Brown

Hi Jenny

You asked Mary Ellen:

> Do you mind sharing your philosophy of outside activities and how you
> buck the notion that we are supposed to be generously providing them for our
> kids? Could you or anyone else provide any wisdom on how I find get this
> feeling under control--the feeling that the more enrichment classes my DS
> attends the better? Of course, my last statement is somewhat of an
> exaggeration, but I really struggle to fight this feeling.

Well, I thought I'd offer my perspective. Over the 13 years that I've been
homeschooling, we have done lots of different things because I have found that,
once again, it is a matter of listening to yourself and your children and working
on what is best for you all at any particular time. There are no rules! There
have been times when we have been really busy with outside classes, times when we
have gone out the door as little as possible. There have been times when 1 child
has been busy, another not wanting any outside activities.

There have been times when I felt the kids 'should' be doing something. I don't
think it's too bad to explain to the kid why you want him (as a mother of 4 sons,
all children are 'him' to me!) to do something, and come to some sort of
agreement. But if you then go ahead with the activity, be sure you listen and
watch and evaluate it. After a while you find that many, if not most, outside
activities don't really live up to your standards! Don't try to 'get the feeling
under control' - just look at the activities available with a careful
scrutinising eye. Let yourself feel the feelings, but examine the reality, and
you will probably find the feelings will then change. If they don't, then you
must live in a place of fantastic opportunity, so clean out your spare room - we
all want to come and stay!

Carol

Debra Bures

<<we have done lots of different things because I have found that,
once again, it is a matter of listening to yourself and your children and
working
on what is best for you all at any particular time. There are no rules!>>
I agree with Carol. I find that we are constantly reinventing
ourselves--that there are times (like now) that we are extremely busy with
outside activities--this works for my 11 1/2 yo dd right now, but my 8 yo dd
loves to stay home and play play play! In our 6 yrs of homeschooling, there
have been times when we stayed home much of the time, and there have been
times when we are on the go daily. It depends on interests, time and
energy...
Debra
----- Original Message -----
From: "Brown" <mjcmbrwn@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, January 18, 2000 1:11 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Outside activities was socialisation


> From: Brown <mjcmbrwn@...>
>
> Hi Jenny
>
> You asked Mary Ellen:
>
> > Do you mind sharing your philosophy of outside activities and
how you
> > buck the notion that we are supposed to be generously providing them for
our
> > kids? Could you or anyone else provide any wisdom on how I find get
this
> > feeling under control--the feeling that the more enrichment classes my
DS
> > attends the better? Of course, my last statement is somewhat of an
> > exaggeration, but I really struggle to fight this feeling.
>
> Well, I thought I'd offer my perspective. Over the 13 years that I've been
> homeschooling, we have done lots of different things because I have found
that,
> once again, it is a matter of listening to yourself and your children and
working
> on what is best for you all at any particular time. There are no rules!
There
> have been times when we have been really busy with outside classes, times
when we
> have gone out the door as little as possible. There have been times when 1
child
> has been busy, another not wanting any outside activities.
>
> There have been times when I felt the kids 'should' be doing something. I
don't
> think it's too bad to explain to the kid why you want him (as a mother of
4 sons,
> all children are 'him' to me!) to do something, and come to some sort of
> agreement. But if you then go ahead with the activity, be sure you listen
and
> watch and evaluate it. After a while you find that many, if not most,
outside
> activities don't really live up to your standards! Don't try to 'get the
feeling
> under control' - just look at the activities available with a careful
> scrutinising eye. Let yourself feel the feelings, but examine the reality,
and
> you will probably find the feelings will then change. If they don't, then
you
> must live in a place of fantastic opportunity, so clean out your spare
room - we
> all want to come and stay!
>
> Carol
>
>
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Thomas and Nanci Kuykendall

>From: Brown <mjcmbrwn@...>
Over the 13 years that I've been
>homeschooling, we have done lots of different things because I have found
that,
>once again, it is a matter of listening to yourself and your children and
working
>on what is best for you all at any particular time.
...After a while you find that many, if not most, outside
>activities don't really live up to your standards! Don't try to 'get the
feeling
>under control' - just look at the activities available with a careful
>scrutinising eye. Let yourself feel the feelings, but examine the reality,
and
>you will probably find the feelings will then change. If they don't, then you
>must live in a place of fantastic opportunity, so clean out your spare
room - we
>all want to come and stay!
>
>Carol

Great advice Carol, I would wholeheartedly concur with what you had to say.
Including about cleaning out the spare room. I wonder if Jennie has more
than one!

Nanci K.

[email protected]

Carol wrote:
<< Well, I thought I'd offer my perspective. Over the 13 years that I've been
homeschooling, we have done lots of different things because I have found
that, >>

This is one of the best perspectives I've ever seen articulated. It's so
difficult to make hard and fast rules, because that's just when you miss out
on something fun. Thanks for sharing!
Another Carol

[email protected]

> Do you mind sharing your philosophy of outside activities
> and how you
> > buck the notion that we are supposed to be generously providing
> them for our
> > kids?

I have nothing against outside classes in general. I do feel bad for
kids who spend 7 or 8 hours in school, then have two or three classes a
week. When do they have time to just hang out? I think well chosen
classes can be great for homeschoolers, but I don't see them as
essential.

My philosophy of activities outside the home stems from laziness and
velcro kids. I just don't seem to cope well when I'm rushing all over
town. I prefer a slower pace. I do agree with some of the other posts
that there is a time for eveything. My children are young and I expect
classes will be more important in the future. (Maybe?) Since reading
David Albert's "And the Skylark Sings With Me" I am trying to be more
alert to THEIR interests and offer those opportunities. (Rather than
putting them in an activity because it is popular or bc I like the idea)

However, I have come to the conclusion that many of those wonderful
classes do not give anything for our time and money that I can't do just
as well at home, especially with my younger children (7&4). Like driving
to the library to listen to stories in a crowded group of noisy kids? We
prefer checking out a big pile of books and cuddling up on the couch at
home. We recently tried a music class where she spent a lot of time
waiting for her turn and got stage fright so bad on performance day that
she was in tears. Meanwhile at home, she will listen and sing along to
favorite songs over and over and over. Maybe I am too picky, but
everything we have tried so far is just too, well, "schoolish".

The Velcro aspect: With #1, I did regular mom & kid activities at the
YMCA, etc, on up through a co-op preschool (which was actually great -
but that is for another post). When she got to the age where most
classes are designed as "drop off the kid", I would have to literally
peel her off my leg and drag her crying to the class. (Even if the
viewing area was just a few feet away) It didn't take me long to figure
I did NOT want to be doing that. So periodically we would try again --
because there ARE a lot of appealing classes out there. Or my learning
curve is really slow!

We just started a gymnastics class for homeschoolers. They have all ages
at the same time, start with a group warm-up, then divide into three
groups of 10. The class is an hour, but seems to dominate an entire
afternoon by the time we get ready to go and include the 40 minute round
trip drive. We are going to give it a couple of months before we decide
whether or not to continue. (Since I have paid through February, :) )
Mary Ellen

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[email protected]

Hi Everyone,
We just got back from our Minnesota trip and so I am catching up on mail
here. (It was a wonderful trip!) This thread caught my interest because I
also am not big on a lot of outside classes. If my kids have a strong desire
to try something, I'll do what I can to help. But they don't like to have
their days or weeks very scheduled.
I believe people, including kids, benefit from long expanses of time
which they have to figure out what do with. Some of the things we do with
this time are: getting into long, leisurely discussions about all kinds of
things, talking out differences, reading for hours at a time, writing,
walking, listening to music, playing games, visiting family and friends,
throwing a football back and forth, riding bikes, using the computer,
drawing, painting, etc. Our activities don't sound particularly impressive
but we enjoy our days and feel that they are our own.
We have occasionally taken classes and I am not against them but for us,
they have to be limited so as not to leave us without enough free time. I
dislike activities when I feel that we are there to have fun and yet we're
not having fun. What's the point? I related so much to what Mary Ellen said
about how it was much more satisfying to check out library books and then
come home and read them rather than sit at the library for story time. But I
know that everyone is different and some people really enjoy being on the go
a lot. Every family has to find its own way and even then, each family
member has to have his/her nature respected.

Lucy in California (again)