Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: Eating just to eat vs dining (was: On a roll--Wh...
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This thread intrigues me very much. While my kids are "older" than most on
this list; dd 22, ds 21, ds 18, dd 14 (and the older two have their own
houses both within ten miles) the more often than not come to dinner five
nights a week. ALWAYS on Sunday we eat together as a family. Not always all
at the dining room table, sometimes on a table cloth in the living room, but
always Sunday dinner is the ONE time in the week even the older "children"
are here and we are a family under the same roof once again.
I prepare all our meals at home from scratch, it's important to me because
it's important to them. They all have their "favorites" and when they ask, I
make it. To me cooking for my family is blessing them, the older ones coming
home for dinner blesses me, makes me know they WANT to be with me and their
family (if you have/had teenagers, you will understand this).
We spend a HUGE amount of our money for food, there are six of us in our
family and we ALWAYS have one to ten EXTRAS for meals. I rarely have any
help preparing in the meal but I always have help cleaning up.
Many friends of my older kids are amazed the first time they come to Sunday
dinner, the act as if it's Thanksgiving and in fact some even mention "this
is like Thanksgiving at our house". I think that's sad that only a few times
a year do they gather for an abundant meal full of laughter and people they
love.
A few years ago when my teenagers were being especially teenagerly, my New
Years Resolution was to try to treat them with the grace and hospitality that
I would a guest in my home. Only in the sense that I would make a conscious
effort each week to make their favorite dishes, their favorite snacks/treats.
Handle subjects that upset me in a way I would with someone else, delicately
and carefully, not just full force MOTHER IN YOUR FACE kinda of thing.
That just naturally spilled over into the big meals on Sunday and a wonderful
new family tradition. It is a wonderful feeling to know that your grown
children could go any place on earth and live and prosper yet they CHOOSE to
be near home.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
this list; dd 22, ds 21, ds 18, dd 14 (and the older two have their own
houses both within ten miles) the more often than not come to dinner five
nights a week. ALWAYS on Sunday we eat together as a family. Not always all
at the dining room table, sometimes on a table cloth in the living room, but
always Sunday dinner is the ONE time in the week even the older "children"
are here and we are a family under the same roof once again.
I prepare all our meals at home from scratch, it's important to me because
it's important to them. They all have their "favorites" and when they ask, I
make it. To me cooking for my family is blessing them, the older ones coming
home for dinner blesses me, makes me know they WANT to be with me and their
family (if you have/had teenagers, you will understand this).
We spend a HUGE amount of our money for food, there are six of us in our
family and we ALWAYS have one to ten EXTRAS for meals. I rarely have any
help preparing in the meal but I always have help cleaning up.
Many friends of my older kids are amazed the first time they come to Sunday
dinner, the act as if it's Thanksgiving and in fact some even mention "this
is like Thanksgiving at our house". I think that's sad that only a few times
a year do they gather for an abundant meal full of laughter and people they
love.
A few years ago when my teenagers were being especially teenagerly, my New
Years Resolution was to try to treat them with the grace and hospitality that
I would a guest in my home. Only in the sense that I would make a conscious
effort each week to make their favorite dishes, their favorite snacks/treats.
Handle subjects that upset me in a way I would with someone else, delicately
and carefully, not just full force MOTHER IN YOUR FACE kinda of thing.
That just naturally spilled over into the big meals on Sunday and a wonderful
new family tradition. It is a wonderful feeling to know that your grown
children could go any place on earth and live and prosper yet they CHOOSE to
be near home.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/26/03 8:52:06 AM Eastern Standard Time,
rubyprincesstsg@... writes:
Thanksgiving meal. Have tried it a couple of times. My boys just aren't
impressed because food for them is no big deal. They eat when they are
hungry and stop when they are full.
Made a huge Thanksgiving meal, vegetarian here, they stopped playing the play
station for a minute came to the table had a spoon of mashed potato and went
back to play some more. I felt like I had failed but soon realized that the
children were acting exactly the way I have always wanted them to about food.
They weren't eating to please me or anything else. They weren't hungry.
So we changed our Thanksgiving. Now we do something special. We go on a
short vacation and spend fun time together without the food.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rubyprincesstsg@... writes:
> Many friends of my older kids are amazed the first time they come to SundayYou would feel even worse for us then. We have no sit down, large
> dinner, the act as if it's Thanksgiving and in fact some even mention "this
>
> is like Thanksgiving at our house". I think that's sad that only a few
> times
> a year do they gather for an abundant meal full of laughter and people they
>
> love.
>
>
Thanksgiving meal. Have tried it a couple of times. My boys just aren't
impressed because food for them is no big deal. They eat when they are
hungry and stop when they are full.
Made a huge Thanksgiving meal, vegetarian here, they stopped playing the play
station for a minute came to the table had a spoon of mashed potato and went
back to play some more. I felt like I had failed but soon realized that the
children were acting exactly the way I have always wanted them to about food.
They weren't eating to please me or anything else. They weren't hungry.
So we changed our Thanksgiving. Now we do something special. We go on a
short vacation and spend fun time together without the food.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/26/2003 9:21:39 AM Eastern Standard Time,
genant2@... writes:
either. It's the coming together as a family, even though we aren't really
apart. Two of my children are in college, one is HS and is on an all star
cheer team which practices three nights a week until nine, so everyone is
busy. I know everyone here is busy too. But to them it's the ritual I think
more than the actual food. It's just an extra that I try to make it special
by preparing favorites of theirs and to them it's a way of my showing I care
enough about them to go to the effort of making a meal. I wouldn't expect
that younger children would understand this or even think of it as anything
other than sustinance, but as they get older it becomes more to them.
I have lupus and some days it's a struggle to cook a meal for them so
somedays it's leftovers, and somedays I do nothing but make the meal for them
to enjoy. Sounds crazy to some I would expect but my greatest joy in life is
my family. Nothing makes me happier than all of them coming together
talking, laughing, sharing their experiences, arguing and loving each other.
Last Mother's Day, my oldest son shows up, the other kids are already here,
he has a friend with him and one of his cousins. I am in the kitchen rushing
around trying to finish the ham and get dinner on the table. The friend
comments that "his dad is taking his Mom OUT TO DINNER for Mother's Day"
while I was sweating in the kitchen. Matthew then asked him if that was so
special for his MOTHER why was HE HERE! He stammered and stuttered and
Matthew simply told him, to MY mother, WE are her gifts and she asks nothing
more than we all be here together. I was proud and excited when he gave me a
ring box and inside was a mother's ring and each of the children's names
engraved around their birthstone.
I know for those who can barely find time to feed their families this does
not make sense. But if you can understand that it doesn't matter if it's
pigs in a blanket or prime rib, it's the EVENT that dinner is more than the
type or amount of food. This becomes more important as children find their
way in the world and have jobs and other things going on. I think sometimes
if our children are home with us every day all day, we might sometimes take
that time a little for granted.
I know that I did before but try to make an effort not to anymore.
I probably didn't help anyone understand it better but it isn't about actual
food at all.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
genant2@... writes:
> So we changed our Thanksgiving. Now we do something special. We go on aThat sounds wonderful! But even though it IS the food it really ISN'T
> short vacation and spend fun time together without the food.
>
either. It's the coming together as a family, even though we aren't really
apart. Two of my children are in college, one is HS and is on an all star
cheer team which practices three nights a week until nine, so everyone is
busy. I know everyone here is busy too. But to them it's the ritual I think
more than the actual food. It's just an extra that I try to make it special
by preparing favorites of theirs and to them it's a way of my showing I care
enough about them to go to the effort of making a meal. I wouldn't expect
that younger children would understand this or even think of it as anything
other than sustinance, but as they get older it becomes more to them.
I have lupus and some days it's a struggle to cook a meal for them so
somedays it's leftovers, and somedays I do nothing but make the meal for them
to enjoy. Sounds crazy to some I would expect but my greatest joy in life is
my family. Nothing makes me happier than all of them coming together
talking, laughing, sharing their experiences, arguing and loving each other.
Last Mother's Day, my oldest son shows up, the other kids are already here,
he has a friend with him and one of his cousins. I am in the kitchen rushing
around trying to finish the ham and get dinner on the table. The friend
comments that "his dad is taking his Mom OUT TO DINNER for Mother's Day"
while I was sweating in the kitchen. Matthew then asked him if that was so
special for his MOTHER why was HE HERE! He stammered and stuttered and
Matthew simply told him, to MY mother, WE are her gifts and she asks nothing
more than we all be here together. I was proud and excited when he gave me a
ring box and inside was a mother's ring and each of the children's names
engraved around their birthstone.
I know for those who can barely find time to feed their families this does
not make sense. But if you can understand that it doesn't matter if it's
pigs in a blanket or prime rib, it's the EVENT that dinner is more than the
type or amount of food. This becomes more important as children find their
way in the world and have jobs and other things going on. I think sometimes
if our children are home with us every day all day, we might sometimes take
that time a little for granted.
I know that I did before but try to make an effort not to anymore.
I probably didn't help anyone understand it better but it isn't about actual
food at all.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]