[email protected]

In a message dated 1/25/03 9:41:11 PM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< Well, for me I'm an on-the-go kind of person. There's a lot of things I'd
rather be doing than eating, frankly. I like food, it's good nourishment for
the body, but that's mostly what it is to me. If you gave me the choice
between being able to have a really gorgeous 4-course meal and going on a 40
mile bike ride, I'd choose the cycling any old day. Now someone else might
choose the meal, but that doesn't make them any more joyful, soulful, or
refined than me. I get my joy elsewheres. >>

YES!! I get so much more soul nourishment from biking or being outdoors. Dh
and I doing our triathlon training together is hugely enjoyable for both of
us.
The Italian version of lots of good food, good wine and good conversation is
wonderful...but not realistic for day to day here.
I do cook from scratch some, but I also use convenience foods to free up time
for us all to do things we REALLY love to do together.
I don't think idealizing meal time and trying to make it the end all be all
is necessary in an unschooling family where interests are varied and
connection time plentiful.


Ren
"The world's much smaller than you think. Made up of two kinds of
people--simple and complicated.....The simple ones are contented. The
complicated ones aren't."
"Unschooling support at pensacolaunschoolers.com

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/25/2003 11:24:26 PM Eastern Standard Time,
starsuncloud@... writes:

> I don't think idealizing meal time and trying to make it the end all be all
> is necessary in an unschooling family where interests are varied and
> connection time plentiful.
>

I don't think it's so much idealizing it or making it the end all be all but
a wonderful experience that enriches the lives of our families and ourselves.
For you it might be entirely something else, like that bike ride or whatever
but there have to be plans and equipment and driving to complete a 40 mile
bike ride. The family meal can be prepared will there is a multitude of
other things going on but you are still accessible to those why need you.

I think maybe it still hasn't been explained properly by me. I know many
families who feel just as you do. Meal time isn't important, everyone is
feed and no one goes hungry, there is way more to life than cooking can
provide and that's OK. But I'm telling you that when children from THOSE
families come to my house they are so very impressed that this happens almost
every day and I sometimes even feel embarassed because they make such a big
deal of it.

One 18 year old insists you have to be "rich" to do that and his dectective
father and school teacher mother could never afford to EAT everyday. Of
course they EAT everyday! Their kids are 18 and 20 and are in college and
the mother just does not feel like cooking after working all day, maybe if
she knew how important it is to her son she might, maybe not.

Again, maybe this doesn't become so important until the children are older,
but I've always done it, or maybe it's just important for that very reason?

glena


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

I don't think I've made me point well.....
I am not trying to downplay to joy of cooking homemade foods nor family time
spent eating together. I think it's important to cook foods everyone enjoys
and remember each persons favorites.
I am trying to point out that as a family, we are all together playing and
connecting quite often and it doesn't make a bit of difference if families
are connecting and talking together over food or simply playing.
Food doesn't have some magical hold over our lives to the point that we
aren't going to connect deeply in the absence of it.
It does add pleasure and enjoyment to our lives, just like a lot of other
things do.




Ren
"The world's much smaller than you think. Made up of two kinds of
people--simple and complicated.....The simple ones are contented. The
complicated ones aren't."
"Unschooling support at pensacolaunschoolers.com

kayb85 <[email protected]>

> I think maybe it still hasn't been explained properly by me. I
know many
> families who feel just as you do. Meal time isn't important,
everyone is
> feed and no one goes hungry, there is way more to life than cooking
can
> provide and that's OK. But I'm telling you that when children from
THOSE
> families come to my house they are so very impressed that this
happens almost
> every day and I sometimes even feel embarassed because they make
such a big
> deal of it.

Are these children whose parents are with them 24/7, constantly doing
all kinds of cool things with them, or are they kids who go to school
all day, have a few extracurricular activities and some homework and
the only time they have to spend with their families is during meal
time?

I know that today my three year old wants to have a party for Winnie
the Pooh (complete with balloons, crepe paper, toys wrapped up like
presents, a card, and leftover superbowl party cake), my 5 year old
wants me to help him finish putting together his playmobil pirate
ship, and my 9 year old wants me to plan for girls' club that we're
having at our house tomorrow and help her hem her new jeans. I also
really need to clean the playroom.

If I have to take the time to make a big meal and then do all the
cleaning up that a big meal requires, one of those cool things that
my kids want to do with me probably won't happen.

Sheila


> One 18 year old insists you have to be "rich" to do that and his
dectective
> father and school teacher mother could never afford to EAT
everyday. Of
> course they EAT everyday! Their kids are 18 and 20 and are in
college and
> the mother just does not feel like cooking after working all day,
maybe if
> she knew how important it is to her son she might, maybe not.
>
> Again, maybe this doesn't become so important until the children
are older,
> but I've always done it, or maybe it's just important for that very
reason?
>
> glena
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

the_clevengers <[email protected]>

--- In [email protected], rubyprincesstsg@a... wrote:
> I don't think it's so much idealizing it or making it the end all
be all but
> a wonderful experience that enriches the lives of our families and
ourselves.
> For you it might be entirely something else, like that bike ride
or whatever
> but there have to be plans and equipment and driving to complete a
40 mile
> bike ride. The family meal can be prepared will there is a
multitude of
> other things going on but you are still accessible to those why
need you.

I think that depends on who and what and where you are. I can take
off for a bike ride from my front door with no plans, just the
equipment of my bike, a powerbar in my pocket, and no driving and be
back home in 2 hours. I can't imagine *driving* to go for a bike
ride, that seems to defeat the purpose. We go for family bike rides
in much the same way (though my kids aren't up to riding 40 miles of
course :-). But preparing a meal is more or less a stressful event
for me, as I am not a good cook. Baking cookies or something can be
fun, but that's different than a daily meal. So for our family, the
bike ride would involve far less preparation and stress and only
minimally more equipment (you ought to see my kitchen after I cook,
my DH will remark "Where's the battle?").


> I think maybe it still hasn't been explained properly by me. I
know many
> families who feel just as you do. Meal time isn't important,
everyone is
> feed and no one goes hungry, there is way more to life than cooking
can
> provide and that's OK. But I'm telling you that when children from
THOSE
> families come to my house they are so very impressed that this
happens almost
> every day and I sometimes even feel embarassed because they make
such a big
> deal of it.

Sure, because it's something different. My kids love to go over to
our friends house where the mother always has a grand meal on the
table and it is a very special occasion. They *are* most impressed
(and so am I!). Then again, I don't think my very, extremely active
kids would be happy living in that house because the parents are much
more homebodies than we are. My kids go nuts if we stay in the house
one day, let alone every day! My strengths don't lie in cooking, but
they do lie in being active enough to keep up with my kids running
around all day, taking them biking, swimming, hiking, camping, to
track meets, fun runs, the beach, the mountains, etc.

It's easy for me to look at the way other people do things and
conclude that my parenting is somehow lacking because I don't hand-
cook every meal like one of my friends or hand-knit and sew all my
kids clothes like another, or sit down and do crafts all day like
another, or whatever. But we can't all be everything. I think the
best I can hope for is to be myself, and to meet the needs of my kids
as best as I can do. And if that means that they lack a sit-down
dinner every night, but get to go for a family bike ride, I'm sure
they'll be fine :-)


> Again, maybe this doesn't become so important until the children
are older,
> but I've always done it, or maybe it's just important for that very
reason?

Maybe. My mom isn't a particularly good cook, and I never missed it,
not even when I was older. I don't like to sit still, and I was
always glad not to be forced to sit down for a whole meal except on
those torturous holiday occasions. It really is more or less torture
to have to sit down for an hour just to eat. I think that's okay.
It's okay to accept that people are wired differently and that
something that is very pleasurable for one person is not particularly
so for another. My DH is even worse. Even in a restaurant he wants to
eat as quickly as possible and have it over with. He's more of a
fidget-body than I am, and I'm sure if his childhood was being lived
now, he'd be put on various drugs to "control" his hyperactive
tendencies.

One size will never fit all, and I'm glad that I got to be my kids'
parents, because our lifestyle fits them fine. Who knows, maybe
they'd think it was torturous to be born into a family that has
regular sit-down meals!

Blue Skies,
-Robin-

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/27/03 12:00:48 PM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

<<
I know that today my three year old wants to have a party for Winnie
the Pooh (complete with balloons, crepe paper, toys wrapped up like
presents, a card, and leftover superbowl party cake), >>

Those are SO fun. I had forgotten, but my boys used to have Birthday parties
for their stuffed animals regularly. Complete with a cake and tea party.
I'm afraid they've outgrown them now....I need to tell Sierra about this, my
fun isn't over yet!!

Ren
"The world's much smaller than you think. Made up of two kinds of
people--simple and complicated.....The simple ones are contented. The
complicated ones aren't."
"Unschooling support at pensacolaunschoolers.com

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/27/2003 12:49:19 PM Eastern Standard Time,
diamondair@... writes:

> My strengths don't lie in cooking, but
> they do lie in being active enough to keep up with my kids running
> around all day, taking them biking, swimming, hiking, camping, to
> track meets, fun runs, the beach, the mountains, etc.
>

Here's the thing, we do all of the above stuff TOO. The family meal isn't
our ONLY source of family time, it's in addition to the baseball games,
basketball games, swim meets, All Star Cheer practices and competitions,
camping, the beach college games, high school games, museum trips, it's more
of a coming together AFTER all the experiences have wound down and reflecting
on our day, EVEN if we've been together all day it's a good thing to reflect
on what was or wasn't accomplished or enjoyed or even disliked in that span
of hours before.

It's not one or the other at all, Monday's and Wednesdays are leftover or
eating out days in our house because of the youngest daughters committment
(which turned into a family committment) for All Star Cheer competition
squad. But more often than not we are all there even though I didn't run
around and prepare a brand new meal for the evening.

I understand if meal time is not an important thing to some families and
that's fine, I know LOTS of people who don't make it a priority and their
lives are rich and full without it. For ME and MY family it is a VERY
important part of keeping us close and it makes my family feel loved, so I do
it, in addition to all the other things that I would never miss out on with
them.

My youngest son has probably played more than 2000 baseball games in his
life, when he's angry with me he likes to remind me of the ONE baseball game
I missed of his (giving birth) and the ONE game I watched from the car (after
giving birth) that's everything from T-Ball to post HS American Legion and
about to be college ball... and all my kids are that involved, some even more
so with two or three sports/jobs/interest ect.

So we are busy too, you don't have to be a "homebody" just because you
lovingly prepare meals for your family.

glena


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/27/2003 12:47:39 PM Eastern Standard Time,
sheran@... writes:

> If I have to take the time to make a big meal and then do all the
> cleaning up that a big meal requires, one of those cool things that
> my kids want to do with me probably won't happen.
>

One little thing that I "forgot" to mention, I prepare the meals but I NEVER
clean up. If I were the one doing the cleaning up it would be very difficult
for me as well.

Years ago one of my children or husband got a big magnet that is still on the
fridge, it says; "good cooks NEVER do dishes" and we live by that in our
house. If one of the children were to ever prepare a meal ( it MIGHT happen)
then of course, no clean up for them that night.

glena


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