2bfree@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Thursday, January 30, 2003 11:20 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] not for kids eyes: bearing my
heartache
|
| Hi, I have been lurking for about 3 weeks. We live in Ga. I am
having
| a very hard time writing this. We are
| homeschooling /unschooling/eclectic schooling not by choice.
| let me explain, my son (14 almost 15)has some learning
difficulties,
| and has add, the first part of this school year he was enrolled
in
| public school and then we placed him in private school, where
he was
| subsoquently kicked out of due to inappropriate sexual
behaviours.
| (very long story).
| I love my son dearly, he can be a great kid. but reality is
that he
| is a social misfit. (not like being a wall flower,etc. more
like the
| kid others avoid) he is challenging to be around even for me
and his
| dad. (arrogant know it all that knows nothing)he constantly
lies, he
| will say anything, even if he wasnt going to get in trouble for
it.
| he is dreadfully lazy. the homeschooling per se didnt work, it
works
| better when he gets to choose in what order or what subject to
study,
| we were long away from paperwork since his handwriting is that
of a
| 1st grader and has a label of dsygraphia, basically his brain
knows
| it but it is torture to get it on paper.
| ok just a general timeline
| may- husband began working at home fulltime
| may- 18 yr old move out (was already planned) weekend that son
| carressed her breast, also discovered son's addiction to
internet porn
| may thru october major trama caused by 13 yr old adopted
| autistic/odd/ocd child whom we placed out of the home oct 1st
| aug -14 yr old started public school,
| sept -placed 14 yr old in private school
| end of october -14 yr old kicked out of school, attempted
| homeschooling, very disrespectful child
| november- 14 yr old- very high anxiety resulting in psych
| hospitalization for 10 days (attempted to address sexual issues
at
| this time)
| december- we decided to move, get a fresh start for us all, so
you
| know decembers focus was the move
| Jan 1, new house, new county, new town. took 2 weeks to restart
| school and settle in,
| still not consistently up to the 4.5 hrs per day the state
"requires"
|
| He seems to have no real interest or passions of his own.
|
| he has been totally (and I do mean totally) supervised since
october.
| my husband and I have had like only 2 dates.
| i have looked into counseling for him, and havent found
appropriate
| counseling - most require a referral from dept of children
services
| or a juvinile record, which he has neither. (btw he had to
review the
| incidents so much in hospital he doesnt want to talk about it)
|
| psych testing indicated statistically he warped sexually., we
think
| he has realized he messed up and has learned his lesson. any
comments?
| we eliminated his social contact until the last few weeks when
we
| have allowed him to begin in Christian youth group, where we
did
| inform a leader that he should be supervised.
|
| I have found a homeschooling group to join and am pursuing
that.
|
| I am fearful that if we dont allow him social contact, we are
warping
| him, i am fearful that if we do let go he will harm someone
else's
| child. help
|
| in discovering unschooling i have discovered i have no true
interest
| or passions. my life is not what i wanted it to be, i know i
can
| begin now and start a life, but where to start . . . this has
gotten
| me depressed. (i should say that I love my hubby dearly and
wouldnt
| trade him)
|
| I don't think that my 14 yr old can handle the stress of a
typical
| school day even with modifications, which sending him to school
would
| be the short term easy way out. but i dont think it is best for
him.
| But how do I prepare him for the realities of this world if hes
not
| interested. and still there is the lingering thought of high
school
| next year, not for the academics but for the tech school prep
stuff.
|
| in my prayers i have been told he will be healed, but I dont
know
| what to do in the meantime.
|
| just bearing my heartaches, feel free to email me offlist
|
| Mary in GA
|
|
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[email protected]
In a message dated 1/30/03 11:18:58 AM, dcannon@... writes:
<< | He seems to have no real interest or passions of his own. >>
<<| in discovering unschooling i have discovered i have no true
interest or passions.>>
If he's your biological child, is it possible he's like you in that way?
Or do you have an idea of "interests and passions" which is overly idealized?
Will he watch movies with you? A lot of time could pass sitting and watching
videos or DVDs, and the more time that passes with him in a safe place doing
something appropriate, having people to discuss situations with, having
examples (fictional is fine--literature and folklore have provided people
good and bad examples since people started telling stories around fires) of
different kinds of healthy relationships, and being able to see UNhealthy in
the context of what can happen (in movies)... that's my first
recommendation. Inundate him with movies. Hang out with him and anyone
else you can get to watch with you. You could watch all the Harrison Ford
movies (Regarding Henry and Witness both have to do with comparative
behaviors!!), and then all of someone else, or something else.
You would gain companionship, shared time, peace, shared experiences (which
make future conversations and analogies all easier), lots of interpersonal
situations will come to your notice that you can discuss.
It's WAY cheaper than therapy.
Every hour he spends there is an hour he's not looking at porn and he's also
another hour older. Older is often better. Not always, but often.
Sandra
<< | He seems to have no real interest or passions of his own. >>
<<| in discovering unschooling i have discovered i have no true
interest or passions.>>
If he's your biological child, is it possible he's like you in that way?
Or do you have an idea of "interests and passions" which is overly idealized?
Will he watch movies with you? A lot of time could pass sitting and watching
videos or DVDs, and the more time that passes with him in a safe place doing
something appropriate, having people to discuss situations with, having
examples (fictional is fine--literature and folklore have provided people
good and bad examples since people started telling stories around fires) of
different kinds of healthy relationships, and being able to see UNhealthy in
the context of what can happen (in movies)... that's my first
recommendation. Inundate him with movies. Hang out with him and anyone
else you can get to watch with you. You could watch all the Harrison Ford
movies (Regarding Henry and Witness both have to do with comparative
behaviors!!), and then all of someone else, or something else.
You would gain companionship, shared time, peace, shared experiences (which
make future conversations and analogies all easier), lots of interpersonal
situations will come to your notice that you can discuss.
It's WAY cheaper than therapy.
Every hour he spends there is an hour he's not looking at porn and he's also
another hour older. Older is often better. Not always, but often.
Sandra