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On Sat, 18 Jan 2003 00:57:35 +0000 "Mary Bianco" <mummyone24@...>
writes:
> Tara had her ears pierced the first time when she was about 7. I
> don't automatically do that when the girls are born. They decide to
have
> it or not.

I was going through the ear piercing discussion with 5dd just a couple of
weeks ago. She has been asking me to let her get her ears pierced, and I
told her that dh and I would talk about it. What made me hesitate at all
is that she told me that the reason she wants them is to look beautiful.
I told her that she was beautiful without them, but she argued that fact.
DH said "but look at Mommy, she is beautiful without earrings". DD's
diplomatic reply was that I looked *more* beautiful with earrings. I just
don't want her to grow up thinking that she can't be beautiful without
added accessories. I did go and borrow one of those piercing guns from a
jeweler friend, but dd took one look at it and decided to wait. I'm not
sure that it would have been the best thing anyway, considering her
reason for wanting them. What would make a 5yo child think she couldn't
be beautiful without earrings? She is a very pretty girl and has never
been told otherwise.
Wende

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Fetteroll

on 1/18/03 12:01 AM, love-it-here@... at love-it-here@... wrote:

> What would make a 5yo child think she couldn't
> be beautiful without earrings? She is a very pretty girl and has never
> been told otherwise.

For the same reason people have always adorned their bodies and decorated
their homes. For the same reason kids like to dump glitter on their pictures
and use bright colors.

A pine tree is beautiful. A decorated Christmas tree is beautiful in a
different way.

Joyce

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On Sat, 18 Jan 2003 06:23:23 -0500 Fetteroll <fetteroll@...>
writes:
> For the same reason people have always adorned their bodies and
> decorated their homes. For the same reason kids like to dump glitter on
their
> pictures and use bright colors.
>
> A pine tree is beautiful. A decorated Christmas tree is beautiful in
> a different way.

I thought about these things, and they just didn't sit right with me. The
way we live is to emphasize on the natural beauty in things, not the
artificially created/culturally suggested way. So I asked dd what would
make her feel that way. Apparently the discussion on her not being
beautiful without earrings had more of an impact on me than her, because
she didn't even remember the conversation. She did however remember her
5yo cousin (who had her ears pierced at 2 months) telling her that she
would be pretty if she got earrings too. So then we talked about beauty,
and I asked her if she knew how pretty she was. She said "sure Mom. God
don't create no junk".
It just never seizes to amaze me that the smallest amount of peer
suggestion can override what a child sees their family living day-to-day,
at least temporarily anyway.
Wende

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Mary Bianco

>From: love-it-here@...

<<What would make a 5yo child think she couldn't
be beautiful without earrings? She is a very pretty girl and has never
been told otherwise.>>

I know when Tara wanted her ears done, it was because all her little friends
had them already. As long as she understood what they would do and what she
had to do to keep them clean, I had no problem with when she wanted it done.
My Sierra has no interest in having her ears have holes in them!!! Maybe
when she gets older, who knows.

The first thing I thought of when you mentioned why your daughter wants them
was when my mom puts her clip on earrings (at 77, she never had her ears
done) on my Alyssa, who is 2. She comes and shows us and of course the first
thing we all say is, "Look how beautiful you look!!" Maybe something like
that innocently said stuck in her mind. It could just be her own taste and
feeling. She thinks they are beautiful (the earrings that she doesn't have)
and of course would see someone more beautiful with some on. I somehow don't
think at 5, with how you say you are with her, she is into material things
and sees beauty as only with accessories!

Mary B


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Mary,
You are good!! On both accounts!

<mummyone24@...> writes:
< it was because all her little friends had them already. >

Jenni's 5yo cousin told her that she would be pretty if she got her ears
pierced too.

<mummyone24@...> writes:
> the first thing we all say is, "Look how beautiful you look!!"

We do this too, just never thought about it. Dd's are always putting on
fashion shows, and playing dress up like movie stars, princesses and
such. Dh is always giving them the "you look just fabulous daaling" and
"aren't you beautiful". Come to think of it, 3dd has a preoccupation with
"beautiful" too. She only wants to wear her "beautiful dresses", and just
last night she only wanted to sleep on the
"beautiful sofa", the floral one. Maybe we just use the word "beautiful"
too lightly in our house. Oh well, I guess it is better than "ugly" or
the one that makes my skin craw that I often hear from other children,
"hate".
Thanks for the insight, Mary.

Wende

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