Re: Digest Number 371
Thad Martin
ECSamHill@... wrote:
that kids are highly adaptable, so nurture can't be so easily dismissed. my son
tends to be fairly balanced; by nature he's happy both going and doing and
staying home, it all depends on his mood. i think a balance can be had if needs
are met, though for each kid that will look different, but that's only my
theory.
a kids nature, i feel, sets the foundation, but there's a lot that can be done
after that. you may not be able (nor why would you want to) completely change
someone but you can sure help them not be a victim of their own nature, by
helping them to develop their nature in ways that can bring about real
happiness.
if you have a child who is at the extremes, say, an introvert, you can expose
them slowly to more and more stimulus, but in small doses and in very safe ways,
meaning that their request to leave will be heeded. it is also important to
watch and remove them when you see that stress is building. then help them
learn how to release that stress, for the littlest one that could be crying, but
as they get older other things like talking, dancing, spinning in circles,
digging in the sand, whatever is appealing -everyone is different. if the child
is excessively extroverted you can use things like music and low lights to help
them look a bit more inward and help them to not 'need' to be so stimulated but
to do it out of pure enjoyment.
i'm certainly not saying all children should have an equal desire to be quiet
(to look inward) and be stimulated (to look outward)- not at all - that would
make for a boring world. what i am saying is that a child should be taught the
skills to make choices rather than be at the mercy of their natures.
-susan
austin,tx
> From: ECSamHill@...yeah, the nature of a child is sure apparent very early, but i still have seen
>
> I think a hectic lifestyle can make
> an introverted kid miserable, but I doubt it would convert her to needing to
> go out and be with people. Your mileage may vary. :-)
>
> Betsy
>
that kids are highly adaptable, so nurture can't be so easily dismissed. my son
tends to be fairly balanced; by nature he's happy both going and doing and
staying home, it all depends on his mood. i think a balance can be had if needs
are met, though for each kid that will look different, but that's only my
theory.
a kids nature, i feel, sets the foundation, but there's a lot that can be done
after that. you may not be able (nor why would you want to) completely change
someone but you can sure help them not be a victim of their own nature, by
helping them to develop their nature in ways that can bring about real
happiness.
if you have a child who is at the extremes, say, an introvert, you can expose
them slowly to more and more stimulus, but in small doses and in very safe ways,
meaning that their request to leave will be heeded. it is also important to
watch and remove them when you see that stress is building. then help them
learn how to release that stress, for the littlest one that could be crying, but
as they get older other things like talking, dancing, spinning in circles,
digging in the sand, whatever is appealing -everyone is different. if the child
is excessively extroverted you can use things like music and low lights to help
them look a bit more inward and help them to not 'need' to be so stimulated but
to do it out of pure enjoyment.
i'm certainly not saying all children should have an equal desire to be quiet
(to look inward) and be stimulated (to look outward)- not at all - that would
make for a boring world. what i am saying is that a child should be taught the
skills to make choices rather than be at the mercy of their natures.
-susan
austin,tx
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/16/2000 1:40:40 PM, [email protected]
writes:
<<i agree with everything you said. i have a friend whose husband really
pushed
her to be constantly 'doing & going' with their daughter, since the time she
was born, and now her daughter is always demanding to have external
entertainment and is never really happy at home especially without some
organized activity or friends visiting. it made me think that too much
outside
stimulation creates dependency on that stimulation.>>
Hi, Susan -
I think maybe the need to be constantly going and doing is more due to
"nature" than "nurture". That's because I have a quiet, thoughtful,
self-directing kid and my good friend's son (6 months older) has a totally
different temperament. We've known him for 5 nearly years, since he was 18
months, and his mom said that even when he was a tiny infant, he was far
happier being taken places and carried around than he was at home. He has a
really outgoing personality and seems born to be a politician, while it's
much easier to imagine my son as a scientist. My friend's second child, a
girl, has more in common with my son, and doesn't have the same temperament
as her older brother. She seems to have an introverts need for periods of
peace and quiet.
As an introvert, with an extroverted mom, I think a hectic lifestyle can make
an introverted kid miserable, but I doubt it would convert her to needing to
go out and be with people. Your mileage may vary. :-)
Betsy
writes:
<<i agree with everything you said. i have a friend whose husband really
pushed
her to be constantly 'doing & going' with their daughter, since the time she
was born, and now her daughter is always demanding to have external
entertainment and is never really happy at home especially without some
organized activity or friends visiting. it made me think that too much
outside
stimulation creates dependency on that stimulation.>>
Hi, Susan -
I think maybe the need to be constantly going and doing is more due to
"nature" than "nurture". That's because I have a quiet, thoughtful,
self-directing kid and my good friend's son (6 months older) has a totally
different temperament. We've known him for 5 nearly years, since he was 18
months, and his mom said that even when he was a tiny infant, he was far
happier being taken places and carried around than he was at home. He has a
really outgoing personality and seems born to be a politician, while it's
much easier to imagine my son as a scientist. My friend's second child, a
girl, has more in common with my son, and doesn't have the same temperament
as her older brother. She seems to have an introverts need for periods of
peace and quiet.
As an introvert, with an extroverted mom, I think a hectic lifestyle can make
an introverted kid miserable, but I doubt it would convert her to needing to
go out and be with people. Your mileage may vary. :-)
Betsy
[email protected]
There is a book called "Nurture by Nature" by Tieger and Barron-Tieger
that discusses personality types and helps you use the information to be
a more responsive parent. They use the Briggs-Meyers personality type.
There is always danger of using this sort of thing to pigeon-hole people,
but I think it can be interesting to use as one more piece of the
parenting puzzle.
Mary Ellen
The darn trouble with cleaning the house is it gets dirty the next day
anyway,
so skip a week if you have to. The children are the most important
thing.
--Barbara Bush
YOU'RE PAYING TOO MUCH FOR THE INTERNET!
Juno now offers FREE Internet Access!
Try it today - there's no risk! For your FREE software, visit:
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that discusses personality types and helps you use the information to be
a more responsive parent. They use the Briggs-Meyers personality type.
There is always danger of using this sort of thing to pigeon-hole people,
but I think it can be interesting to use as one more piece of the
parenting puzzle.
Mary Ellen
The darn trouble with cleaning the house is it gets dirty the next day
anyway,
so skip a week if you have to. The children are the most important
thing.
--Barbara Bush
> I think maybe the need to be constantly going and doing is more due________________________________________________________________
> to
> "nature" than "nurture". That's because I have a quiet, thoughtful,
> self-directing kid and my good friend's son (6 months older) has a
> totally
> different temperament. We've known him for 5 nearly years, since he
> was 18
> months, and his mom said that even when he was a tiny infant, he was
> far
> happier being taken places and carried around than he was at home.
> He has a
> really outgoing personality and seems born to be a politician, while
> it's
> much easier to imagine my son as a scientist. My friend's second
> child, a
> girl, has more in common with my son, and doesn't have the same
> temperament
> as her older brother. She seems to have an introverts need for
> periods of
> peace and quiet.
>
> As an introvert, with an extroverted mom, I think a hectic lifestyle
> can make
> an introverted kid miserable, but I doubt it would convert her to
> needing to
> go out and be with people. Your mileage may vary. :-)
>
> Betsy
>
YOU'RE PAYING TOO MUCH FOR THE INTERNET!
Juno now offers FREE Internet Access!
Try it today - there's no risk! For your FREE software, visit:
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